Final word count: 48,429.
Typos n stuff
Handcuffs should be capitalized if a new sentence, or the period should be removed. One of the two
Missing speech marks at the end.
Should be wear!
Should be mourn!
Extra apostrophe that shouldn’t be there.
Affected, not effected.
I’m at a loss for words! It’s been a while since a story has grabbed my attention so intensely that there were few moments I could bare to look away. You have a real knack for storytelling, especially gritty novels such as this and I’d love to read more of your works! I really loved the Butterfly Effect-esque parts of the story, i.e. being brave in the past gets Norman killed, etc. No clue if that goes for most of the story but
There were a couple of moments I got somewhat confused, specifically the conversation with Vasquez while driving and the one with Norman when we went out to get firewood. I hadn’t actually realized we’d started driving and assumed MC just turned on the ignition and left it. It was only when Vasquez asked if we’re almost there(?) I was like “Oh.”. Similarly, I hadn’t actually realized Fritz had chopped and given us wood to take back until MC had finished the story. I think a couple of sentences about some small actions would solve that. Perhaps we hit a bump in the road, or Norman drops some of the firewood?
I got what I’m assuming is the worst ending I could possibly get; Vasquez died, Grace died, Norman died, Fritz was shot (I assumed he died later given the achievement and the option to lie), then Amber, Abbey and Dusty died after I foolishy(?) went after Luna as the perp. Sadly, Kurt sided with his brother and Luna then joined him, so my MC ended up getting shot in the back
I was disappointed as I would be with any bad ending but now I’m driven to play again and save everyone. Especially Vasquez.
When I was given the option to really dig into Kurt about his brother I started to suspect him but sadly not enough to go for those options I was pleasantly surprised by Kurt and his brother being the culprits but the crime lord kinda came out of left field. I suppose that’s a given, though, since it usually is the one you least suspect, and not the one literally equipped for murder coughLunacough.
I was really impressed with how you managed to annoy me with everyone jumping to conclusions and starting arguments. I feel bad for detectives now if this is genuinely what they have to deal with (the people side, not being trapped in a cabin with a murderer… unless that happens fairly often )
I felt quite attached to almost every character, especially Vasquez, Norman and Fritz, whom I felt were the most vulnerable characters of the cast.
I wasn’t too interested in Grace but I’ll put that down to her being an early kill and not having much to say to the MC.
Abbey was rather annoying, too, but she spent much of her time pointing fingers and instigating stuff, so I guess that was her role? Admittedly I did feel very bad for her after Norman’s death. Quite ironic that Norman was dubbed “the coward” yet in that moment their roles were reversed.
Amber felt quite young for her age, if that makes sense? She felt younger than 13, though I’m assuming she’s meek and quiet because of her home situation? If that’s the case I guess it’ll slide.
I enjoyed the interactions with Luna solely for the purpose of making the MC her “rival” so to speak. She stood out to me as a villain the most which I guess was the intent, because chasing her leads the MC to the culprits anyway?
Norman and Fritz were my favorite characters, and I hope Vasquez joins them when I read through again. Knowing the MC got all three of them killed hurts, since they were all completely harmless people. Except Fritz, I guess.
I’m positive I had more to say before I started typing but I’ll add stuff when it comes to me My memory sucks.
Edit: Forgot to mention, needing to balance drinking and abstaining was the perfect system, I think. Of course I wanted to abstain and at least have some dignity but I was not expecting it to be my downfall (completely understandable, though).
I noticed one (or two?) of the features was to play as male or female, gay or straight, but I never noticed a gender choice? I wasn’t bothered since there were no pronouns used but it did feel like it was written with a male protag in mind. That could just be me, since I generally designate detective MCs as male, then again my favorite detective novel has a female MC, so
Regarding the sexuality choice, was there an option to mention a past lover I missed, or were a couple of the main cast romance options (Vasquez, Fritz, Abbey specifically)? Obviously I wouldn’t know given the ending I got, just curious for a second read.