@Sandstorm me too. The part about the girl in a world that has ended made me think of Clannad. 
Very great game. Keep up the good work. 
@Xhandas_Antonidas I think Iāve found that error. Not really sure though.
@Daffiestfiber71 CLANNAD is like my favorite anime of all time! Thatās where I got the idea for the Little girlās character 
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@Sandstorm Clannad is my favorite Anime as well! 
( || ) Keep up the good work.
So right after the third possible save in the game an error message shows up and will not allow me to progress any further
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The link doesnāt work.
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@alliebee Thanks for pointing that out! Iāve fixed it now
Hereās the new link https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/154805048/web2/girl%20of%20time%20v4/index.html
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UPDATE!
Castorās little story arc is now done!
It includes a Wind spirit [Sylph] who you can tame. Finding Castor will be much easier with Sylph or if youāre a Hunter.
Iāve added a new division, the Archeology Division. They are kinda like a jack-of-all-trades, with better combat ability.
There are 3 ways to resurrect Castor, using the Green Rosary, the Holy Book, or the Tear Pendant.
About Void:
-Heās Castorās true form. Even if heās more on the bad side, heāll still join the group, since Castorās feelings are infused with him. Heās an available RO for the MC.
-To get Void instead of Castor, either you donāt kill him or if show up too late.
-Heās an available RO to Raven :3 and Lucy :3
Link: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/154805048/web2/girl%20of%20time%20v4/index.html
Iāll be starting the second part of the game, the race to the World Tree! Here, youāll encounter an Undine girl named Iris.
PS The girl on the second banner is Lucy
@Sandstorm Oh wowā¦it hurtā¦the last updateā¦just ow. Let alone the last option I chose, I just see the MC sobbing cause they have lost enough as it is. Her {He in some others play through most likely} Parents dead, her sister missing, now Castor! A person can only take so much before they are reduced to a sobbing mess begging for a redo button. I liked the new twist! Void seems like heās going to be fun to poke and fits very in the crazy Tesu type, which are always fun. Though I found an error in my last replay.
Aria5 line 1277: It is illegal to fall in to an *else statement; you must *goto or *finish before the end of the indented block.
It popped up when I chose to Kill Caster on his request.
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Okay, Iāll take an interest in this. Letās see. Edit: This is merely a quick look though, looking for errors and the like.
You said while patting her head. Her name is Aya, your 7 years old little sister. Sheās very optimistic and always help your mother with her chores.
This part.
your 7 years old little sister
your 7 year old little sister.
I think itās supposed to be the second one but I may be wrong. Also:
always help your mother
always helps your mother
Again, second one I think.
It wonāt be long before they attack the Castle.
It wonāt be long before they attack the Capital.
I know your part of the Royal Guards, but wouldnāt the Capital be a better place? If the royal family is in the main castle which is in the capital city, attacking a city rather than attacking a castle.
Is affinited a word? Hmmmā¦
Unless the castle is in the town the start of the story takes place. My mistake, I though it started in a remote village.
Is everything supposed to be in Italics? Okay.
Castor is Lucius from Fire Emblem! Priest and everything. Iāve got your number, boy.
one of the parchment he was carrying fell. you picked it up.
one of the parchments he was carrying fell. You picked it up.
Plural, more than one parchment. And Capital Y.
Brother Jace already has his hands full with all the army request," Castor said
Brother Jace already has his hands full with all the army requests," Castor said
Again, Iām assuming itās more than one request, so plural.
after a while, Aya ran towards you
After a while, Aya ran towards you
Capital.
as the two of you walked back to your house.
as the two of you walked back home.
I mean if the PC and his/her little sister are heading back home, itās also their house.
āI love you too,ā You said, patting her head
āOf course!ā You said, "Why would
I would put, You say, as itās a present action of speaking, not past tense with you said.
āI love you too,ā You say, patting her head
āOf course!ā You say, "Why would
āGood night.ā You said as you
āGood night.ā You say as you
Again, I think you need to go over this again and take a look at the tense of the sentence being written out. Say is present tense, to say something. Said is past tense, to have said something.
But it didnāt took long before Castor didnāt pinch your
But it didnāt take long before Castor pinched your
Well he either pinched your ears or he didnāt. Twice in fact didnāt.
You sat up from your cot and looked around. Past Tense.
