As Per Author Request
Game Update 12/20/19 (finally edition)
The time has come for a small update (of sorts) for trails. Unfortunately, this update only contains a new prologue with more choices and a fixed stats menu – The prologue now has a word count of 5366 words compared to the 1434 words in the original. I like this version better, personally, but let me know what you guys think!
So what’s been added? clears throat
- You can now select your preference of drink (which is just an aesthetic choice for later chapters)
- Masculine, feminine, and non-binary pronouns (that hopefully work)
- You can now take things and have them in your inventory
- There’s a small split in the story that will play a role later in the story.
- You can choose your height. NOTE: It’s been broken down into simple terms of short, average, and tall. Nothing super specific to keep it simple for later.
- Warning (minor spoiler): You get flirted with by a creep, so sorry in advance. He isn’t there long I promise!
Keep in mind, some things are still subject to change and I can already tell you one choice is going to be rewritten because I got ‘Edge Lord’ vibes from it and one of the splits seemed rushed. I also need to fix the page_breaks, they don’t look quite right to me… but anyways –
Spellchecking was done but I’m prone to missing LOTS of mistakes so please let me know if you find any coding errors, grammar/spelling mistakes or something looks jank to you. Thank you for your patience!
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EDIT: Fixed a few spelling and grammar errors, I’ll do a more thorough sweep later on.
12 Likes
An interesting prologue! I’m certainly curious about the uncle and what the unfulfilled promise is. I liked the relationships between the family members, and how Bryn and Yorick aren’t just one-dimensional villains but show care towards their siblings. I also liked how the MC reflects about what happened in the past without the memories slowing down the story.
Sometimes the options felt like they were the same – like when the MC is talking to the driver, all the options read as “you tell the driver about the death to avoid his uncomfortable intrusiveness”. Maybe making the MC’s motives more distinct, or having an option to lie or not answer, etc., might help with showing the differences between the options.
I also thought that MC’s desire to know what’s in their uncle’s study felt a bit sudden. Maybe adding a line about the uncle’s study before the MC gets the key would help. Finally, sometimes it seemed like the story was telling me a summary when it could have gone into further detail, like when the MC looks at the letters.
Typos and other stuff
Right, you were clutching a cup of warm coffee, freshly made.
Minor, but if the coffee is freshly made it should probably be hot.
Unfolding it presents you with quite a shock;
Change the semicolon to a colon.
The manila colored envelope is kept together by a wax seal – it seems your uncle deemed you worthy of a professional letter this time.
Before this sentence the narration was in past tense, but now it seems to have flipped to present, and continues to flip between the two further on.
Of course, you do.
I’d remove the comma here.
All these years o torment and he kicks the bucket like nobodies business?
“o” should be “of”, “nobodies” should be “nobody’s”.
You used to run all about the area surrounding the estate, spying animals that once left you in awe and picking all sorts of berries from the bushes to mash up into a past.
“past” should be “paste”.
Wandes my masculine form.
“Wandes” should be “Wanders”.
“Cousin!” She exclaims, hands fidgeting together as she quickly covers the last few steps between you and crushes you into a warm embrace.
“She” should be lowercase.
“Bailey” You finish for them.
Add a period after “Bailey”.
Bryn was your least favorite cousin. They liked to use Yorick to harass and attack you, luckily, he was easily swayed. “It’s so good to see you…”
These sentences are repeated after choosing the MC’s name.
Your youngest cousin turns from you, "None of this now, Bryn. they just got here.
Capitalize “they”.
She hisses once they’ve taken their place at her side.
Since the previous sentence already led to Ingrid speaking, this sentence feels tacked on.
Sadly, he now has yet another broken nose (but you digress) and this time no father to soothe his tears.
Not sure if the “(but you digress)” part really fits here.
You snicker at them, "You’ve always been so fixated on MY mother – I’d almost think you were jealous of my mother.
I’d either remove “of my mother” or change “mother” to “her” to avoid repetition.
You lean back when Yorick sniffs, the string-bean of a person hunches his shoulders and sniffs into one hand.
Remove one of the “sniffs” here.
A second passes before they withdraw a key; It’s old and brass, it’s shape is so familiar to you.
“It’s” should be lowercase.
They hiss and lead their siblings from the room.
Same thing as before – if the character is supposed to be hissing the dialogue, the previous sentence already leads into them speaking so this one feels tacked on.
You roll the brass key in your hand for a moment – Do you really want to see what’s behind this door?
Lowercase “Do”, also the two hyphens should be an em dash.
It’s cold in the room, a draft (perhaps from the window) brushes past you and forces a violent shiver to tear through your form chilled form.
Remove the first “form”. Also, two paragraphs down it says that the MC leaves the warm hallway/the cold envelops them, which suggests that their form isn’t chilled and kind of repeats the info given here. Perhaps reword or combine that paragraph with this line here.
I’ll examine his desk.
Perhaps reword this slightly as right now it seems like this option is examining the same place as where the books are.
No, I leave the letter behind.
Change “letter” to “letters”.
The MC opens and sifts through their uncle’s desk drawers.
Change “The MC” to “you” and reword the rest of the sentence to fit.
It’s possible to examine the bookshelves, desk, etc. more than once, but the narration always reads as if it’s the first time the MC is looking at them. This allows some of the options to conflict, as it’s possible to pick up a stone and then decide to leave them behind.
