I’ve begun work on my new game The Traveler’s Journal.
The Traveler’s Journal is an interactive story about memory, friendship, and inner discovery.
You play as Radu, an ordinary boy whose memory begins to betray him. Through choices, you decide whether he finds his friend, discovers the truth within himself, or accepts the silence of unanswered questions.
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The narration is in third person past tense, but the choices are in first person present tense. Normally, this is okay if the story itself is in second person, but I don’t think it works in this case.
Who is Radu? Are we him? The choices are in first person so I would assume that we (as players) are playing as Radu. But the third person narration distances the player from the protagonist. Perhaps you can consider writing this in second person (or even first person)?
Italics in ChoiceScript is done by using [i][/i] and not with asterisks. Similarly, bold is [b][/b] and not with double asterisks.
Going to stat screen causes an infinite loading error. Make sure to upload choicescript_stats.txt. If your game doesn’t use the stat screen, you can just put anything there like “This game doesn’t have stats!” or something similar.
When first opening the demo, the first page contains the usual info about ChoiceScript. You may want to remove that and put your game’s description right away.
Regarding the story… I don’t know what to say. It’s really short and I don’t really know what’s going on. All I know is that Radu realizes something and now he’s running or writing on a journal. Then the demo ends. Have you written an outline for your story? I think it would be better to write the outline first from beginning up to the desired ending so you’ll have an idea where to start and where to go when writing your game. Who are all the characters? When and where does it take place? What’s the primary issue that the protagonist must confront? How can he resolve it?
As it stands, I think you need to work more on what kind of story you want to write about.
Good luck! Do not hesitate to ask around in the forum if you need help or if you have questions about writing/coding your game.
Update: The Traveler’s Journal — Revision Based on Feedback
Hello everyone!
First of all, I want to thank everyone who took the time to read and comment on my demo for The Traveler’s Journal.
Your observations and advice were truly helpful!
The demo now opens directly with the game’s description and atmosphere, helping players immediately step into Radu’s world — between memory, imagination, and reality.
Thank you again for your kind feedback and encouragement!
Your suggestions really helped me grow the story and bring more depth to the player’s experience.
I really enjoyed the writing style. Nice to read with good variation in the sentences. The thoughts read as somewhat stiff and on-the-nose, but, honestly, I do the same thing when I write. I’d re-read the story for the narration, because I like its smoothness.
Having re-read the story, it seems the only choice that matters is the final choice. Though the wording of the choices changed, it all leads back to the same ten chapters for three endings.
I think this is so that the reader keeps track of the narrative arc Radu goes through separate from the game itself. The arc is kinda abstract for me, so I don’t fully understand what’s happening.
All that I gathered is that the three endings are creepy and haunting, which I love! The creepier and psychological horror-ier, the more I love it.
If you want to publish it through Hosted Games, you’d need at least 30,000 words (including code).
I really enjoyed reading the demo it has a calm but mysterious feeling that makes me want to know more about the Traveler and their thoughts. The journal format works really well for showing their emotions and memories without giving everything away too soon. I like how the story feels personal but also a bit unsettling at times which keeps it interesting. as the story goes on will the choices we make have a big effect on how the Traveler changes or understands their journey?
Update: The Traveler’s Journal — Revision Based on Feedback