It’s so weird to like two different people on the internet and realize they’re the same person. I guess I’ll just have to like you twice as much now.
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Awwwww, thank you!
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Has this game been released yet?
Yes. I only review here games that have been released.
In the Service of Mrs. Claus
Author Brian Rushton has repeatedly compared In the Service of Mrs. Claus to a Tim Burton movie, and the comparison is apt: it’s zany and surreal, irreverent and unexpected, sometimes hilarious, sometimes disturbing, with a surprising warmth at its core. It is to cozy Hallmark holiday fare as The Bread Must Rise is to The Great British Bake Off.
Rushton posits a world in which Santa Claus is long dead, while the elves in Claus Castle carry on working in his name under the direction of his widow. Once worshipped as a goddess under the names of Bast, Artemis, and Diana, Mrs. Claus is now content to devote herself to keeping the spirit of Christmas alive in the world. It’s not always easy: rebellious elves, mysterious cults, and sinister corporations threaten everything she’s worked for, and then someone breaks into Santa’s tomb and steals his Heart, an artifact of powerful Christmas magic. As Mrs. Claus’s right-hand elf, it’s your job to help her recover the Heart and save Christmas. (Or, if you’ve been listening to a certain rogue elf, to use your position near Mrs. Claus to help bring down her tyrannous reign from within.)
Interestingly, and probably for the best, Rushton populates his world with figures from secular Christmas lore, (mostly) Greco-Roman mythology, and fairy folklore, but doesn’t touch at all upon the Christian elements of the holiday. (The closest he came to it in my playthrough, aside from the use of the name “Christmas” itself, was a reference to Santa Claus as a “saint” and a mention of the carol “Silent Night.”) Somehow, he cobbles together ancient lore, modern traditions, and a plethora of festive cultural references into a bracingly strange magical world with refreshing touches of familiarity.
I had a great time playing this game. I laughed out loud several times. Although I played as a traditionally jolly sort of elf with a generous spirit, a voracious appetite, and an outsized love for all things Christmas (including Mrs. Claus herself), the variety of traits and skills on offer has me already imagining the possibilities for future playthroughs (an iconoclastic grouch with mechanical proclivities, perhaps)?
This quirky game probably isn’t for everyone, but it has a lot to offer. If you’re in the mood for something festive with an irreverent twist, it definitely belongs on your Christmas list.
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What an interesting premise. Sounds like a lot of fun!
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Jazz Age
originally posted on Reddit
Is it weird that I love almost everything about Nicola R. White’s Jazz Age, except the romance part?
White really did her research, and it shows on almost every page of this game. The slang, the pop-cultural references, the social movements, the big names - they all work together to paint a vibrant portrait of the 1920s that sparkles like a new Model T and crackles like an old vinyl record. The few anachronisms are either deliberate (the FBI was simply the Bureau of Investigation in the 1920s, but calling it that in the game would potentially have been confusing or required too much explanation) or trivial. (My personal favorite: the PC can, in 1926, see a movie that wasn’t released until 1927, but that particular movie is so perfect for meta reasons that its inclusion has me tickled pink!)
There are so many wonderful subplots and goals the PC can pursue. There’s the theatre career they came to New York to pursue in the first place, and financial troubles back on the family farm. There’s one RO who runs a speakeasy and one RO trying to put her out of business (and possibly behind bars), both of whom try to enlist the PC’s support. The PC can even help (or hinder) the formation of an actors’ union. The supporting characters, both historical and fictional, are delightful. The game itself is quite well-constructed; the way both character stats and previous choices influence the outcome of events feels almost entirely naturalistic.
Unfortunately, the romance part of this romance game is its weak link. It’s not enough to ruin the experience (for me, at least); there’s enough going on to retain the reader’s interest whether they’re invested in the love story or not. (Arguably, one of the biggest problems with the romance is that there’s not enough space devoted to it to flesh it out with real emotional depth.) There are only two possible ROs, one man and one woman, and you have to be in a relationship with at least one by the end of the game, so unless you’re playing your PC as bisexual, there really is no choice. At no point do you ever declare your orientation within the game itself, so both John and Lila treat you as a potential romantic interest through the penultimate chapter, whether you’ve given them any encouragement or not - and, more problematically, so does the game, which constantly describes the ROs in terms that suggest attraction on the PC’s part and inserts moments of sexual and/or romantic tension between the PC and both ROs. The publisher’s description claims you can be gay, straight, or bi, but in practice it feels more like playing an orientation-locked bisexual.
For the record, I like John and Lila well enough as characters and even as ROs, but I never liked them as much as the game clearly wanted me to. More importantly, I never felt that my PC was anywhere near so enamored of either of them as the game itself was. There’s an optional, very explicit sex scene halfway through the story, but I never got the sense that what happened during that scene had any real lasting impact on the relationship(s) between/among the participants. (And yes, the wording of that last sentence means exactly what you think it does.)
There’s one more thing about this game that felt “off” to me, and that had to do with a certain kind of deliberate anachronism. I admire CoG’s commitment to inclusivity, but there’s no denying it can make things tricky in games with historical settings. Three of their very first games - Choice of Broadsides, Choice of the Vampire, and Choice of Romance - all tackled this challenge in ways that I thought worked extremely well. Jazz Age doesn’t do it well. It imposes modern sensibilities onto a historical setting in ways that feel glaringly artificial. We’re told a couple of times that racism is a problem; in one deeply moving scene, Lila talks about how the world always told her that she, as a black woman, would never amount to anything, but now in Harlem she’s a successful business owner and a respected member of a proud black community. Yet in chapter 1, you get to choose your PC’s race, and it makes absolutely no difference to the rest of the story. I would be fine playing a game set in an egalitarian fantasy version of the 1920s, and I would be fine playing a historically accurate game set in the 1920s as long as it didn’t glorify the oppressive norms of the time. This attempt to have it both ways, though, just doesn’t work for me. This is a society in which same-sex marriage apparently exists (a friend refers to the PC’s hypothetical future spouse as a “guy or girl”), women are addressed as “Ms.,” and everyone effortlessly uses singular “they” if you choose to make the PC nonbinary (even though people who identified as androgyne or neuter in the 1920s didn’t use singular “they”), but the PC is taken aback to meet a woman who goes by “Toni.” (If historical accuracy is a priority for you, you can avoid many of the anachronisms of this type by making your PC white and straight.) I’m not upset that the author chose to make the game as inclusive as possible, but I do wish she’d managed to do it a little more seamlessly.
I do recommend Jazz Age, although its flaws are such that I can’t recommend it as enthusiastically as I would have liked. It’s a good pick for showbiz fans and history buffs who enjoy soaking up the feel of a bygone era.
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Kidnapped! A Royal Birthday
It should have been the most important day of your young life: the day you come of age and are officially crowned as the Royal Heir. Instead, you’re about to fall victim to a sinister scheme. A cursed snack causes you to fall into an enchanted sleep - and no sooner are you awake than you’re seized from the safety of your parents’ castle and imprisoned in a tower with no doors.
Fortunately, you won’t be alone for long. A motley team of adventurers is coming to the rescue: a knight in shining armor, a fierce Amazon warrior, a peasant with a sense of destiny, and a noblewoman living with a fairy curse. Together, you’ll navigate the layers of your dungeon - but making your way to freedom doesn’t mean your troubles are over, as you’ll soon learn how the kingdom has fared in your absence…
If you enjoy fairy-tale send-ups, Charles Battersby’s Kidnapped! A Royal Birthday will be right up your alley. From glass slippers to glass coffins, Battersby skewers all the tropes with affectionate irreverence. In particular, she deconstructs the notion of agency and who is allowed to have it. Will the PC take the lead in their own rescue, or will they fall into the role of the damsel in distress/gentleman in jeopardy/person in peril? (This may be the only IF I have ever played in which it’s possible to weaponize one’s incompetence.)