In stats screen:
Health appears as “MC_health”.
Perhaps so it is like the other screens you can add a “These are your relationships…” line on the relationship screen, as right now it’s blank.
You can train with people or go on missions to increase a skill
Add a period at the end.
You don’t have any items yet – once you get some, they will be found here with a small description of what the object is.
Even after getting the book, stone, and letter it still shows this. Also, the spaces between each item’s description aren’t consistent.
Looking forward to chapter one! 
3 Likes
I’ll be honest, I like writing for Bryn. They’re a jerk (and they know it) but they deeply love their siblings and father.
Regarding the bugs and errors:
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I’ve found and fixed all of the mistakes you had found alongside fixing up the stat menu. Everything should be better looking and functional but let me know if that’s not the case!
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Choice options are now (hopefully) a little more diverse though I had trouble with one regarding Yorick so I’ll fix that one (and follow up texts) tomorrow.
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I agree that the player’s desire to see what was in their uncle’s office is very sudden, so I removed it and (hopefully) any other references to it.
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I’ve also gone through and fixed what I could find of everything that had been written in past tense and changed it to present. I will look more thoroughly tomorrow and give another minor update to confirm that everything should be truely spic-and-span!
Thank you very much for taking the time to read (and find all those bugs)!
EDIT: Got the save system working, so now I’m going to worry about the custom one later. Also, chapter one is at 1928 words so progress has been small but good. <3
9 Likes
you had me at poly romances 
1 Like
Sorry for the silence!
The next update is going pretty slow, but I have made some good progress – hopefully, I can get the next update out by March but we’ll see…
- I currently have one offshoot done, but it needs to be re-written.
- Working on the stats again
- Still trying to figure out how everyone is going to be met… Greta (previously Nanami) is currently the hardest one to figure out.
- winks in first romantic/platonic encounter…
There’s more but those are spoilers – I’ll post a better progress update once there’s more progress. <3
5 Likes
This has so much potential I’m really excited for it. Good luck with everything and I can’t wait to read more 
1 Like
Thank you!! I’m very excited to put out the next update! Hopefully it lives up to it’s potential lol! 
2 Likes
A minor change of plans for the next update – I had to rework what I had because it wasn’t flowing right but now, instead of meeting Hollond right away like in the original, you meet two of the other ROs/POs plus you get a minor quest which might be used as a ‘tutorial’.
I might also be changing some names of characters you haven’t met yet but might have heard about from the Tumblr but that’s TBD.
(cross-posting to Tumblr, written on mobile and I’m too tired to correct mistakes)
EDIT: Here’s what was posted on tumblr, hidden so it doesn’t take up a massive amount of space. <3
Progress Update
//Not an update, but here’s a quick look as some things I have planned for chapter one. Please note these are subject to change and any previous Progress Update posts regarding chapter one is now pretty much obsolete. I’m currently on Spring Break so I have a whole week to work on Trails and Metanoia (I promise Metanoia will get a progress update soon).
So what’s going on? coughs
Plans for a battle system – choices and skill checks (but I won’t make them too hard to pass).
There are three ‘sections’ right now where you are forced to do something but don’t worry, you still get choices on how to react and those choices have impacts.
You meet all the characters as of right now, but you can meet some sooner than others.
Queen Atorah’s name has been changed to Queen Cybill.
Finlay is now limited gender-selectable; ie, they can be nonbinary or female only. I did this because Greta and Hollond are the only female and nonbinary RO’s available currently and yall haven’t met Finlay yet so it doesn’t change much story wise tbh (just scenes that haven’t even been written yet).
A small quest is being worked on. Yes, it is a fetch quest and yes you can absolutely die during it. Probably.
Worked on more world buildling and I’m planning on fixing the map I had posted a while back on tumblr.
Fixed some mistakes that I never fixed before/forgot to fix, whoops! But they will be fixed once chapter 1 part 1 rolls out at the latest.
Flirting?? Flirting.
Let me know if there are any questions, comments, or concerns. I will address early, however, that I will not rethink Finlay’s confirmed gender choices. The new RO line up is:
Females - Greta and Finlay (potentially)
Males - Galeon, Lesilfae
Nonbinaries - Hollond and Finlay (potentially)
6 Likes
Super small progress update
I had previously skipped writing the quest due to being stuck on Lesilfae’s intro but I’ve finally gotten its first draft done! It needs to be extended but so far so good!!
I’ve also written Finlay’s introduction (to be edited) but haven’t implemented the flirts yet. I’m moving on to the next big scene and then I’ll go back and fix/refine everything – I’m hoping to get Greta’s intro done soon but we’ll see how that works out…
Sorry, this update is taking so long – the virus threw a lot of plans through a loop ( which I should have expected… I was, perhaps, too optimistic about having more free time and how long the writing would take for chapter one.) and messed up my college and work schedule, so I’ve been trying to figure those out first and foremost. But here’s hoping I can get everything back on track and get the first chapter pushed out finally lol
Another note: If this thread closes, Trail’s Tumblr gets updates somewhat more frequently otherwise I’m seeing if Twitter will also be a viable place to post. We’ll find out soon!
(Wrote on mobile and I’m too lazy to spell and grammar check! Also forgot to crosspost this from Tumblr – Sorry guys!)
6 Likes
Just read the demo, and it has a ton of potential. I’ll keep an eye out for it, because I’m looking forward to see which direction you take this in
2 Likes
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