Running Out Of Time (5.8k)

[iraisheree]

TIME KEEPS SLIPPING PAST YOUR FINGERS.

Attempt to grab it, and you shall fail. Try and preserve it and you will be dodged again. Embrace it, and you shall be rewarded. The Tantways of India, their ancient name now long lost by history books, used to weave time with their bare hands. The old ones listened for the Samay, the ancient fabric of the world that thrummed under your fingertips if you were patient enough.

That is, until the British found a way to cut it into hours and minutes.

You have grown up in this mess, and you remember it well—six years old and the feeling that the mangoes in the trees were infinite. You had two friends of your own, and you sauntered around the neighbourhood like you owned it. The Banyan Three, you were called, especially since you all hung around that huge banyan tree that grew near all of your houses: Sunny’s bungalow with the spacious front verandah, Vin’s house with the courtyard where you all played cricket and yours.

Of course, all childhood friends fall apart! The huge front verandah collected dust and the house is now vacant. You hardly remember how that courtyard looked. It’s for the better, you have to outgrow some things and people.

The banyan tree is the last man standing.

At 18 years old, you have to face the real world.

The Samay University of Temporal Sciences has chosen you one of the many others to study the prized subjects that are above the ‘common’ folk who had discovered this long before Crown. The letter comes with sealed red wax followed by a family fight. No one can ignore the summons of the prestigious university, so you pack your bags and leave.

And though the banyan tree is a few roads away, the childhood friends reunite like three stars finally finding their familiar constellation. Are you hopeful? Angry?

Well, time does not care. It will watch this Banyan Three of yours burn .

ROs!

SURENDHRA/SUREKHA ‘SUNNY’ RAVINDRA // THE FALLEN SUN.

— from your hometown. You and Sunny were once inseparable, to the point that whenever your name was called, their name always followed immediately after. Tyres dangling from a branch, running races and climbing trees—you and Sunny did it all. After the execution of their father for participating in the Revolt of 1857, Sunny, so unlike their name, changed. After a torturous six months of screaming your voice hoarse under their window, calling for them to come down, to come play, to talk, to anything, his mother, three siblings and him moved away. Now, they’re back in town, with an admission letter to the university in hand with a charming fact: they’re practically a stranger who regards you with distaste.

( Come back. Let’s not play tag, because if I become it, you’d run forever. )

Sunny has golden brown skin, dark brown curls(up to shoulder length in female), a mole on the left of their chin and sharp brown eyes that always seem directed in a faint scowl.

PARVEEN/PRAVIN ‘VIN’ MIRZA // THE FAULTY MOON.

— from Hyderabad, moved to your hometown. Vin has claimed the title of the rudest person you’ve ever met ever since you were children, and they were the bully who lived across the road. It was an endless war of tricks and insults between you and them, even more fuelled when Sunny was by your side. But when Sunny left, they became the most loyal as well. You both drifted apart, eventually—all children grow out of their childhood friends, don’t they?

( You yearn to be six years old and feeling the wind in your air. You miss jeering at them under their window, with Sunny doubled over laughing beside you. You miss it all. )

Now, they talk of Britain as a faraway land of their dreams, and fantasizes getting on a ship and leaving their country. Ask them why and Vin becomes gentle as a feather, coaxing you to leave them the hell alone—with such mastery that you actually do. However, they’re one of the smartest in your year, and with something brewing, you might just try and revive your childhood trio.

Parveen has jet black hair tied back in a plait, sports a dupatta at all times and has startling grey eyes and a fawny beige skin.

Pravin has straight, closely cropped, jet black hair and startling grey eyes and a fawny beige skin.

The demo currently includes the prologue which stands at 5.8k words. Updates will be irregular as I am a student.

For any bug reports, concerns or ranting about this IF in general (I love talking about it) please find my Tumblr here. Sneak peeks, world-building lore posts or explanations in general may be found there.

AI Disclosure:

No — This project does not contain the output of Generative AI
Yes — This project contains the output of Generative AI

[augustus27]

Just played through this, I really dig your writing style, though I’ll be honest, I was extremely confused about what was going on for the majority of it (which I’m assuming was the point). There was one pronoun I found error with Sunny, who I had set to female but was referred to as “him” in the text describing how you forgive Sunny even if you’re mad that he speaks up for you. There’s also a visible “line_break” command on the page after you say you don’t like the idea of swearing on a tree.

Also, I was a bit confused about the diary bit. The bold text says that it’s from our perspective, but it’s written in second person and the narrator says that they’re trying to recreate the exact wording. Does that mean that we wrote our diary in second person, because that’s honestly how it read to me.

Those are all pretty minor things though. Overall I like the vibe and I’m looking forward to seeing more. It’s always cool to see Desi representation, especially when there isn’t much in the IF community to begin with.

[iraisheree]

Thank you so much for playing and for the detailed feedback! I’m still starting out as an IF writer and you taking the time to write this up goes a long way

You were absolutely right about the Sunny pronoun slip and the visible line_break. I fixed the both, thanks for catching them!

The confusion was mostly intentional, especially in the prologue, so I’m glad that it came across!

But the diary note is a fair point, I didn’t signpost it clearly enough. The diary itself is meant to have been originally written in first person (the events are in the MC’s POV) but the narrator is reading it back to the MC, which is why it is changed to second person there.

I’ll definitely tweak the header’s phrasing to make it clearer. Thank you for pointing it out! Very helpful.

And I’m glad the vibe worked for you overall! Thank you so much for playing and for the kind words about the representation.

[Hamartia]

Interesting vibe, though difficult to get a feel for what the work will be like just yet. You have a couple of lines of prose in there that I find really evocative, though, I liked the ‘white-hot moment of divinity’ and the time-fabric-British-cut metaphor in your intro really caught my eye.

If you keep working on this, I will definitely check it out again at some point. I found Babel an interesting read, myself (ironically it’s a loose inspiration for something I’m writing at the moment, what are the odds), so curious to see where you take that inspiration.

[iraisheree]

Thank you so much for reading! I’m glad those lines stood out. I am still in an exploratory phase, but I’ll definitely keep working on it. And funny coincidence about Babel! (It’s been a top favourite for me, ever since I read it.)