OMG! 
That’s it! I’m going to replay everything being merciful & nice, cause I need to see this side of Ash
Thank you for this snippet!
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Haha no problem, it’s shock me too
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Me: Poor man, maybe I should spare his lif—
Ash: turns him into toast
Me:
I had a dilemma, but in the end I didn’t choose this option and I didn’t know Ash did something like that (Ash, you monster). At least now I won’t feel so bad killing a guy myself…
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Well, you had an assignment xD Part of the reason why Ash was allowed to tag along is to make sure the target is dead, Grandpa is not going to let him live.
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Yeah but I never actually agreed to any of this. I said “no” and still ended up at the hotel. So yeah, my character is not happy about this.
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It’s funny because if it was anyone else I’d probably be cool with it. This guy just frankly wasn’t that bad.
That’s true…in a way, but what if there is a reason!?
I actually thought about it for some time and maybe when Victor got killed Uncle Luka thought that if he was in the business or close to it he would have had protection, or people that would know that someone is after him and therefore this could be prevented.
So maybe he feels guilty for not pushing him to stay with the family & now he is trying to do that with the MC? To protect them in the future because he knows that there always will be someone after the MC. And making Ash the MC guardian in a way + teaching the MC how to kill to protect?
But I mean this are just some thought…pure speculation
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Just wish he picked a better target.
“This guy’s been sexually harassing the waitresses. Go kill him.”
Would’ve gone much more smoothly.
Actually, thinking about it, how much did the commissioner know about the assassinations again? He said he didn’t know about it which is why I wanted to let him live, but how complicit he was in the Nemesis project changes things. This may not be as big a deal as I thought.
@ChairmanMeow @Dragonlord943 I think people might have forgotten or didn’t notice that Ash has been working as MC’s family’s enforcer for quite some time now, just like their parents before them and they have been quite infamous for being ruthless.
I remember months ago, someone sent an ask about the characters moral spectrum, and there’s a reason why I put Rin, Ash, Luka, Jackal, and Grandpa pretty down low on the spectrum. They may be loyal, sweet, and caring for MC, but they are also cruel to those they consider to be enemy to the family.
Also, whether you truly believe Ash or not, but they actually would be willing to really try to rein in their ruthlessness and implusiveness for MC.
Ash decided to burn instead of just shooting the guy is the same reason as some MCs decide to execute the guy gruesomely; it’s to send a message and set an example. After all, in the cutthroat underworld, there’s no greater way to keep people in line than fear and intimidation.
Yes, MC will be able to talk about what happened a bit more with Ash in the next chapter. But no, you won’t be able to drop them as a friend completely because they still have a role in the story.
Also, I don’t think they accidentally hurt MC in the Prologue. They thought they accidentally hurt MC, but MC was actually unharmed. MC felt a little bad because they are biased to be more forgiving of Ash, considering they have known each other ever since they were like four or five years old and MC thought Ash was defending them from a bully (and they actually really did mean that).
And I don’t think I’ll be able to add the “being genuinely afraid/uncomfortable around Ash” because there are just too much variations and this means that all interactions with Ash from that point onward are going to have different versions based on that, plus MC’s own personality and dialogue options. It’s just too exhausting and it’s already enough burden of trying to juggle all these personality stats and tracked choices.
I know I’ve made pretty accommodating choices for MC’s personality and views on certain things, but still, I have to stress that MC is not a blank slate and they do have pretty set biases and feelings about certain things and uphold some values over everything else, and one of those is MC is also really loyal to their family and they won’t be dropping Ash just like that when the only family members they have left are Luka, Grandpa, and Ash after losing so many people close to them already throughout their life.
@Cingulum_diaboli Ash might be loyal to MC, but they also still have their own thoughts and they would occasionally choose options that they really believe to be for MC’s best interest.
@jay-walker Yes, they are both tasked to protect and help MC and also to make sure the target dies, even if MC doesn’t have the heart to deal the final blow. If your MC was reluctant about it when discussing about it with Luka during breakfast, you can even see Luka nodding at Ash, reminding Ash of his other duty.
Well, that has always been Ash. They only care for what MC and those close to them think and feel. I think I’ve answered this somewhere before, but in the Prologue, if you stopped them, they would come out of the Principal’s office with a slight hint of guilt and remorse in their eyes, and that is not for what they did to the bully, it’s because they were worried about accidentally hurting MC.
