Hi!
In all seriousness though, I have to be real here for a moment:
The trans community does not have any power to dictate things right now. We just donāt. In some countries and (in the US) states the trans community has more power than in others, but our power is still so insignificant that it can all be taken away in about two years or less with the proper judicial or legislative systems in place. Hell, in the US there are 49 states where straight up murder of someone trans can be excused and the murderer in question can be given a less harsh punishment because they were in a panic.
We canāt be nitpicking with people who are attempting to be kind and understanding allies. They are going to mess up. They are going to say the wrong things to us or ask questions we straight up donāt want to answer. And some of them are going to realize that they are also trans, and still say things that are problematic until they realize or are taught that what they are saying isnāt quite right.
I myself have messed up, gone too far, said the wrong thing. Shit, Iāve misgendered someone because of a preconceived idea of his gender beat into my brain. This is despite the fact that Iām trans, despite the fact that I know how much it hurts to be misgendered. And Iām not alone. We all make mistakes and say the wrong things. But itās how one reacts to those wrong things that determines if we build a bridge or a wall.
Right now, the trans community canāt continue to exist openly if we donāt start being more patient with our allies. Not those who insult, demean, or hate us. The majority of them will not change just because of some patience here and there. They arenāt worth the time spent speaking to them, let alone patience and understanding. Allies, though, we need to be more open with. The trans community has a history of being closed off from others (And for good reason, our lives can be at risk if we open up to the wrong person, and members of the LGB+ community like to argue that they can use anti-trans slurs just because we share an acronym.), and that needs to change.
If someone trying to be an ally says something we would consider upsetting or outdated, we canāt just say āthatās wrong and you need to change that.ā. Remember, they, like we, are willingly fighting decades of societal lessons and pressures dealing with preconceived notions about gender and sex. Some of them didnāt even know we existed until meeting one of us on a forum. We have to explain why what they are saying could be seen as outdated, rude, or otherwise upsetting, and then we need to be prepared to offer counterpoints, rebuttals, and face people who just might be a bit stubborn.
I hate saying this, but unlike the gay community (specifically G and L), we still have to be prepared to be teachers. To answer questions we donāt like answering, and be patient even when it feels like youāre tearing out your soul doing so. The trans community is still in its infancy regarding relations with non-trans people overall (Caitlyn Jenner, to my distaste, was our point of revelation to a lot of people, and with same sex marriage legalized across the US and much of Europe, so weāre now in the spotlight), so those of us who come out will be asked questions.
Finally, if someone reacts to what youāre saying in such a way that seems frustrated or upset, donāt double down on your original point (or point fingers at those who support this person, myself included), try to understand why they are upset. I didnāt perceive @mistylavenda as upset at what you said, rather how you said it. You seemed dismissive towards @Razgrizās overall point in favor of pointing out what you perceived to be wrong. Razgriz was actually trying not to make anyone annoyed or upset with that post, and you entirely dismissed that. And then, instead of explaining when confronted, you offered anecdotal evidence.
I love that youāre doing your best to explain things most people donāt know to as many as possible, and please donāt see this as me asking you to leave this thread (I donāt want you, or anyone else, to leave this thread. Itās a place of discussion, or meant to be. Discussion with only one or two voices is an echo chamber, not a discussion.). I just needed to get this off of my chest, because patience is a self preservation thing for many of us within the trans community, and showing people the opposite can be incredibly damaging to those of us who need that patience to live.
I apologize for any offense and am grateful for the update. I have amended the post.
But youāre very kind to offer. Thanks again!