The Eternal Library: a Romantasy Retelling (WIP ~ 95k DEMO)

[FatedFlame]

Now why do I feel personally attacked

Comments while playing (Memes lurk within)

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Where’s le smut book? Could make for some hilarious scenes and reactions
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Well shit, MC down for anything it seems

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Oh wow, reading further reveals she’s hella lonely lmao she’d probably love Tiktok tbh
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ohhhhh bro cmon, even I know that’s a bad idea with the phoenix

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Just helped the little princess find her brother, that was funny lol
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Yes, please, fuss over me bro
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Mistress be like: https://youtube.com/shorts/7p_TBhSiIwo?si=n58Uq-x_0hbMzyR3
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So this is where I gotta save then

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He is a good lad, and I want to see more of him, dear author!
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South Park’s Amazon Song feels appropriate here: https://youtu.be/CPW3YikDwEM?si=acWdQSDuCoijWSRx
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Janessa came in clutch in singing our praises, lezzz gooooo! One good deed makes another!
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I hope you’ve begun to understand im honestly memeing where I feel cool shit happens
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Tell me

Is she sitting like this?

Cause I freaking cant think of sitting like a king without thinking of Skyrim’s jarls lmaoooo
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Why she emotionally cheating on me by saying she thought the farmer was funny?? Like, don’t i have enough jokes for her?? What she doing laughing and helping unload a farmer’s goods???

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Holy shit, is Temphesta my hot fairy godmother??
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B-but, im a Certified Lover Boy

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Annnnd I finished! Loved it!
Also, I chose Gemma cause of Shark Tale :
https://youtube.com/shorts/F9HCz4wbTnA?si=cGvI3h5KNXXEsWPU

Comments while playing (Review and thoughts within, serious)

This is a personal opinion, so leave alone if you disagree: When it says “You like to be of service to others. Kindness is your strength.” It makes me feel like a doormat if I choose this. Maybe reword or remove the service half? But again, thats just mah opinion
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While playing, I felt like I would like more chances to be total bros with the prince, especially if you arent romancing him. I know we’re early in the game, but I think it’d be so awesome to play wingman to him, or even each other in the future. It’d be really appreciated, but I do know this game isnt exactly meant to be played that way, and of course would be a late stage implementation if it ever happens. Again, this isnt a suggestion, but a feeling i wanted to share!
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I’ve not chosen any warrior choices, so this felt off, and here are my stats in case you need to know for the code if this is indeed a mistake:

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As for the review and feedback;

I found no errors whatsoever with bugs, spelling mistakes, or the like. It was awesome seeing a Heart’s Choice author try their hand in Hosted Games, and you can 100% see the experience and quality that comes with someone who has already released two games. Interactive choices transition smoothly, and the game flows naturally from scene to scene and plot developments.

I normally wouldn’t play this type of game (heavy romance with Fae elements) but I’m really glad I did. Feel like I branching out and I’m proud for it lol.

There’s some intriguing background worldbuilding going on, especially with Taniel (the warrior you have a dream about that im almost positive is the rebel from the past) and the kingdom’s own suppressing of the Tian Clan thanks to our ancestor’s rebellion in the past. It’s subtle, but you can see the realpolitik going on with the noble class trying to just shift the Tian Clan as the undesirables so that no one asks “uhhh, why’re we being dicks to them? wait actually why did they rebel??” cause it’s easier to just bully someone than to help them.

Then there’s King Stevik Ga’vaan being so obtuse in his dealings with the other kingdoms. Minare’s position already looks shaky, but his behavior (and without doubt the behavior of his son, the Crown Prince DolDumbass) you’re looking at two generations of dipshits in a kingdom that’s surrounded by rivals that’re obviously looking to bring them down in prestige and land.

And that’s before even taking a closer look at the oppressive environment Minare pushes. Other kingdoms seem far more tolerant and progressive in comparison, and this may honestly mean they possess a greater military capability in terms of magical warfare. Intolerance and racism seem to be weakening Minare, and if our hot fair godmother is any indication, the other kingdoms are smelling blood in the water, and an easy ally is already found in the kingdom the prince at the start of the game who was snubbed by King Stevik.

Now for characters.

This is what sucks about interactive fiction, you have to juggle between side characters and Romance Options.

The side characters are honestly shining far more in comparison to the Romance Options, besides Prince Collin of course. This makes sense though, as the Prince Charming in a Cinderella retelling, who will be the main catalyst for most of what will happen in the future (I’m assuming)

I think the prince’s main friend group will allow for more easier interactions going forward, but Gemma (servant class) and Princess Angelica (literally far away from you) will be harder. I have some suggestions if you’re amenable to them:

Princess Angelica: I don’t know shit and Fae, Fae-magic, and the normal tropes associated with this genre/premise, but what about using/incorporating magic to communicate more often with the princess? Perhaps she invites you into the room and makes a contract to allow for a magic bird or something to deliver letters quickly/more often? You could even use the worldbuilding itself to say “yeah the king is so anti-magic the homie has shit magical defenses lol” and handwave it away to make the long-distance relationship/friendship more distance-oriented than time separated? I really hope that made sense lmaooooo

Gemma: I feel as if having more scenes with her while our MC is working during the first two chapters would make sense narratively, and could help counterbalance the Prince Collin dominance. It really feels weird to have so much Prince Collin (who is royalty) and so little Gemma who is your friend and co-worker, and the suggestion isn’t even for romance, i mean just to have a friend the MC can talk with since the lunch scenes don’t allow for that to even happen since you gotta be quiet and avoid Mistress Hag’s wrath. As a reader, it felt somewhat frustrating, but only because I really wanted to hear more from Gemma. Plus, I’d love to have her as a player’s partner in crime (even if that just means gossiping lol) for the simple fact that Gemma could be used as a foil to Prince Collin ((Commoner vs Royalty, Friend vs Love Interest (and vice versa of course), and Non-Magical vs Magical))