They won’t be a good and infamous enforcer if they are empathetic. Their job is literally to hunt down, kill, and make an example out of those going against MC’s family. There’s no place for empathy in that line of job.
Also, remember that this is still fiction and not real life. One of the first things that my creative writing teacher discussed and taught is that fiction and stories can be considered to be a safe medium to explore some messed up and disturbing characters and scenarios (And Ash, I think, is still far from some of the more disturbing characters I’ve seen in other works of fiction).
Also, Ash really does believe that he was sparing MCs who can’t kill the target from having to do the dirty deed. And they actually do believe that it will be a benefit to MC if MC has a fearsome reputation. Now, people would think twice about being sent to go after MC. That’s just how they think.
@ChairmanMeow @Van1llaPudd1ng Luka is not perfect, he really tried to raise MC like how Viktor would have done or wanted but also put in a bit of his teachings that he thought would be useful for MC to survive, such as making MC learn combat and how to use a handgun at the very least.
After all, Viktor was a civilian when he raised MC, so he had the leeway of raising MC normally. But Luka is still the head and technically heir to the Morozov Family, being associated with him can still bring danger and paint a target on MC’s back. Not to mention, Viktor’s killer is still roaming free somewhere in the city.
Also, @Van1llaPudd1ng You are actually the first one to have thought about that, but that is indeed one of the reasons for Luka trying to get MC completely involved instead of in this weird state of limbo where they are kinda a civilian but also a grandchild and nephew/niece/nibling of the head of a big Criminal family.
I’ve talked about this a bit in Tumblr, but even Viktor had seriously considered coming back to his family near the end of his life, and if he hadn’t been killed prematurely, he would probably do so, and MC would still end up as the heir anyway. And the reason Viktor considered it is because of protection and a more secured and comfortable future for MC.
Another reason Luka really wants MC to become the new head (even though technically, he can take it instead), is because of his guilt and own insecurity of his own capabilities. Ever since he was a boy, he had been raised and told by his parents that he would be the right-hand-man for Viktor. And now, suddenly, Viktor died, and he is in line to be the head instead. Not to mention, he also still feels like it’s a bit of his fault that he couldn’t come back there fast enough to bail Viktor out, even though he really tried his best.
So, the best alternative is to make MC, Viktor’s child, to be the new head and he would stay becoming the right-hand-man for MC as he had always seen himself doing for Viktor.
@comradelenin Fun Fact: I actually planned for him to be an adulterer lol 
There was supposed to be a woman or two in his bedroom when we get to him in his suite. He’s supposed to also embody the hedonistic lifestyle that his family’s wealth and connections can afford for him. But I ended up scrapping it because I thought it would make him look too bad and making him a grey character has always been my goal.
But it seems I might make a mistake because now, he seems to be too much of a saint apparently 
I might reconsider adding it back or something.
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You guys know that Ash has been doing his job as an enforcer far longer than the MC right? To me it’s no surprise at all to saw him doing that, and I can agree at what he said even if my MC are conflicted but still accepting for who he (Ash) is.
I just hope Ash doesn’t do a fast turn 360 degree change because that would ruin his character unless he changes on his own pace, then it’s alright.
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Worth considering imo. I do wish he was a bit worse. Makes Ash less unsympathetic which I feel benefits the story. It’s your call though.
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@comradelenin Well, they might not have known about it beforehand, unlike some of the more higher-ranking and trusted members of the Project. But they did end up helping cover up the Project’s tracks for a lot of things, including the assassinations, until the Voice decided to reveal their project and whole goal and spill the beans that they were behind the assassinations.
After all, remember, that Amethyst’s death was chalked up as suicide to the public before the reveal. Which means the Nemesis Project has some connection with a higher up in the police and that is him. (Maybe I should make this more explicit in the interrogation? Maybe smart MC can figure this out? 
)
I have always wanted to picture him to be a hypocrite, in the case that he was also a pawn and do corrupt things (even though he might not want to admit it to himself) while putting up an image of wanting to combat corruption. Even his own rise to the position is thanks to his family’s connection to the Mayor. I might have missed my mark on this point? I want to say it in the story from his answers and other people’s thoughts about him without being overly blatant.
Also, he willingly donated money and resources to the cause, even though he knows that the Nemesis Project is technically a terrorist organization. His family is rich (richer than Yvette’s family but below Skylar’s a bit) and money is something he can spare for the cause, other than helping divert and sabotage investigations.
@OddCatGuy Yes, they have been doing this for quite a while. Not to mention, their parents were literally enforcers as well and they already have a ruthless streak ever since they were a kid. Now, they are raised by Luka, who just has the same moral compass as Ash which in turns reinforce their ruthlessness.
@comradelenin I’ll see what I can do about it because it really seems a lot of people really think this guy is a really nice guy because he also complied nicely to MC’s and Ash’s interrogation. When in reality, it’s just the smart thing to do, I think, trying to get on your interrogators good sides and prevent unnecessary pain. He just didn’t know his fate has always been sealed from the beginning. If he knew, he would have put up a fight.
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Yeah that was completely lost on me tbh.
Yeah, because he said he wanted to turn on the other corrupt officials after using them to take us down. That’s not really hypocritical, it’s just good strategy.
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@comradelenin I meant more of him being the Nemesis Project’s network(?) or hand in the police force instead of them working together with the other corrupt officials. Like, he’s not better than the corrupt officials he was trying to fight against.
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Oh I got that. I just think his plan, as he outlined it, made sense. It’s corrupt, but if the only way to take out the largest criminals is to work with the smaller ones, using them then disposing of them once they’ve outlived their usefulness is a common tactic used by reformists in places where corruption is rampant. It’s quite effective.
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So if the commissioner’s family was rich, I would think a ruthless with high INT MC would find an opportunity to further bring the family to ruin while taking all of their money and invaluable assets. My MC in that case would go full scorched earth with using legal loopholes and intimidation to the family.
You fuck with my family, I’ll fuck with yours 10 times over.
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I actually really like the fact that he appears an “ordinary person” and, personally speaking, I would keep the scene as it is. I don’t like it when they make a character artificially bad just to make us feel less guilty. This is about making a moral choice. Him being an adulterer or a jerk is not the reason why we have to kill him, nor a valid reason to kill someone.
This could be a nice addition instead.
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I’m not sure if you need it right now, but I made a list with some typos.
Prologue
looks → look
snaps → snap
you decide set → you decide to set
Here you could remove “currently” to avoid the repetition.
Chapter 2
whispered → whisper
heard → hear
grows → grew
walk → walked
wanderered → wandered
are → were
feels → feel
shake → shakes
stepped → step
Chapter 2 Birthday Party
chucking → chuckling
used to spent → used to spend
holds out his hand out → holds his hand out/holds out his hand
You can’t help a bit but fidget a bit → You can’t help but fidget a bit
to truly has → to truly have
tastes → taste
you feel someone slips → you feel someone slip (or slipping)
He offeares down ars you → He… what?
I heard him said → I heard him say (or saying)
defuse → defuses
is → are
their → was it supposed to be “his/her”?
widened → widen
regained → regains
as it always has been → as they always have been
there are also some things else in them too now → “Also” and “too” are a repetition. Maybe something like “there are also some other things in them now” or “there’s also something else inside them now”?
hardened → harden
grace → graces
sidea → side
then it’s perfect for MC to start there then → I would remove the second “then”
bow → bows
used to with stuff → used to stuff
speak → speaks
25 years ago → 20 years ago
on the project → to the project
Chapter 3
widened → widen
runs → run
keeps → kept
decides → decided
he’s just naive or just doesn’t care → I would rephrase it as “he’s naive or just doesn’t care” or “he’s simply naive or just doesn’t care”
Your clear → You clear
spent → spend
spent → spend
can → could
and moving → it’s either “and moves” or “moving”
Chapter 3 Mission
around metre → around a metre
talks → talk
feels → feel
nothing much → nothing much more
do ask → asked
Why do you join them? → Why did you join them?
Can I get out of now → “Can I get out now?” or “Can I get out of the pool now?”
if I ever there was one → if ever there was one
can → could
he → she
he’s exactly is → he exactly is
She screams in terror before it’s silenced → since the subject is "she and “screams” is a verb, it should be “She screams in terror before being silenced”, “She screams in terror before she’s silenced” or “Her scream of terror is silenced”.
don’t → didn’t
call → called
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I mean I understand what the other guy felt about Ash ruthless trait but as for me I like to give other people second chance. Ash is being with MC since the beginning and like author said Ash has been doing as an enforcer longer enough so that is mean he has been expose by other ruthless character.
He simply doesn’t have any role model who can teach him to be more emphatic. So in the end I really want to give him a second chance.
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