I closed the thread, @Samuel_H_Young
Iāve been feeling down lately, but in the past few days, Iāve had a big surge of writing inspiration. Probably all the R.L Stine Iāve been reading/watching. 
Update:
I posted Chapter Five to the beta; itās 11k words, bringing the total word count to 68k. In this chapter, you have to get your mic back from Larry before you go on tour. You can potentially see some first lyrics, but theyāre actually Larryās. The lyrics for your four song options will be in Chapter Six, but here they are for your pleasure, in order of aggressive, groovy, intricate, and atmospheric:
Summary
I caught a pedophile politician, took him from his hive
Chemical castration is his consequence, then he dies
I rounded up every politician who ever bombed foreign children
Took a mallet, and with hundreds of blows, I caved their heads in
I asked cops why they donāt protect us from ecocide or genocide
One said he was just doing his job so I put a bullet in between his eyes
I sacrifice hundreds of evil politicians to free their billions of ghostly victims
I killā¦I killā¦I killā¦evil politicians
Summary
Every day is the same, existing as an automaton
I called my best friend, but theyāre dead and gone
Breaking my back for scraps, wondering if Iāll someday be free
Saw thousands of dead children on the news today, hell is reality
Watching the same movies til my eyes ooze out of their sockets
Hiding bottles of alcohol and razor blades in my pockets
To drown the black hole in my chest from connections I never had
A social species fragmented into a trillion pieces, isnāt it sad?
Summary
Bulldozers reduce ancient forests to splinters, countless species vanish
Incalculable amounts of sewage and pollution create a cemetery ocean
CAFOs continue to spread like mold, punishing ecosystems and communities with manure lagoons
Cops, who scramble after the immortal specter of individual civilian crime, turn a blind eye
The planet is burning and drowning, and by endless invasive wars, millions of innocents die
And we are simply expected to accept this as a normal way of fucking life
Critical thinking smashes indoctrination, propaganda, and societal lies
But for now itās manufactured consent to planetary suicide
Summary
Recounts of oral tales in ancient scrolls, a dozen times translated
Cannot be naturally believed, but must be forcibly proliferated and dictated
Medieval superstitions require their constant diet of sacrificial goats
Hateful morals cherry picked and wielded as cudgels against convenient scapegoats
Cultural variety and scientific progress smashed under the principle of religious homogeneity
Morally repugnant myths a thousand times disproved, I donāt believe in your fucking deity
Thereās a pounding at the back of the door, glass explodes through the window
The mob grabs the scientist, dragging them by the hair to be hung from a willow
10 Likes
Great chapter! I loved the return of Effie and how the MCās conflict with her is now different because the MC is in a different place in their life. And after those callbacks, I liked that the severance package plot line has a good ending, even if the MC doesnāt need the money now. I enjoyed being able to choose multiple stops on the tour, and how each option further explored all the band membersā personalities even as it was developing the MCās characterization. I also liked the descriptions and details of the different places we can visit, especially the geyser field option.
I do think the timeline is a little confusing, though ā at the start of the scene with Effie it says itās days later after the studio scene, but thereās other lines that state itās been a week, while the production of the bandās single and their success would suggest a little more time than that. I also thought that after their separation, there should have been a small scene with Kanibor ā perhaps before the Effie scene so thereās a pause before the time jump. By the way, was it ever explained why the microphone only works for the MC?
Typos
"Donāt touch anything or I kill you, but be yourself and have fun.
āIā should be āIāllā
That gigantic advance is sitting in your bank account, haven already wiped out your rent debt easily.
āhavenā should be āhavingā
Looking forward to chapter six! 
1 Like
@expectedoperator Great feedback. Iāll fix those typos and try to tidy up the timeline a little. I also was already thinking I needed another choice with Kanibor in there so Iāll start thinking of what Iād like to do there.
As far as why the mic only works for you: Kanibor could work with others as well, but that could get very complicated for him
2 Likes
Minor update:
I added another choice with Kanibor to Chapter Five. Thatās another 2k words, bringing the total word count of the beta to 70k. This choice with Kanibor was needed after you were separated from him, so I think it should improve the pacing and build on your dynamic with him. Thanks to @expectedoperator for suggesting I add something like this.
Now, back to writing Chapter Six.
5 Likes
So you all arenāt confused: I changed Kizzyās name to Aurora
4 Likes
Update:
I posted Chapter Six to the beta. This chapter is 13k words, bringing the total word count so far to 83k. In this chapter, you must play in front of thousands of fans as Kanibor gets closer to coming out of the microphone. I hope you enjoy, and any feedback is welcome.
For anyone whoās interested: the instrumentals and vocals of your songs are mostly inspired by Cannibal Corpse songs. The lyrics are all written by me and are more in the vein of Napalm Death, Cattle Decapitation, Earth Crisis, etc. And finally, Brain Rot is inspired by Slipknot
8 Likes
I really enjoyed this chapter! I liked the descriptions of the snowy stage and even the bloody mess the microphone was leaving ā it helped convey the horror of the scene and why Barty would be afraid enough to just leave the tour bus. I appreciated that the band members were so chill while Larryās reaction makes perfect sense after the buildup of his failures and what we learn about him from Aurora. I loved the reveal of Kanibor ā heās a cat!! 
I did think the pacing for the last of the stage/the beginning of the bus tour scene felt a bit rushed ā it might be because the MC instantly knows that itās the scratching/squeaking noises thatās troubling Kanibor, instead of there be a pause of wondering whatās going on with him.
Typos
At the end of your breakdown,
There needs to be a line of space between this paragraph and the lyrics before it.
You collapse into a seat, not knowing what to say, swallowing a growing lump forming in your throat, fighting back a waterfall of tears.
Perhaps there could be a choice here, even if it ends with them crying, of how the MC initially reacts (with anger, denial, crying, etc.) so the player has more input into the MCās characterization.
To your immeasurable relief, Atomic Decay seems to decide unanimously not to fire you after all.
This paragraph and the next one seemed a bit repetitive ā maybe it was because of the choices I picked when telling the band members about Kanibor, but it was just retelling me what they had just said a moment ago.
Looking forward to chapter seven!
4 Likes
@expectedoperator Glad you liked it I agree the transition between the stage and bus scene is a little rushed and will tweak that a bit.
3 Likes
Biggest update yet as we reach the penultimate chapter of Meteoric! This update is 21k words, bringing the total word count of the demo so far to 106k. In this chapter, you can ask one of the ROs to be your gf/bf, and the situations with Kanibor and with Larry come to a head. Only one more chapter to go.
Please leave feedback soon as Iāll likely be finishing this story within the next couple months. 
I hope you enjoy!
9 Likes
Good chapter! I liked how drastically the MCās attitude towards Kanibor could change from their first meeting to this final conversation. In my first playthrough, I appreciated how the kindness and friendship of the band members pushed the MC to show kindness to Kanibor (who in turn considered the MC to be a friend), while Larry continued to be a foil to both the MC and Kanibor by his inability to change. Although I do wonder if the MC is going to regret giving Kanibor their blood one last timeā¦ In my second playthrough, I was very interested in Kaniborās curse and if itāll actually have an effect on the MC.
Summary
But you would do it to your other arm too if it meant Kanibor could die a dignified, peaceful death.
I think there could be a choice here where the MC can decide how they view Kanibor and if they would have helped him further, regretted helping him, are just relieved the pact is finished, etc.
Everything happens very fast. A dark figure emerges from behind a large, nearby gravestone, coming at you from behind.
Since this is from the perspective of the MC, perhaps this should be reworded so that the surprise of the needle isnāt lessened by the narration pointing out someone who the MC wouldnāt have been able to see.
Looking forward to chapter eight! 
2 Likes
I think for me, the deafening silence of this forum is more demotivating than anything. So Iāll be removing all my demos and will not be around here much
No, please donāt feel demotivated! This story is really good! Iām so sad that it disappeared as I was almost caught up (couldnāt read fast enough 
)
7 Likes
(This is literally my first comment on the forum so please excuse my awkwardness. I donāt know if it will āimprove the conversation in some wayā as the guidelines say, but I hope itās encouraging somehow, to know I made an account just to be able to say how much Iāve enjoyed reading.)
Iām sorry youāre feeling discouraged about feedback. This is my first time on the forums but Iāve had the demo for Meteoric bookmarked for at least 6 months or so (back before CoGdemos had local saves, at least) and I initially found it via one of Harris P. Smithās āmonthly roundupā posts on tumblr, cross-posted from the Writer Support thread, and Iāve been lurking ever since then. With other lurkers, you might have a bigger audience than you think. Some authors seem to gather more feedback between both the forum and a blog presence, since some folks feel more comfortable sending individual feedback as asks, instead of āin front of the classā of other commenters, so to speak. That could be an option for generating more reader-level feedback, instead of writer-level/problem-solving suggestions, if you were so inclined.
Iāve really enjoyed playing and I hope youāll want to open the demo again and submit for publishing someday. The thing is - Iām not sure I have any useful feedback, except to say that Iād like to see more. All good! No notes! The premise is delightfully weird and unique, and Iāve enjoyed following the paths the story has laid out for me - without really needing to envision other ābut what if?ā scenarios. (Well. Except potential romances, but that happens.)
My favorite character was Tariano(? bad with names) who likes the intricate rhythms and nerdy references.
I didnāt have a chance to read the most recent chapter before it was closed, but I LOVED the one before that, because it was so unexpected that Larry would actually attack - and that he would do it in the only way that could potentially help MCās case. Getting strangled gives MC a great excuse for why they wouldnāt be able to do the growls anymore, after all - and Iāve been really curious to see if/how that played out in the future.
I was also glad that the band still likes an MC who came clean better than non-liar Larry, and all because Larry is that much of a creep to everyone that heās more alienating than the MC and an actual alien.
Otherwise, as some commentors seemed to indicate, I could also see Kanibor or Larry working as complicated RO-options, though I donāt think itās strictly necessary for the story. Kanibor is unique, weirdly cute, and thereās nothing like being bound to an entity to open up the potential for bonding! Similarly, thereās a lot of strong emotions between MC and Larry, even if āhateā is chief among them from Larryās POVā¦ and the rivalry potential is pretty interesting.
In any case, I hope to see the demo again someday, and Iāll try to send more feedback if I do? I donāt know if any of this is particularly helpful, but I did want to say how much Iāve enjoyed it over the past months, and how much I regret missing the opportunity to read the most recent bit.
9 Likes
What a regrettable loss all around. I only just learned about the last update and was excited to see the story develop! Author, your creativity and skill were great, as was the story. I hope you see that too!
3 Likes
@kschroeds3 and @clover667
Thanks for your support
I like your point about a voice related injury being to the MCās benefit. I hadnāt even thought of that
I appreciate your thoughts and Iām glad you liked it. I should be posting the final chapter in May
6 Likes