Moving on, a side character i’d like to see more of is the mother. Do we live with her? Do we live apart? I feel like being able to talk to her at the end of each day could give you chances to further give subtle nods at the oppression being instigated by King Stevik. She could talk about policies, past incidents, and the like to get that point across (the point being the king sucks butt).
You could even have her mention higher taxes for people with fae-blood, an uncle or aunt who got executed for talking back (to help explain why an MC isn’t/shouldnt be snappy with replies), or even a subplot of her trying to save money to take herself and you out of Minare that gets stolen or confiscated in the future for more drama. As it is currently, she feels glaringly absent from the story when she’s actually alive and seems to care for the MC.

Again, these are suggestions and not demands! This may not be the sorta feedback you’re looking for and that is okay, and I’m okay with that!

I know you’ve already told us in the FAQ that this is a slow-burn romance story, so I can’t really speak on that aspect yet. BUT as a player who isn’t romancing the Prince and is instead homies with him, the side characters carried heavy for my playthrough. Good news though, is that what ive seen from the side characters is good! You kept a mix of good people and bad people, which helped make it feel balanced from that point of view. The Mistress and Trent the Dick are shitty people that i hope we get to mess with in the future, the librarian and his apprentice seem nice enough so far (which i hope we get to see more of in the future once we are part of the prince’s gang of friends).

Also, you personally hate laundry work, dont you?! There was simply wayyyy too many instances where the text specifically singles that out lmaooooo

Your writing prose is quality, and easy to understand, something that people don’t realize is hard to do but easy to see. But if it isn’t good, it becomes glaring, thankfully that isn’t the case with The Eternal Library!

Honestly, I can’t wait to see how the game progresses!

[AnneWest]

@FatedFlame

Also, you personally hate laundry work, dont you?! There was simply wayyyy too many instances where the text specifically singles that out lmaooooo

Given the era, laundry was a terrible job, and possibly one of the most dangerous. Want to bleach something? Run out to the stables and collect horse urine, because you need it to make bleach. Need more soap? Hope you like making lye with no eye protection, because that didn’t exist yet. Need to get those linens really good and fresh smelling? You’re going to have to boil them in a cauldron big enough to make human soup in. Gotta get things dry? Gotta put them through (if you’re lucky,) a hand-cranked roller mangle, which may mangle you. Gotta haul it all outside then, which means up stairs (while the laundry drips because mangles aren’t greatly efficient, meaning you may fall down the stone stairs and kill yourself) and outside, where you have to hang everything. THat’s poounds and pounds of weight and a good long walk. And then do it again, because there’s never an end to laundry.

Those are just the immediate to mind dangers, by the way. There are SO many more.

[JBento]

@AnneWest

Those are just the immediate to mind dangers, by the way. There are SO many more.

Like an encore of Collin’s mice.

[void_mermaid]

@FatedFlame

Holy shit, is Temphesta my hot fairy godmother??

I must be blind bc just now that you mention it I realize that she is!!! She healed us, gave us a magic dress, and encourages us to mingle in the party? Fairy godmother coded indeed

[leiatalon]

Where do I even start?

Meme Replies

@FatedFlame

I hope you’ve begun to understand im honestly memeing where I feel cool shit happens

If that’s the case, the number of memes dropped here is a high compliment.

@FatedFlame

South Park’s Amazon Song feels appropriate here: https://youtu.be/CPW3YikDwEM?si=acWdQSDuCoijWSRx

This is such a good song and I haven’t heard it in forever! I did not know South Park did an Amazon skit to this. My life is richer now with the knowing.

@FatedFlame

Is she sitting like this?

Temphesta would be a bit more straight-backed, with an elegant gown, and her chair is quite a bit nicer, but she’s got the swagger of your Skyrim friend there.

@FatedFlame

Holy shit, is Temphesta my hot fairy godmother??

Yes. Yes, she is. You can’t have her, but she’s going to keep you close.

@FatedFlame

B-but, im a Certified Lover Boy

Yes, I do apologize that there isn’t a poly option with the ladies, but they told me it’s strictly not a thing they’re into, each have different reasons but mostly they don’t like to share.

@FatedFlame

Why she emotionally cheating on me by saying she thought the farmer was funny?? Like, don’t i have enough jokes for her?? What she doing laughing and helping unload a farmer’s goods???

Okay that was cute. I’m trying to demonstrate Gemma’s light-hearted nature and friendly personality with the farmer story, but apparently it had the unintended result of making the MC a bit protective. Interesting.

@FatedFlame

He is a good lad, and I want to see more of him, dear author!

Harrick is a good guy. I’ll see if he can play more of a role later in the story.

@FatedFlame

Annnnd I finished! Loved it!
Also, I chose Gemma cause of Shark Tale

I’m so glad you loved it!!! Thank you for the giggles!

Feedback Replies

@FatedFlame

When it says “You like to be of service to others. Kindness is your strength.” It makes me feel like a doormat if I choose this. Maybe reword or remove the service half? But again, thats just mah opinion

I can rephrase that easily enough.

@FatedFlame

While playing, I felt like I would like more chances to be total bros with the prince

This is a whole path. Absolutely happening.

@FatedFlame

I’ve not chosen any warrior choices, so this felt off,

That’s referring to the warrior ancestor in your soul, but I can clarify.

