Cyberpolice (Minor Update: 9th of November 2024) (WIP)

[Tiavals]

Update Today.

Includes: Even more extended version of Mari Badr one night stand scene. (31,000 in game text, previously 10,000)
Note: Still no explicit parts. Those will come in the coming week if all goes well(along with more “direct” flirting variation as opposed to the “painting” one currently implemented. Anyway, disregard the ending rambling, it’s relevant with the explicit version but not yet ).

Okay, so as usual the final testing and so on took a handful of hours more than expected.

Anyway, here is the new, improved more “romantic” version of the one night stand.(more dialogue and such, not necessarily more romantic, but I tried my best). (although I’ll probably be using many of the things in non-romance based variations too, one day)

I’m posting most of the same polls as previously to see if the scene can be considered to be better.

How was the scene, “romance”-wise?

• Great
• Good enough
• Needs more work

Did it feel like Mari Badr’s characterization was all over the place in a bad/nonsensical way?

• No.
• A bit.
• Yes.

Was her gala “persona” too different from the usual that it was bizarre/confusing?

• No, not really.
• Maybe a bit.
• Definitely.

Did you feel there was any inappropriate/adult content for a non-explicit version?

• No, it was all good.
• Some censuring needed.
• A lot of censuring needed.

Was the scene variable enough for multiple playhtroughs?

• Definitely, lots of fun variance.
• Enough variance for at least two different experiences.
• Didn’t seem all that different even with different choices.

Was it too long?

• No.
• A bit.
• Way too long.

Were the mini-scenes in the apartment too unrelated to the one-night-stand/romance context?

• No.
• Maybe a bit.
• Yes, they ruined the mood.

Opinion on the quality of the implicit write-up of the “sex scene”?

• Great.
• Good enough.
• Needs more work.

Written feedback is, as usual, very much welcome, whether privately messaged or posted here.

Deadline for next update: Next sunday. Should include the explicit version of this scene. (As opposed to fade to black or implicit.

[Netherate]

Whenever I go to stats this pops up

[8Milkpower8]

Hah, “illegal mixing” error in a game about police

[Tiavals]

@Netherate

Whenever I go to stats this pops up

Aaargh, thanks for reporting that. Looks like changing to CSIDE as the development platform has completely screwed up that whole page for some reason. The formatting is totally random there and will be a nightmare to fix.

I uploaded an older version to fix the issue, should work now, but obviously it lacks the newer stuff(which I incidentally forgot to add in the first place )

[8Milkpower8]

@Tiavals

forum ramblings, I’d imagine. Liking one doesn’t mean you have to like the other.

As for the Payday 2 scenario, funny you should mention it, since that’s how the city was before the Designer Soldiers came to bring order into chaos

Was it bad enough that criminals had to worry about being victims of crime while executing their own illegal acts?

[Tiavals]

No update today.

Deadline for current update: Rest of Mari one night stand by Sunday(explicit stuff, plus a few things I didn’t include in the previous one)
Deadline for the rest in this segment: Varies. January, February, in small parts.

Good to see that the reception has been very good so far. Much better than the original, so I think that the effort was worth it. It might have been almost 2 months, but since I can recycle so much into other things, I think it’s fine.

@8Milkpower8

@Tiavals

forum ramblings, I’d imagine. Liking one doesn’t mean you have to like the other.

As for the Payday 2 scenario, funny you should mention it, since that’s how the city was before the Designer Soldiers came to bring order into chaos

Was it bad enough that criminals had to worry about being victims of crime while executing their own illegal acts?

Maybe not that bad. A different kind of bad. More rioting and looting than street crime. And not quite as comical as that.

[Aoyama_Blue_Mountain]

I never would have thought there would be an exception put in (I also would have never have found it without save slots )
Testing her and then being thrown out was amazing, very enjoyable for a “failure” scene!
(This is probably projecting, but her going from the possibility of letting loose/tension satisfied to her having to kick you out and being frustrated is what made the scene)

If I said that i had a favourite scene before, I’ve forgotten what it was and it is now this

This tone is gonna sound like criticism against it but I’m going to clarify that I actually enjoy the tediousness/formality of it (or i did until this scene had an exception😅) and dont hesitate to cut it out if needed of course.

Is her contract aspect really going to be brought up often throughout the story?

.