Kidnapped! isn’t perfect (a couple of scenes drag on a bit, the final chapters are overly busy, and the game really could have used a more attentive copyeditor), but it’s a lot of fun. All the members of the rescue party are romanceable, and although I wish they’d been written with a little more depth, I enjoyed getting to know them and finding ways to employ each of their strengths for the good of the group. It was a pleasure to watch my vapid damsel character mature into a conniving manipulator with a generous streak of badassery, and I can definitely see myself playing this game again to try out a different strategy.
I recommend this game to readers looking for a light adventure with a humorous touch. I understand Battersby is currently working on her second title for CoG. It’s about … a renegade cheerleading squad? If Kidnapped! is any indication, it’s going to be quirky, playful, and a whole lot of fun.
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The Last Monster Master
The Last Monster Master might be one of the best ChoiceScript games you’ve never played.
In this sprightly fantasy by Ben Serviss, you preside over a small academy for intelligent monsters. Your role as Monster Master is a sort of cross between animal trainer, high school counselor, and foster parent: helping them develop the skills and maturity they’ll need to succeed in the careers you’ll eventually choose for them. When a new class of four young monsters is delivered into your care for two years of training, you’re faced with a lot of tough choices. Will you be a compassionate guardian, or more of a disciplinarian? Will you prepare all your monsters for the most lucrative careers, or will you try to match each one to a path that suits their temperament and interests? When rumors of war with a neighboring kingdom reach your ears, will you reconsider your past decisions or carry on with business as usual?
I have a soft spot for games with an educational setting, and although this one serves up a school with a quirky twist and puts the PC in the role of educator rather than student, it hit the spot for me. I really enjoyed getting to know my monsters as individuals and deciding which set of skills to cultivate for each, and when the time came to choose their future career paths, I struggled over some of the choices, truly invested in their happiness.
The final third of the game takes place away from the academy, as circumstances force the PC to reunite with their last class of monsters to take a stand against an oppressive government. I enjoyed this part less than the preceding two-thirds - it felt somewhat rushed, and I would have preferred more variety in the strategies I was able to employ in the final conflict - but I was never less than fully invested in the story.
The Last Monster Master is a complex game, especially by the standards of 2014 when it was released, and the mechanics don’t always make sense. One monster in particular, who seemed to have a naturally ferocious disposition which I sought to hone and enhance, ended up on the wrong side of the Ferocity/Serenity spectrum for the career I had in mind for her. In another case, the only monster I trained in a specific skill ended up with a lower ability in that skill than any of the monsters I hadn’t trained. But such flaws are rare, and do little to detract from the enjoyment of the story.
For the most part, The Last Monster Master has everything I look for in a ChoiceScript game: a unique premise, characters who really mattered to me, and tough choices that left me with a lot to think about and a strong desire to play again. I think I’ve found a new favorite, and I hope you will too.
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The Last Monster Master is definitely a hidden gem and one of my favorite CoGs. Your choices with the monsters matter in subtle, clear, and seemingly random ways and it’s a lot of fun.
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I haven’t read last monster master in ages, but remember liking the concept when I did and replaying it. It’s quite different to a lot of games out there and has some nice moments, and I think it gets overshadowed because of it’s older age in terms of release.
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Never Date Werewolves
originally posted on Reddit
When you were a little girl daydreaming what you would be when you grew up, “single mother of six” was never on the list - but when you gave birth six years ago, the charming werewolf who had fathered your litter of werepups was nowhere in sight. With the help of a werewolf friend, you’ve managed to cope, perhaps even thrive, and you wouldn’t trade your big furry family for the world. Motherhood and your job in fashion retail haven’t left you with a whole lot of time for yourself, but there’s a handsome new neighbor you wouldn’t mind spending some quality time with, and your children’s teacher seems interested in getting to know you as more than just their students’ mother. Perhaps there’s even been a shift in your rapport with your best friend …
Never Date Werewolves is by Rebecca Zahabi, author of the sexy, romantic, and surprisingly sweet Belle-de-Nuit (and its IAP sequel, Point-du-Jour), so I knew I was in for a treat. Sure enough, Never Date Werewolves is utterly delightful. The PC shines with both love for her family and a realistic bone-deep weariness; there’s just enough bumbling in her practiced maternal competence to make her endearing. The ROs are appealing, but with flaws that make for intriguing character arcs as they and the PC grow closer together. (It should be pointed out that, although this is a Heart’s Choice game and relationships are the focus, romance isn’t mandatory, and it’s possible to befriend the other characters rather than romancing them.) Stealing the show, of course, are Accalia, Caleb, Larentia, Susi, Ulric, and Wolfgang - the PC’s feisty brood of pups, each of whom is a distinct and lovable character. Together, they infuse the story with humor as well as heart.
