Shattered Eagle: Fall of an Empire (WIP) [216k words | Updated 07/14/2024]

Hosted Games Works In Progress
,
161

You know, you’re right. I’ve been so focused on the glitz of the Imperial Palace that I’ve forgotten to comment on other ROs. Eyes for one woman alone and all that, I suppose. Perhaps I’ve been playing my character a bit too deeply!

I think my favorites so far, besides Julia, Empress of Iudia and my heart besides, are Darius and Amalrik. Darius is a captured foreign prince, and yet he acts like an Iudia-loving (Iudiphilic?) ambassador for his people. He could rage against his captors. He could escape. He could have convinced the Empress to allow his departure. And yet he stays. He talks, and works his way into power through conversation, merriment, and liquid lubricant, of both the stimulating and… abnormally stimulating varieties. What are his aims? He must be loyal to his people and his government, but he shows no hint of his allegiance. What does he seek for Iudia? And why am I more certain with every lush phrase of friendship that it’s unpleasant?

Darius has a certain genteel charm and seductive, disarming edge that harken to real politicians and skilled statesmen. He’s both well-written and mysterious. Personal and affable, but with uncharted depths. He wraps you around his finger and takes you into confidence, all in one — for what end, we know not. Is he offering you tea because he wants to be hospitable to an ally, or because he wants to distract you in swirling luxury, smooth saffron, and even smoother smiles? Or, most intriguingly, is he not yet sure?

Amalrik — or perhaps Antonius, on that matter — is compelling for his backstory and his personality. A man torn in two has never looked less open. A case study in duality, he’s gruff and stern when he needs to be, conciliatory when he must. Out of all the characters so far, he seems the most like he’s purposely keeping you at arm’s length. For what purpose? Perhaps he’s the burned hand yet shy; I can’t imagine he has been well regarded by the Iudian elite. As Livy unflatteringly put it regarding a different sort of mixed marriage:

“What other result would mixed marriages have except to make unions between patricians and plebeians almost like the promiscuous association of animals? The offspring of such marriages would not know whose blood flowed in his veins, what sacred rites he might perform; half of him patrician, half plebeian, he would not even be in harmony with himself.”

And the contradictions don’t stop with his parentage, or what wounds litter this warrior’s soul. One moment he’s a champion of his troops, man of his forgotten comrades, lord of the barbarians. But a turn of the head later, and he’s the obsequious Legate, dog of the Empire. He takes me aside to proclaim the discontent of his men, then rhetorically throws himself upon the Empire in submission. He’s always so careful to distance the sentiment of his questionably patriotic men from his own loyalty. But when he so carefully suggests that discontent might boil over into worse, is that a plea for help from a comrade, or a threat? Who is this man, and what does he seek?

5 Likes
162

Oh most definitely. Darius and Amalrik are the ones, besides Julia of course, who are the most…spicy? From a storytelling point of view, of course. (I don’t know about that other kind of spice, that remains to be seen).

The fact that good-old Darius just, well, stays in Iudia with no ounce of complaining in his body is already suspicious. Of course, it could be just that he is a Iudiphile(?), but as you explained, he is 100% a schemer. All that I would add to further reinforce this image of him is that you need Subterfuge V to talk properly to him in the embassy, if you get what I mean; this is quite revelatory in itself.

Amalrik is the representation of a 5th century (and until the second half of the 6th for Byzantines) Roman Empire which, faced with increasingly organised, and numerous, enemies, has to employ said “enemies” by incorporating them into the military to compensate for its own wanting army.

An extremely complex and still-debated subject is how “Roman” were these “Barbarians”. Old scholarship tends to look at them as wholly separate from proper Roman citizens, culture and political structure; something like mercenaries. But more recently scholars in the respective field of study argue that they may have possessed a dual identity, that is of their “Barbarian” origin and adopted “Roman” one. Intermarriage was a common occurence along the frontiers, especially the Rhine, and then you have those Barbarian kings sending their children to study at Roman educational institutions. Hence you get all these “Barbarian” generals who were raised with a fully upper-class Roman education, and that speak better Latin than those vulgar(pun intended) peasants.

Anyhow, as @Aeternitas beautifully put it and @Azan clearly intends to portray, Amalrik/Antonius is suffering a great deal from Conflicting Loyalties Disease. For all intents and purposes, he is Iudian, but those superior, truly intelligent Senators consider him as a Barbarian. You can imagine how much he loves the Senate. ( one more person aboard the Senate-hate train, Julia is the driver).

istockphoto-1257284419-612x612
Strap yourselves in, it’s time for IF Theory.