You sit up from your cot and look around. Present Tense.
Since the scene is happening in the present time though, it needs to be present tense.
The woods behind you, which was already scary
The woods behind you, which were already scary
Itās still dark." You complained.
Itās still dark." You complain.
let me sleep," You said,
let me sleep," You say,
āNot on my watch,ā Castor said
āNot on my watch,ā Castor remarks
Noticing alot of said, need to express more when theyāre talking.
exaggerating." You answered
exaggerating." You answer
You asked, "ā¦
You asked, āā¦ā
Needs closed brackets.
ā¦ What was I saying?.."
ā¦ Did I sound erotic?.."
ā¦ Whatever you heard, itās not true!!"
Not sure what the two dots outside the questions marks are for, and should only be one exclamation mark
me already!" You said, feeling
me already!" You say, feeling
saying Ayaās name.,""
saying Ayaās name."
Extra comma and quote marks.
worried expression on her face, "Letās eat
worried expression on his face, "Letās eat
My Castor is male. Your not pulling that trick Lucius.
Castor whispered as he fell on the ground, an arrow buried on his back
I donāt think heād whisper it if the arrow was stuck in his back.
You immediately ran to Castor, carried him on your back, and ran towards the forest.
You immediately run to Castor, carry him on your back, and run towards the forest.
run.
Run.
Capital.
I think thatās enough changes for now. Yeah, this does need abit of work, especially in tense structure and just general cleaning of spelling and grammar mistakes. It does have potential. Keep at it.
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Close, friend.
Castor would more closely resemble Totsuka Saika, from Oregairu.
ā¦ Except, in a priestās role.
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I chose to kill castor as he requested and was met with an error xD
but yea, I never was emotionally affected by castor, but still a little sad tho ;(
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I just noticed this, but is Jasmine taken out permanently in the game or you can recruit her later? I got to admit that scene with Castor kinda got me. That was a really emotional scene.
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@anon11888245 Thanks for pointing them out! English is not my first language so I always have hard time writingā¦ Iām also a big fan of Fire Emblem, and Lucius is the prettiest girl there XD
@ninja6398 I changed Jasmine into the Undine Iris. Theyāre not really that different (Well, I plan them to be), plus Iris is a more pivotal character in the game than Jasmine.
I really tried my best to make Castorās scene really emotional, so Iām happy that it got positive response. Iāve also fixed the error when killing Castor. I havenāt fixed the grammar issues though.
And while youāre at it, please do rate my charactersā¦ From the one you like the most to your least like and whyā¦ So that I could know in what areas theyāre lacking and where they need improvementā¦ Thank you!
I like Raven most ;x
The others well, theyre not bad characters, just not my type LOL XD
While i know there are those who dig pretty boy anime characters like castor, i cant say i do >.<
But to be honest, it does make me feel somewhat sad when i have to kill castor off,
Raven well now thats the kind of character id gravitate to.
So @Sand storm, the characters are all okay actually, they make the story interesting with variety, i mean a story with only characters like Raven would be somewhat boring right?
So heres my rating for the characters i can remember ;x
Raven : 8.5 / 10
Caster 5.0/10
Lucy 6.5/10
(like i said, im just not feeling the whole pretty boy character xD and i re-affirm, its just my preference ;3)
As for lucy, shes kinda err very in between, but this will definitely change as i read more 
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Rating the characters? Iāll take a bite of the apple.
[Potential Spoilers!]
Gabriel (The Player Character)
*I'm going to refer to Gabriel as a "he" for the sake of streamlining this article. Reviewing Gabriel may be a bit unnecessary, but I feel he has enough of a personality to warrant a discussion. Gabriel falls in line with the ātypicalā protagonist of many stories: he has a strong moral code and has strong family ties. He cares deeply for his sister, being driven to embark on a journey to retrieve his sister after she is presumably kidnapped. He has a strong sense of companionship among his friends, being devastated when Castor is nearly killed, when Aria is killed, and when Castor is executed by either Gabriel himself or Raven.
If there is a leader among the group, Gabriel likely fills that role, and because of his personality, Gabriel embodies the compassionate, heroic leader. He is quick to aid those he deems fragile and defenseless, but also forgives those who wrong him, as Gabriel absolves Raven despite the fact that Raven sought to kill Gabriel and nearly had Castor murdered.