The saying that I’m probably going to butcher cause it wont be exactly correct word for word but majority understands the context of
“give an inch, take a mile”

aaaanyways simplified to what im getting at: exception routes from here would “need/want” different lines/references to the exception she made on that one night stand (which in my opinion in length, definitely was more of like an “If on a romance plot, this was major scene 1 that had a sex scene”)

exception "route?" that had mentions of the contract

“Her making the painting is well within the contract that you signed with her, even if you were sleeping.”

“Now, you said something about another wrestling match… I think we have time for that, seeing as how the time period stipulated in the contract hasn’t passed yet…”

Basically, it sounds like it could be alot of work part 500

Can always have her shut it down initially after this one with like a “that was a one time thing” or tapering it off I suppose.
There is also using it as a playful dynamic if wanted to embrace it

Wait I’m dumb, the easy way out is that its supposted to be a hook up/one night stand. That contract never has to appear again since its “early” if on her route

Im dumb part 2: she may not even have a “route” since she “doesn’t do romance”

I don’t know how to feel about this part of the line:
“The sound of meat slapping on meat”
Like I understand it but …

[Tiavals]

Thanks for the criticism and feedback. It’s fine even if it sounds “bad” if that’s the only way you know how to say it. I much prefer that you wrote it rather than just stayed silent.

As for what you said, well, I thought the “exception” would be a fun secret thing to add, glad you enjoyed it, as well as the “failure” scene.

The one-night-stand contract won’t be referred to much at all after this, since Mari Badr would only mention it in a private moment, and there won’t be too many of those until an “after credits scene” type of thing. Well, that’s the plan anyway, but as is probably well-known by now, I tend to change my plans and add a lot more stuff than originally intended.

(plus, as I have mentioned earlier, romance isn’t really my thing and the one night stands are meant to replace a game-long romance as much as possible. Sure, there will definitely be some references made to a sort of romance now and then, but mostly for Stillwater, Mouse, and Carrington. For Mari Badr it’s much more of a fling, unless, well, stuff happens, but as I said, that’s more of an after credits thing)

Which means it’s totally manageable and barely any work. Just a matter of me remembering it and adding a simple “if contract signed = true → do this”, “if contract ripped = true → do this”, and “if no one night stand = true → do this”. Rather simple since for the most part it’ll change a line of dialogue. At worst it’ll change a dialogue section to a new one, but that sort of thing is easy to write as long as it’s not plot related(which the one night stand really isn’t. Shocking, I know. ).

(Also, any alterations to the story due to a close, positive relationship with Mari Badr was always going to be a thing, so it’s not like it’s unique to a one-night-stand context. It’s just a variation of it as opposed to a more business oriented approach)

The reason why it wasn’t taken into account in the parts you quoted there is because those are from the old version that didn’t have the exception at all, so I simply didn’t notice them. Thanks for pointing them out, they’ll be fixed on the explicit update. If there are any others people notice, it’d be great if those could be pointed out too. It’s not easy to test these things and notice stuff, since my eyes tend to fly over “default” descriptions.

Also, for the next update I’ll remove the “sound of meat slapping on meat”. It isn’t an important description so it’s fine to take away. I think the sentence works just as well with just the other two examples. (flesh against flesh, skin over skin)

[Riqi_Alka]

Love the update. Glad I can help mouse win his game, although at the cost of me having an awkward elevator ride LMAO.

[Tiavals]

No update today.

Deadline for current update: Rest of Mari one night stand by Sunday(explicit stuff, plus a few things I didn’t include in the previous one)
Deadline for the rest in this segment: Varies. January, February, in small parts.

Not too much work today, but should be okay tomorrow onwards.

@Riqi_Alka

Love the update. Glad I can help mouse win his game, although at the cost of me having an awkward elevator ride LMAO.

Thanks for the praise!

You’ll be able to help him in his own one night stand too, if things go right. Will be much harder there than here, though.

[Tiavals]

No update today.

Deadline for current update: Rest of Mari one night stand by Sunday(explicit stuff, plus a few things I didn’t include in the previous one)
Deadline for the rest in this segment: Varies. January, February, in small parts.

Good progress. The closer the deadline is, the more I work. Very foolish, but that’s the way my brain functions.

[Tiavals]

No update today.