I can see Amalrik going in many directions in the story. One, you can have of course the loyalty route, where he remains loyal to the reigning Empress aka Julia, and perhaps even appoint him asMagister Militum( basically the military leader in a certain extended area) in some scenarios — they can have plenty of bonding time over hating the Senate, after all.

Then you can have him aid the Prefect in their shenanigans. Maybe help overthrow Julia and have the Prefect become the head honcho of the empire, with the corresponding reward. Maybe overthrow Julia and declare the re-establishment of the Republic, and Almarik gets for his people Iudian citizenship (is this any different from the Roman counterpart, I wonder), and so we get a culturally tolerant state as Aechemenid Persia.

Or, who knows, off Julia(sorry my Empress), do the aforementioned traitorous acts, then betray Almarik and kill him so you receive the definitely-not-snobish Senate’s favour.

Another totally-not-unhinged take of mine relates to my boy the WITCH KING. I wouldn’t be surpised that, in a scenario where Almarik gets nothing for himself and his people, he will just switch allegiances, either as vassal or ally to the WITCH KING when the latter eventually comes to show to Iudia why he’s called the WITCH KING.

5 Likes
163

Yup! History is great for inspiration but since it’s a fictional setting it’s also freeing to make a story more compelling.

Yep — for example, scholars contend that the whole reason Alaric sacked Rome in 410 was out of frustration that the western emperor, Honorius, wouldn’t grant Alaric an official Roman military office and salary. He was besieging Rome to put pressure on the imperial court seated at Ravenna (mostly by getting the beleaguered Senate to put pressure on the court) but Honorius’s advisors who really called the shots didn’t want competition from Alaric (after all, they’d JUST gotten rid of Stilicho who had kinda been the imperial regent and generalissimo).

It makes late antique power politics much more complicated and nuanced than just barbarians versus civilized Romans. The barbarian generals and the Roman generals were largely the same people, and their ethnic identity was similarly complicated (both Gothic and Roman being umbrella terms and reflecting allegiance more than ethnicity).

You’d even get funny examples of sons in the same family having both Gothic and Roman names… the son with the Gothic name becomes a soldier and the son with a Roman name joins the civil service or the Church. In each career part, the kid had the right type of name to gain advancement.

:eyes: interesting suggestions! Certainly they feel very historically inspired

4 Likes
164

I would also add a route where you and the Legate can side with the barbarians against Julia and the Legions to overthrow the Empire. His loyalty is more questionable to me. I wouldn’t say that he’s deeply loyal to the Empress right now! He seems very caught in the middle, and he could go either way. I can’t tell whether he believes in what he’s saying or if he’s saying what he needs to, since open treason will get him killed.

2 Likes
165

Wow, I’m just glad I’ve created characters complicated enough to warrant this much analysis so soon! There’ll be much more to chew on after this next update for sure.

11 Likes
166

I never wrote a reply on the forum before, but I had to say what an amazing work you’ve done! This is my favorite piece of interactive fiction I’ve ever read. The character work, the amazingly crafted setting, the intrigue, it’s all very well done. I specially loved how almost every choice we were given felt weighty and with real consequences to come.

I’ll stop with the fanboying now, but I just wanted to say thank you for giving me the IF experience I always wished for :sweat_smile:

7 Likes
167

Truth be told , I have such a tunnel vision for Julia and Augusta that I didn’t even think about betraying them. I’m all about that loyalty.

Speaking of loyalty, I wonder if word can get out about the fact that a Male MC is Augusta’s father. I imagine all hell would break loose. The only one who could potentially spread the news would be Titus. I believe, if he keeps getting the cold shoulder from the Imperial Family and the Prefect, he might just spill the beans and watch the Senate have a collective meltdown over this. Maybe the Galerii will straight up go in revolt, joined by the likewise-displeased nobility which would relish the opportunity to have a legitimate reason for deposing Julia. It might be worth trying to actually be nice to our… “talented” artist.

Or, perhaps, he loves Julia and Augusta enough to not do such a move, even if the two don’t share his feelings towards them. Which, I must admit, would be a most praise-worthy act and deserving of recognition.

////////////////

On a lighter, more codex-y note, how do the Vitalii stand vis-a-vis other matrician families in Iudia? The codex states they are a famed matrician family, and also have branch(es?). I get the feeling they are an established, old matrician family, and so rather unlikely they are nouveaux-riches. Maybe they can even go back to the times of the Republic.

