Congrats on this update. I’m looking forward to seeing chapter 4 finished. 
Funnily enough, while i did notice the writing had some peculiar quality to it, i thought that was actually intentional, to make it more in line with what you’d expect from actual teenager and what they’d write in their diary or how they’d think.
That said, i have seen couple people mention they found the style a weak point, so i imagine the rewrite is going to help overall in this regard. Going to have a look at it when i find a moment.
6 Likes
It was intentional haha. But the way I’ve been writing chapter 4 is closer to this new version of the first 3 chapters. And it felt disjointed when going from one to the other.
edit: also, the narrator is present day MC, so I felt making their prose more mature would fit better
6 Likes
A question, ¿does Haley have some kind of mental condition? Personally, I simply believe that she is one of those people who, for some reason, pretend to be something they are not and she is so tired of that that she has a lot of repressed anger. However, someone I know who also reads this story actually has the theory that Haley has a dissociative identity disorder. It is a curious theory, but it sounds a little strange to me. I don’t know. As I said, to me, she is just tired of pretending to be someone else.
2 Likes
Monthly Progress Update - Aug 25
I’m going to start strong: this is probably the biggest update since I came back to this IF.
First, let’s talk about the rewrites. Yep, chapters 1–3 have all been rewritten to some extent and polished up to a level I’d finally call acceptable. As I’ve said before, any comments on the changes or the general quality would be hugely appreciated! The combined word count for these first three chapters now sits at 49k, down from… whatever it was before. Who knew rewrites could kill so many words?
Now onto the big boy on campus: Chapter 4, which is currently sitting at a whopping 157k words.
Like I mentioned in the last update, I’ve finished writing all the rides to homecoming with every date:
-
Meet Cecily’s parents and potentially learn why she’d go with you to the dance.
-
Butt heads with Isaac, who, of course, insists on taking a monster truck.
-
Pick up Haley, who’s all dressed up, and maybe even open to a kiss…?
-
Meet Angela’s parents and discover that they are (plot twist) Italian.
-
Learn more about Marcus’ motivations, and maybe even be forced to reveal your past.
After that comes the actual dance. Structurally, I’ve written it to work a lot like the party at the start of the chapter: you’ll pick what you want to do, and there are 7 activities total, but you’ll only get to experience 5 in each playthrough. Some are forced depending on your date (looking at you, Cecily), and every activity comes with running commentary and side chatter from your date throughout. You can also uncover more about Dylan’s and Olivia’s thoughts on the Tragedy, if you play your cards right.
All that’s left to finish in this chapter are:
-
Wrapping up the activities
-
Writing the homecoming royalty crowning
-
Showing reactions to the reveal that the “creep” is back (if you choose that route)
-
A final interaction with your date to close out the night, assuming things aren’t too tense by then.
If everything keeps moving at this pace, I think I’ll actually be able to say Chapter 4 is done by next month! There’s a catch though. There’s always a catch… It’s going to need a ton of polishing. There are still lingering references to the “multiple fathers”, broken variables, and some downright bad coding practices that make it rough for me to keep going without cleanup.
Anyway, here’s a poll. Are chapters 1-3 better now?
- Yes
- No
- 100% better
- I didn’t like the old version and don’t like the new version either
0
voters
14 Likes
Hmm, a note regarding the current demo. In chapter 2 when preparing for the game proper, the MC gets to make 4 actions. This is a change from previous version where you could do 5 actions, and also contradicts the early statement how you have 5 weeks to prepare:
The calendar on your phone shows the date: July 31st. School starts on September 5th. You have five weeks. Time to get to work.
//…
*label weekly_planning_loop
*if (weeks_left <= 0)
*goto weeks_end
*if (weeks_left = 4)
*gosub wren_meeting
So, i’m thinking this may be potential oversight/error? Having 5 actions was already pretty limiting before, but cutting it down to 4 makes it really and perhaps unnecessarily tight.
edit seems like there’s also an actual bug here:
*selectable_if (showed_off_talent = 0) #Through undeniable talent. I'll make a public show of my skills.
//...
*selectable_if (finance < 50) #Commit to this plan.
*set showed_off_talent 1
*set weeks_left -1
*goto show_off_talent
//...
*label show_off_talent
*set weeks_left -1
Showing off talent uses up a week twice, effectively costing you two weeks of schedule instead of 1 it’s supposed to take.
4 Likes
Yep, it’s 100% a bug. I’ll fix it tomorrow, As well as the “show off” choice. Thanks for the heads up, you always catch these things haha
5 Likes
You should have weeks_left 5 at the start. You do the first action and are left with 4 weeks, which is the first week you meet wren. You go to the end of the chapter when weeks_left reaches 0. I accidentally set weeks_left to 4 at the start of the file instead of 5.
I fixed the double week loss for showing off as well!
2 Likes
Yeah, i think the 4 weeks thing was just caused by the double cost of showing your talent action – since it ate extra move and resulted in 4 available actions instead of 5. I gave it a quick replay just now and with that bug fixed it all seems to work as intended, i could pick 5 moves.
2 Likes
Quick question is haley the only girl who will ask you out or will any other will do it and can olivia do it
Bonus question are you able to ask out olivia to prom romantically if so HOW???
