Hollowed Minds (Chapter 2: Part 1 Updated Oct. 8, 2022, +58k words; Patreon launched on Nov. 3!)

Well it didn’t appear much so I don’t remember, everyone just calls the MC “the ripper” and not “the dirty cop” or something.

Also regardless the punishment was a 5 month suspension, who cares about that? Not much stakes were involved if you ask me

uh. they werent ‘the dirty cop’ they were the ‘clean cop’. they were known as the as the ripper BEFORE their reputation got ruined because they took down other cops and high ranking officials. and the punishment might’ve only been 5 month suspension but their reputation as someone who fights corruptions was completely and totally tarnished leaving them with nobody on their side

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I remember reading this back in 2021 (oof time goes by so quickly) and really liking it. Re-reading it today, can’t say my opinion’s changed. This is a very engaging story, with a lot of mysteries that keep you hooked and an interesting plot, with the bonus of having lots of characters you just want to see more of. Really can’t wait to see where this goes.

Typos I found...
  • ‘…current? WIll Morgan—young fearless…’ → Will has a capital ‘i’
  • “He wasn’t not there.” → double negative that I don’t think was intended
  • ‘A bile growing in your throat at the sharp movements.’ → ‘a bile’ seems wrong. maybe just ‘bile’?
  • ‘Gratitude dance around the gaze that veered towards you…’ → I think it should be ‘danced’
  • 'Ethan Alonzo: CLASSIFIED Relationship status: Hostile ’ → In the stat page this appeared as a single line, where I think it was supposed to be two line.
Really just a nitpick...

So in the part where Alex asks us to close our eyes after the death of the father he calls us by our nickname. Then the choices are “It has always been the name I’ve used my entire life…” and “It wasn’t the name I was born with, though my brother was the first one to know that it was the name I wanted…”. That struck me as odd. Mostly because, you know, the nickname I picked wasn’t the name the MC was born with nor the name they wanted per say, just a nickname. I think it would make more sense for Alex to call the MC by name, not by their nickname in this particular instance. Again this is just a nitpick, in no way something I think is wrong per se. But since I personally found it a bit odd, I thought better to mention it just in case it would be a valid point.

Thank you for your hard work and for sharing this story with us :))

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Hi! First of all, thank you for the compliments! There will be a lot of action in the next update, and much more in the future, so no worries! I just needed to lay the groundwork first, establishing who the characters are and the initial relationships they have with the MC. I do plan to balance them well, though since all this is still just a rough draft, I might not succeed at that right away.

I think the replies on this thread would suffice as good answers, both with regards to this question and the ones about the betrayal, though I can still make it clearer in-game during my rounds of edits. There’s a few scenes present that give a few of the reasons already, but I get how easy it is to miss them (or the subtext at least).

I’ll say, however, that the police force in the story is a corrupt institution in general; both the MC and Wesley are aware of it, and that’s how their whole partnership (e.g. exposing influential criminals) started in the first place. I think it’s also worth noting that the police rarely cooperate with journalists, and that fact only added fuel to the fire.

To give a bit of explanation:
  • The MC started to get called Ripper when they got the reputation of taking down corrupt cops and politicians and they already had Wesley’s and Richard’s help at this point. Now, politicians are one thing, but tattling on your fellow cops is a very huge deal, corrupt or not.

  • The marshal (who leads an organization not unlike the police but reports directly to the mayor) takes notice of their reputation and urges the MC to do a mission for her that is quite similar to how they expose criminals (which was the point of the prologue). They were supposed to pick up the evidence they need in the meeting they were supposed to have in the bar with the marshal’s agent, and then use it to investigate and arrest Bale on their own. MC and Richard talked about this a bit, and the latter expressed heavily that this was a bad idea considering the widespread rumors on unjustified brutal arrests that the marshal is involved with.

  • The things that Wesley exposed about the MC that night had the implications that MC was there to help the marshal in one of the illegal arrests I’ve mentioned above. That, of course, made a huge blow to how people perceive them now.

  • The 5-month suspension is a very light punishment, yes, but it’s the possibility of what might happen next that the MC dreads, as well as their reputation with the general public being ruined as well.

