Eyes of Shan: Book One [WIP] (Updated 25/12/23)

The female ROs will be introduced gradually (in what I hope is an organic way)! I’m still debating over whether some of them have enough plot presence to warrant making them ROs, so this might take a while :))

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That was a very well-written demo :slight_smile:
A couple of questions:

  1. I was very surprised when I looked into my stats to see Strength at 36%, Agility at 16% and the rest of the build in 10%s. Can these stats be increased later? What will the stat checks look like?
  2. Codex would be useful, I found myself asking many questions about Shan people and how they should look during customization.

Possible typo:


Did you mean leather?

Until next time!
image

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I just finished this demo and WOOOOOOW I wanna give you a kiss for this.

I really loved the prologue. It’s strong and gripping while setting up the main conflict in the series (?) quite well. We’re not told about the conflict but from the way you frame the interaction with the bandits it’s quite obvious what the underlying problem is. And honestly I want to give you a pat on the back. Some of the lines are just so chef’s kiss.

My favorite line HAS to be this one from the entire demo:

Line it up, draw, sight. It’s an action ingrained into your body, your muscles, your mind. When you look down the length of the arrow, the person on the other end of your bow is no longer a fleeing human.

Now, you’re hunting prey.

And after re-reading the demo you can almost tell that the MC is already experienced in what they do (at least that’s how it came across to me :sweat_smile:). I also love the bits of personality in the MC’s monologue so another bonus point from me !

I genuinely am invested in this series and hope the best in the future!

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Sorry if it’s already been asked but what makes the eyes of the Shan important enough that it is been auctioned and the Shan people been hunted for it?

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I do believe the story will get around to that at some point, it’s a secret right now! The mystery, the lure!

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Seems really good so far

I love the concept of being a warrior able to use all kinds of weapons. Can we have and option to choose a dagger instead of a sword or spear, but if story wise a dagger just doesn’t seem like the kind thing a army commander would take into battle I totally understand if you don’t.

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Just finished the demo and I really like it so far! I’m looking forward to more :3

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Bruh

“The Craft of Battle, by General Son Zu.”

Im dead :rofl::skull:

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“To confuse the enemy, you must first confuse yourself.” - General Son Zu, The Craft of Battle

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im asking for ur hand in marriage for writing this :ring::ring::ring:
no but fr this was so good you devoured and i can’t wait for more :saluting_face::saluting_face:

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I have a few questions !

I was scouring the stat screen and I noticed a lot of dynamics in the relationship stats. The only ones I could understand in first glance were “dumb and dumber”, “2 perfect angels” and “thawing the ice” . I don’t know the rest and I hope maybe you can have some stat descriptions for them :sweat_smile: maybe ? Hopefully ?

Also, I wonder if you have a tumblr blog for this WIP? It’s not necessary but dang I dunno if the forums can handle me and my constant half-delicious-hyperfixation-fueled rants :sweat_smile:

Also, this is probably the first WIP I’ve seen in Choicescript to tackle a Korean fantasy setting. It’s honestly quite refreshing setting and I’m more surprised it’s not too commonly used especially with the rise of Kdrama (???). Honestly what inspired you to do it in the first place ? If you don’t mind answering :sweat_smile::grimacing:

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Thank you for the feedback! I’ve changed up the achievements on my end, but I’ll make more changes before I update the demo on Dashingdon! And yes, while you can choose your signature weapon from the beginning, your Commander is proficient with several weapons which will be revealed over the course of the story, and I’ll be sure to compensate for the different weapon types as well!

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@ cog forum “let me edit my post so i can include my socials please” challenge failed (or am i just blind)

anyways for people who would like to see me cry over writing this i can be found here on tumblr!

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Need to ask for moderators help and the string you used just in that post probally wasnt picked up by them.

Normally to edit posts need to reach a certain level of posts for it to unlock without the mods help.

By the way loving the demo and looking forward to seeing more. :smiley: will probaly have more coments after work and or sleep lol im kinda running on fumes at the moment.

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Thank you for the feedback!! I’m still mucking around with the stats, so it might take a while before I finalise how it’s going to go! But for stat checks, I don’t think it’s likely that the stats will affect whether you can survive a playthrough or not – they just make certain courses of action available. As for a codex, I’ll try to see what I can do, but if possible, I’d like for information about this world to be slowly revealed to the player as they go along!

Also yes… thank you for finding that typo :"D I will go dress myself in my cotton and lathers now.

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I think there should be a pencil icon on the post to make some edits

I like what you have written so far. Seems really interesting. And i love how calm and chill the emperor is. It’s just different from so many other storys i know where the emperor charakter is always fearsome and a brutal conquerer. So it’s just nice to see an emperor in a story that seems to be a good and peacefull monarch.

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Right?? There should be, but there isn’t…

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I think it’s probably due to trust levels just like what another commenter has said :thinking: