@idonotlikeusernames as well 
So, I am not entirely sure what caused this misconception that the MC is a damsel in distress. 
This is not historical fiction. I tagged this game as high fantasy, mages exist. One of the last choices determines your kind of magic (fire or ice, I am still thinking about adding one more). Yes, they are not a physical fighter, but they can still fck sht up if they want. The game has just begun, there will be more. I am just getting started with the introduction. Please, please don’t make assumptions based on 3k words. 
And as stated in the demo, the MC is educated. They read books, just because they live in a village doesn’t make them uneducated.
22 Likes
While I don’t really care if the MC is a power fantasy or a damsel (so long as there’s character growth, anyway), I do like this revision much, much more than the original.
Generally it just feels more fleshed out and realized than the earlier version of the story, which felt a bit bare bones at the time that I read it. Obviously, I can’t much comment on the story or characters yet just because there’s really not enough of it to judge, but that’ll change in time.
I do kind of hope we can still help the kids with out sheep, though.
5 Likes
I’m a bit saddened by not being femGuts (with less rape) anymore :c
Will try it in soon. I really like your writing, so I doubt I will dislike it, but I really hope we do have some decent power to make up for the loss of physical ability (mages can vary pretty dramatically in power, I never know what to expect).
Really not a fan of the new story, which it pretty disappointing. The third eye most bothers me, but as has already been said it feels way less interesting, at least to me. I will still keep up with it for now (only a tiny bit in, after all), but I just don’t know.
4 Likes
It’s your story do as you feel best and tell the tale you want to tell. That being said, this demo feels like a completely different story to the first, one that I feel is far less interesting. I personally much preferred the old demo. It felt much more alive, having your adopted father being the mercenary gave you instant buy in and an interesting dynamic to explore. You realized that you doing well on the mission would affect if your band of mercenaries would survive or not. I also felt it gave more room to explore relationships as you have grown up with many of the characters in the mercenary origin, such as the rivalry with Ezra.
This one comes off more generic to me, mystical oracle falls in with mercenaries.
5 Likes
I disagree, not about the bare bones part but about the rest.
In the original prologue the mc was the adopted son/child of the leader of the Merc company who also seems to have killed said mc’s parent’s. That’s tons of potential for future character development.
The mc also had a logical reason not to mention a decent skillset for venturing on this mission as it was supposed to be a big payday for his father’s mercenary company that was going through a bit of a rough spot and thus by extension himself. Money is a good motivation in general.
In the new setup the mc is some kind of hedge mage and also not doing too well for themselves judging by what little we know of their circumstances. Oracles in particular and maybe even mages in general don’t seem to be well liked and may be discriminated against but the oppressed mages trope is a dime a dozen these days, so character growth along those lines is less interesting to me, particularly since my mc is in it for himself and his loved ones and has zero interest in becoming a Martin Luther King for Oracles/mages.
Likewise the inept/beginner young rookie mage story is also a dime a dozen these days so it will at the very least be much more work and a much higher bar for the author to make theirs stand out from all the other ones in both the mainstream and the niches.
Indeed,
Now this is a general observation but in the rookie mage stories character growth in terms of power progression can be a hit and miss too much power too quickly and it makes magic an easy win superman power (which creates particular problems if combined with the oppressed mages tropes for if magic was that easy and powerful why doesn’t every mage do it and rule the world already?) or on the opposite end of the spectrum you risk having the mc’s powers only be actually useful to them for five minutes right before the epilogue and credits roll, if that.
The latter may work great in a novel or tv series but I tend to find it less fun to play through as I like being able to actually achieve some tangible results that I actually get to experience in-game with the mc’s powers.
This also brings me to this specific mc, depending on the interpretation of their visions they are either crazy or mostly a conduit for another being. Neither is great for the mc’s agency.
