Lost in your eyes (WIP) [3 Ch, 240K words] [Vampires/Romance/Dark Fantasy, supernatural]

As the others say take care of yourself first dude this thread still exists and we can wait til you are feeling better, focus on getting healthy alright that is far more important than running yourself through the ground so to speak.

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Haha it really warms my heart to hear all that but don’t worry about me ya’ll, I promise I’m taking care of my self to the best of my abilities :heart:

I’ll update next week but since I kinda forgor to release something on 27th, here you guys go! (I don’t know if I released this before so I’m sorry if I have, do tell and I’ll post something else >.<)

A vampire’s desire part 2! Story’s a bit NSFW and uhhh… Yeah, feed backs would be appreciated.

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Update!

Okay, so these past two weeks were pretty good-ish, at least in terms of writing, lmao. I’ve been trying to just focus on the game because it’s been helping allat. (If I sound like I’m high, I probably am.) Anyway, that aside, it’s been a really productive week.

I’ve been trying to hit 2K words rewritten. Again, I am so very sorry for making you all go through whatever I was on when I wrote that XD

I’m going to try to push and finish the rewrite on the 1st and then release on the 10th-15th of October (Pretty tall order seeing that I have to rewrite and then proofread it again for any grammar mistakes)

Deleted like… 2-4K words, I’m gonna have to keep track of that XD

The character section was updated so you can see the character’s profile

Added an Emphasis on Solathis and Adrian. Did a bit of lore-building without it being a lore dump too. Gonna have to manage that efficiently.

Wrote how there’s pressure on Vigil to send the MC and Blaine to the Church even though he doesn’t want to because he cares deeply about the two. (Alcoholic brooding guy for the win!)

Thinking of making Vigil a Romanceable option (BIG IF DON’T MURDER ME… I mean, the man looks in his late 20s and is handsome AF, why ya’ll gonna murder me? Plus it’s not like it’s gonna happen right now anyways. Big plans for da future)

Made slight adjustments to the wording with Vigil where he encourages you to use the pendant instead of discouraging you. I kinda did an oopsie there and said that you guys shouldn’t use at all instead of “Use it sparingly.”

A lot of other things changed obviously, gonna have to drop in the MCs treating Solathis and Adrian as Gods to show the Good vs. bad side (even though both are very grey and have pretty good reason to do what they do)

Anyway, gonna head out, see you all!

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Should I make Vigil a Romanceable RO in the future? (No poly route there)

  • Yessir! Gimme that brooding Alcoholic!
  • Uhh… No dude, wtf?
  • Not really but I’m greedy for RO’s so yes.
  • Maybe if you give us more backstory on him, do a poll again and we’ll see.
  • Ooga booga booga
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I love how John is like the only masculine male RO, the rest are just femboys

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Also will there be a poly/harem route, because I’m torn between collecting the femboy ROs like Pokemon and choosing the single RO i would actually want

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Boy do I have a game for you :skull:

Wait till you meet the other one >:3

Yep!

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There’s a game we can throw our… nvm

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So is it for all the ROs or just a couple? Also do they need to be an certain gender or could I just make them have random genders and their fine with that?

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Our what?

I mean, it hasn’t been implemented but there’s going to be Blaine and John, Blaine and Vale, and John and a new character that I’ll be introducing in the near future. (I think I’m signing my own death by writing this many RO poly route but nothing’s set in stone soooo yep!)

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Me cackling at the Ooga Booga option in the vote… you guys are brilliant.

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Rambunctious electrode Pokémon that only knows self destruct…

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I gave it a try, but I felt shoehorned into being… how to describe it. Submissive? Helpless? Alex was the one standing up to the bullies, all my character could do was try (and fail) to talk down to them with no options to do anything substantial before being saved, get embarrassed about trying to give a fake name, and cry a lot so far even if actively choosing ‘bottle it up’ options.

Maybe I just hadn’t gotten to where it gets better, but it just read like it was written for a very specific type of character so far.

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You can stand up to bullies, you just need to… Oh. (I did an oopsie lmao, sorry-) Now you can take beat up the bullies if you have a high dominant/harsh stat.

Well I mean, that would be the natural reaction of any one lmao, especially when you’re a kid.

Huh, that’s only if you have high emotional stat.

Hmm, the game is designed so that you can create your own character, whether they be a emotional, stoic, harsh or kind etc. (hence the stat) Would appreciate it if you’d point out which scenes stood out! It could be a problem with stats cause I’m not a very good coder (Sorry :weary:)

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Shortly after the prologue, I get this :smiling_face_with_tear::

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The scenes in specific I’m talking about are early on, the first two ‘bottle it up’ choices even available. Both times the character will immediately start crying in the very next scene, and it’s not like I could’ve raised my stats much this early on so I had the baseline stoic/emotional.

I get that they’re still children at the moment and not as in control of their emotions, but those scenes combined with the lack of an option to fight the bullies (which was apparently a coding bug?) made me feel like I completely lacked control of my own character. The embarrassment over being caught giving a fake name is a minor nitpick purely because I figured our father would’ve taught us to prepare a fake name for strangers, and is something I can dismiss.

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I actually agree with this sentiment. The MC, and A are both almost teens, as well. I’ve known too many younger cousins, and niblings around that age who will unabashedly lie with absolutely zero guilt, or embarrassment over it. Even ones younger than 8 will do this, and be totally convinced of their version of the story (exactly like politicians do, for example) up until they’re in a corner having to stay put until they’re ready to tell the truth, and apologize for lying.

Kids can be really shitty sometimes, and it is usually by choice. :sweat_smile:

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Sorry! Should be fixed >.<

Thanks for pointing it out! If you choose the version where you try to bottle it up, you shouldn’t cry

Should be fixed now, it wasn’t exactly a coding error just my brain not working lmao

Also yes, chapter 1 and 2 are kinda messy and I want to bash my head with a toy hammer with how badly I wrote it :sob: Dw though! I’m working on them! (I think that may be why a lot of people like John more cause my writing (at least what I think) got better?

I mean I certainly didn’t feel like barfing when I read the 3rd chapter as compared to the first and second (I should be releasing the update in like the 20th or 25th in which the second chapter would be much more readable then what it is rn and I am extremely sorry for making you go through the writing of my 5 am brain)

Wait what? You should have a choice whether you want to be truthful or lie about your name-
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If you’re wondering why they’re embarrassed they got their name caught, well as @LadyUmbreon89 said, kids get flustered lmao, they’re close to their teens, recently lost their parents and the person who uplifted them (using their Vampirical powers) caught em lying.

Thanks for all the feed back, the problems should be fixed rn but Ugh, I just read the first chapter and the urge to rewrite it is strong… prolly after I write the fourth chapter.

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I think you’re misreading me here, you’re replying to what I was saying about not being able to confront the bullies yourself, again. The choice to lie about your name works fine and I don’t have a massive issue with being embarrassed about being caught or anything.

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Oh, my bad, my bad, (Brain’s stretched thin to the point my IQ points going in the negatives XD) Thanks for the feedback though! Really appreciate them, hopefully they’re fixed now (Especially the bottle it up version and not being able to fight the bullies part.) Do tell if you find any other issues, whether it’s about the writing being slow or coding errors or the character not staying true to how you want to play it <3

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