6 Likes
168

I imagine Titus is not loved by the court if the story is to be believed. They pretend to loved his art just because of his nobility. No charisma to rally anyone behind him really. Kind pathetic.

1 Like
169

Wow, thank you! This is my first real foray into interactive fiction, though I’ve been creative writing for years, so I’m glad it’s been this enjoyable.

The Vitalii are one of the older matrician families, and they do date back to the Republic, though Julia’s branch (Hevernicus) is a provincial clan from near the border, not the most prestigious line. Julia herself does not have much of a connection with the rest of the Vitalii beyond her branch, considering her disdain for the matricians as a whole she prefers to identify herself as a military woman and eschew the trappings of noble heritage. Her relatives in Kyro, well established the Senate, see her as like a country bumpkin cousin and resent her rise to power.

6 Likes
170

I do agree that Titus by himself doesn’t have much of a powerbase in the Senate, since he lives mostly in Attika (nice reference btw) and so has no time to do good-old networking.

The problem, however, is his aunt (if she still lives, that is). It is written in the IF’s codex that it was Titus’ aunt, the head of the Galerii family I assume, that arranged the marriage to Julia. The Galerii had held the reins of power in Iudia for a few decades prior to Julia’s ascension, so we can safely assume that they have a metric ton of influence in the halls of power — Julia herself states to the lover Prefect that she is hindered by the Galerii and so she can’t…well, we don’t really know but I assume marry her? (I sure hope so). Our dear Empress herself needed to legitimise her usurpation by a marriage to a Galerii, so that shows how high up the totem pole Titus’ family is.

I am fairly certain we will have to deal with Titus’ aunt eventually (if she is alive), since it seems that she will be a rather antagonistic force to a Prefect that wishes to either reform or entrench the Empress’ power.

So, now we have the Galerii and Vitalii, two of the most influental matrician families in Iudia, being either a constraint or a straight-up threat to Julia. Safe to assume that there are other, lesser such families in their camp. Then we have the Senate. And then Pharia (looking at you Darius). Then maybe the foederati/barbarian armies. And then the looming threat of the WITCH-KING. My fellow loyal Prefects, we have a lot of work to do…

2 Likes
171

This will expanded upon in the flashback for Chapter II I’m writing, but to clarify this: Titus is the nephew of the previous Empress Galeria. The Galerii have been the reigning imperial dynasty for the better part of the century, and when Julia made a name for herself in the war against Pharia and returned for her triumph 15 years ago, she was forced to marry Titus. I don’t want to spoil the circumstances around this too much so stay tuned.

10 years ago, the old Empress was assassinated, and in the ensuing power struggle between her daughters, Julia used her legions and the legitimacy through her marriage to Titus to seize the throne. Still, the Galerii are a wide-spread, influential family, and the fact that they believe they hold power over Julia through her husband and her daughter who has Galerian blood at least as far as they know means they view her as a continuation of the dynasty. If Titus were to be out of the picture, and especially if the potential truth around Augusta were made obvious and known that would lend a claim to the throne for every Galerian cousin. That’s why Julia has been cautious thus far.

9 Likes
172

TY for the WIP. I thought it was pretty good, and certainly promising enough to keep bookmarked. Interesting characters, and the setup for the main political intrigues and conflict is well handled.

Couple suggestions after reading:

  1. Clearly the main outside antagonists very heavily inspired by Persia and a migratory people / army - be it Bulgars, Huns, Avars, or Magyars. The latter groups in particular being an extremely big deal. Right now, the story reads to me like it’ll be mostly focused on the character and intrigues around the imperial palace (empress, daughter, making policy / betrayal choices, etc.) rather than a full military story on the battlefield. I hope that is not the case. Skullduggery and power intriguing is interesting, but it would seem like a sideshow if not!Atilla the Hun is invading.
  2. The matriarchy setting is interesting, but I don’t think it’s explained well enough in one scenario, the military. Women didn’t fight historically (and still usually don’t) for very good, very logical reasons. Women have less physical power and speed and, more importantly, you can’t replace them as easily from a demographic perspective (the average woman is worth more than the average man in the long-term). There should be some explanation as to why that dynamic isn’t the case in this setting, in my opinion. Are women stronger, larger, have higher endurance in this story? Is reproduction much easier and more frequent, so the demographics effects don’t matter that much? Are men front line soldiers, but women serve as leadership because they’re viewed as smarter? Any of these would be fine, but I think some explanation would be good.
  3. I didn’t think the genocide scene was treated with nearly enough gravitas or horror, from a historic or storytelling perspective. To give perspective, reading it, it felt about as “bad” as when you kill prisoners in Sabres of Infinity, or burn the village in Guns. While this should be on an entirely different level.

Obviously, the Romans were brutal conquerors who were no strangers to mass killings, but burning 10s of thousands of people alive, men, women, and children would have been a step beyond the typical sacking of a city. The sieges of Carthage and Jerusalem by the Romans being the only examples I can remember off-hand that were so complete and murderous, and those were largely done by hand over the course of days, by frenzied soldiers who had underwent long and brutal siege warfare.

The scene should be terribly graphic, or not included at all in my opinion, since the MC is there in person and is watching. I’m talking the full 9s, the stench, the screams, people being trampled underfoot in the frenzy to escape, parents jumping off the walls holding their children and being dashed on the ground. Survivors, including children, being horribly burned, some of the initial survivors dying in agony from the burn damage, children having to be torn from dead parents’ arms. It would have been shocking, even for a battle-hardened soldier, let alone a bureaucrat or a spy.

It shouldn’t be a sideshow or just a one-off flashback event. If you do decide to keep it, it should be THE event. The reaction to which, in large part, determines your MC’s initial moral character and initial standing in the story (are you a brutal soldier who thinks this is just the way of war or even supports it? Are you a purely policital animal who doesn’t care at all? Does this shock you into hating the Empress, even if you were her lover or supporter before? etc.)

4 Likes
173

If you do include it, you should read some of the stories of survivors from the firebombing of Dresden or Tokyo. We’re talking full force winds from the flames hurling people around like ragdolls. People suffocating as they stood, dropping dead from lack of oxygen due to the fire consuming it all.

Also, romancing a genocidaire might be a first when it comes to Hosted Games, so probably keep that in mind as you expand the romance. This woman you’re writing killed far more people than Osama Bin Laden

1 Like
174

Thank you! I appreciate the feedback you’ve given me.

This story will have a mix of elements, including warfare and battlefield command (there is a skill called Warfare for a reason), but those will not be the focus of the plot. This is a story that’s much more about managing an Empire in decline and dealing with the major power players involved. Of course, empires have wars and armies, but there is a reason why the MC is an advisor, a chief councilor, not a general or warrior.

Here, however, I would disagree. The stability and prosperity of the Empire will matter a great deal going into the wars to come. Rome itself had been crumbling from within for a long time before it truly broke apart. Managing the politics will prove essential to preparing it for external conflict and to avoid internal conflict from breaking out.

I appreciate the feedback here and throughout your post. I haven’t played those games, but I had been tinkering around with the flashback scene to add some more weight to the scene. Part of the scene, I think, is your character being confronted with the inhumanity of the Empire and considering what their stance is on it, yet in the end carrying on with their “duty” regardless. I’m not going to spend 10 pages on people burning to death, but I think I could do some revisions with it to add more impact. This is still a ‘work in progress’ after all.

I hope I made this clear in the text, but the Empress is an awful person, and that is the intention. She is complicated and with nuance, as all people are, yes, but I don’t make apologetics for my characters. My goal is to write an interesting story, and romancing the Empress will not gloss over her many faults and bloody deeds. It will challenge the MC’s moral framework, if they choose to have one, in fact.

Ultimately, the MC’s actions will have consequences, but so will the Empress’. The scene will have greater significance and consequence in the story than a one-off shock value flashback, I assure you, otherwise I wouldn’t have included it. I’m very intentional with what I write, but we’re only one chapter in to a book I plan to have 10 chapters.

18 Likes
175

Sorry, I missed this in your edit. This is a fantasy setting, and as such I have taken creative liberties, but I will answer this with some context.

As to why women are militarily dominant here, women are thought to be the only ones in universe to wield sorcery, which is what gives Iudia so much power and strength using Holy Fire and Godsash and a number of other ‘potions.’ This also includes, and it’s only mentioned in an uncommon branch thus far, but a fairly common and safer abortifacient which allows women much more reproductive autonomy than in history. The relative decrease in population due to this is mostly matched militarily by the liberal use of weaponry like Holy Fire and the propagandized fear of Iudian women throughout the known world.

