How do I make my story.... more lively

Hello new friends sorry if the title is to fade and sorry for my English in advance as it not my first language from far either way I have a problem in writing my novel “date a live infinite” it just feels wrong every time I write and then read it I just cant feels myself there it just so…robotic I guess? If this is the right word I want the reader to file the story if I can say that the sound the taste the smell I want it to be a living story that the person can feel what the protagonist feels I want to be able to describe their movement to be more fluid and there expression so I am really stuck is there any advice or example so that I can understand sorry in advance if it to much I am asking for I feels like it is

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Keep trudging on! It gets better with practice. :hugs:

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Hi @Seraphim_Nox

Adding life to your story can be done a few different ways … I like using verbalized emotions in dialogue and internal conversations that characters have with themselves internally.

Here is a sentence I just wrote doing this with verbalized dialogue:

Write your story, no matter how flawed it is; the first and hardest thing to do is to complete the story. Once you do that, you can fix everything you see as flawed.

Indeed, it does.

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Thanks you for the reply I really appreciate and this is the most logical thing every thing comes with practice after all thanks you again new friends

If it isn’t to much to ask can you judge this passage and tell me the flaws?

[As he open the door he’s eyes open wide to the point that they can burst out frozen by the scene every emotions passe through his mind fear anger sadness it felt like an eternity but the moment is quickly broken as he feels arme behind him grabbing him tightly “this is what you want after all” a feminine voice emerge he turns back and see a smirk on her face and her eyes completely cold 'kurumi?" This is the last thought that passed his mind]

The biggest thing I see immediately is that you should break the passage down into individual thoughts and complete observations.

@ Mary_Duffy once gave the advice to read what you write out loud. This is great advice for everyone who self-edits.

When you read your passage out-loud, notice where you need to take a breath, or where you pause… identify places in your writing where natural reading pauses take place.

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That a really good advice I should probably do that next time is there anything else that felt wrong ?

Here’s a more functionally sound version, if you’d like that for reference:

As he open the door, his eyes open wide to the point that they can burst out. Frozen by the scene, every emotion pass through his mind: fear, anger, sadness. Although it feels like an eternity, the moment is quickly broken as he feels arms behind him, grabbing him tightly. “This is what you want after all,” a feminine voice emerges. He turns back and see a smirk on her face, her eyes completely cold. 'Kurumi?" This is his last thought.

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Hi there. I completely echo the thought of just keep writing and it gets easier. Not easy but easier.

One thing that stands out is show vs tell. Ideally you want to show the reader - not tell them what they are meant to be seeing/feeling. You’re trying to explain/tell everything , but sometimes less is more, no-one likes to be told what they are feeling , they want to fill in the blanks as everyone imagines the situation differently.

I’ve written a quick and far from perfect example below.

"He opens the door and steps through - freezing as an arm grabs him roughly from behind. Eyes wide and desperately trying to draw breath against the arm against his throat, his mind reeling as a feminine voice whispers into his ear even as his vision fades. “This is what you want after all…”

vs

As he open the door he’s eyes open wide to the point that they can burst out frozen by the scene every emotions passe through his mind fear anger sadness it felt like an eternity but the moment is quickly broken as he feels arme behind him grabbing him tightly “this is what you want after all” a feminine voice emerge he turns back and see a smirk on her face and her eyes completely cold 'kurumi?" This is the last thought that passed his mind

Pay attention especially to the last line in your example - it’s cold, dispassionate and completely at odds at what you’re trying to achieve. You’re telling the read this but there’s no emotion or connection there.

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Caveat: I don’t say these things to deter you. On the contrary, if writing is for you, then you cannot be deterred. In such case, you should know the long way forward. If I do manage to deter you, you’re welcome.

I subscribe to Malcom Gladwell’s theory that excellence (in any field) begins after 10,000hrs. In writing, it’s common to say you have to first write a million words of crap. In my opinion, there is no short cut.

Here's the math on ways you might get to 10,000 hours.

If you wrote for 8hrs/day every day, you’d reach 10k in 1,250days, or roughly 3.5yrs. Unfortunately, few people have that kind of stamina or free time. If you wrote for 3hrs/day, you’d reach 10k in 3,333days or just under 10yrs. Even that is more than most people can handle when you factor in weekends and such. When I was younger, I didn’t want to believe this, so I set out to disprove it and failed. If it were easier than this, everyone would do it.

Here's the math on ways you might get to 1M words.

When I first started out, I had a hard time writing 10pp/day (5-8hrs of words that go somewhere). At 250wds/p, that’s 2,500words a day. For reference, that’s Steve King’s daily quota. To reach 1M words at that rate, without taking days off would be 400days. That’s not a realistic figure. Robert Heinlein (Starship Troopers) wrote 1p/day, so that he had roughly 1x 300p book/yr. To get to 1M at this rate would take 11yrs.

TL;DR: Both of these math sets put you on the path to proficiency between 1-10yrs depending on what your discipline can handle. Note, I say “discipline” not “passion.” I have seen “passionate” people come and go.

For me the worst parts of learning to write are two-fold:
  1. You have to be bad for a really long time, which is especially bad when your taste exceeds your craft.

  2. You will have a hard time monetizing it in the long period in which you are bad (and after) where the same time spent on many other things will have a lot more immediate benefit.

My advice (not for the faint of heart): I only recommend writing if you have absolutely no say in the matter. Or, to say it otherwise: if you can do anything else, do that instead. But, if you are tormented by the fact that you’re not writing any time you’re not and by the fact that you are anytime you are, then, congratulations–you are a writer. May as well knock out those hours and words. Good luck to you. @Seraphim_Nox

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Thanks you very much for taking time to help me and to be honest writing is just my passion the only real thing that put me at ease even some time I found myself writing just like that but anyway thanks you again for everything new friends

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Thanks you I will try to use this as a inspiration? I guess to write better thanks you again

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Thanks

Pacing. I’ve seen many good ideas and potentially rich stories fall just because of bad pacing.

Look up some ways to make it work. Basically you’ve got to start from the bottom and work your way up to the climax, but not all at once, let the intensity of your story have little bumps of tension, (kinda like hiccups ahah!) that grow and grow building up until they reach the apex in the climax (the ULTIMATE hiccup!).

A way to make it more immersive is by describing what’s happening not through the eyes of the reader but through the eyes of the characters. Use metaphors, write so that the reader can’t but feel the emotions of the characters themselves when they are reading your story, as if they were living it, through the eyes of the characters.

you don’t have to do this all the time, in fact, you can use a slight change in your writing technique to adjust the “bumps” in the pacing and make some scenes appear more intense than others.
there are other things too, but for now I give you these two key words: intensity and emotions.

build it up and break it down!

(I like to think about it as a classical music symphony, it starts slow but still at a good rythm, it starts building up, slows down again, and every time time it bulds up and slows down again again it’s more and more intense than the last one, until, right before the end, it reaches the climax)

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Think of writing as if you’re writing to music. You need the rhythm, and the refrain. The easiest way to do that is by varying sentence length. Short ones for nervous beats. Longer ones with descriptions to slow the reader down. Paragraph breaks to really bring home the point. To use your example above I have added punctuation, fixed the odd grammar mistake, and removed some bits to make it punchier. Note how there are sentences consisting only of one word, to make them stand out, followed by a longer sentence. I also split it into paragraphs that are easier to read: Reaction - Dialog - New person Dialog. Ending.

Try reading it out loud, paying attention to how you breathe. That is my best advice to make text flow, reading it out loud and paying attention to where the natural pauses are. That’s where you need punctuation. If there are places where your tongue slips and things feel awkward, that’s where you might need to cut away some words to make it smoother. Yes, it will feel awkward to hear your own voice, especially if you are not a native English speaker, but it is worth it.

As he opens the door, his eyes open wide. He stands frozen by the scene, every emotion passing through his mind. Fear. Anger. Sadness. It felt like an eternity, but the moment is quickly broken as he feels arms behind him grabbing him tightly.

“This is what you want, after all.” A feminine voice.

He turns back and see a smirk on her face and her eyes completely cold. 'Kurumi?"

That was the last thought that passed his mind.

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