It will come as no surprise that Zahabi uses this story about people of the furry, fanged, full-moon-howling variety to explore issues relevant to minority populations in the real world, but it’s worth pointing out that she does so with more thoughtfulness and grace than I would have thought possible in, essentially, a novella. The story takes place in a world where werewolves have lived among humans, on ostensibly equal terms, for years, but old prejudices linger on, as old prejudices tend to do. Zahabi never pretends that people whose lupine instincts - and teeth and claws - tend to come to the fore when they’re threatened or upset aren’t more dangerous than ordinary humans, while making the case for the individual to be judged on their own merits. She depicts prejudice, not as the mindless hatred some lesser writers would, but as a perfectly normal human tendency, one grounded in simplistic and cautious thinking, and which can (and should) be overcome by facts and empathy.
Never Date Werewolves is enthusiastically recommended as a light, sweet story with a surprisingly thoughtful bite.
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No Proper Thief
originally posted on Reddit
Your name is Clyde - Clyde Lamm. You’re a decent guy, with a conscience, but life hasn’t been kind to you, and you’ve followed your father’s footsteps into a life of crime. For most of your career you’ve been a pickpocket and con man, but now you’ve teamed up with three other men for your first bank heist. During the planning stage, you took the young, pretty bank manager on a date to sweet-talk information out of her. When you meet her again during the robbery and force her to help you get into the safe deposit boxes, she proves to have a surprising aptitude - and appetite - for criminality. Oh, and her name is Bonnie. You see where this is going, right?
Russell J. Dorn’s No Proper Thief is a nifty little caper that probably isn’t quite like anything you’ve played before. Your only goal is to get through your first bank heist alive, free, and with your sanity intact. Decisions you make along the way can raise or lower the effectiveness of your cover, your partners’ trust in you, the clarity of your conscience, and your physical well-being. If any of the four drops all the way down, it’s game over - and a major event like a car crash or getting your mask ripped off on camera can bring you all the way down in an instant. It’s a bit more game-like than most HG releases, while still very much an entertaining story. At 56,000 words, it’s not the kind of immersive, gripping read most readers crave, but it’s a fun novella that’s a good way to kill an hour or two.
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NOLA Is Burning
originally posted on Reddit
As a writer, I take myself very seriously - even if I’m just writing a review of an almost ten-year-old game for a handful of people on Reddit and the CoG forum. I taught myself the art of reviewing by reading book and movie reviews in Newsweek, and although it’s only ever been a hobby for me, I try to go about it with near-professional standards. A review should be fair, it should be honest, it should be well-written, it should be entertaining to read. Above all else, it needs to be specific. I’m the kind of person who can easily spend ten minutes dithering over the exact phrasing of a sentence. I am a proud adherent of the cult of the mot juste.
That said: about this game, NOLA Is Burning by Claudia Starling … yeah. So. I seriously can’t even.
This game is sort of like The Godfather, if Francis Ford Coppola had gotten bored halfway through filming and had Michael Bay take over - then spiked his water bottle with PCP on the way out of the studio.
If you bought this game on the basis of the publisher’s description, you’d expect a dark, gritty, violent noir tale about a Mafia boss, their number-one enforcer, and the man or woman they both love. If you play the free chapters before you buy, you’ll hit the paywall with the exact same impression and make your purchase decision on that basis. And that’s my biggest problem with this game. The only hint in the publisher’s description that the plot takes an abrupt turn for the bizarre comes at the very end: “To be honest, you’ll probably die. But in NOLA, death is just the beginning.”