If I have any complaint about Gabriel, it would be that he may be a bit too forgiving, especially considering that Gabriel is meant to embody the playerās role in the story as well as give the player the freedom to influence the events in the story. Personally, some of Gabrielās decisions do not sit very well with my own judgement. Namely, I would have driven a spear through Ravenās chest while Raven was critically injured. But thatās just me.
All in all, no real complaints about Gabrielās character. He is like-able, though Iād like to see a bit more grit to his personality.
Castor
Castor is possibly my favorite character, if not for the fact that I want to pinch his cheeks and maybe-kinda-sorta-cuddle-him. Castor has a gentle, sweet disposition that makes him appear to be highly approachable; there is an air of silliness about him, namely the running gag that Castor is indeed a male despite his androgynous, if not considerably feminine appearance as well as the idea that Castor is nearly useless in combat. However, Castor appears to have an understanding of the events transpiring in the world around him, and shows a peculiar insight into addressing various, persistent issues. There is a doleful tale associated with Castor's past; the seemingly infinitely innocent Castor is nothing more than a false personality that was established upon the binding of his true persona, Void, which is an extremely powerful, genocidal entity that wreaked havoc and destruction during the early years of Castor's youth. Castor's realization of his true nature serves to further detail Castor's selfless nature; as opposed to endangering his friends by inadvertently reawakening Void, he opts to commit suicide so as to spare his companions from confronting an overpowering opponent. All in all, I am quite amicable to Castor, if not for the fact that he looks like a pretty female. And he cooks breakfast for Gabriel every morning? What's not to like? If anything, Castor's constant "damsel in distress" situations leads to a slightly tiresome plot element, but that potential issue is resolved with the appearance of Void, who appears to be the only opponent capable of matching Aria and rivaling Shaman.Raven
Raven is a hot-headed prince that resorts to violent solutions quickly, but otherwise aspires to fulfill noble intentions. He is the anti-hero of the story, being willing to murder his own friends if doing so ensures the safety of his remaining companions and preserves the "greater good" as a whole. Despite his somewhat-antagonistic tendencies, Raven does possess a strong sense of loyalty to his comrades, being enraged when his former companions are slain by his Uncle's soldiers and is reluctant to slay Castor, provided Gabriel is unable to do so himself. Raven is definitely the most conflicted of the main characters, at least in terms of morality. He sought to slay Gabriel and Castor early in the plot, but doing so would have granted Raven an audience with his father, to which Raven would presumably challenge his father for the throne and the right to rule his kingdom so as to end a war that his father began. He develops a strong bond with Aria, as Aria apparently reminds Raven of his deceased sister who tragically perished during a plague. He deeply cares for Aria's well-being and is distraught when Aria is "killed" by a falling bookshelf. Raven appears to be a bit dull, though he is still clearly affable in his own right. He pursues Gabriel and Castor through a portal despite knowing that he will suffer heavy injuries upon venturing through the gate; Raven was so critically injured that he could not even challenge Gabriel upon finding him; this would have surely led to Raven's death, provided Gabriel had chosen to retaliate and eliminate Raven while Raven was weakened. In any case, Raven is possibly the most developed character among the cast. He has likely suffered the most among his party; (though Aria could be said to have experienced a far greater tragedy than Raven) Raven's ultimate aspiration and motive seems to be achieving redemption for his failures. He is a great character and having Raven as a possible "romance" for both genders is a decision well conceived.Lucy
Lucy is an intriguing character, though she has the least screen-time out of all the main characters. She is still fairly alluring, however. She is a witch with a strong affinity for earth magic; apparently, being a witch is frowned upon in this fictional society, which may have lead Lucy to possibly facing discrimination in her past. She has some association with Raven, and amity between the two is implied to be nearly romantic. Still, there is not much to say about Lucy. Humorously, even Gabriel realizes that he has not had an opportunity to speak to Lucy until nearly the end of the first story arc, provided Gabriel even chooses to pursue Shaman by accompanying Lucy. Lucy is present in the plot, but does not have any defining role other than being a remnant of Raven's former combat unit. My complaint is that Lucy simply "vanishes" at various points in the story, or rather not enough lore is dedicated to developing Lucy's character. I want to see more of Lucy and I would like clearer insight into her personality and motives.The Little Girl