But this is actually the case. I think I mentioned this in Chapter I and I’ve already written it into Chapter II, but men do make up the bulk of Iudia’s common soldiery. Women on the other hand do make up quite a bit of the soldiery, but they make up a far larger portion of the officer corps. There’s a big scene on religion in Chapter II that I’ve already written that gets into the culture behind it, where it is basically described as “Women lead with wisdom, Men follow with strength.” So you are right here to an extent, actually.

10 Likes
176

Gotcha, I must have missed it or mis-remembered, if it’s in Chapter 1, given I played a week or so ago.

177
  1. I’m not saying the MC will have to lead the armies, more about the setting physically. I personally would recommend the wars to come, being the cataclysmic events of most interest, to take up a lot of Act 2, rather than just the climax of the story (the latter happens in a lot of IFs). And the MC in that case would be with the Empress and her court on campaign rather than in the palace, dealing with soldiers, local elites, ambitious rivals, etc. etc. The emperors, particularly the warrior emperors, usually went on campaign in person.
  2. Managing politics should be very important, but in my opinion it should be clear what managing the politics is for. For example, I’ll give you the Roman imperial budget in 150 AD, with each letter being 20% of the budget: a. army b. army c. army d. army e. everything else

Roman economic, social, tax, and societal policy were dominated by the army. Obviously, it’s your story and you can go in another direction if you want. But if you want it to feel “Roman”, the first or second thought on everyone’s mind when it comes to internal policy should usually be about the army.
3. I think reading I, the Forgotten One, might be a good idea if you want to add more weight to the scene succinctly. That book has scenes where the perspective switches to a frontline soldier for a bit to hammer home the horrors of battle. You could do the same with a victim in the city, to show the real damage, fear, pain, and ultimately death, if you don’t want to belabor the scene in terms of length.
4. The Empress is an awful person, but that is not how the story reads at the moment to the majority of readers. I read through a lot of the comments, and nearly all of them are pro-Empress if I remember right. She’s introduced as strong, competent, and she’ll be the lover for many, if not most, players before that scene happens. If you want people to think of her as awful, you’ll need to overcome that initial impression very strongly.

1 Like
178

In any case, it will be expanded upon much further and more clearly in Chapter II. There is a religious centric scene which will focus on the ideology behind the matriarchal system.

There are 3 Acts to this story, and Act 2 and 3 both have a fair bit of warfare, more on the strategic than tactical level, I should say, but there will be a couple climactic set-pieces the MC may find themselves in. Still, it won’t be the primary focus of my writing, as I’ve said.

Well, the Roman Empire is obviously a very strong inspiration. The first policy decision you make in the game has to do with military politics, of course. But at the end of the day, this is a fantasy setting, and there is more nuance to be had. I view Rome as a jumping off point, a way for me to have a basis in my writing while not constraining me to make fantastical or ahistorical choices.

I will take this time to point out that there is a disclaimer in the OP about the lack of historical accuracy I hope would assuage any concerns. My goal is to tell a good story, not a work of historical fiction, first and foremost.

I have actually read that book, but as a writer I am leery of POV switches. There will be some, but only at critical points of the story where showing you a supporting/antagonistic character’s POV is important to the plot. Still, I’ll consider this.

I haven’t shied away from the Empress’ cruelty, and I won’t going forward, which I hope I’ve shown a good bit, but someone can be strong and competent and also awful.

For example, one of the Empress’ main historical inspirations which I have responded to on here is an Emperor (Basil II) who is so notorious for his cruelty towards his enemies his epithet is Bulgar Slayer, a man who gouged the eyes out of thousands of surrendered soldiers.

I have my intentionality, which I’ve explained here, the OP, and many places in the story, but I invite the reader to draw their own conclusions from my writing. I won’t shame people for their interpretations, but those might change in the fullness of the story, or they might not. There is complexity, nuance, and humanity in each of my characters. Even awful people have their vulnerabilities and emotions.

6 Likes
179

Re: wars, Rome would not have been able to do what it did without a robust civilian economy and political sector. That is what allowed Rome to maintain and hold its power — and the majority of the population lived in the peaceful, inner provinces. Moreover, the wars were fought in order to uphold the way of life in the capital and the provincial metropoleis above all.

Stories about Roman legionaries at war are a dime a dozen. Stories about the political and administrative mechanisms that made Rome even possible are extremely rare and refreshing.

5 Likes
180

I know she’s horrible, I just don’t care.

9 Likes