Demo Update!
(New Draft Posted ~12pm. July 20, 2020)
@Takashi_Shin It is SUPER sketchy that they just happened to have the exact info you need right when they also have a mission for you! But ALSO they are the “good guys”… how bad can they be…? As the author, I can neither confirm, nor deny Summit’s shady behavior.
@Langre To clarify, both parents are dead. They were both killed on the night your mother died. I had hoped to leave details of the second parent more ambiguous so the reader could imagine them as whatever gender they wished. Thanks for catching that coding error! Should be fixed now.
@groundzeroYou can lose the fight. It is possible! But rare. Fatale was toying with the MC and wasn’t ready for how powerful they were. It took Fatale by surprise! (Out of story logic, the fight is when the player builds their MC’s fight style. So, it is less about win/lose and more about stat building. But it is possible to lose!) Haha! English IS my first language and I make mistakes all the time. You’ve got a great eye for grammar! Thanks for catching these issues. I love that you’ve gotten so much out of multiple play throughs! I wanted to include a few clues and treats (like the Clerk being an enemy) for people who paid attention to the stats pages.
Ps. You’re not going off the rails. The jogger’s face does change…
God damn it it’s the first chapter. I’m getting into this quick trying to figure out the puzzle at the bat but I should just wait and see until I put a fork into an Apple
@AMER1CANN1NJA09 Tchochke is a yiddish word meaning trinket. (pronounced chawch-key) I grew up using “tchochke shop” as a common phase for souvenir store or similar. Maybe it’s not as common as I thought? But it’s a grammatically accepted term in North America.
Hello, I have a file with a bunch of notes of things to help out with making this game better.
Hope they help.
Edit: I can’t figure out how to copy a file and paste it from email to here on an iphone.
Is there some way I could transer the file to you?
Plus I don’t want my real name getting used.
Great story so far! Shady superhero organization (recruited mostly from orphans whose parents’ deaths they don’t investigate until there is a dangerous mission for said orphan) is shady.
A typo.
There is something wrong with Fatale’s pronouns at the beginning of chapter 2:
She put you through your paces, even if you did eventually wipe the floor with she.
Something about the choice with the jogger and Family bugs me.
So, MC wants to know if the jogger hinted at the Family. I try to read the jogger for a reaction when I mention family casually. There’s a small flash of recognition in jogger’s eyes at the emphasis on the word “family”. Then my MC makes a conclusion that this person definitely isn’t a Family contact. “You’re just harassing tourists like a maniac.” But why conclude this is just a tourist, if he seemingly recognizes Family?
I looked at the code, and noticed a few more things. 1) Options 1 and 2 are basically the same, both testing the same stat. 2) MC needs low impulse/high intuition to notice the jogger recognizes the mention of Family, but high impulse/low intuition to make a conclusion “This person definitely isn’t your contact, but you might have stumbled across a Family lackey by mistake” and low impulse/high intuition to for “not a contact, harrasing tourists like a maniac”. This seems a little contradictory to me. Isn’t “you might have stumbled across a Family lackey by mistake” a more high intuition option?
@adamthecowdog Thanks for putting together notes! I would rather not have files sent to me via email or direct message. You should be able to copy and paste the text from the document into the forum.
Your world building is superb, you really get the show and don’t tell part . I have a feeling for the overall atmosphere and social construct of the work without it ever being too in the face.
Intriguing characters so far. I think u could spice that up by actually introducing character that had a good/bad/rival relationship while the mc was with summit. If they know or don’t know the role of mc in the family is a whole other mess.
During encounter at the lab
distracting Firecracker has too high stat checks in my opinion. Because of their constant changing, despite me min/max my stats, I barely can keep them at 70-65. There are 80 checks, which are almoust impossible, I tried.
I also would like to successfully participate in fight with heroes, my MC rather enjoys kick their butt, but I have high intuition and thus fail.
Also, just curious how much Grand Maestro older, then MC?
Errors
I already knew that team picking up Simons. Kraken told it when I tried to collect more info.
After playing the new update, I can 100% confirm that I adore this game. The pacing is good and the story has an ability to pull you in and leave you wanting to know what’s next (honestly, my heart broke when I hit the demo end)! I love that the characters feel fleshed out, and although it took a few plays to figure out what choices impact what stats (especially with relationships), I was never dissatisfied! I can’t wait to see what’s next!
I chose not to tell GM about the Kraken’s sickness and yet here I am, being the world’s worst liar!
Unrelated note, but I wish there was a way to figure out the joggers’ whole schtick without only relying on the Intuition stat, as the two first options do.
You meet Grand Maestra’s gaze, letting the lie flow out of you without malice. “There’s nothing else to say, Grand Maestra. The Family hasn’t told me anything.”
“I believe you. We just don’t have much time.” Grand Maestra sighs. A wisp of anxiety cuts through her frustration. “You’re my last hope.” “You always were a terrible liar.” Grand Maestra says, shaking her head in disgust. "I hope your secrecy is worth losing thousands of lives over."
Bolded part should not trigger at the same time the regular text triggers.
Demo Update!
As the author, I can neither confirm, nor deny Summit’s shady behavior.
Thanks for catching that coding error! Should be fixed now.
Fatale was toying with the MC and wasn’t ready for how powerful they were. It took Fatale by surprise! (Out of story logic, the fight is when the player builds their MC’s fight style. So, it is less about win/lose and more about stat building. 
But it is possible to lose!) Haha! English IS my first language and I make mistakes all the time. 
You’ve got a great eye for grammar! Thanks for catching these issues. 
I love that you’ve gotten so much out of multiple play throughs! I wanted to include a few clues and treats (like the Clerk being an enemy) for people who paid attention to the stats pages.