Deadline for current update: Rest of Mari one night stand by Sunday(explicit stuff, plus a few things I didn’t include in the previous one)
Deadline for the rest in this segment: Varies. January, February, in small parts.

I have the beginnings of some sickness, likely influenza. Now, that might either increase or decrease my productivity, depending on the severity, since if it’s mild not like I can do anything else.

Obviously if it’s major it’ll probably be really annoying.

[Major]

I noticed that if you choose heavy cybernetics it says you have them because you serve the police in a special capacity, but would it be possible for you to include a throwaway line that we got during our time in the Grey War? (If we picked that as our backstory of course) If not that’s entirely okay of course. I just feel like it would make sense ya know? A deadly war calls for deadly soldiers and all that. Anyway, loving the story so far.

Also another thing I picked up on. In the beginning when we first meet her, Carrington mentions that we served in the Grey War meaning she knows what war we served in, but later in the story when you hang out with her she seems to imply that she doesn’t know what war you served in.

[Iukan]

MariBrat still talk like you signed the contract even if you didn’t in the morning

[Tiavals]

No update today.

Deadline for current update: Rest of Mari one night stand by Sunday(explicit stuff, plus a few things I didn’t include in the previous one)
Deadline for the rest in this segment: Varies. January, February, in small parts.

So far my influenza is quite mild, more beneficial than not for writing since I spent the whole day home and got a fair deal done despite some fatigue.

That said, supposedly it’ll get worse in the coming days. Hoping to get the update out before it does.

@Major

I noticed that if you choose heavy cybernetics it says you have them because you serve the police in a special capacity, but would it be possible for you to include a throwaway line that we got during our time in the Grey War? (If we picked that as our backstory of course) If not that’s entirely okay of course. I just feel like it would make sense ya know? A deadly war calls for deadly soldiers and all that. Anyway, loving the story so far.

Also another thing I picked up on. In the beginning when we first meet her, Carrington mentions that we served in the Grey War meaning she knows what war we served in, but later in the story when you hang out with her she seems to imply that she doesn’t know what war you served in.

Nice to hear you’re loving it.

Sure, I can link the background relatively easily I’d assume. I’ll make a note of it. Should be included at some point, at latest when I rework the beginning stuff.

Good catch about the Carrington comment, that kind of thing is really hard for me to notice since the “reality” of the story is impossible to remember, as it’s changed so many times, etc. I’ll be sure to check it out tomorrow.

@Iukan

MariBrat still talk like you signed the contract even if you didn’t in the morning

Thanks for reporting. (it was caught earlier but the fix will come with the update that’s coming on Sunday, I hope. Still, better for people to report on things I’ve already heard, in case I’ve forgotten or something)

[Tiavals]

No update today.

Deadline for current update: Rest of Mari one night stand when I’m not sick anymore(explicit stuff, plus a few things I didn’t include in the previous one)
Deadline for the rest in this segment: Varies. February, in small parts.

Got a bit done, not as much as yesterday. While my symptoms aren’t too bad at present, the fact that I couldn’t get a good night’s sleep due to them was a bigger problem. Less sleep = way less capacity to work. I really need full rest or my head feels too “blargh” to work, so to speak.

Probably not tomorrow. It’ll depend a lot on how well I sleep, and so on. And of course whether I feel better or worse overall. Thus, deadline is now “when I’m not sick anymore”, which is admittedly very vague, but can’t do much about it really.

[Tiavals]

Just a heads up, I’m taking the day off. Definitely no work today. I slept pretty well, but it’s clear the sickness is only now really hitting me. Hope my body deals with it ASAP.

[Tiavals]

No update today.

Deadline for current update: Rest of Mari one night stand when I’m not sick anymore(explicit stuff, plus a few things I didn’t include in the previous one)
Deadline for the rest in this segment: Varies. February, in small parts.

As mentioned above, unabashedly didn’t do a second of work today, or give it any thought. Less stress, hopefully more healing.

Based on the person I got this from, I’m guessing it’ll last a few more days like this, then it’ll get better. Then again, not like every disease works to same on everyone so we’ll see.

[AstinFamily]

Will we be able to explore a more romantic story Mari?

[Major]

I’d assume so. I believe Tiavals is just doing the one night stands first.

That does give me a question though, can the one night stands lead into the romance? Or will romance and the one night stands be separate?