For the sake of argument I’ll go with the godess and visions are real here but if that is the case the mc is basically being blackmailed into something they may neither want to do nor are particularly suited for but I suspect that if the mc refuses the godess could induce a vision/seizure severe enough to kill. Still unlike the mercenary lieutenant mc that means that this mc is basically forced to go with a loaded gun to their head.
Which brings me to the potential reward for the mc as they’d be tagging along with the mercs as an unpaid, minimally skilled follower any serious monetary compensation or share of the loot is probably right out of the window and the mc’s reward seems to be that they may live another day without a killing seizure but in the end, assuming they survive, all I can see now is that the mc can go right back to their little hut, none the richer.
As for the ro’s since the mc is now the lowest possible rung on any totem poles they all seem like unequal relationships now and in Ezra’s case it goes from being a rival first and a bully second to simply being a bully, which is much less interesting.
While I realise the author has made their choice and probably isn’t going back I also feel it is a choice that takes much of the original elements of the mc out in favour of retreading the beaten path of the oppressed mages and inept rookie mage trope.
Yep, I agree completely, see above. In addition to being at the whims of either the mc’s crazy subconscious or being blackmailed by an actual godess.
7 Likes
Personally, I always play as a mage that isn’t physically strong whenever I have the option so I don’t mind that change lol. I really liked the original WIP and I’m going to miss Riker and the angst his story-line could’ve brought but I’m still looking forward to this nonetheless! It’s shaping up to be a good high fantasy adventure which I’m excited for! I trust you know what’s best for your story and am looking forward to more updates and seeing where this new version is going 
Anyway, I found a typo here:
“Listen, child. Lately, things beyond your comprehension are happening. Events that will irrevocably change the world. For better or worse - depending on which side you on.” You nod along, trying to follow her words."
(It’s my first time posting I don’t know how to add a picture sorry 
)
8 Likes
I liked the first one and now the rewritten version by leaps and bounds. I love what you did there making the main character an oracle with a third eye! Just wow!
2 Likes
This is going to be long reply, sorry in advance! I just want to make some things clear, now that there has been an array of wrong assumptions based on, well, nothing. I should also say up front, that I am not trying to convince you that you should play or like this game, or that this new version is better than the original one. I’m not. I don’t want that. I am also not angry or sniffy or anything of that sort. Because I am aware that the changes I made are not in the interest of everyone. We all have different preferences and everyone is entitled to those. All of you, who liked the old version better have very justified points, that I respect and accept.
I just want to righten the wrongs that have made an appearance so that those of you, who would actually be interested in this new concept get the right picture of what awaits them and not read the comments and get the wrong ideas. If something I said was unclear or if something in the game itself made you think, please, ask me to clarify before you come to the wrong conclusion. This game contains twists, nothing is as it seems. It would be boring if we knew exactly how it would go and end, wouldn’t it? Why read it if we knew everything?
@Gwenstn Thank you so much! It did indeed feel not very fleshed out. It was too rushed. There were too many locations in too little time. And yup! The kids will be back 
Yes, 3k words are not enough to jump to any solid conclusion.
@ElliWoelfin thank you for trying the game nonetheless. I can understand that you are bothered by the third eye. It’s not something for everyone.
Thank you so much for pointing that out and accepting that! As mentioned in an earlier post, the story, as it was, would not have made much of a good story. The MC concept would have been fun, some would say (or are saying it 
) better than the Oracle MC, which is perfectly justifiable. We don’t all like the same things. Yes, Riker was a fun character. Maybe I’ll find a way to squeeze him into the story since he is still existing in the world. And the rivalry relationship with Ezra is still there. It’s just built on another pedestal, so to say. Ezra has always been and is still a more complex character. Thank you for your comment!
I, personally, think that is the most generic motivation. It doesn’t offer much for character development. But you do you. Yes, the current motivation is not top-notch either, but actually it’s not the real motivation. Because the MC has not agreed upon anything yet, have they?
Where did you read that? 
Because I know I wrote that they get paid pretty well thanks to the fortune reading. They are able to buy food when they need some. They would have been able to buy things from the pedlar if they so wanted. They have no illness, they have clothes. They own books, that they can read. Also, they own a small house of their own. And that house has a secure position on a hill, with a great view. And yes, exactly. You know little. Because this story is as of now 3000 words long. So basically nothing. Don’t jump to conclusions by having read not even the full beginning of the story.
Besides:
I don’t remember having written that, sorry. 
I remember having written, that the villagers the MC walks by greet them. With smiles or waves. I wouldn’t do that when I didn’t like you. But that might only be me. Furthermore, the villagers didn’t have issues squeezing around the MC in the crowd. And the only reason they stared at the MC was, that the third eye was glowing. Which is quite sensational, when you don’t see it on a day-to-day basis. And yes, they were shocked and someone even got ill when they watched the MC have their vision. But I never liked the idea of having an aesthetically-pleasing out of body experience. And yes! I agree the oppressed mages trope is very popular nowadays. Thankfully, I don’t use it. The comment about the shawl to hide the MC’s forehead was meant to imply that people on the road are prone to kidnap mages and sell them. Because they are not only very rare nowadays (that will be explained later in the story, as will most things. I just didn’t like the idea of info-dumping my fantasy world’s lore in the first chapter) but also very valuable and ‘useful’.
Again, very true. Yet once again, we’re lucky that I don’t use that trope.
Understandable.
I don’t see much use or fun in a ‘crazy’ MC as you put it. But since this is a high-fantasy story, it is more than likely that the visions this Oracle has are a real thing in the diegetic world. Thus, the MC would lose a bit of their agency, but that is what happens when you have out of body experiences. And this creates conflict. Especially when the MC has an opposing motivation. It’s another struggle for them.
Given that as a reader of this demo, which is very short and doesn’t contain many details yet, you don’t have much to read these claims into. This is a very big jump to conclusions.
As I already established, the MC has their own special powers which make them a valuable and important member (why else would I have chosen them as the MC?) of the group and not a liability as you more or less say, they are still on the same level as the ROs. Just not in the same way, yes.
Yup! I made my decision because the original story would not have worked out. Which was my main reason to change the MC’s role. I didn’t do this on a whim, I made this decision because the whole story as it was would have lost so much potential and justification with a simple fighter MC. In order for the story to live up to its full potential, a magic-using MC was needed.
She didn’t hold you at gunpoint, she just stated the facts. And even then, the MC has not agreed to go on the journey. They just asked further questions and then saw the group of travelers in the middle of their hometown. To which they reacted with a simple “Oh no.” Which for me implicates aversion and not affirmation. The Ambassador int he first game was more prone to that. Basically threatening the MC.
Thank you so much! And thank you for the error spotting!
Thank you! Both versions had/have fun concepts, but well, some would not have made a good story. 
17 Likes
Just want to say that despite how that should be obvious for any story, there are some where that is not the case. It completely should be an unfounded fear, but there seems to be somewhat of a trend recently of having MCs who capability-wise suck and have no redeeming abilities that allow them to be of any use at all.
6 Likes
This is such a great game! Unfortunately it finished at such an interesting point 
Such a cliffhanger 
3 Likes
A really interesting story you got there. Even though there isn’t that much to leave an deep impression as of right now I really like where you are going with your project. Also, while I liked your first concept I really believe this new one holds quite a bit more potential to turn itself into an even more fascinating and enjoyable story. Keep up the good work.
3 Likes
I truly love the beginning of this story. It has a lot of potential, and I’m quite excited to see where it goes. I’m absolutely in love with the idea of creating something inspired by the Mediterranean world, and I cannot wait to find out what happens next!
At the end of the demo, you asked to point out any possible errors so I thought I could help you a bit by doing just that.
Here we go:
You should leave as long as you still can. > … leave while you still can.