@FatedFlame

t was awesome seeing a Heart’s Choice author try their hand in Hosted Games, and you can 100% see the experience and quality that comes with someone who has already released two games. Interactive choices transition smoothly, and the game flows naturally from scene to scene and plot developments.

I had no idea what I was doing when I wrote TMP, but I’m pretty good at winging it and had an excellent editor. I got into the groove with Ink and Intrigue, and it feels really good writing Eternal so far. But then, I’m in the early chapters yet, before things get ridiculously complicated. Regardless, it helps to have done this a few times. Experience goes a long way in any craft, and I’m glad to have some under my belt as I write this project. Thanks for noticing!

@FatedFlame

I normally wouldn’t play this type of game (heavy romance with Fae elements) but I’m really glad I did. Feel like I branching out and I’m proud for it lol.

I’m really glad you did, too.

@FatedFlame

It’s subtle, but you can see the realpolitik going on with the noble class trying to just shift the Tian Clan as the undesirables so that no one asks “uhhh, why’re we being dicks to them? wait actually why did they rebel??” cause it’s easier to just bully someone than to help them.

THIS!

@FatedFlame

you’re looking at two generations of dipshits in a kingdom that’s surrounded by rivals

Also this. Except not just two generations, but nearly every generation before them. Some seriously evil MFs have worn the crown of Minare.

@FatedFlame

and if our hot fair godmother is any indication, the other kingdoms are smelling blood in the water, and an easy ally is already found in the kingdom the prince at the start of the game who was snubbed by King Stevik.

So much trouble brewing.
rubs hands together

@FatedFlame

This is what sucks about interactive fiction, you have to juggle between side characters and Romance Options.

Yes. And trying to advance the story without it feeling too slow, especially in the beginning.

Like, I’ve barely set the stage in this demo. It almost would’ve been better to have the complete third chapter before I released the demo, but I wanted to get something out by Christmas and the ballroom scene was such a lovely stopping point.

I like your ideas for more Angelina and Gemma. I was planning to have the MC use a nighthawk to get letters to Angelina after their change in employment, so that was already in the works, but perhaps she can ask about it in the first scene. I’ll also see if I can paint in more details with the MCs mother.

You’re right that Gemma and Angelina will have less interaction in some ways, as the MC will be spending a lot of time with Collin and his crew, but hopefully I can find a balance there.

@FatedFlame

Your writing prose is quality, and easy to understand, something that people don’t realize is hard to do but easy to see.

You’re making me blush over here.

@FatedFlame

Honestly, I can’t wait to see how the game progresses!

Thank you so much!

@FatedFlame

Also, you personally hate laundry work, dont you?! There was simply wayyyy too many instances where the text specifically singles that out lmaooooo

I don’t actually mind laundry that much. It’s constant, but I’m glad to have a family to care for and a house with modern appliances.

@AnneWest

Given the era, laundry was a terrible job, and possibly one of the most dangerous.

@AnneWest nailed my reasoning for the MC hating laundry in her reply, although it wouldn’t have been quite that bad, given there’s magic. There’s a magic ice box, so it makes sense that there would be some improved laundry system, though it would still be on an industrial level because castle, and there would still be surprises in the laundry that the MC has encountered and never wants to encounter agin.

@void_mermaid

I must be blind bc just now that you mention it I realize that she is!!! She healed us, gave us a magic dress, and encourages us to mingle in the party? Fairy godmother coded indeed

Yes. Temphesta most definitely is your fairy godmother. And she specializes in fashion design.

[FatedFlame]

@AnneWest

Those are just the immediate to mind dangers, by the way.

This was so informative!!! And god awful omg

@leiatalon

This is a whole path. Absolutely happening.

Hell yes!!!

@leiatalon

That’s referring to the warrior ancestor in your soul, but I can clarify.

This may just be a ME thing, if other readers haven’t brought it up then you shouldn’t waste energy on this

@leiatalon

Except not just two generations, but nearly every generation before them. Some seriously evil MFs have worn the crown of Minare.

Ohhhh so the oppression is straight up to keep their grip on power and keep potential rebels terrified! But the king is dumb enough to ALSO sour diplomatic relations!!! Hehehehehe… the warrior within made themselves known for a reason then

@leiatalon

I like your ideas for more Angelina and Gemma.

@leiatalon

I’ll also see if I can paint in more details with the MCs mother.

Thank you!

Again, loved the demo!

[AnneWest]

@leiatalon

@AnneWest nailed my reasoning for the MC hating laundry in her reply, although it wouldn’t have been quite that bad, given there’s magic. There’s a magic ice box, so it makes sense that there would be some improved laundry system, though it would still be on an industrial level because castle, and there would still be surprises in the laundry that the MC has encountered and never wants to encounter agin.

@FatedFlame

This was so informative!!! And god awful omg

Echoes from my own long-form Cinderella retelling (that’ll probably never see the light of day,) that’s all. I had to cut it, but research is forever.

[leiatalon]

@AnneWest

I had to cut it, but research is forever

That’s some solid research! I do like fantasy for the ease of waving a bit of magic at something and making it work so quality of life is better, or perhaps more interesting. But I have mad respect for historical writers and mystery writers, and those who base their stories on reality and strive to make them as accurate as possible.

@AnneWest

my own long-form Cinderella retelling

Lovely choice!

[idonotlikeusernames]

Awww…why is the one working class friend locked as female? The others all seem far too unequal relationship partners. I like Collin but more as a friend with benefits, not a lifelong commitment and the guy is introduced as not being a stranger to those kinds of dalliances either.

And the other nice RO, Angelina is female locked too. And of course a princess too so the social chasm would still be absolutely yawning which means the relationship would still be absolutely unequal too, no matter what she and/or the mc might want. She wouldn’t happen to know any handsome scholars who share of her humour in her home country with a bit lower status than being royal or high nobility would she? Because my mc would love to meet them.

In any case thus far both of the actually nice ro’s are, sadly, incompatible with my gay mc.
The writing is quite nice though even if thus far this game seems to be a case that the ro’s whose personality I actually like and which would be compatible with my mc are both female.

@leiatalon

However, the MC doesn’t have to prefer that path, even if it’s a part of them.

That is good considering that ancestor had like actual training and opportunities the mc in the here and now just doesn’t and mine is extremely hesitant to put his literal limbs on the line with zero training or magic except an ancient voice in his head. I play my mc as someone who prefers to avoid conflict, particularly of the physical confrontation kind, not seek it out as he is not a noble with access to those kinds of training, connections or magic.

@leiatalon

This story might not be a good fit for anyone who doesn’t like magic flying about untethered. The MC is not manipulated by magic at any point, but they are healed by magic several times and there won’t be a choice to say no because I’d rather not write them going about injured all the time, honestly.

The thing is that since the mc does not seem to have any powers of their own there will be no way of say healing Collin in some later chapter without waiting for him to ask for it.

@winters_socaro

Yes, but no such choice for Collin. It is not about what other characters do, it is about what MC feels and how reacts.

I also didn’t like how she used magic again, without consent to transform the mc’s old and probably a bit worn servant suit for the ball. Felt a bit too fairy godmother esque. She couldn’t have allowed the mc to get some actual new clothes? From like a real shop or tailor? It also means that right now the mc is expected to act like a guest instead of a servant in what is still their old clothes with a temporary spell put on them. At least show yourself to be a better boss than my mc’s old ones would you and if the new job is meant to be representative maybe include an actual allowance to get attire to that effect?

@HarrisPS

That may also not work for everyone, but for me it would be rather endearing that he immediately wanted to fix his mistake.

This would be loads better than what it is now. Make it a spur of the moment thing. Helps show he is a decent person if it is the first thing he does straightaway without putting much thought in it and then take mc’s reaction to that and Collin’s reactions to mc from there would feel much more natural to me. And it still gets rid of the obligatory magic reveal. All you would need to tweak is to have slightly better lighting in that part of the corridor right before the door.

@leiatalon

Jealousy is one of my least-favorite tropes. I am extremely unlikely to add it to any of the romances in my games, though it may occasionally pop up in other characters, just not directed at the MC.

If my mc is to have a dalliance with Colinn at least let him direct some jealousy at some of the guy’s other, higher status dalliances.

@leiatalon

as playing the field isn’t culturally accepted in this kingdom and the MC is smart enough to avoid such drama.

Yet another reminder of the yawning status chasm between male mc and Colinn who is the main male ro. He gets all the fun mc is the blushing virgin who has to basically commit for life to the first guy. I also just can’t see my mc with Colinn long-term the social divide is too much and unlike Angelina he is no foreigner. why oh why couldn’t they have been gender selectable? My mc would, in time, be all over a fun and sexy pen pal prince Angel but Angelina isn’t romantically compatible though she could become his best friend in the future but nothing more than that.

@leiatalon

This is a Cinderella retelling

@leiatalon

As the MC is welcomed into Collin’s crew

This just makes Angelina even more compelling for my mc as they really did meet by chance and get a chance to perhaps fall in love more gradually through actually communicating and appreciating each other’s writing and wit. Unlike with Colinn and his crew those interactions feel more genuine and a lot less like pity to my mc even if there will still be a too big social divide but Angelina at least has the advantage of being a foreigner and in her country mc would at least be more free to make his own (first) impressions if brought there to be their lover or consort without the baggage of being known to that entire court to have a social status lower than an uncleaned latrine and being a bastard descended from the worst traitor to the realm.
I guess this is my final plea for a possible gender selection flip for Angelina to prince Angel? Cause right now that is who my more scholarly mc actually likes and I could see him developing a crush on through their continued correspondence, if only their genders were compatible.

[leiatalon]

@idonotlikeusernames

Awww…why is the one working class friend locked as female?

Marienna and Sevitas are guards. They’re not nobility. They’re of common class.

@idonotlikeusernames

In any case thus far both of the actually nice ro’s are, sadly, incompatible with my gay mc.

Collin is quite nice, as is Dorian, who is Fae. Sevitas is rough around the edges, but also a gentleman when it counts. Collin’s dalliances come to an end after the incident in the hall, as he’s not particularly proud of them.

@idonotlikeusernames

with zero training or magic except and ancient voice in his head

Just wait. The story has only begun.

@idonotlikeusernames

Felt a bit too fairy godmother esque.

This is her literal role, though. She’s the fairy godmother and she specializes in fashion design. It’s her thing.

It’s a Cinderella retelling.

@idonotlikeusernames

in what is still their old clothes with a temporary spell put on them

They are new clothes. They get a whole new wardrobe, compliments of the sorceress fairy godmother. The old MC is leveling up in more ways than one.

Perhaps don’t focus so much on the nobility vs. servants caste system. This story does contain a rags-to-riches trope, after all.

