So, I have written some pretty detailed aliens. Do you prefer a longer exposition of their visible features:
“He has flat nostrils and large eyes with two pupils each. His grey-green skin reflects the light and the scales beneath are faintly visible. His extends a webbed hand, and as you shake it, the pads at the end of his fingers suction to your forearm.”
or is it better to do it in pieces like,
“He parts his thick lips into a razor-toothed grin, ‘You really think you’re funny don’t you?’ He says before scanning the room with his large eyes, the top pupils closed and the bottom pupils wide open.”
I’m not going to say that either of these styles is necessarily better than the other, it’ll almost certainly depend on the reader. But if I read the first one I’ll have forgotten 70% of what was said five sentences later.
Maybe both? Introduce with a longer exposition and refer back to it occasionally where relevant.
yeah thats kinda what i was afraid of, i tend to lose focus during longer exposition, even when reading Golden Rose, which had very good, detailed prose. But I want to give a clear picture in the reader’s mind without going overboard. tough balance
Much like the previous poster it will vary from player to player and preferences lol for myself it really depends on how its incorporated into a story that matters most. An if a description matters them that info can be in a state screen for any potential character for when somebody needs to go back to know for sure.
I find that this is definitely helpful in conjunction with just occasionally referencing a character’s unique appearance/traits throughout the text—I do like having something to reference, especially when I’m introduced to a unique creature or alien species that doesn’t quite look like anything we’ve seen before c:
I think because he’s an alien and looks so different, the initial detailed description is nice to have. Otherwise we may be 10 pages in before we realize he has suction cup fingers lol. Also, I think the way you wrote the detailed description was simply a strong paragraph, so I do prefer it! It gets its job done and makes the character memorable, in my opinion.
How can pupils be open or closed? Do you mean dilated/constricted? Otherwise using descriptions likely that will just confuse readers.
Edit- this is more of you’re going to make almost human- but not differences, it’s good to be clear about what they actually are. If they’re going to be more than a cameo, if also recommend asking why. Why would a creature evolve two pupils in one eye, especially if they move independently. What if any advantage could that possibly have that they would have evolved it (Except in defects which are usually disadvantageous and a few very specific animals this is rare on earth. And unheard of to have full voluntary pupil control to “turn off” one pupil. So what’s different about them? Why has your species evolved that trait?) and how are you going to use it in the game.
I think it is the same thing. Just remind the reader sometimes that he is different. Add some “he claps his webbed hands gleefully” or “all four of his pupils constrict at once” there, and it would be enough.
Here is the entry in my worldbuilding notes, ik its a little all over the place. Also this is the species I plan to make romanceable:
"Ummuk, aka Tidefolk:
Humanoid, bipedal averaging 5 feet tall, and around 200-300 pounds. Skin like arapaima leather, soft, supple, extremely flexible and does not crease or tear easily, very tough. Skin’s natural resilience has impact absorption. Scales under the skin are interlocked and deflect blades and small caliber projectiles. They are very strong, with dense bones and musculature. They inhabit the coastlines and are bottom walkers and only swim in short bursts. They are a grey-green color, sometimes with a copper hue and bright red or green markings that are like their fingerprints.. Their hands have elastic webbing to the middle of the fingers. Their fingertips have pads like a tree frog for gripping things underwater. They are long breath holders. Coastal hunter gatherers and marine life farmers. Their large eyes are dual gated, and have a top w shaped pupil and lower, circular pupil that can open or close as needed. The eyes face towards the front, and slightly out and have a nictitating membrane they can close for reactive protection. Thick lips that seal lightly underwater and sharp teeth for cutting undersea vegetation and ripping meat. Teeth replace with time like a shark or lizard. Omnivorous. Their noses are slits on the face with a dual chamber mechanism like a crocodile. They have a layer of dense fat under their skin that insulates them from the water. Their nasal passages have “monkey lips” like whales, that allow for rapid and complex clicking by cycling air through them when closed. They evolved alongside a large number of toothed fish and the skin and scales evolved to prevent them from being eaten alive every time they go in the water. Seal ear holes. Live birth in water, and teeth come in near the end of the nursing stage. Babies are carried for 6 months and born scales are disconnected, leaving them very vulnerable. Lifespans average 70 years."