2 Likes
Olivia doesn’t like big showy events (Especially as they put the person being asked under pressure to say yes, or else look heartless), so to get Olivia to look at the event positively you’ll need to go for a private approach first.
Assuming you haven’t been a kissarse, and have either flirted successfully and or joked around, and either interacted positively with her band or else helped save her from the Lamb game (Both is better obviously), then she should have a positive perception of you.
2 Likes
This is all Chapter 4 content, so I’ve spoiler-tagged everything.
Yes.
Nope. None of the other characters are set up, either in terms of plot or personality, to initiate something like that.
@Oirbse already gave a great explanation, but here’s the mechanical side of it: Ask her out privately, choose the first dialogue option where you admit you like her, and make sure you already have at least a Friendly relationship with her.
5 Likes
I freaking love that pickup line in the cafeteria with Olivia and hope someone uses it on me one day! 
I was in pieces. Made my whole day! 
Rewrite is really well done. I appreciate getting a deeper glimpse into Mom’s perspective, fear and protectiveness. That maternal instinct will make you lose your mind (and rightly so I think with everything kids, especially ones like the MC, have to go through now). And it better explains why the MC responds to the tragedy as she does. The MC’s actions no longer feel random, but inevitable being raised by two ruthless parents. Love Momma’s ruthless strategy way better than Dad’s tho! 
QUESTION…
Is Wren romanceable?
I ask because, I absolutely love the Count of Monte Cristo too! And love that even in his (maybe dark? maybe unhinged?) determination, was still able to develop a close bond with another (Haydee), who played a key role in the revenge and its success. I’m really hoping Wren is this character 
So far, other than her parents, everyone the MC knows is connected to the tragedy. In line with Mom’s concern, it would be nice to know that the MC hasn’t lost her humanity and who she is completely. Having someone separate from the tragedy could give the MC opportunities to develop a real life away from that or at least help her soften the final blow a bit and find some real closure. Or, forgetting Mom’s concerns completely, Wren could motivate the MC to escalate things and deal a sharp devastating final blow (if that wasn’t the MC’s plan already).
In no way do I want to soften or change Wren’s mysterious edge! I absolutely love that edge and Wren’s skills are invaluable and enticing no matter what they motivate the MC to do. But whether a friendship or romance is formed, I’d love to see Wren take on a deeper role with the MC and revenge journey. I also just think it’d be so fun to carefully unwrap them from Mom’s finger (and wallet) and, with a little convincing and/or canoodling, get them tightly wrapped around mine! 
5 Likes
Only the targets, Marcus and Angela are romanceable
1 Like
That’s not entirely accurate – your two potential helpers aren’t connected to it, nor are some of the characters you get to meet in various clubs. And the helpers are available as ROs, iirc.
2 Likes
Didn’t know the allies were romanceable. I definitely didn’t scroll to the end of the RO list before. 
Still, my reasoning is the same. The allies may not be connected to the tragedy directly, but they’re still connected to the school life the MC left and came back too. They know that struggle and drama and know the bullies. They’re still to close to it. Wren is completely fresh faced.
Plus, I’m drawn to Wren’s whole vibe (pls tell me I’m not the only one…). The allies do nothing for me. At this rate my MCs close to romancing Isaac (the worst of them all), I was hoping to give her some hope and opportunity to step away from it when it’s all over, not be tied to it.
Yes with the allies my MC wouldn’t be tied to it once it’s over, but Wren just seems to be on the same level as the MC intelligence, financial, and confidence wise. If something jumps off he’s able to stand on his own and defend himself, maybe even switch things up or do surprise attack or something to resolve things. Not getting that vibe from the allies who depends on the MC to resolve the matter and brings the MC down with them if something happens. Major turn off. Wren’s wild card vibes? Complete turn on. I see a lasting future with him and my MC! 
Or…if not forever, then at least through college. 
1 Like
But this school doesn’t have anything to do with the Tragedy, which happened in completely different place. Many students who attend this high school potentially didn’t attend the one where the Tragedy has happened.
If simply being a student is enough to consider it a connection, well, Wren also attended school at some point not long ago and participated in school life like all those folks.
I mean, it’s fine to be attracted to Wren but i don’t think it needs any sort of justification why everyone else is somehow worse. You like what you like.
Btw, Wren is definitely not on MC’s level as far as finances go. They wouldn’t need to work as maid/butler to actual rich folks if this was he case. Nor i see dutiful following of other people’s orders (including kid younger than yourself) as some particular sign of confidence. I feel you may be building in your head this idealized image of getting your own version of Batman’s butler --or Haydee i guess-- that doesn’t have really all that much to do with actual Wren..?
2 Likes
To each their own~♪
Hope Wren can be added to mix. But if not, I’ll be so disappointed (obviously), but my MC will just have to find comfort in Isaac’s arms. Hopefully she can turn those painful pranks and jokes to jolts, shivers, and heartthrobs. 
3 Likes
I haven’t played the game in a while, excuse me if this is answered and I didn’t notice or I’m slow.
Is the public demo supposed to be short, because I know it was longer or his that a glitch?
1 Like
We need POVs in this game
4 Likes