I hope this helped even just a little?

Sometimes I do end up accidentally removing sentences that could have been helpful in making these points clear, but I’ll see what I can do. I also have a few folks helping me out with it. I plan to cut down on unnecessary sentences/phrases, make sure to emphasize the important ones more.

Anyway, like I said earlier, it’s still quite a rough draft, so there will probably be more scenes with similar issues and I do aim to fix them all (there’s just a lot of variations to keep track of that sometimes I don’t see the issues myself), but thank you for raising your questions :))

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2021 was a wild year lmao but I’m glad you still like it :')

That’s very valid, thank you (and for showing the typos as well)! I honestly never noticed that before so I’m glad you pointed it out. I think I can find a way to work around it somehow.

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Thanks for the response, yeah I felt that these things need to be made clearer as I probably missed a lot of these. The reader should understand why and what is happening for us to understand the consequences.

For eg in Richard’s case we know clearly he’s an informant with a family, for MC’s case the MC doesn’t have that much too lose so its hard to be invested personally speaking.

It would be better for the fellow police officers to say more stuff like “here comes the traitor” or “here’s the rat”

So MC is kinda seen as IA as in law enforcement they’re called Rats.

Also I’m confused with the “nightmares” part of the story, is this going to be supernatural/fantasy related or is this a mental illness/mental health thing?

There will be nothing supernatural/fantasy related in the plot, though there is a lot more to them than what initially appears. I can’t say much more about this, unfortunately, but there are hidden stats that might affect what happens in the future.

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Progress Update 8/13/23

Hi! I’ve made a post on tumblr about this already, but I apologize for my silence recently! I’ve been going through a lot of changes – new job and all that – and have only finished moving today to another city :'))) I’d like to take a week for myself to set a proper pace and figure out a schedule that would work for my writing, so I’ll probably post another progress update next week. For now, some progress below:

  • 30k+ words usable content for the next update (usable meaning I had to cut a lot from what I wrote previously :(( and I might have to cut more from that depending on how it’ll go.
  • Previous chapter edits - this includes making the passages more concise, the tension stronger, a lot more action-focused, and much easier to read and understand with strengthened dialogues.
  • There’s a few changes I’m implementing with regards to the stats as well. It mostly goes like this as presented in the picture below :eyes:
  1. Default means your Ripper starts that way from the beginning of the story, though you can still change this with your choices.
  2. Fixed means you can immediately set that specific trait for Ripper and it stays that way for the rest of Book 1.
  3. Fixed and variable just means you can set the initial trait but there’ll still be a stat-style movement depending on your future choices.

Some of the terms I used for these opposed pairs are merely placeholders because I literally can’t think of other words for some reason, but this system does open opportunities for comparisons and comments from other characters, so I’m eager to go through with that plan.

I know it’s been several months since the last update, but rest assured that I’m doing my best!

Anyway, that’s all for today, and see you next week :pleading_face:if you have any suggestions/concerns about the current content HM has, feel free to approach me in any way you’re comfortable with :'))))

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Damn gimmicks more of this fantastic storyline that I have engraved myself in :smile_cat:

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Same.:handshake: Also Wesley better have a good reason for their betrayal - just saying.

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Oh Wesley does have a reason alright :thinking:(whether it’s good or bad will be up for debate). And secrets. Lots of them, perhaps.

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Is this still being updated?? Pls tell me it’s still under development:(

Hi! Apologies for being quiet here but yes, it’s still under development! I’ve paused patreon billings atm and been a little inactive on tumblr to focus on writing, but I’ve also been quite busy with my job and community work among various things. I did want to push an update out before June but I just didn’t have enough time lmfao. I’ll keep everyone posted once it’s available, though!

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I hope Wesley get’s a taste of going against the wrath of Ripper that ruined many high-profile Politicians and Polices reputation, if that’s possible.

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Phew, I’m glad you still are writing your story. :heart_eyes: happy dance
But please don’t overwork yourself, stay safe and hydrated.
I’m looking forward to have more to read about your story :smiley: