Honestly I think this thread is really interesting and good for self reflection but probably shouldn’t affect what you write. It’s your story. It seems to be pretty controversial because how could it not be? Stories are so emotional, after all. But there’s a lot of readers that would love you doing that judging from this thread alone!
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I was imagining one of them playfully mocking about the other’s bedroom habits to an interested Immortal, while the opposing RO flushes a deep crimson sputtering annoyed grumbles about propriety or something lol.
Anyway, obviously you shouldn’t completely change things to suit other people’s preferences. But it is good to get a gauge on what people think and past relationships still feel fitting for the thread. I can’t think of any IF where two of the ROs have a history with one another though , in that way.
Response to @TheChaosArchivist :
I’m just itching to get to the meaty bits of the RO interactions where this kind of stuff happens! It feels like it is taking too long, but I literally wrote the story like this, so nobody else to blame. 
Response to @LiliArch :
LiliArch
I totally do choose to write things ‘just cuz’, but my choice of words was more about not benefitting the story in any way reader can observe.
I wasn’t saying its lesser, only that I struggle to understand it myself because I am typically not capable of such things. (I don’t want to paint the impression of a pompous person who doesn’t respect other people’s approach.)
Response to @E_RedMark :
Redmark
Don’t put a heavy emphasis on it. You can still play with the dynamic, but I wouldn’t make it so heavy that you can write yourself in a corner. It has to roll naturally.
I was imagining that it was a mutual decision at the end, and so their playful dynamic is out of mutual recognition of the past. There is a reason they would be exes after all. 
Thanks for the advice 
. It more or less fits my plans 
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I can’t think of any, but there is a bit of that in one of my projects I’m working on that’s on the back burner. And the current project, there is mention of one of the Companion’s past relationships. Or, at least, I’m planning on adding it in.
Relationships say a lot. Past or present.
And, yes, the MC’s response to the scenario you supplied is just…it’s too good.
The anticipation is always rewarded in the end, though.
I’ve found that writing a bit of those scenes in advance helps, and later, when getting back to them, you can find a few new things to add in that bring it to new heights.
I think a good point here is the situation in question these sorts of things happen. I’ve had a few jobs where my coworkers’ relationship habits were openly discussed, even if I would rather drown a vat of acid than listen to it. Just…the things I overheard…just…no.
Even in a situation of not knowing one’s habits unless friends with them, or a friend of that person, it isn’t too out of line to think that if you were getting into a relationship with a person like that, that the friend would warn you.
If I found out a friend knew something like that about someone I was with, and didn’t tell me, I would have a few choice words.
Interesting point. Start with a light emphasis, and build on it if the story needs it. Otherwise, it’s a bit of background context that could be used in conversations between characters. People often have history with those they work with or are around on a regular basis, and seeing that would be delightful.
If the tension leads nowhere, it isn’t good for the story.
However, comparing things (my ex did this, so I thought we could) can go down a dark road. That, without context, makes me jump straight to an abusive relationship. Like, this RO was hurt by someone and is asking the MC to do the same things because this RO doesn’t have a healthy comparison for what a relationship between people should be like.
Knew a few people in situations like that, so that’s generally why my mind jumps there.
If I can across something like this, I would want a choice where the MC can have that exact response.
MC: Just…why?
RO: ‘Shrugs Shoulders’
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Hmm. I do find this curious. I mean, I don’t know my classmates’ or coworkers’ relationship habits, unless I’m friends with them.
I totally do choose to write things ‘just cuz’, but my choice of words was more about not benefitting the story in any way reader can observe.
Sure, but I thought we were talking about situations where the MC very empathetically isn’t getting into relationship with them (like, say, flirting with someone else and not at all with them, or ignoring them conpletely).
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Like always, it depends on how they are written.
If they are written badly, then said character better know where Mexico is because here come to mob with pitchfork lol
If they are written without any purpose besides a glorified ‘Oh look! That’s my ex over there’…that will raise questions: Just WHY? Lol
If they are well-written? I have yet to see that myself. So, probably it is a good addition. Fresh material and all that.
Just avoid some of the cliché stuff, like using the ex to create tension that will lead nowhere. Or jealousy, or comparing things ‘Oh well my ex used to do this and I though we could–…’ (If you want that shit, stay with your ex!).
Insecure characters can ruin a relationship just like in real life. And the ‘I’m gonna beat you for sleeping with my Gf in another life’ Macho stuff? Urgh booooring.
Personally, if I were to write something like that? I would treat it the same way as saying ‘Me and Phenrex were in the same class’ Or ‘School buddie’ or ‘We worked in the same office’…You know? Don’t put a heavy emphasis on it. You can still play with the dynamic, but I wouldn’t make it so heavy that you can write yourself in a corner. It has to roll naturally.
At least those are my advice 
I just mean don’t make them being ‘Ex’ the focale point. There is more to peoples than just a label. Like why the ex joined? Certainly not just to be the ‘Ex’, there is more there than that.
The ‘Ex’ title will come up, but it has to have a context, a reason. Nobody would just blurt ‘Uh so who wanna take 1st watch?’…‘I’m the ex…so can’t. We have to catch up before heading to bed’…‘Um…okay? But I was talking about 1st watch? Me again? Urgh’…‘Well ya know what they say? Keep your ex closer and all that?’
Not always abusive. Sometimes can be just disappointing. Or some peoples are still hang on their ex…‘My ex would do my hair, wanna do my hair?’ ‘No, I rather not.’ ‘Oh, I though we could share that Translation: I miss my ex’'.
RO: Shrugs and Dislocate Shoulder Fu–…!
MC: Snicker Serve you right! 
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JUST DO IT LIKE CRAIG!
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Agreed. Very much agree with that.
If it seemed like I was trying to make that a focal point, it wasn’t. You articulated it a lot better than I did.
Having an ex in a story can be fun. They can serve to add interesting backstory to the MC or the RO (depending on who the ex is the ex of). I always go the ex route in Wayhaven, when I do play it, because I do like the dynamics of their relationship.
That’s how I read that the first time around, and I laughed so hard.
I’ve never seen this video, so thank you for sending it my way. Now I’m gonna go and rewatch it.
Repeatedly.
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That’s Taylor Tomlinson: she has a YT channel and two Netflix specials (“Quarter-Life Crisis” and “Look at You”), all of which I highly recommend.
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Point taken.
In that situation, if the MC is ignoring it all, then being oblivious is a good route. God knows I tend to ignore what people around me are saying, and I suck at reading social cues anyway. So. Yeah. There’s that.
I think the only way I would notice someone is going after another person is if the flirting is over the top or if one is trying to eat the other’s person face. Then I’m just staring a moment before walking out the nearest door.
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I feel like sometimes authors will ship their ROs with each other more than ROs with MC. Which I understand cause we’re talking about the writer’s OCs with defined traits which they probably have more attachment to. So, the romance between those characters feels more developed, real, and emotional than those they would alternatively have with MC. It also just makes me jealous when I’m on an ROs route with the knowledge that they would alternatively date someone else and I see them having banter with that person that would fit into romantic tropes yet consistently insist they’re “just friends.” It ignites my trust issues hard especially since they often have more chemistry than with the MC.
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I remember playing Belle di Nuit and shipping Madame and Denjeux more than I shipped MC with any potential love interest.
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Its interesting to see this thread still going as its been like a year since ive been on the forum. Just to restate my stance, I’m very much in favor or ROs romancing other people. ME has been brought up several times and honestly, that might be my favorite example. Tali is bae, half my playthroughs are with her as the chosen RO. Though when I dont romance her I love seeing her and Garrus together. Im love to know that while Shep is happy with whoever he does romance in that timeline, Tali is happy and loved still. It makes me so happy for both of them.
Now to move away from ME and my personal opinion on the matter to 2 arguements I’ve seen a couple times while reading back. The first I want to discuss is the one where people are saying they dont want those scenes forced upon them. Fair enough. Make it optional content. Down time where you can visit your companioms and make it known these two are spending time together. As the story prgresses they spend more of these down time periods together and the budding relationship more appearant. Thats just my personal.take on the situation amd how to address that particular concern cause its a very calid one in my opinion.
The second point is one I can actually agree with. If the romance with the mc is full of angst and problems but the other romance isn’t then I do see why there might be an issue there. If the ro and their secondary partner have better chemistry than they have with the mc i could see why thatd be an issue. If youre going to have an ro with someone else, the romance should have ups and downs just as with the MC and RO. So if the romance with the RO isnt full of angst and problems, let the RO and their other partner have the happy romance without a bunch of problems. Just dont make that happen if thats not how it is when the MC romances them
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I’ve played games where I like this concept and where I don’t.
But I’ve seen a lot of discourse that says something to the effect of “if it’s not canon (on your play-through) it can’t hurt you.” And I disagree
One example:
Let’s say you have a scene in an IF that is serious.
