Yeah assuming you didn’t eat her, I can totally see her appearing at the very (very) end like, “I’m back. what did I miss?”
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You’ll think this is a bit silly, but I’m a bit–well, I have a thing about birds."
“What, a phobia?”
“Sort of.”
“Well, that’s the common term for an irrational fear of birds.”
“What do they call a rational fear of birds, then?”
Neil Gaiman, Anansi Boys
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And just a short update: I’ve written about 6k words for Chapter 10 this week and I’ll have a LOT of writing time over the next 3 days. If I can manage about 4-5k words/day, that should get me finished with Chapters 10 & 11, allow me to post an update, and then send me charging toward the climax in Chapters 12-14.
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Phrase should start with capital letter
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For the first time in writing this game, I’ve spun my wheels a bit lately and had to delete and rewrite some scenes (which I hate), but Chapter 10 is about 90% done now. But the second Boss showdown comes in Chapter 11, which I have re-outlined, and which hopefully flow more smoothly.
Family and holiday responsibilities are piling up but that’s to be expected. I’ll roll with it.
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Chapter 10 is up! More Ayvex, more Conk, and a visit to a prison. Chapter 10 has 9,500 words, bringing the total word count up to nearly 75,000 words.
This weekend, I’m working on Chapter 11, which includes the second Boss battle, also marking the end of Act 2. The update should be pretty clean (it passes all testing) but if you spot any typos or errors or me using the same word twice in the same sentence (why do I do this so much?) please let me know.
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@Eric_Moser found this:
Uncaught Error: SaveMod: Unable to *sm_save before *sm_init
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Damnit I forgot to uncomment the saves. I’m at the gym but will fix this when I get back home. Thanks for the catch!!
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Always, always if you forget to uncomment the saves you will not find out until you are hours from being able to do anything about it. This is the way.
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Okay, the save slots are restored.
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Fixed! Thanks for the catches.
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Question for anyone who’s read through Chapter 10: Do you think you know what’s going to happen, or is everything still mysterious to you?
(Please respond in either PMs or use the spoiler tags if you make a public comment).
I’m just curious if I’m withholding too much or revealing too much or if it’s about right?
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Typos & such broken up by chapter. Suggested corrections are in [brackets]
Chapter 1
Summary
although can one who welds [wields] such immense power
A mighty whoosh from above causes heads to turn skyward, [skyward as] Tiberius, rumored
He leans back, his yellow feet, each tipped with glistening black talons, grasp the perch on his podium. He leans back and his yellow feet OR grasping the perch on his podium.
wonder how Vale surrives [survives]
the next presentation. It’s Galilleo’s. [Galileo’s]
for presenting Galelio’s [Galileo’s] claims.
Chapter 2 - 4
Summary
Chapter 2
but your duties frequently takes [take] you
Chapter 3
Hens really [are] attracted to those disgusting flaps.
I [It] could have something to do with a love interest of his.
With Concordia flttering [fluttering] at your side,
Chapter 4
Concordia chips [chirps] as you both soar
slumped in the cervices [crevices]
A grizzled hawk screeches up at [a] bird
“Keep you [your] distance!” the hawk screeches
You’re [You] deserve every bit of this!"
Chapter 5 - 6
Summary
Chapter 5
We don’t know what she did.
Presumably this is referring to what Cybil did to enrage the Guardian? Except if you pass the Beak option for rescuing Cybil, then the hawk will tell you that Cybil badmouthed his bum wing. Maybe “We didn’t get her side of the story” in that case?
Without looking at Concordia, you say, ["] Yes, I might be nervous, if I were to be in that situation. Which I’m not." (Missing first quotation mark)
She continues to thrill [trill]
Chapter 6
You hope [hop] down a corridor
Aunt Hamonry [Harmony] keeps her barkwork
WIth [With] her back still to you
harbor some reservations about how Feeder [Feeders] are treated
Chapter 7
Summary
mustering their inner beat [beast]
!Sir, [Sir] what are you doing? ← extraneous ! at start of sentence
A few straggling Feeders steam [stream] out
Once [One] that should result in payment
poking [your] beak in a dangerous place like this…
against these viscous [vicious] adversaries
A vulture or some other scavenger has torn a deep slash in the beast’s cut. [chest]?
a high branch of a [an] ash tree
"it’s [It’s] late.
Chapter 8
Summary
horizon with his an almost eerie focus. (Either “his” or “an”, not both)
but I also embark on my adventures of my own, [on adventures of my own]
“Go ahead,” his [he] insists.
everything simply because that is [what] best friends do
when you mention of setting of your victory [mention the setting]
It’s true that TIberius [Tiberius]
The Nester tries [to] move three of the pine cones
But before call[ing] out to to Ayvex
Chapter 9
Summary
couldn’t resist hearing more about [that] mystery of yours.
the little owl is about the elaborate [to elaborate]
flummoxed as to how to proceed, [flummoxed on how to]
an owl like you must [have] dozens
Vale gasps hen [when] you describe
Value [Vale] has influence with Tiberius
You my [may] have hit a dead end
You could simply reply [rely] on your flying speed
push aside your tatigue [fatigue]
start processing what your [you] hear.
with such rich black fathers [feathers]
The plump reddish brown [bird] eyes your sharp talons and gulps.
