Ok lets go.
I really like the idea and the concept of your WIP.
Your writing matches your idea, it IS bubbly and lighthearted.
I really wanted to like your Story, but sadly it is not my cup of tea.
The main problem I had with the story is, that for me it does not really count as IF.
There are not enough choices, you always have to read several paragraphs without any choice.
You could for example insert choices for the fights so that the player could choose the attack the characters use.
Most choices that we’re implemented were If I wanted to pet an animal, I always like to pet animals, so that was OK, but they do not feel like they have consequences in game, so they feel meaningless. I personally am quite fond of Fake_choices as they give a different flavor text, but when there are no “game-changing” choices they start to feel shallow and being there just to have choices at all.
The next point is about the writing in general. In the beginning there is a lot of info dump what makes it hard to remember anything since there is sooo much Info at once. A possible solution to this could be to make the info part of a choice, so people that want all the info could choose every bit but people who would like to skip that part after the vital info would have the choice to do so.
When you choose your path as an Alchemist I would put the info about the different paths AS flavor text after the choice and then another choice to confirm the path. So people who already know which path they want to choose can skip the other paths easily.
You might want to look after the Connection/flow between the paragraphs, sometimes is seems to be quite sudden, so that I thought I might have skipped a page.
The last point is a bit harder to mention, because it is just a personal feeling but I want to share it. The mentioning of the sexual abuse in the past of one char and the reference towards breast cancer in the part of the pink ribbon paragraph felt quite offensive and out of place for the Kind of Story you want to tell. The sexual abuse seemed to be just a trait for the character and not taken seriously enough.
Thats my Feedback, I hope your writing goes well and good luck with your story