The Little Girl, or Aria, is a mystery in relation to the plot. She is seemingly apathetic to many occurrences in the story, but does show a more emotional side at different points in the plot, as shown when she finally experiences sorrow and loneliness upon witnessing the death of Gabriel. Her world of origin came to an end under unknown circumstances; as a result, Aria is an empty shell devoid of emotion and constantly wears a blank expression. Aria possesses a deep connection to her own world, being somehow acquainted with the World Tree, the god of her desolate dimension. She is also able to use Infinity Magic, a incredibly rare form of magic that seemingly transcends all other forms of arcane arts. Aria's abilities effectively render her immortal and undying, as Aria is unable to be slain and is unable to age; because of this, Aria's true age is likely far, far greater than her companions'. In an earlier draft of the story, Aria was considerably powerful, being able to incapacitate General Marth's squad with a single spell as well as significantly weaken Marth enough so that her teammates could fight him on even ground. As of the new version of the story, Aria's true power remains relatively unseen. Aria's reaction to being kidnapped by Shaman signifies that Aria may possess some degree of might, as she only displayed annoyance at being captured, as opposed to showing fear at being kidnapped, though her reaction may have been based on the fact that Aria is unable to die. All in all, I like Aria. She is the central figure that unites the other characters under a common goal. My fear of Aria is that she may be too powerful in consideration to the villains of the plot. Aria is already unable to die, but being able to overpower Marth and potentially clash with Shaman could "break" the plot, as Aria may be able to solve most situations by using force without fear of death. She is apparently able to revive the dead, though the ability seemingly only "reverts" that person's time to a previous state, implying that Aria likely can only resurrect the recently deceased. Nonetheless, Aria is a solid character that only needs a few adjustments in regards to the scale of her abilities.Void
Not much to say on Void. He has black hair, unlike Castor's silver curls, and has an abrasive personality. He is cruel and arrogant, but Castor's feelings for his friends dilutes Void's aggression; Void becomes more docile and decides to travel with Gabriel and co. as a result. I would *really* like to see Void as a separate entity from Castor. He has the makings of a fascinating character, and I think it's a waste to have to choose between Castor's life or Void's. That being said, Void's massive power concerns me, as Void was able to single-handedly repel Shaman; Shaman admitted he could not use even half of his power in the current realm, but routing Shaman is an impressive feat all the same. Void's power should be suppressed or dampened, as Void's power far exceeds anything than the group has encountered, with the sole exception of Shaman. And again, I *really* want Castor and Void to be their own persons. Gabriel gets Castor and Raven gets Void! ... But, what about Lucy...?ā¦ Theyāll figure something out.
Sylph
... I actually haven't encountered Sylph yet, so I'll get back to you on that.Aya
In relation to the plot, Aya is a mystery and is the motivating factor behind Gabriel's journey. Aya has peculiarly disappeared, though evidence suggests that Aya has been kidnapped by some unknown party. (Shaman is implied to be among this obscure organization, if one exists.) Gabriel is now feverishly searching for Aya with the hopes of finally being reunited; this search has continued for over 3 months without success. The reason for Aya's apparent kidnapping has not yet been revealed. Aya has been said to possess some sort of curse, and the curse is presumably the factor leading to Aya's kidnapping. The details of Aya's malediction have not yet been explained. Speculation suggests that Aya's curse may be a form of Infinity Magic, though Aya's condition could also resemble Castor's own accursed nature. Aya appears to be interrelated to other characters, namely Lady Margaux and the late King of Monterra, though this relation has not been explored. Aya is an intriguing character and I am fond of her appearances in the story, though the mystery pertaining to her circumstances fascinates me most greatly. I would, however, like to read more background information regarding the history between Gabriel and Aya. I understand that Aya and Gabriel are very close and love each other dearly, but the events leading to the establishment of their relationship are brief and few. As the player character, I definitely want to know, in vivid detail, of the times that I have spent with my beloved sister, for those memories would only serve to further endear my sister unto myself.General Marth
General Marth's appearance is brief, but his presence serves to hinder the protagonists. He is the right-hand man of Raven's militant uncle and is following orders to eliminate Raven so that the rights to the throne of the Monterran Kingdom may fall to Raven's ambitious uncle. Comically, Marth is quickly neutralized in his first scuffle against Gabriel's party (He is taken down by a *single* spell from Lucy, though Lucy admits that she used her strongest ability against him.). In an earlier version of the story, Marth was caught off-guard by Aria, who used lightning magic to dispatch Marth's entire unit and significantly weaken Marth; however, despite his injuries, Marth proved to be a dangerous and difficult foe. Overall, not too much to say about Marth yet. He is clearly involved in treasonous activity with Raven's uncle, but also answers to Shaman; Shaman works directly with the current King of Monterra, so Marth's collaboration with Shaman indicates that the King of Monterra is being manipulated. Is Marth acting against the crown for belief of benevolent outcome, is he being deceived into betraying his king, or is Marth committing treason with more sinister intentions? ... Only time will tell.Shaman
Shaman is the main antagonist of the first story arc, and appears to be the primary villain of the plot. Shaman's origins are unknown; as recounted by Raven, Shaman's first appearance transpired when Shaman approached Raven's father. Raven theorizes that Shaman is the true culprit responsible for instigating the war between the Monterran people and the other races. Shaman is a cruel and manipulative individual, and appears to have orchestrated many occurrences within the plot under the veil of secrecy; among such events, Shaman seems to have influenced the current King of Monterra to wage war against other nations, has kidnapped Aya, and may be in league with Raven's traitorous uncle. Shaman bears an interest in Aria, seeking to capture her for unknown reasons, and seemingly holds insight into Gabriel's being; what this knowledge pertains to has not yet been revealed. Shaman is exceedingly powerful. Despite being able to only harness half of his entire power, Shaman swiftly and single-handedly overpowers Gabriel's entire party, only being repelled by the reemergence of Void. Shaman is also a unique wielder of the Dark Arts, being able to quickly unleash destructive spells that would otherwise take lengthy amounts of time to cast. In an earlier version of the story, Aya perceived Shaman's might as being incalculable, and feared that no person in existence could defeat him. I like Shaman as a villain. His motives are unclear, but Shaman's role as an antagonist is undeniable. If I have any complaint about Shaman, it would be that Shaman kinda-sorta-just-magically-appears-out-of-nowhere, but that issue does not harm the story. Shaman is a superb antagonist, and I'm always hungry for more Shaman scenes. On a side note, could we have character descriptions of the cast? I know Castorās hair is curly and silver, but I want to know how long it is; Iād also like to know the color of Castorās eyes and skin and etc. Ravenās eye color is also āmust-knowā for me.
Iād also like to know what Aya looks like; Iām not sure if she has been described or not, though.
Anyway, Iām off to soak my hands in milk! Theyāre on fire!
Toodles~!
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I luv your fox gifs :x
Also this review is way cooler XD
Characters well Raven is first cause I felt like I knew him the best. Castor is second only cause Im not a fan of the pretty boy mistaken as girl trope, but heās a fun and good character. The little girl/little sister they are both there cause I had a strong desire to help them, and they have the cute clingy little sister vibe. Thats it really, could use a little more fleshing out for both of them. Finally Lucy just cause I donāt really know her.
Since you changed Jasmine did you change the other characters that you planned to add in the game later?
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@Packet I just love reading your review, and I would really love to read your insights about the other characters as well, especially Aya and the Shaman Iām having internal debates with myself if I should have Castor and Void as separate entitiesā¦
@ninja6398 Yup, the only characters Iāll be adding would be Iris the Undine Archeologist and another female character I would add if the Separate Castor and Void plan falls throughā¦
@Xhandas_Antonidas Even I feel that Lucy is kinda in the middle or bottom part of the groupā¦ I do plan to add more Lucy scenes. Iām kinda wondering, what do you think of VoidxRaven?
Right now, Iām still editing the earlier scenes, Iām not really used to writing in present tense so itās quite hardā¦ But I wonāt give up!
Small Updateā¦
-Added some Lucy scenes in the earlier scenes.
This is very good!
The Lucy scenes are a welcome addition to the game, and Lucyās increased participation in various events makes Lucy feel like an actual contributor to the group.
Iāll do my best to finish my prior review and write in Aya, Marth, and Shaman.
Iāve still got to find Sylph, though.
On a side note, choosing the option āIāll stay here with Castor.,ā after finding Lucy, presents an error:
aria3 line 1517: Non-existent variable ācastor_doneā
But again, good work, and I look forward to the next update!