just for the meme
17 Likes
No update today.
Current deadline: Tomorrow.
Got enough done that it’ll be ready tomorrow for sure. (no more additions either since it’s looking good, all I need to do is finalize this new part 
)
Two weeks is too much since it doesn’t create the pressure of a deadline, which I need. If it’s too far away I’ll feel like “I have plenty of time, no need to work when I feel lazy”, but if it’s close then I’ll work even when I feel lazy, which is what I want. 
That said, the update after this one will be on next week’s Sunday.
Draws 25 cards.
16 Likes
No update today.
Current deadline: Today(FAILED once again)
Optimism, my greatest bane. 
(it really did look like such a tiny amount, and frankly it is, but I didn’t have too much time to work today. I’d rather not work TOO much into the night, so I’m calling it a day and going to sleep for now. Always better to post an update with a clear mind, after all)
It seems whenever I say “for sure” it’s almost always “no way”.
Whatever, tomorrow is Midsummer’s Eve. Since I have lots of free time, I’ll be using it to finish this update.
For.
Sure.
17 Likes
Very interesting, extremely long but the story doesn’t really progress in any way possible, it starts out as a murder mystery and quickly it derails into a future cop simulator which ends up being kind of boring.
The characters are fun but the story not so much, I do like the setting but the story needs to be properly set imo. Carrington and Mouse are funny and the characters are the biggest reasons why I stayed
5 Likes
No update today.
Current deadline: Tomorrow.
Yeah, I really am a dumbass. I had too much free time, so I decided to improve on the climax part of the variant by making it a lot more interesting and interactive. (didn’t I just say that I’d definitely NOT do that a few days ago?)
Problem is, I only got it mostly done, and now I’m too attached to not finish it.
I’m sure no one’s surprised.
Despite tomorrow being Midsummer’s Day, I intend to finish the update. Consider it my punishment for being too stupid.
The good part is that since I won’t be celebrating anything with the usual ardor, I should have lots of time. Though I won’t make the same mistake twice(plus, since the scene is entirely self contained “fluff” it’s simple enough to make, polish, and finalize in one go). And if I’m productive earlier in the day, perhaps I can still join the celebrations later in the evening. 
Honestly, it’s starting to get ridiculous how poorly I can keep to a deadline.
The memes are true…
Thanks for the feedback. I’d love to hear more about why you don’t think the story isn’t interesting. Is it because it’s too long and bloated? Or do you think it’s just written in a boring way? Not enough interesting things happen(or meaningful things, if you feel like the story doesn’t progress much)? Or is the subject matter just uninteresting? Should it be paced better? Are the police aspects boring compared to the murder mystery you expected? Would it be better if you could skip the future police simulator parts, as you put them, if the player isn’t interested? Or perhaps have things branch out, so there’s a distinctly separate murder mystery route and a police simulator route?
I’m going to restructure and rewrite the story within the coming months, so I’d love to hear why it doesn’t work for you.
Same goes for everyone else, if you have feedback on the story structure or pacing or such(or just the contents), I’d like to hear it.
Of course different people like different things, but the beauty of interactive fiction is that it might be possible to cater to almost everyone without losing too much in the process.
16 Likes
I’m feeling a dejavu
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To make things more fun, now, every time you come here, I gonna make a meme
10 Likes
Thanks for the positive reply I do appreciate an author who wants valid feedback, I’ll try to answer your questions one by one to the best of my ability.
Yes its too long and bloated and the story is written in a very boring way, the characters like Mari, Carrington and Stillwater shines but again this was a VERY long read and nothing happened.
Not enough interesting things happen yes, I honestly don’t remember the story and I just played it yesterday, the pacing needs to be sped up, ok we have a murder what next and how to solve it?
It started from a murder and by the latest chapter we’re doing something unrelated, meanwhile in the middle we did nothing but talk and walk around, it lacks story progression.
Also yes the subject matter is basic, its a murder mystery but quickly turns into “cop simulator” with no purpose.
Yes doing police work is boring and its something side characters do usually, I’m not the biggest fan of a “murder mystery” of some rando was killed and “whodunnit” but it does work and is a classic.
If I could give some input with changes it would be:
1 - Keep it Simple and Short (Kiss) as Less is More - The amount of Info dumps, exposition dumps and lore dumps hurt my eyes and brought information overload to my brain that I needed so much coffee to read everything, yes the writing is amazing, yes the setting is cool and I enjoyed it but please less exposition and more action. Cyberpunk 2077 does this well as its similar in setting to your story.
2 - Restructuring of the Story - There are people smarter than me in this but I would highly recommend if you googled “Three Act Structure”, “Freytag’s Pyramid” and “Story Progression Chart” on google theres a lot of simple and easy to understand screenwriting charts on this. This story’s structure was non existent and needs to be changed.
3 - Focus on the Genre and Themes - No need to make multiple stories or branching paths if you don’t want to, a good linear story tends to be the best and most memorable. However please focus on what genre and theme you want and stick to it, emotional stories will resonate with the reader more than long stories that goes nowhere.
Genre Examples:
(Murder Mystery, Action Drama, Romance, Thriller, Superhero)
Theme Examples:
(Corruption, Personal Loss, Revenge, Saving the World, Grief, Saving a Loved One, Being Hunted or Hunting down someone)
I hope my input may have helped, I think a “cop simulator” is kind of boring and something personal should be at stake and therefore a “chooseable backstory” should be changed into a linear one that evokes emotional and ties into the story.
The MC must be active and not passive by being dragged along by plot or other characters, personal motivations are a must.
Also this is just me personally but I would appreciate more romance, more drama, more character bonding and gender chooseable ROs.
Anyways hope my input helped, good luck with the story. I was amazed at the level of detail and creativity in your Cyberpunk setting and lore.
4 Likes
Dude, everything you said you didn’t like was what I liked about this WIP, and for me the writing is organized. For me this WIP is simply not for you.
And how it’s unrelated? We are investigating the probable reason the victim was murdered, how this is unrelated?
9 Likes
Uhh is it gender locked to male?
No, why do uou ask?
1 Like
Update today.
Includes: Mouse command variant of the current segment. (18,000 words in total, average variance probably around 10,000)
Alright, finally got it done with the added stuff. As usual I totally misjudged the amount of work I had to do. Still, it’s done now and is in a decent shape, and I’m glad I tinkered with it even if it was delayed as a result.
The final part of this path is especially elaborate(code wise), so if you see anything funky there be sure to mention, it’s easy for me to miss minor things being wrong.
All in all it should be comparable to the Chaska-Carrington variant.
If you’ve played both, and one seems way less interesting than the other, please comment on it.
And obviously feel free to comment on the content no matter what. I’d love to hear if it’s good, bad, decent, too long, too short, too few choices, etc. (although I understand if people are waiting for all of the paths to be ready. Once that is done, I’ll DEMAND feedback!)
Although all the variants are quite similar as far as the big choices/results are concerned, each has a few special things unique to them, which will later on spawn a few scenes. The idea is that whichever path you choose will lock one thing in place, and have some minor internal variance within that thing due to HOW you did the stuff in the path, but that’s for a much later time(and as always, may be subject to change).
Next up is the Mari Badr variant for those that have access to it. I’ll probably open it up for everyone until the Major Update(at which point it’ll be locked away unless you’ve made the appropriate choices). Essentially because I want feedback on it just as much as the other parts.
(PS Guess I skipped my Midsummer celebrations, lol. Well, there’s always tomorrow. Besides, it’s way healthier for me this way 
)
Thanks, that totally help with my work-anxiety. 
Thank you, that’s certainly a lot for me to chew on.
You do have some points I agree with(like the MC must be active and not dragged around, and unfortunately at the moment it’s almost always them being dragged around, and yes there’s way too much exposition etc at times), but I definitely disagree with some things you said.
Still, it’s always good to have other perspectives on things than just your own, and I’ll think about what you wrote when I rewrite the story(some time this year).
I’ll definitely be looking at the structure and pacing of the story at that time, yet there are some things I won’t change no matter what, especially the branching and variable stuff, including the player backstories and so on. The entire reason why I write int fict rather than a regular book is BECAUSE of that stuff, so I’ll never get rid of it even if it means some readers will be turned off by it. It’s the price of admission, so to speak.
As for more romance, drama, character bonding, etc, there will most certainly be more of that along the way, that’s for sure. As for gender-chooseable ROs, if you mean that you could change the gender of a character in the game itself(meaning, you’d choose at the beginning what gender Mouse is or something), that probably won’t happen, I’m afraid.
Anyway, thanks again for the feedback.
As is the way with art and entertainment, people will always have different expectations and likes, which is always tough for the creator, isn’t it? There’s never a perfect option that everyone’s pleased with, so the best we can do is to make something that we personally enjoy, and that’s also palatable to at least a good chunk of people. 
Some things can be changed with ease, without losing anything important in the process(except hours of work). Others are integral to the piece of work and if you take them away you’ll have an entirely different thing. And a few are really important to some people and meaningless to others.
Knowing which is which can only be reached through a broad range of opinions. Maybe I can change Cyberpolice so that it’ll be enjoyed more by certain readers. The only relevant question is: What’s the cost?
Definitely not. You can input whatever gender you want, as well as a slew of terms(both affectionate and insulting) you’d like other characters to use when referring to yours.
25 Likes
Yes this is definitely true, as the saying goes “too many cooks spoils the broth” or “everyone has the right to an opinion but not everyone has a say”
I tend to give my feedback based on what would work for most people and what the professionals do and not “this is what I like”
For example I don’t like Murder Mysteries nor Horror but I can spot a well written one such as Sherlock (BBC) and study the elements.
This is why the focus of the genre is important, is Cyberpolice a cop simulator such as The Wire or SVU and all the other cop shows or is it a murder mystery? Two very similar but different genres, kind of like horror and thriller.
Some things such as branching storylines, linear vs non linear story and backstory are more “optional” but a proper story structure and pacing is a must have for any genre.
I will say that the highlight of this WIP would be the characters as they are all pretty interesting and the setting, I also appreciate the Codex.
Can you give more info on this? I don’t know what “variants” you’re talking about.
Also what are the “story branches” that are already implemented, when I played the Demo it all seemed pretty linear to me tbh which is fine but I would like to know what variants and story choices matter.
Also can I ask what are the ROs available or will be made available?
No update today.
Deadline for next update: 2nd of July.
Can’t it be whichever the reader prefers?
It should be doable with the proper branching, I should think. That way everyone wins, and it makes for more interesting replays.
Thanks. I should really update the codex stuff, it could use further entries as things go on.
When I mention variant, it usually means an alternate telling of the same events. In this case, the latest segment of the game involves a raid to a specific place.
If you choose the Chaska-Carrington variant, you follow those two characters closely and see their POV of the situation, essentially commanding a squad from the command center.
The Mouse variant on the other hand has you follow Mouse as he hacks into the location and you help him along the way.
The reason why I call it variant, is because it’s a telling of the same events, but with major differences in the experience and the flavor, even if most of the same end goals might happen(you may or may not recover pieces of evidence, etc, but they’re all shared among all variants rather than being unique to each).
Also, in this case each variant DOES have a unique thing or two, which is an important distinction for the story.
Some of the earlier scenes have variants depending on whether you manage to talk things through with some characters or end up fighting them, etc.
As I recall, at present the most important story branches are whether you work with the corporation or with city hall, and whether you go with Stillwater, or with Carrington and Mouse into the slums.
There are three very important(but not yet implemented) story branches in the form of sub-plots, where you choose which aspect of the investigation you’re going to pursue. Those will be added relatively soon.
Some of the more important things are coming along with this segment, and depending on what you manage to achieve, lots of things will be different.
There’s also a bunch of minor story branches(if you want to call them that), which add certain scenes you’d otherwise not see, etc. But I suppose they don’t really affect the story as much the experience of going through the story. Although some things do have fairly major effects on certain scenes, or provide different opportunities, but I don’t think even the more impactful choices branch the story just by themselves, at least not in the current form of the story.
Practically no ROs are available as of yet, but later on it’ll be Stillwater, Mouse, Carrington, Mari Badr. Any others will be minor, “bonus” romances IF they’re implemented. Those four are pretty much guaranteed to be included.
13 Likes
I was wondering, will the age and reason of MC presence in Terminus come up during the romances? Will MC eventually be given the choice wether to leave or stay there?
Seems like a pretty important part of a romance, doesn’t it? I’ll definitely include that kinda stuff if I can. Feel free to remind me if it seems I’ve forgotten, once the romance stuff is included.
14 Likes
No update today.
Deadline for next update: 2nd of July.
Minor work done. That is all.
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No update today.
Deadline for next update: 2nd of July.
Got much more done today, helped that my schedule was a bit less insane.
16 Likes
No update today.
Deadline for next update: 2nd of July.
Really, really busy today, didn’t get any work done.
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