Hello~my story is under revision. When I finish the new demo, it will be with a new topic entirely and a new story title. If you’re interested in what’s going on, follow my tumblr. Thank you so much for all the support you’ve given me!
i like the premise though the pacing could be slowed a little since to me it seemed like there where times when it looked like entire paragraphs where missing since things where developing and escalated at such a fast rate if that makes sense?? or maybe it’s just me anyway i’ll be sure to keep an eye on ur wip’s development. gl
Thanks for giving me something to work on and for reading! The beginning of the story has been changed a lot so I’m sure that can explain some of the issues with the pacing and jumping around. Thank again!
its a nice demo cant wait to find out the mc past
Thank you so much! I hope you enjoy what I have come up with.
Yes! Thank you for looking out for me. I’ll change it when I next open up script. I tend to overlook a lot when it comes to my writing.
I like the premise so far of the story. Very interesting concept by the way. Really interested to see where the story takes us.
I like it. Can’t wait to see what happens next.
i’m having a similar issue to others regarding pronouns. i’m playing with mc as a dude and when he wakes up to gable and trent, they refer to him as “she”
I agree with the other comments, but other than that here’s what I think so far:
I find the plot extremely intriguing! There’s so much potential in it, and I’m hyped to find out what our MC really is:D And how our weakness plays into it (lowkey thought it had to do with the Seven Sins lmao-). I also really like the other characters so far, especially Mersus! I’m already simping for him, is he a RO? Cause then I would like to ask for his hand in marriage please, thank you very much:ring:
Tl;Dr: I love the first demo and I can’t wait to see how it plays out! Take care dear author:)
I agree on that.
Also have some problems with wrong pronounces.
But overall, interesting, good luck with this!
Hello! Agree with what @Cicada pointed out. The pacing needs to be slowed down. As it is, the fast pacing is eating away at the immersiveness of the story and providing continuity problems.
For ex; when we suddenly find the book at the beginning, there’s no context. OR. When in our dream MC referred to the RO by their name. A line regarding how that suddenly popped into the MC’s mind might help with that. Things like that.
All in all, I think if you bring the pacing down, you shouldn’t have much problem with the rest as it’ll fit in like a puzzle. Also, this is my personal opinion so don’t worry about it a lot!
What I really liked was the concept. Although there are a lot of supernatural stories/wips in cog I’m always intrigued by new ones as the avenue for the “supernatural” is so exciting and you can dwelve into this world and create an utopia unlike any other. The potential is limitless. The conversation with the RO’s were great and there weren’t any typos as such so great job.
My MC is male.
Great job. Can’t wait to see what more you bring to the plate! Cheers
Sounds interesting give it a go
Awesome! Kept me hooked all the way through! Can’t wait to see what happens next!
Nice! Looking forward to this
Thank you so much for your lovely message! Mersus is one of five ROs to pick from. I’m delighted you enjoy them as much as I do! They are a lot of fun Funny you should mention about the seven sins! In the start, I had thought about doing something with that… (pride/envy/wrath) seemed too complicated for my poor mind to work with. Also, I imagine with wrath, the MC would be wanting to fight everyone especially Trent/Tress. Lol.
Thank you so much for taking the time to better help with my story! The example of where something needs to be worked on is just perfect. Sometimes when writing if I have a block with a certain scene, I will jump to something else just so I’m still making progress. It’s both good and bad. I see where some of that is showing up in the writing. I’ll work on it. Thanks again!
I cleaned up some of the typos that have been found. I also lengthened a few scenes to help with pacing. As well as added more toward what will help with plot for some of chapter two. Thank you everyone for your help and interest. It makes me so happy!