Some tensions are building as the Npc and the MC are arguing about something that the NPC finds very uncomfortable to even think about.
The scene intentions are to be serious.
If then three out of four choices for the player are different versions of serious/grave/delicate and the final choice is a—something on the opposite scale—a fart joke (or something else, I don’t know, just something ill fitting of the scene and tone). Maybe that is in character for your MC, but it might break the tension for the players who don’t have such a MC. Simply reading that choice will be like one of those classical marvel esque jokes that, while delivers humour, ruins what otherwise is a serious tone. This will happen (I believe) even if the Player does not pick that choice. Simply by reading it, by seeing it, by knowing it is there it affects that moment.
To me, that is similar to if an RO says “you’re the only one I would ever want” to both MC and an NPC, but on different play-throughs. If the player knows this exists, it might enter their mind the same, and might ruin more than tone of a scene. It might make the romance itself unbelievable. And I’m not sure that trade off is always worth it—the risk of doing that to the player—when romance for the mc seems a bigger draw than romance for the ROs by most players.
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I completely agree with you. I quite dislike when “the first chosen Ro” has a lot of dramas, traumas, and other issues with our Mc and we have to endure a grueling road to end up with them.
BUT If our Mc is unable to handle this drama, this Ro will find another person, and it appears that the past troubles that has wrecked the relationship between Mc and Ro are now completely gone, and the new partner received the happiest, ready to go, 2.0, fixed Ro without any sweat.
I think its a little unfair that Mc has to deal with emotional drama for a long time (even for an entire book/or several books) while the new Ro’s partner will not experience even a fraction of the angst that our MC had to go through to ‘fix’ thiss Ro.
To not be entirely bitter about this, i tell myself that this is a classic case of “right person, wrong time,” and Ro’s next partner is just luckier than our Mc. Well, such is a life ( or a book 
)
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Does it not work the same way if the MC says the same thing to a different romance? Thats kinda where the arguement loses me, it seems like a bit of a double standard. It looks like people expect the ro to sit in the corner and wait to be chosen again. Now I dont believe that 99.9% of the people who are against relationships outside the mc actually think that way but “well they showed affection for someone else because I chose to romance to be with another person and I dont like that.” If someone is going to have their MC with someone else, why cant they be with someone else?
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It’s a double standard, definitely. But one is a character and one is a real person. And they are not equally affected by such things. (Unless that’s a game mechanic, and tbh I love a good 4th wall break so that would be fun to me).
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I will say, an important distinction here is that neither are real people. Even if people self-insert, they should still readily acknowledge it is still just a character in a story. That’s why, in a lot of veteran TTRPG groups (especially play by post ones), they don’t allow 1st person RPing. They make sure that the distinction is clear between characters and players strictly for reasons such as this. People get attached to their characters, and may even like to think, “I’ve self-inserted myself into this world, what would I do in this scenario?” and that’s totally fine. But arguably people do need to understand the “them” in that world and the “them” in the real world are two different entities. One is fake, in a fictional story. So “them” in the real world isn’t being directly affected by anything happening in the fictional world.
Unfortunately, I’ve seen it happen at times where players will take things that happen in game personally. I’ll be honest, when I first started playing TTRPG’s, I did too. I was super attached to my characters and viewed them as an extension of myself. But they aren’t. They may be based off some traits I have, but they’re no more me than Winnie the Pooh is.
I think other points are completely valid, though, such as relationships being written better than the PCxRO relationship, or side relationships between NPC’s taking too much of a driver seat in the narrative.
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That’s fair—but I wasn’t referring to the mc. The mc can’t know about things happening outside of their play-through. I was talking about the player—that the player can be affected by meta knowledge for various reasons. One being that it can break the believability of the ROxMC romance by interfering in the mind of the player.
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That’s a fair critique as well. Some people don’t do well with having meta knowledge and separating that from individual character experiences, and the experience of a game as a whole. I think I’ll actually start a new topic and take a couple of polls about how people view romance in general, and a couple of other questions!
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(Sorry if you already read this but I was getting the sense you havent so i figured if I was going to make a new comment anyways I’d just continue the conversation this way lol)
Perhaps thats where the disconnect is because when i look at the ROs I dont look at them as just a part of the story but as people because in the worlds we visit because within the confines of the story, they are people. That’s why I want to see the ones I care about happy and if they can be happy and loved while I’m trying new paths, even better.
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