@idonotlikeusernames

Helps show he is a decent person if it is the first thing he does straightaway without putting much thought in it and then take mc’s reaction to that and Collin’s reactions to mc from there would feel much more natural to me

The prince is a bit clueless and shaken, and he doesn’t want to use his magic right away. See my response to Harris:

@leiatalon

Also, the prince’s magical abilities are quite weak, which is a source of frustration for him, so he would only use magic as a last resort. This information will come up a bit later in the game, but the fact that he wasn’t able to heal the MC completely drops hints at that.

Collin does apologize and claim responsibility for the incident if the MC lets him know how hurt they are when he starts to realize that they’re injured. Otherwise it simply takes him a while to figure it out.

There are reasons Collin would absolutely not jump to use magic first. There is also an option to ask him about it.

Collin is human, just like anyone else, and makes mistakes.

@idonotlikeusernames

If my mc is to have a dalliance with Colin

Honestly, the only dalliance in the story is the one Collin stumbles away from.

@idonotlikeusernames

Unlike with Colinn and his crew those interactions feel more genuine and a lot less like pity

Um… Collin is being genuine, and befriended the MC before the incident in the hallway. It’s not about pity at all. His comrades are genuine as well. Part of the point of the story is bridging the social divide, and that Collin and his friends don’t care about status (much like Prince Charming and Cinderella).

@idonotlikeusernames

I guess this is my final plea for a possible gender selection flip for Angelina to prince Angel?

I’m glad you like Angelina. Unfortunately, I don’t do gender variable ROs. It messes with my head and prevents me from delving as deep into their characters. I’ve created 3 male and 3 female ROs, which is a lot to write and I think a decent selection. I’m sorry if you haven’t found one you like.

If you can forgive Collin his previous dalliances and give him a chance, he’s quite as much a scholar as a fighter. Dorian the Fae mage is as well. Sevitas is also fun, and is not a noble, but comes from humble origins. Any of them would treat you well, be faithful (despite Collin’s past), and do anything to help and protect you when push comes to shove. They’re all excellent friends to have as well, but you’d have to be willing to believe they’re being genuine. If you’re not, you’re likely to misinterpret much of the game.

It’s okay if this game isn’t for you. Thanks for giving the demo a try and sharing your thoughts!

[AnneWest]

@leiatalon

I do like fantasy for the ease of waving a bit of magic at something and making it work so quality of life is better, or perhaps more interesting.

I chose a low fantasy that’s pretty much magicless. It’s less fairy princess and more La Cenerentola. It felt as if the story could be interesting with the magic, yes…but potentially as or more interesting without it. But it twisted around in all the ways you try to wrestle a story out of and pretty soon it ended up being about one of the stepsisters. The more research I did into the Cinderella story, the more interested I got in the sisters, which some stories have up to five of them, and they’re not always step-sisters, either. It turned into a bit of a mess before I stopped writing and started revising, but as I said…it’ll probably never see the light of day.

[idonotlikeusernames]

@leiatalon

Collin is quite nice, as is Dorian, who is Fae. Sevitas is rough around the edges, but also a gentleman when it counts. Collin’s dalliances come to an end after the incident in the hall, as he’s not particularly proud of them.

Let’s just say at this point I think my mc likes the rake more than the gentleman. Colinn is attractive, sure, and my mc wouldn’t mind being one of his dalliances but a commitment to him? Yeah, that’s not happening he may mean well but given the mc’s history in that court the experience would still be miserable to my mc. Even if Colinn doesn’t care about the chasm in social status the rest of the world does. It would be one (still extremely difficult) thing to become the common born lover and consort of a foreign royal, like Angelina but quite another to have to pretend to be so in the place that treats the mc like we have all just seen.

@leiatalon

Collin is quite nice

I am sure he is, but my mc is not going to commit to being his blushing bridegroom, that is a bridge too far in more ways than one. Like I said I am glad there is at least one option to find his sudden chivalry annoying and my mc would much prefer the rake to the gentleman as given their respective histories his sudden chivalry simply feels like pity to my mc. Whereas with Angelina the connection just feels more genuine, too bad my mc is not into women like that.

@leiatalon

They are new clothes. They get a whole new wardrobe, compliments of the sorceress fairy godmother. The old MC is leveling up in more ways than one.

I think the text literally says she transforms the mc’s old suit with magic:

@leiatalon

She draws a curve in the air with her finger, and your uniform transforms into

So to my mc it still feels like he’s still just wearing his servant uniform, no matter what she made it look like now. I hope the rest of that new wardrobe actually involves tailors and/or shopping or at least the tactile experience of putting on actual new clothes.

This is just a bit too Disney version of Cinderella for my mc to feel comfortable with particularly with the opinions on magic the mc can express up to this point.

I just think my mc would prefer actual new clothes over his magically transformed old rags for a new wardrobe as he does not know or trust magic at this point. That transformation spell isn’t the confidence booster for my mc the sorceress seems to think it is and it is also yet another occasion of magic being used on the mc without their consent.

@leiatalon

There are reasons Collin would absolutely not jump to use magic first.

If that is needed for his character, then fine.

@leiatalon

There is also an option to ask him about it.

Which my mc doesn’t take. Except with Angelina he doesn’t speak to royals unless prompted since the game isn’t shy about how much trouble that gets the mc into. So my mc has to either go against his own character here or just let this stand as a miscommunication that doesn’t give him a great impression of Colinn.

@leiatalon

Honestly, the only dalliance in the story is the one Collin stumbles away from.

Too bad, my mc likes Collin better when he’s being a rake. If only we could get to know him that way before developing genuine feelings that might work for my mc. But his chivalry is just off-putting for my mc as it feels more like pity than desire.

@leiatalon

Um… Collin is being genuine

Yes, you know that as the author, I know that as the reader my mc doesn’t know that since he’s not a magical telepath or empath like counsellor Troi in Star Trek.

@leiatalon

and befriended the MC before the incident in the hallway

Did he? Being nice to the help is not the same as being actual friends with them. Sure Collin is relatively nice to the mc but actual friendship? I’m just not feeling that with Colinn not like with Gemma or our encounter with Angeline.

@leiatalon

I’ve created 3 male and 3 female ROs, which is a lot to write and I think a decent selection.

On the face of it that is fair, sure, but the problem here, at least for me is all three of the male ro’s are part of Collin’s little popular jock clique that my mc feels he has no business being or even particularly wants to be in since he is not comfortable and likely never will be with becoming a warrior.
All the variation actually seems to be with the female ro’s who range from a princess to a servant with someone in the middle as far as status goes too, none of whom seem to be outright members of Colinn’s little clique.

While we haven’t really met Marienna or Sevitas based on their descriptions, once again, I feel my mc would be much more drawn to Marienna who seems a much more rounded character and one who might be better able to understand being a warrior may be mc’s literal, magical soul calling in this setting but it is not really who my mc is or wants to be, given her own dual roles as a spy too and her passion as an artist and creator.

All the male ro’s just kinda feel the same I guess with them all being members of Collin’s little group and all warriors and mages who like fighting, which my mc never will regardless of how good he might get at it. Also that whip thing in Sevitas’ description sounds like a bad bdsm reference and my mc has enough nightmares about that sort of stuff growing up the way he did. So if Sevitas is this setting’s Iron Bull then he’s not for my mc either and the minute he’d try to use that whip on my mc would be the minute they’re over.

Once again, take this for what it is, just my opinion. I do like your writing however. Any chance we can just not romance anybody here and get a platonic ending with Angelina or Gemma then? As this really does seem to be a game where I might potentially like all of the female ro’s who are incompatible with my gay mc due to orientation and none of the male ones.
I guess this does make me appreciate Creme de la Creme and its successors and all the other games where incompatible orientations are not a problem due to the gender select even more.

@leiatalon

If you can forgive Collin his previous dalliances and give him a chance

Forgive? My mc would probably very much liked to have been one of them. That might have made him think Collin actually desires him and wasn’t just being nice to the help. Like I said my mc likes the rake version Collin much better than the chivalry act he tries to pull with the mc which just feels like pity, not desire, and is incredibly off-putting for my mc. It’s not like my mc cares much about propriety and the prevailing social norms of the kingdom which seem to be more backwards than those of the other realms anyway. He does care about not getting beaten or abused by the household managers more than necessary however and right now Colinn, unlike Angelina, does not seem to be worth risking such abuse or a beating for to my mc.

[AnneWest]

@idonotlikeusernames

I hope the rest of that new wardrobe actually involves tailor’s and or shopping or at least the tactile experience of putting on actual new clothes.

This is just a bit too Disney version of Cinderella for my mc to feel comfortable with particularly with the opinions on magic the mc can express up to this point.

I just think my mc would prefer actual new clothes over his magically transformed old rags for a new wardrobe as he does not know or trust magic at this point. That transformation spell isn’t the confidence booster for my mc the sorceress seems to think it is and it is also yet another occasion of magic being used on the mc without their consent.

I think part of the issue with the ball gown/suit is that the ball was immanent. There wasn’t time to have a gown or suit made, or even to run out and borrow one, the ball was that night. Probably the rest of the wardrobe will be more conventional. What concerns me is MC’s living space, are we going to be moving?

[idonotlikeusernames]

More feedback and thoughts

@AnneWest

or even to run out and borrow one

Female mc could borrow one from the sorceress herself. Technically male could too as the fashion choices don’t seem to be restricted by gender although for my male mc that would be about as awkward as wearing his magically transformed old rags in terms of it not being an actual confidence booster.

@AnneWest

Probably the rest of the wardrobe will be more conventional.

Here’s to hoping. Hope it will include some actual nice boots or leather pants for male mc too, like the ones Collin was wearing when we see him sneak out from his dalliance.

Also hope we get to chuck our old rags into the fire if we actually do get new clothes. Good riddance to them, no matter what they are glamoured to look like now.

@AnneWest

What concerns me is MC’s living space, are we going to be moving?

Since the mc lost their servant job it seems like we will be kicked out of the servant housing and if the mc is getting a whole new wardrobe instead of just their magically transformed old rags their current super tiny room wouldn’t be able to fit any of it anyway. I think the most likely thing is that the sorceress will have the mc moved into moved into some guest quarters for more highly ranked servants foreign delegations might bring with them. So likely still not the best but not the tiny drafty cupboard in a slum mc is living in now even if those kinds of quarters might get cramped too if she is actually giving the mc an extensive new wardrobe the more conventional way, instead of just transforming our old rags over and over again and the mc will have to store weapons and possibly, ugh, armour there later on too.

So my guess will be the mc will get still not exactly great but better temporary new accommodations than what they have now.

@AnneWest

the ball was that night

It’s not like my mc particularly wanted to go, since Angelina has long gone home again, so there is nobody there my mc particularly wanted to talk too since Gemma is a servant who gets in trouble for speaking to guests too much and we do not yet know Marienna. But I get that the mc has to meet Collin’s little jock clique for plot reasons. Still my mc didn’t really want to be there and would have preferred to go in almost anything other than his transformed old rags since they still feel like his old rags to him, no matter what they are glamoured to look like now.

@AnneWest

Those are just the immediate to mind dangers, by the way. There are SO many more.