Slowly, with the blankets rustling, you sit up in your bed and set your feet onto the cold hard ground, trying to anchor you in the here and now. > …to anchor yourself in the…
It is difficult to see what is for selling today… > …what is for sale today…
The light of the sun baths everything in a golden glow. > … the sun bathes…
“Hello Mateo,” you notice laughter lines around her mouth, and at the corner of her eyes > … notice laugh lines around her mouth and (no comma before “and”)…
Lately, things beyond your comprehension are happening. > …have been happening.
For better or worse - depending on which side you on. > …side you’re on.
You slow your steps to look at what she tries to show you. > … she’s trying to show you.
And my the smell of it, someone must have gotten sick. > …by the smell of it…
Also, I’d like to say that I love the way you create atmosphere. I felt truly immersed when I read your description of the village, and I felt honestly at peace at the beginning of the meeting with the Goddess!
Keep up the good work!
6 Likes
Oooh I actually prefer this premise over the other one! Both are good, but I think this one is going to be more interesting and enjoyable in the long run. Either way, I’m glad that you are shaping this WIP into the story YOU want, and the way you want it to be. Keep up the good work! 
2 Likes
Thank you so much! I’m glad to hear you felt at peace. Success 
I also went through the demo and corrected the errors, thanks for pointing those out 
@ceresvaldez 
I’ll do my best 
@BrachydiosX and @Mei_Hiroshi Thank you to you too
7 Likes
Ah, that was so short! I need more!
But more seriously, it was a great start. I have seen people complaining about the change of MC’s status from mercenary to oracle, but well, I’m new so I’ve never played the previous version. I wouldn’t be able to compare, but what I can say is that I like the current one a lot, even if it was just a short intro. I’ll believe it’ll be a cool game! Besides, I love playing oracles or similar characters, and having to understand their visions!
Not much I can say about the characters so far though, obviously.
I’ve spotted one little thing that bothered me, when talking to the Goddess and asking about the place:
"She laughs, it’s a beautiful sound. It rings like bells in the wind. “There is no ‘where’ I am afraid. This place doesn’t exist. Not really. Only in our heads, Serif, I am afraid. (…)”
Repetition of “I am afraid” that makes it sound a bit strange.
Other than that, nothing to report. But well, English isn’t my language, so I may have missed things!
3 Likes
Tumblr redirects are borked, https://dashingdon.com/play/faith-k/feast-of-fools/mygame/ is the actual link.
5 Likes
@Trazen4 Thank you for the heads-up, I totally messed that up 
The redirect was actually accidental, but now the link above is fixed.
@Konoi Thank you for the kind words! Anf for the error spotting, of course!
1 Like
So, I know I just posted something, but this is on a separate note. I got bad news, sadly. Maybe not so sad, considering how short-lived and small this game is (not much to be attached to yet). Who knows. Usually, I am not one to easily abandon or quit something, especially when it’s a story I spend so much working on, trying to fix everything. But it seems that this story is not with me. It wasn’t off to a good start, considering the drastic changes (MC and a few plot things) and it seems it’s continuing on this losing streak. I feel a bit like Sisyphus, trying over and over again to make this work, but I fail over and over again instead. Maybe it’s not my genre, maybe it’s everything going on currently, maybe it’s really just the whole story, but I just cannot sit down and make this game work, there is always something that either isn’t making sense, evoking tension or plain making fun to read or write. And I don’t want to keep you waiting or falsely raising your hope by making very slow and poor progress when in the end the game will not be ‘good’. 
So, what I’ll do is shelf this. I won’t continue this, but I won’t delete the demo, for those who still want to play it and this threat will exist until it gets closed for the lack of activity. I’m very, very sorry about this. To be honest, I feel incredibly bad for failing this, but I thought a lot about it and maybe I am overthinking things and no one will even notice the game’s gone, but I just thought I’d say something rather than nothing 
Anyways, thank you so much for your interest in this rather short event
21 Likes
Ah well, maybe some of us would notice that the game was gone. Still, it was good while it lasted. Good luck with Wilhelmina 
@moderators, I think this thread should be closed.
16 Likes
Let us know if you ever want to reopen it, @fidere!