I can already tell this is gonna be a long-ass comment so buckle up if anyone bothers reading this.
So, I first played this a few months ago, and was so excited when it was recently updated. I was initially intrigued at playing the villain for a change, instead of the hero. I love playing a superhero and I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving helping people and doing the good in games that I wish I could do in my own life, but it can get boring sometimes, I suppose. I played that one CoG where you play an classic, theatrical evil mastermind, but I wasn’t convinced by the motivations to cause ultimate destruction for selfish gain while it hurt other people, and I lost so much by the end that I ultimately ended the game dissatisfied and alone. But this game, while similar, gives the characters, main characters at least, dynamic and layers that the other game didn’t. That’s ultimately what makes the game compelling and entertaining for me: the people. Specifically, it’s my character’s relationship with Ortega and my desire to not lose him again that keeps me going further with the story.
The complexity of my character, and how paradoxical she can be, is also very interesting. Being an inherently good person, I think, as a hero, my prime motivation and drive was trying to help and save as many people as possible. Now, as a villain, my main motivation, although my heart really isn’t in it, is wiping away my past and who I used to be, Sidestep. That was what I chose to focus on in regards to raiding the museum because, ultimately, it brought the least amount of harm to the innocent party-goers at the gala. And, I think, destroying the exhibit in honour of the hero I used to be is what would ultimately bring myself under the most suspicion, maybe. Because, subconsciously, I might even want to get caught, to put a stop to the path I’ve gone down and can’t seem to turn back from. If I can’t quit, maybe I need a hero to take me out of the equation… somehow.
And don’t even get me started on Ortega and me. What makes me the most regretful of the path I’ve gone and keep going down is how much he still trusts and believes in me, after all this time. He still thinks I’m on his side, the good side, and as much as I wish I could be, I’m not. And that kills me, that he thinks I’m still who I was ten years ago. And what makes me feel shittier is I don’t want to lose him again, so I stay close to him and try as much as I can to be his friend even though I’m technically his enemy, little does he know. If that isn’t selfish enough, after running into him at the gym where my puppet, Magnus, boxes, I think he’s fallen for whoever he thinks my puppet is and I can’t do much of anything to dispel those feelings, though I’ve tried. And even though his attraction, crush, love or whatever you want to call it, isn’t unreciprocated at all, I just don’t want to be with him like that, letting him love a lie. As much I want to be with him, I want to be with him as who I really am, as Aliya, in my own body, no secrets. And it doesn’t escape me how entirely impossible that is. Besides the fact that I am actively working against him and his team, devoting these past few years to selfish, evil goals, which would squash any feelings Ortega might have for me, I’m not sure if he’s actually even attracted to women, let alone harboring affection for me beyond the platonic bond we’ve always had.
But while I staked out the museum before I made all hell break loose, I overheard Harold and Lady Argent talking and they mentioned that Ortega’s judgement has been clouded during the current investigation because he’s in love, which makes me hate myself even more because that’s because of me, either way, because whether he’s in love with me, Aliya, or my puppet, Magnus, there’s no way Ortega’s heart does not get broken. It will probably only take one of these scenarios for the entire scheme I’ve planned out for years to unravel:
A) He finds out Magnus is actually me. Or, at least, a telepath was possessing him. And he’s smart enough to assume that the telepath that possessed Magnus was the same to take over Lady Argent’s body and raid the museum. Either way, if he’s in love with my puppet, his heart gets broken.
B) He finds out the telepath who raided the museum was me. If he’s in love with me, his heart is broken. If he’s not in love with me, he’ll still feel betrayed, which is no better.
C) If he’s in love with both of us – which is just as likely, because Magnus is technically me, as much as I try to separate us – well, I don’t know what could happen, but I don’t see a way this ends without him getting hurt. And that’s what makes me want to turn away from all of it.
It doesn’t escape me that my MC is resentful of Ortega, for always seeing me as someone less powerful, less strong, someone always needing protecting/saving. And maybe that’s why it seems so easy sometimes, to let him believe I’m still that little lamb, to manipulate him. Even though, inside, I hate lying to him and I’ve ultimately tried to be as truthful as possible without telling him everything. I’ve accepted his help and listened to his advice thus far because I want to be with him as much as possible while he still has this idealized image of me in his head, until the inevitable moment when he realizes who I am and what I’m doing and that image of who he respects and is so proud of shatters like a funhouse mirror, when it all comes crashing down.
And I know how selfish that really is, to want to live in the glow of how my best friend, my only friend, sees me until I ruin it all for him and for myself. But is that merciful, to not let him believe this lie anymore? And though my MC is entirely in love with him, is it better to erase who he maybe loved too in order to be entirely honest with him about who I really am? What’s worse, breaking his heart or letting him love a lie? Doesn’t matter if he loves me or my puppet, or perhaps both, we’re both lies that I’ve let him believe. And believe in, for that matter.
It fucks me up how little sense this makes. I’m technically a “villain,” but I try to make sure no life is lost because of my schemes, and I’m fucked up over lying to someone who I’m supposed to be working against, someone whose failure I’m supposed to enjoy. But I almost want him to find me out, to defeat me, because that would mean this whole facade and dark path would end. The only thing pushing me deeper into the dark is the reminder that I never finish anything I start – most things anyway. And this will probably be my MC’s last chance to do that, to complete something, to accomplish her goals, twisted as they may be.
Wow. I feel like I went down like 7 different tangents but it was nice to write out my little moral dilemma to others who may be thinking the same things.
in case we need a scapegoat aka dressing them up in our badass armour to fool everyone into thing the mc is dead.
So based on that, here is my current theory: