That sounds like a you problem, my fellow manly man. No offense 
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There’s so much to unpack here I don’t even know where to start
Aaand there it is
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My guy just get a hobby instead of being sexist. Get some fresh air. It’ll do you some good 
I hope you get well soon
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Nooo please let him dig deeper. It’s entertaining.
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I check in here cuz I see posts and I see this. What happened here?
Also everytime I see bluerins picture. I want Chinrito Chips. I mean Doritos.
I also demand a scene in which I give my shadowy hellhounds love and affection for being good doggos.
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This just means that someone flagged you, it’s the generic and automated message anyone gets; I do agree though that y’all should stop attacking people just because they have different opinions, specially when it’s feedback about the book, feedback that the author needs
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I’m curious, where did ‘PC’ and ‘woke’ come into this? You offered your criticism on a WIP, a few people offered criticism of those opinions. I’m curious when offering criticism became ‘woke’.
That’s quite rich, coming from someone who named themselves after an irrelevant website that has been specifically analyzed as being a hotbed of really stupid (and very right-wing) memes.
Clearly, you don’t care so much that you took time out of your unquestionably happy and fulfilling life to argue with people on this forum. Of course! I thought that when people didn’t care, they stopped responding. Clearly, I have much to learn. I shall endeavour to continue my education under your most enlightened guidance.
On one hand, sure buddy, you definitely don’t care about anything else. But on the other, I find it hysterical that someone who unironically wrote this line
would deign to give feedback on writing.
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Hey all,
Please focus on the WIP and not each other. If there are posts you consider inappropriate please flag them rather than calling out other posters.
Thanks!
Edit: I’ve deleted a couple of off-topic posts; I’d love to see the thread returning to feedback about this project. The latest update was only last month - has everyone played it yet?
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It’s nice to see someone pointing out the problems in the story for once aside from everyone gushing for our favourite characters in Vendetta (not that I’m against it or something).
Slow pacing is the biggest issue of the game, for a action drama story rooted in tragedy and revenge you do spend too much time going to family events, cafes, flirting with the girls, meetups with the homies, and as a result the thrill feels dull. There’s barely any action so far and plot progression is uber slow which makes the story feels boring ish.
When you spend more time eating breakfast, hanging with the homies, flirting with your best friend and 3 other girls or talking to your uncle’s boyfriend then it becomes a huge issue for an action drama revenge tragedy as it causes sluggish pacing and turns it more into a slice of life story of “I got mommy and daddy issues as a rich kid”
Hmmm🤔… You are definitely right on that one. Considering that the entire events of the story are happening in a short span of time, the pacing is indeed slow.
Too many friends, too many allies and not enough enemies. There’s too many characters in the game and while some do get killed off which is a good thing the cast is still far and wide which slows the story even more as you talk a lot with them. This is made worse when you realize huh the MC is well liked and respected by everyone and barely has any enemies, this means not a lot of tension or drama is going to be in the story as everyone likes the MC and everything goes fine and dandy.
Well there is a lot of internal conflict. MC’s morals and convictions are challenged a couple of times throughout the chapters. What happens with the villains seems to be going on “offscreen” though. I wish we could have some sort of POV or something that focuses on them. As for the drama and tension, I think those are reserved for later chapters.
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Talking about the update… What did everyone name their team? I used “Elysium Cleanup Crew.” Subtle and funny enough.
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I really enjoyed the update!
My main critique of the WIP as a whole so far, which this latest update helped me realize, is that there are a disproportionate amount of “superficial” choices compared to deep or impactful ones.
To preface this, I am generally someone who prefers games that don’t ask me to fill out the MCs height, eye colour, hairstyle, etc., unless those features have a special impact on the story. I can headcanon these details in on my own, and forcing me into inputting them for each playthrough hurts replayability. That said, I can understand how others enjoy these options to help customize the MC and really make them their own.
Vendetta, however, goes a step beyond that. Throughout the demo this far, I am asked my MCs favorite ice cream, breakfast food, hot drink, and fast food. I have to pick a flower to place on Victor’s grave and the car that the MC drives. I even have to pick out a favorite video game during a flashback. None of these choices have any actual impact on the story. They are “superficial” and reveal little about the character I am trying to roleplay.
While these customization choices are not in themselves a negative, and in fact can be nice finishing touches on an otherwise polished story, they stand out and create a feeling of montony when a game lacks deeper choices that allow the player to impact the story or define their character. In this regard, Vendetta generally lacks these kinds of choices, especially when compared to the abandunce of superficial choices I listed above.
Below are some examples of underdeveloped opportunities to add meaningful character development and impactful choices.
First, as has been mentioned, the MC feels a bit like a Mary/Marty Sue in that everyone they meet likes them and is nice to them. This is compounded with the fact that romancing NPCs is as simple as selecting one of the marked options, rather than being based on player choice and/or the MC’s personality.
For some characters, such as Rin and Ash, it makes sense that they would be predisposed to liking the MC. However, one would think that Santana, and possibly Skylar, would be suspicious or less enthusiastic to work with the MC, given our criminal connections.
Simply, there is no tension to any of the character interactions because everyone likes and is nice to the MC regardless of the player chooses. It feels more like playing with dolls or action figures than interacting with real characters.
Another example of missed opportunity to add stakes and meaningful decisions is the path system (heir/vigilante/hero). Currently, every chapter or so, the game asks what path the MC wants to pursue, and whatever the player chooses gets an increase. This is a somewhat boring (and repetive) system that seems to result in the player receiving whatever outcome they want without any tension.
As an alternative, what if during the MC’s birthday party we interacted with the family’s lieutenants. Impressing them (via decisions and/or stat check) would help earn their loyalty and points towards the criminal heir path. Failing to earn the lietenants’ loyalty would result in no points and reduce the MCs chances of inheriting the criminal empire. Similarly, the meeting at the Agency could add or remove points to the hero path depending on how much the MC impresses Kim. Vigilante could be a path open to all MCs by default, or otherwise could get points by helping the woman and child in the alley.
I think that making the MC’s future plans contingent on merit, rather than the game just asking the player what they want every chapter, would help add meaningful choices, and as such tension, into the game.
Another example of where meaningful choices could be added is the interrogation/torture scene. I’ve included my thoughts on this scene in post #775 of this topic. To summarize, there is a lot of unrealized potential for vigilante/hero MCs to take a moral stance against torture and potentially explore the tension between their ideals and their loving family’s criminal lifestyle.
Its also a missed opportunity for smart/charismatic MC to demonstrate their cunning by completing the interrogation without violance (physical torture is actually a very poor and inefficient interrogation method).
Lastly it’s a missed opportunity for the MC to define what vengeance/justice means to them (for example, do they want to kill every flunky even somewhat responsible for their father’s death, or just those higher ups who gave the order?), which is supposedly a major theme of Vendetta (the MC is twice asked whether they are pursuing vengeance or justice).
What could have been a fantastic character-building opportunity is squandered as the MC is pigeon-holed into a morally bankrupt brute whose problem solving skills are limited to punching the non-broken side of their victim’s jaw.
I don’t mean to beat a dead horse when raising these points again. I just wanted to tie my earlier comments into this broader theme the newest chapter helped me realize.
Lastly, another example where more impactful choices could be added is the scene at the cafe when the team meets for the first time. Specifically, the game plots out the next mission without giving the player any agency or opportunity to participate in the planning.
I would have preferred the option to choose who goes into the bar with the MC, who is lookout, etc., with my choices contributing to the success or failure of the mission in the next chapter. As it stands, the most “impactful” choices the MC can make in this chapter is the group name and what to order for lunch! As mentioned, these choices are cosmetic, and while good for customization, lack any real consequences that some readers may be looking for.
Edit: Tldr: Most of the choices are superficial customization, and there are not enough opportunities to
develop the MC and/or impact the story or other characters.
I realize that I’ve written a rather long critique. Please know that this is because what you have given us so far is firetrucking amazing Its clear that you’ve put a lot of time, thought, and effort into this WIP. Please keep up the good work!
I went with a “custom” name. The Fabulous Four.
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I completely understand where you’re coming from, and I even sympathise a bit. However, I actually think that the amount of character variability in Vendetta is one of the things that makes it so enjoyable, and it makes me feel like my character exists in the world. The MC isn’t just a vehicle for the plot to happen, what decisions made don’t only impact the major events to come (although, this is still only introduction, and I definitely would like to see more important choices down the road), but also the little things. Because really, most decisions, most people make, most of the time, are mundane: what clothes to wear, what to drink in the mornings, how they dress, or, what video games to play. Even those of us with very strong drives or motivations must make these decisions. So, I don’t think I agree with you on this point.
I do completely agree with this sentiment, especially Santana. The tale of an idealistic police officer, gradually realising that the system they serve is corrupt thanks to the influence of the heir of a criminal family and eventually turning against them, is really interesting! Santana was actually the character I was most excited to meet when I first read the description. But unfortunately, we meet them at the very end of their character arc, when they’re already cynical and completely receptive to us. It’s fine as a gameplay consideration, but I do wish there had been a longer duration of hostility, or at least suspicion, from Santana.
As for Sky, we don’t really know much about them yet, and I’m willing to suspend judgement until their character is more firmly established, but it does appear that it’ll be more like Santana than I probably would like.
YES! YES! That was probably the most disappointing part of what was otherwise an amazing experience. The fact that we have to just watch as brutal torture is conducted (or get involved), and our own skills, values or drives don’t factor into the decision at all (especially given our status as the heir), it definitely feels like a missed opportunity. I wish our stats came into play in this scene. I don’t think it would be that hard to do appropriately: At the beginning, have us choose whether to stop or get involved in the interrogation. If we get involved, give three checks (for CHA, INT and STR), and if we fail those, have the torture continue as normal. It would be the perfect way to tie the story together while still giving the MC agency over the decision, as well as angst for failing (“I couldn’t get the henchman to talk, and because of me he was tortured nearly to death”).
To be honest, I’d rather something like that didn’t happen. I find individually assigning tasks and having success or failure tied to the assigned individuals to be incredibly tedious and unfun, although this is of course just personal opinion. How a person’s psychology operates is an almost infinitely complex operates. Whether someone would be a good fit for a task is something which has no right answer until it is done by that person–Except wait, there is a right answer! And it’s what the author thinks makes the most sense. I’m not even claiming that the author is necessarily wrong, but decisions like this tend to pigeonhole readers out of their interpretations of particular characters. For example, you might be considering who to send on a stealth mission: A hunter, or an intelligence agent. You pick the hunter, because you think that the skills of someone who is used to tracking prey would be helpful, but the ‘correct’ answer is the intelligence operative, because they were trained in espionage. It isn’t wrong, but it does invalidate my interpretations of the skills of these different characters. Which isn’t wrong, and makes sense, but I tend to not be a fan off.
On top of that, it means that for future playthroughs, there is exactly one correct answer, which you will always pick and get the good ending, or deliberately fail. Either way, it takes the exploration of different paths out of the equation, which is one of my favourite parts of playing IF. But that’s just my thoughts on the matter.
I called it Fanfourstic (A very subtle reference to a very bad movie 
)
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I’m barely chapter 3, but when I read the part about the corruption in the city and the confrontation with that nosy policeman, I was surprised that our family also had no control over the media in the city (you know press, television, etc. ) because apart from the rookie police officers, journalists are very curious to investigate these issues and if we are on the side of the bad guys, they are a nuisance or even a danger.
It is for this very reason that the dynamics that I observe in this story reminded me a lot of how they do it here in Mexico when some journalist wants to investigate political corruption in collusion with organized crime and they end up dead for sticking their noses into these matters. That is why being a journalist in Mexico is very dangerous and not because there is a government institution that censors you like in China or the Soviet Union, but because those who kill you are like the enemy of the MC in this Vendetta story, very difficult to track down.
And this Tiktok video meme best illustrates my idea.
And says:
- My parents and the parents of my colleages: “Where are our children?”
- Me and my colleagues who went to investigate corruption…
Mis compas y yo después de investigar los casos de corrupción: - YouTube
But last and most importantly, I’m liking this story, especially I’m liking Ash 
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Yo y los panas investigando la muerte de colosio:
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I agree with some of this, because you are well off and well connected, you really don’t struggle much in this. Even the mc powers are well developed at this point. I also take issue in the fact in the torture scene , you merely have the option to skip it, instead of taking a stand against it. Like ok, if you’re a vigilante/crime boss mc, I get that you would do that, but if you want to be a hero, and you’re still fine with it is a bit questionable to me.
Also maybe an unpopular opinion, I really don’t care for the ro’s here? if i can strike out on my own, I’d be right happy to 
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Chicago, February 14, 1929.
My friends and I after investigating political corruption in Chicago:
Now speaking of the main topic of this forum:
I think it would have been good for the MC to get involved in the interrogation of the accomplice of his father’s murderer and he saw how determined he was to suffer to protect his family and his collapse after the torture used by Uncle Luka and Chacal, yes the MC decides to kill him, we could investigate two justifications for killing him and even appeal this to the guy.
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The obvious one is that we hate him and want him dead by going on to kill him the way the jackal did by absorbing his blood.
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And the other would be to appeal the importance of this subject for his family, because if we leave him alive, they will go for his family and the Cerberus organization will continue faster with their plans (whatever they have planned), so the best way for this subject to protect his family is that he dies so that they no longer come for them.
I base this idea on what happened in the Facebook game “Criminal Case” Season 1 where the police chief kills himself to prevent the enemy organization from going after his granddaughter after we discover his involvement with that criminal organization.
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I enjoy playing as an abrasive MC and the new update added an exciting element. The CEO’s foolish request to act like the Godfather at our own birthday party backfired, leading to a heated confrontation where they were cursed out and called a coward. It was definitely a memorable moment.
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CheKa. A very morbid reference to the Red Terror that gives unsettling insight into how my Vigilante raised by Russian gangsters views criminal justice.