Joke’s on the mc then since medieval combat is just as nasty and the mc is gonna be forced into that without having any magic of their own to make things even the slightest bit easier on them too. Really seems life is hell-bent into forcing the mc into a very shitty job mine will greatly dislike in either case.

@leiatalon

Also this. Except not just two generations, but nearly every generation before them. Some seriously evil MFs have worn the crown of Minare.

Except mc’s ancestor would have gotten an actual crown for themselves out of it mc just helps the least bad of the dipshits get the throne and gets an even shittier job than the one they leave behind out of it, since mine will never like having to become a warrior or fighting mages in combat without having access to magic himself.

@leiatalon

Short answer, yes they do. However, most won’t want or need to undertake the ritual to remember them. That said, there is one character who will if you encourage him/her to do so in the latter half of the game, and yes, that character and the PC have an ancient history together.

It seems like from what Theo says my mc wouldn’t want to either as it seems his personality would change irrevocably and he doesn’t like the ancient voice in his head now that it is still a voice already. And he would be forced to do it to gain warrior maybe warrior mage skills out of it he doesn’t particularly want either since any mage part to those skills is likely useless to the mc as the mc’s fae ancestry is greatly diminished from his rebel noble ancestor. It also feels like cheating since nothing he is being given or any accomplishments will truly be his own except for what he has managed to achieve right now. Everything else seems to either be a gift from the sorceress or some of the skills from his ancestor but unlike his ancestor mc not a leader.

And why does that other character gender flip?

[leiatalon]

@AnneWest

The more research I did into the Cinderella story, the more interested I got in the sisters, which some stories have up to five of them, and they’re not always step-sisters, either. It turned into a bit of a mess before I stopped writing and started revising, but as I said…it’ll probably never see the light of day.

Sounds like quite the adventure you took writing this story. I have some that will probably never see the light of day, too, but they all made me a better writer. Thanks for sharing about it, though! It’s neat to know you wrote that.

@idonotlikeusernames

Any chance we can just not romance anybody here and get a platonic ending with Angelina or Gemma then?

@leiatalon

You can befriend all of these characters without engaging in romance.

@idonotlikeusernames

my mc wouldn’t want to either as it seems his personality would change irrevocably and he doesn’t like the ancient voice in his head now that it is still a voice already

Yeah, that’s going to happen. It’s part of the plot, and part of the thing that saves the kingdom.

So here’s the thing: from everything you’ve said, unless your MC is willing to embrace their warrior ancestor side and the magic involved rather than fighting it the whole way, this game doesn’t sound like a good fit for you. You really don’t seem to like a lot of elements in it that are integral to the story. That’s okay! Not everyone will like this game. No problem. There are a lot of stories out there!

Thanks for trying. Good luck and I hope you find other games you like better.

@AnneWest

Probably the rest of the wardrobe will be more conventional. What concerns me is MC’s living space, are we going to be moving?

Indeed. Moving up in a big way. But a lot of Temphesta’s magic is to do with fashion design. It’s her thing. She makes cool clothes. Functional. With pockets and sometimes magical armor. The MC will put them on in a conventional way, rather than them being magicked on, but the MC gets a whole new wardrobe compliments of the sorceress.

[idonotlikeusernames]

@leiatalon

You really don’t seem to like a lot of elements in it that are integral to the story.

That is true I did like the prose and the setting, which is why I have your other game on my current backlog, however and Angelina is adorable and the one royal I could see my mc fall in love with if their genders had been compatible. I also do somewhat like the mischievous old rake version of prince Collin. It is really too bad for him and my mc both that the mc is perhaps the first one he tries his new boring chivalrous routine on without having had a more casual encounter first. Which means that with the mc having known Collin from afar for a long time that comes of as incredibly ingenuine and more like pity than desire.

@leiatalon

unless your MC is willing to embrace their warrior ancestor side

Why have the scholar and diplomatic/sneaky choices then?

I get that plotwise mc will have to suffer that incredibly unsettling ritual that Theo in your other game really gives a good explanation of why most people might not want to suffer through it in order to gain some skills without years and years of training and study. Honestly the horror of that ritual just drives home how easy all the other ro’s here have it compared to what the mc will have to suffer through but then maybe that is the point of it?

I do have your other game on my backlog because I liked that demo but then that mc is already a well travelled diplomat who gets to join this world’s Jedi Order themselves.
Which is one of the problems here in the ink demo mc and ro’s feel mostly equal since they are all in same boat, well magical knight and bonded creature order together and that mc has their own backgrounds with strengths, instead of just weaknesses like this one has that they’re going to need to do a magical ancestor ritual to compensate for. Here that is absolutely not the case.

@leiatalon

and the magic involved

Unlike in the Ink and Intrigue demo it seems like here all the magic will be done to the mc without their consent a lot of the times too, since mc cannot do magic themselves, which further reinforces mc’s powerlessness and the divide between them and Collin and his little clique.

@leiatalon

You can befriend all of these characters without engaging in romance.

That is something at least then. Hope the platonic routes of Angelina and Gemma will be as nice as their romance ones, which being a veteran of these games by now, is something I have found lacking in a lot of previous games.

@leiatalon

But a lot of Temphesta’s magic is to do with fashion design. It’s her thing. She makes cool clothes. Functional. With pockets and sometimes magical armor. The MC will put them on in a conventional way, rather than them being magicked on, but the MC gets a whole new wardrobe compliments of the sorceress.

Will the mc get some input on what is actually in that wardrobe or are we entirely at the mercy of what the sorceress thinks mc should wear now? Like I said my mc would like something like the leather pants outfit Collin wears to his last dalliance himself.

