Started work on a Cog based around summoning an ancient art used to combat the immortals of the old world and force them beyond the veil and bring peace to the humans summoning has been lost to the ages as far as humanity goes but is a common practice within the tribe settlements.The three tribes;the war summoner,the beast summoner,and the relic summoner.Will you be strong enough to help protect both your tribe,the 21th century,and the entire world that has forgotten what waits just on the other side of the veil.
6 Likes
Are we able to choose are tribe
You need to give a lot more information if you want feedback. You’ve just added an all-too-brief infodump that assumes we know all the jargon terms you’re throwing out. You need to sell us the story, and simultaneously prove to us that you are capable of writing to a particular level. Even a short CS game is not usually shorter than 90,000 words, and you need to prove to us (the potential customers for your story) that you are capable of writing that amount of words, and that your writing will clear a quality threshold.
Right now you’ve not even bothered giving your three ‘tribes’ a name, throwing the terms ‘war’, ‘beast’ and ‘relic’ as if we’re supposed to know what they mean.
Slow down, introduce us to the world, and tell us what kind of story you are going to tell. Don’t tell us about the tone or the type of story we’re going to have, actually talk about the characters, and what they will need to do.
Also you’re probably aware of this, but people reading this post are also looking at your spelling and grammar with a critical eye, so really try to get that right. It would be a shame if people were turned off of your idea because you didn’t spell-check or separate your sentences. That part is easy.
10 Likes
Hold up! 
Most of us are not really professional writers so there is bound to be mistakes, that’s why we are here, doesn’t mean we are not capable of writing an enjoyable story.
I would think when the demo is released most of these new terms would be explained.
But besides that I totally agree with everything else you mentioned.
Can’t wait it sounds interesting
1 Like