Lex Talionis: Exordium (Feedback) 2.0

Major errors have been remedied, meaning chapters 3 to 4 can be read without issue.

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Luca is Deku, Yameru is Bakugo personality wise, Dillon is Iida, and Citadel is clearly All Might, Czar is Todoroki. Maybe try to differentiate both personality wise as well as powers wise. It seems like Dillon and Iida have the exact same quirk.

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Noted.

I should mention that Dillon’s power is body morphing, morphing into a mech. Yakeru’s is more fire based than explosive - think Kyo or Iori from King of Fighters. However, I do understand what you’re getting at and will try to remedy the issue.

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“You snap your fingers and there is a pop of…”

What is this supposed to mean? Kinda confused on what makes sense to put here

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It’s a part in the prologue where you can customization the color of your powers. Someone else pointed it out and I am working on making it more clear.

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I think it is where you are suppose to define your power. Or something of the sort. Please do cause I put static for the fill in the blank

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Ah alright, thanks for clarifying that.

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Just finished the demo and I enjoyed it. I can definitely tell how much you drew inspiration from MHA. But please be careful to not draw tooo much from it.

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Glad to hear you enjoyed it.

I am aware of that, thankfully chapter 5 changes that. And the other changes that’ll be added once that update happens.

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I’m not quite finished yet but so far I like it.
With MHA being one of my favorite manga I highly enjoy everything hero related.
One can clearly see that you drew inspiration from it, though imo that’s no problem.
Just one thing I’m wondering so far. Did you name Yakeru “Yakeru” because of “焼ける” (meaning to burn, to be roasted (and to be jealous lol)) or is that a funny coincidence?

Ah, there’re two mistakes in the demo so far. In the beginning when it’s said MC hates super powered people “evening yourself”, which I assume should be “even”. As well as calling Luca Yakeru when you meet him at the koi pond.

Gonna continue now, but I’m enjoying it, so keep up the good work :3

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Thank you, I’m glad to hear that.

Inspiration is fine. I just need to ensure it can stand as its own IP by the time I’m done.

The name choice was deliberate. I often try to give significance to a character’s name.

Also, thanks for pointing out the grammatical errors.

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It’s me again. I cannot help but notice that the word “unknown” keeps replacing the name of one of your classmates.

Never mind

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Can I get a screenshot please? It will be more helpful.

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I don’t know if this is intended or a error, but I have a higher score than Yakeru, but my name is below his?

image

also after I click the 4th chapter, it loops back to the practical test scene (with Byeong Ho)

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The first is a grammatical issue, which I will attend to. Thank you for identifying it. Though the other issue is an odd one. I remember it being present until I sorted it out. So if possible could you try again and see if the problem persists.

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I love this so much! As I am a huge My Hero Academia fan. I was wondering if possible to make a description page of how the characters look if that’s not to much trouble? As well as possibly adding more options for your characters personality if that’s okay, I tend to favor playing shy, kind characters, but I also get that those personality options might not coincide with the backstory of MC and their motivation that is present. But I look forward to how the story progresses :slightly_smiling_face:

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Even I had this problem. Before the test I chose to not talk to the Korean Classmate, and I think because we didn’t introduce ourselves the name was kept as unknown.

But during the test, we get to know his name when he becomes trapped, so from there his name should appear normally, but still it appears as Unknown. I’ve attached the screenshot from where we start getting his name like that.

Aside from that, there are just a few missing punctuation in few places. But other than that everything else was fine! I liked the scenes from the perspectives of other characters, they were aptly written according to their personalities.

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Thanks, I appreciate you providing more clarity on the issue. There seems to be an issue with the code there that can be easily remedied. So I’ll have it sorted out later today.

With either grammatical or punctuation errors unless major will either be left for the drafting period or handled during the brief revision newer chapters undergo before updates are made.

Thank you. :blush:

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Glad to hear that!

I was thinking of doing something like that, so I will try to have it up by this weekend.

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This is slowly becoming one of my favorite wips

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