Still that first outfit is still magicked on without the mc’s consent and it is still his transformed old rags without any accessories, so still not exactly a confidence booster.

Also wish there was an option to ask the sorceress to tone it down with the transformation spell and just transform mc’s old servant suit into a better servant’s suit that marks him as her attendant now, since that is what he is supposed to be anyway. It makes the transformation less stark and would make my mc way less uncomfortable in his glamoured servant’s uniform.

@leiatalon

That’s okay! Not everyone will like this game. No problem

I will probably give this another go once we actually get to the part where the mc actually does that ritual and actually has to deal with their ancestor to see again for myself what the fuss is all about again then. But I wouldn’t have bothered if I didn’t like the prose or some of the world-building from the Ink and intrigue demo and also in this game as well. It’s just right now with how absolutely central prince Collin is to this story I think that maybe he should have been the mc instead?

[AnneWest]

@leiatalon

that will probably never see the light of day, too, but they all made me a better writer. Thanks for sharing about it, though! It’s neat to know you wrote that.

Yeah, there’s a lot of it and every time I revise it changes more than I planned. Last time around I wove in some other stories for fun and it made it a better tale, honestly. And then while “fixing” that I changed which prince (and country) was the end goal for my MC though Cinderella’s stayed the same and then while revising that I changed what was happening to two of the stepsisters and then while revising that…

It just goes on and on and on…

[idonotlikeusernames]

One last thought on Collin that really is the culmination of all my previous ones after having given this demo another, if briefer, run-through.
I can see the mc having admired the handsome trickster prince from afar for a long time and indeed laughing, in private, at his pranks even if they caused him more work. Moreover I can even see my mc when he was a younger teenager fancying the handsome rake and being a bit envious of the guys and girls he did dally with and even wishing he’d bend him over a proverbial and maybe literal barrel like that. Too bad that is not the Collin who first takes real notice of the mc and becomes potentially interested in them romantically. Instead mc is cursed to potentially become his first romantic target after that last dalliance of his and the first one he tries his new chivalrous “prince charming” act on. The trouble for my mc there being he doesn’t like it since he has known Collin, if only from a distance, for years and knows that is not the kid’s usual modus operandi. Moreover since the mc is not a magical telepath or empath it really does come off as condescending pity, not the intended chivalry to him.
So while I bet a lot of noble born boys and girls would swoon over the new prince charming act Collin is putting on for my mc that just doesn’t work where he would have given the old and fun Collin a chance part of the mc’s curse really is that Collin only starts to notice and become interested in the mc once he decides to give up his fun old ways that were what made my mc like him more than the other royals in the first place to instead get stuck with the stuck up prince charming act that comes off as pity and condescension instead.

Basically new wardrobe or not (that my mc will still feel really uncomfortable in for at least the next few weeks to come to boot) my mc is not some noble born brat easily taken in by a prince charming routine or chivalry because he already learned the hard way chivalry is just drivel and not how the world really works and also not how he has observed Collin himself working until now.

And with that I really will back off from further commenting until this gets to the point mc actually gets to deal with the ritual and their ancestor.

[leiatalon]

New Year, more story! Public Demo Update and Patreon Early Access

Happy New Year!

I rang in the New Year by writing and made some excellent progress on The Eternal Library. Enough that I get to put out a New Year’s update! Huzzah!

I’ve updated the public demo with the following:

• Expanded scenes in chapter one with Angelina and Gemma.
• Chances to start romances with Angelina and Gemma in ch 1.
• Added bits of character development with MC’s Mother.
• Hints that help paint a clearer picture of why clan Tian is oppressed.
• An early hint that Collin is displeased with the status quo of how commoners are treated.

And of course I’m always polishing and doing line edits. The more I playtest and receive feedback, the more I tinker with the text to refine it.

Thanks to all who have tried the demo and given feedback and encouragement! It’s so appreciated!

The Eternal Library Public DEMO link

PATREON EARLY ACCESS UPDATE:

An Early Access Update was just released to paid Patreon subscribers and adds another 11,000 words to chapter three, so if you’re not a paid member yet and have thought about joining, now’s a great time! This update includes a major section of chapter three, including options to spar with Sevitas, Marienna, Collin, and Dorian, and a chance to write a return letter to Angelina.

More Patreon bonuses: I’ll be sharing scenes from Collin’s POV for tiers Royal Guard and above this month (including Prince Collin’s Last Dalliance which will be dropping this weekend), so get your Patreon subscription for access to those bonuses! I’m also working on scenes from Gemma and Angelina’s POVs, probably for next month.

Public updates will be approximately one month behind the Patreon ones, so yes, you’ll absolutely get the game update if you’re not a paid member. However, I’m working on some fantastic bonus content, so if you love the story and it’s within your means, subscribing unlocks access to so much more! (Plus it supports me as a writer, and maybe one day I’ll earn enough to commission character art.)

I hope you enjoy this update! It’s a little something to make the New Year brighter right from the start.

[Queen_Zelda]

Your story is one of my favourites, I love fairy tales (we need more of them) and Aschenputtel / Cinderella is my second favourite (my favourite is Schneeweißchen und Rosenrot / Snow-White and Rose-Red)
I know I fangirled about this story already, still let me say that I deeply love Prince Collin and Dorian, both are charming, sweet, kind and so loving
I love Gemma, our bestest best girl, Angelina is such a sweet breath of kindness and grace. I’m not sure what to tell about Sevitas and Marienna but I’m sure they are both wonderful people as well. I’m still a bit unsure about Our fairy godmother, that does not mean I’m not grateful and protective over her