I would say the mc seems helpless because since they went through the whole wraith trauma thing (and the Ryland possessed thing), it’s like everyone needs to check up on them because (to me) it feels like the mc can’t defend themselves. They can’t do magic either apparently which makes Nyx seem like the ‘better child’. Also I think the predetermined idea can come from the fact that the mc is just ready and willing to joke around when I would want my mc to be a stoic and serious kind of person. One more thing of note I noticed is that even when you do choose a choice that may seem rude the mc seems to backtrack on it like “hm… maybe that was too mean”… like…what?? I don’t care that it was “too” mean 
why do you think I chose to say it???
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That makes sense. I’ll keep this mind and work towards fixing the helplessness. Since MC and Nyx grew up together, I guess I just went for the bantering sort of relationship. But, I can see how that may bother those who want a more serious character. It might take a bit to fix this but I will do my best. I’ll edit the rude choices as well.
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Hi 
Thanks for sharing the new update, I’ve read all the versions I think and enjoyed them all, I have to agree with everyone that this is the best one so far. I won’t say a lot because it’s only the first chapter and I like to have a bit more content before I decide on my feelings regarding the MC… However I did find some typos if you want that kind of feedback 
I hope this is useful (even if English is not my native language) and I’m looking forward to read more 
I have to get my Nyx romance 
And all the others too, I’m foreseeing multiple playthroughs in my future
Oh, this is definitely more intriguing now, you fleshed out characters a lot more and added more intriguing characters as well, it’s nice. Shame the MC can only be a boring human, seeing how many exiting races you added. The only thing that i would prefer, is more responses than being Flustered, if i want to be playful in return(but it’s just my preference), good luck~ 
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Aha! I knew I missed typos! Darn things elude me. Also, wOW, you read them all? 
That’s amazing. Thank you for pointing out the typos! I won’t be working this weekend, so I’ll add it to the list of things that need fixing come next week.
@Kita Another person on tumblr pointed that out to me as well. I suspect I forgot to include a bolder response 
I do have ideas for MC that will, hopefully, make them a lot more interesting!
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Love it! 
I think the new revamp is very well done!
Aaaaaa I love this revamp It definitely seems to flow better now and I just love the general mood of it and MC’s new tragic backstory 
ofc I loved the original too but this does feel like an improvement! Can’t wait to struggle over who to romance again especially with Cain being added now So glad this is back, looking forward to more!
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Although it was subtle, the “chaotic dumbass energy” was felt when our lovely dark elvish companion in disguise was making no efforts to be heard before spooking our MCs… Twice! What a jerk! I’m still getting him a Hotwheels car as a token of my affection. 
I’m loving this latest version quite a bit more than the second one, as it seems like you’ve got a more solid idea where you want to take/include certain elements into the plot. It’s really good so far, Nike. For real!
I know it can be trying to rewrite things more than you’d like, but it’s all a part of the creative process. Those of us who keep coming back know your story is a real treasure, so take heart, and don’t bend to destructive criticism.
I can’t really say I felt my MC was all that ‘helpless’ since there wasn’t any situation outright that demanded them being able to defend against mortal threats… The most helpful thing anyone complaining about this can do, is to go through highlighting the sentences, the paragraphs, the very words that made them doubt their own MC’s potential. Show everyone exactly where the problem is, and it might be easier to address instead of a highly ambiguous “it felt off”–saying that without examples to show isn’t very helpful, tbh. 
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Lady U! It’s great to hear from you again.
In a way, it’s strangely disheartening to know I have to rewrite some things, even though I understand why! I don’t want people to feel a certain way about their MC. I’m hoping MC won’t feel “helpless” in later chapters though;;
But thank you for this! I want to keep improving no matter what!
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Well, even if the MC dies temporarily again as long as we got to kick butt, and take names before something like blood loss, or poisoning takes a toll, then I wouldn’t have any personal complaints. I wouldn’t feel helpless over something literally no one would normally survive without emergency aid. Given the low-fantasy setting, it’s okay to put your foot down about realistic certainties.
You are definitely improving. Refining your craft, concentrating the core details until you’ve obtained the purity you seek for your narrative. Like good chemistry, you can always improve the final product with the right building blocks–you have everything you need to make the glitter bomb of the century. 
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UPDATE
Chapter One has received minor updates! It includes a couple new choices and minor scene edits to accommodate. The ending has also changed slightly. I hope the edits are to your liking!
Let me know what you think here or on my Tumblr!
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I just got around to play the revised version of the game, and honestly it has improved quite a significant amount. I loved the previous version, don’t get me wrong. But this version feels a little more fleshed out, in comparison to the older version.
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That was the hope! I’m glad it does 
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Great demo!
Like the demo. Can’t wait to see more!
Finally posting a proper update here, as I know not everyone looks at my tumblr (which is fine! It can get crazy sometimes;; ) Chapter Two is almost done! I’m hoping to have it done within the next two weeks at most. Ideally sometime week, but you never know! Chapter One will be re-uploaded as I made minor changes!
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I finished a lot sooner than I expected- Chapter Two is done and uploaded! Let me know if there are any mistakes (spelling, grammar, etc) and your thoughts! You can always find me on Tumblr as well if you’d prefer to message me there!
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Wait wait wait! You can’t just end THERE!! It got so good and thrilling and I need to know more!
Ugh, this is like reading manga and reaching the newest chapter and now the wait for the next one begins…
That being said, the update had me on the edge, it was really REALLY great and I’m looking forward to more!
To be entirely honest I didn’t pay much mind to potential mistakes, sorry. I was so engrossed in reading I might’ve glossed over grammar/spelling mistakes lol
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I’m seeing the MHA fandom doing just that because apparently, things are going DOOOOWWWWWN.
I’m glad you enjoyed this! Is it bad I kind of expected a negative reaction? But thank you so much! Just wait until chapter three comes, you’ll get to meet Ileana. 
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Oh you have no idea, waiting for the next MHA chapter is pure torture atm. Shit really hits the fan😂
Oh? Why did you expect something bad? You didn’t like it yourself? I personally can’t say anything bad about it apart from leaving me hanging at THAT point when it got so suspenseful
I’m definitely looking forward to the next one😁