The first time I played this game, my PC didn’t die. She was close to death, lying in a dumpster alongside her severed arm, when she was rescued and fitted (in the matter of maybe an hour or two) with a powerful cyber-arm that she was able to control perfectly from the get-go, and a few chapters later she and the mob boss’s wife ran off and lived happily ever after or something.
I think that may actually be the, for want of a better way of putting it, most normal possible outcome in this game. In my second playthrough, my PC made up for the relative sanity of the first by dying twice. See, this time he was lying in the dumpster alongside both his severed limbs, and he was eaten alive by feral cats, and of course he went to Hell, but they gave him the option to go back if - well, you get the picture, probably. And based on the Achievements I haven’t unlocked yet, I have barely skimmed the surface of the batshittery. There’s an achievement that involves working middle-management in Hell. There’s voodoo and … forest demons? … and an achievement to “be consigned to spend eternity as a brick.”
Claudia Starling’s prose is beautiful. There was never a moment playing this game that I wasn’t very much entertained. There were a few authentically funny bits, although there was a lot more that was merely silly. I probably would have found it much less silly had it been obviously an absurdist romp from the beginning. I should probably mention that it’s really, really violent (those limbs get severed in quite some detail). Do I hate this game? Not really. Do I like this game? No. Am I indifferent to this game? I don’t think that’s actually possible. Would I have preferred the “blood-soaked interactive noir thriller” the description promised? Absolutely. Do I want more games like this? Hell no. Will I ever play it again, just to see if I get the brick ending this time?
Yeah, probably.
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I think you do an excellent job of all of these. This review was certainly entertaining and gives a clear idea of what someone can expect from the game. Thanks for the laugh!
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Thank you for doing all these reviews! Looking forward to seeing more from a CoG veteran like you!
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A Pirate’s Pleasure
Twelve years ago, you were an orphan girl struggling to make your way on the mean streets of Boston. Since then, you’ve made a name for yourself as one of the Caribbean’s most notorious pirates. It’s a dangerous life, but you’ve never wanted for excitement or adventure. Now, however, the Golden Age of Piracy is coming to an end, and you have some tough decisions to make about your future … including which man you’ll have by your side.
Perhaps more than any other Heart’s Choice game, Lisa Fox’s swashbuckling yarn A Pirate’s Pleasure captures the feel of an old-timey bodice-ripper (without, of course, any bodices being ripped). The first couple chapters focus on the PC’s backstory and life of adventure, but once she gets into port in Nassau, she finds herself crossing paths with three very different, yet strangely alluring men. There’s the island’s new governor, a man of honor and virtuous aspiration, who’s determined to lead the Bahamas into a new era of peace, prosperity … and law-abiding. There’s the rival pirate captain, dashing and lusty … and his quartermaster, a man of quiet strength whose passions run deep. The environment of international conflict and inevitable change adds a delicious tension to the budding romance, and the romance in turn adds spice to the adventure that plays out.
A Pirate’s Pleasure isn’t going to break onto my short list of favorite ChoiceScript games; the characters are fun but a bit shallow, and the ending wrapped up too quickly after several chapters of detailed action, as if the author just wanted to get it over with. That said, I had a good time playing it, and I’ll definitely play it again to explore the other romance options and paths the story can take. Romance readers and fans of pirate yarns should definitely check it out.
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Yeah, this. Also, tired of being a slave or a rebelling slave.I think the only CoG historical story where you have the option of an origin as a free black person is Choice of the Vampire? And it’s been so long since I’ve played that I’m not entirely certain.
I really enjoyed A Pirate’s Pleasure! The atmosphere and characters were delightful (admittedly I did not follow all the storylines, but the ones I did do I liked). It was one of the first IF games I played and not only did I have a lot of fun, it also helped me wrap my head around the idea of writing a romantic fantasy for HC. I think it’s a lovely game as-is, but I would love to have a version with the bodice-ripping included. 
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I’m a little confused. None of the possible backstories for the PC in A Pirate’s Pleasure involve her having been a slave. If her origin is African, it’s said said that her family escaped the chaos of European colonialism and came to North America to start a new life, which sounds to me, especially in the context of the rest of her story, as if they came voluntarily, which would make the PC a free black person. One of the ROs is a former slave, though.
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