You listen carefully [.] Slowly, your gaze ← missing period at end of sentence
and drive the intruder away?\ ← extraneous \ at end of sentence
but your attack as [has] put the cat
Chapter 10
Summary
Perhaps there’s no prefect [perfect] path
and to my compete [complete] and utter satisfaction
one who handles [your] own affairs.
WIll [Will] you come with me to Culprits’ Row?"
Wait, why are we suddenly going to Culprit’s Row?
I used my ears to find the grouse who was talking about Galileo, asked him if Galileo was alone, fought off the bobcat with the rattlesnake venom, and then had the grouse reveal that Galileo + mysterious companion were heading north. Then I wondered about the map.
No mention of Culprit’s Row or the prison came up in that route until I was suddenly deciding if I should bring Ayvex to prison with me. And then I’m going off to find Concordia. I thought she was with me the entire time? Or did Ayvex pull the MC aside?
Culprit’s Row gets explained to Concordia later on, but maybe add a quick sentence alluding to the MC deciding to go there before it comes up in conversation with Ayvex?
Come, it will be a long fight [flight].
Concordia’s tone is tone is playful, (Remove the extra “tone is”)
surveying the city from the highest vantage points in the city. (Could avoid the double mention of the city by ending the sentence earlier “surveying the city from the highest vantage points.”)
mystery bird are rather scare-- [scarce–]
Thiss [This] bird chose to approach him
when you [your] analyzing your findings."
to stay in the middle of [the] winding shaft
The gentle whoosh of the Guardian’s wings you prove sufficient ← extraneous “you”
in front of an enermous [enormous] system
I’m only surprised ithat [that] something
threats of violence from those vlle [vile] vultures,
the mystery bird can commit grizzly [grisly – unless this is an animal pun?] acts
you [your] head tilting to the side
inflecting [inflicting] fatal wounds
Oh boy, I hope my guy’s RO and/or investigation buddy isn’t the serial killer. I’m guessing the bird who last checked out the case file is involved in Galileo’s disappearance and potentially also related to the Night Hunter serial murders.
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Wow, I REALLY appreciate those catches! You have a great eye. I truly thought the content was pretty clean but clearly I miss a TON of mistakes.
So would you say the revealed info is ‘about right’? My hope is that the player will either see the next couple of twists coming (which is fine, as long as it’s fun) or alternatively will be like “oh that makes sense now that I think about it.” The worst result would be for the player to be like, “This doesn’t make any sense!”
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I think it’s just enough! I’ve started making guesses, but still in the dark, which is nice (and UGH CLIFFHANGER xD)
I used to work as a professional copy editor, so I’m more likely to pick up on typos & such than a regular reader. Just as long as it’s not my own work, your mind often sees what it thinks should be there rather than what is actually there when it comes to your own work. I also didn’t go through the code, so that’s just the stuff on the route that I played.
I think the amount of hints & foreshadowing is good right now. Even if a player figures something out ahead of time, once this is officially published there won’t be such a long gap of time between picking up clues in one chapter and then getting confirmation in a following chapter.
More specific Chapter 10 speculations…
Summary
Right now implications seem to be pointing towards one of the potential investigation helpers – Flavia/Tiberius/Vale – as this doesn’t seem like info that a regular schlub could get ahold of.
Flavia + her client have the most to gain by Galileo’s disappearance. Vale or Tiberius don’t seem to have much reason to target Galileo unless they’re actually the Night Hunter & he’s random victim #51. Vale seems particularly suspicious considering the emphasis on how slowly Galileo was walking with his potential kidnapper.
Counterpoint is that the helpers would have to be really underestimating the MC to help him gain access to the prison files in the first place.
Since I’m still gaining relationship points with Galileo, it seems that he’s still alive (unless it’s his ghost approving of our murder investigation) which does not seem to be the M.O. of the serial killer. Thus the Night Hunter & kidnapper could still be separate unrelated birds.
I’m guessing the kidnapping plot with Galileo gets wrapped up in the next chapter and the final 1/3 of the game switches to the Night Hunter investigation.
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ah, no suspicion of A? xD although I don’t really see anything off with them either, maybe except for their “hit fast, hit hard” advice they keep giving?
…I really hope they aren’t the killer tho ><
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That’s my guy’s RO, so I really hope not. 
But yes, A. is at the top of the suspects of birds who could potentially snap and birds who actually have the skills to get away with a mad murderous rampage across the city. I don’t think they’re the one who’s going to be implicated by the case files however. But if Galileo’s kidnapper & the Night Hunter are different birds then who knows…
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yeah, same! A, dangerous but also my MC’s RO so >> dang
gonna have to see more before I end up crying or sighing with relief, tho xD
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