Yh dual wielding the toy pistols
Sounds like a good name
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Too bad there isnât a dual wield stun guns
Why would an undercover detective be afraid the FBI is going to waterboard them? Doesnât a cop know the law as well as their own legal rights? And also how waterboarding is more a CIA tactic?
Edit 1:
Evelyn! Oh thank God, Evelyn are you okay?!" You can hear her fluster of worries from the other side.
âIâm fine, Avelyne. Are you safe?â
You tap the secret pattern on the speaker idly to inquire to her safety
âI could use a little helpâŚâ
You hand the phone/device back to Kaz with an inquisitive Expression.
âConsidering Iâm trapped inside a police precinct with no weapon⌠Iâm not doing so good.â
Your sigh is so tinged with annoyance Mouse can feel itâŚ
Edit 2: lemme know if youâd like me to note every time the protagonist speaks. Iâll start from the beginning.
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If our shooting ability is high, aside from head, body or legs, can we have an option of shooting in the balls too? Pls I NEED to bust Gabriel and esp Micheal in the balls for shooting my mouse manâŚ
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THERE ISNâT? Now Iâm surprised. Mr. Dopeness shoots balls very often in other games.
I have heard people naming their daughter âBeatrixâ. I know characters from some stuff with that name too. And of course, Beatrice the Golden Witch. She is awesome. But letâs not touch Rokkenjimaâs âcat box.â
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Havenât really been keeping up to date with this, but glad to see itâs still in progress. I appreciate its hints â the majority of which donât seem too obvious â to other fiction. Payday 2âs the one that stands out, reminds me of when I used to play it regularly. I like how the three jobs one can do are evocative of the âbeginnerâ heists (Mallcrasher, Jewellery Store and Bank/Firestarter)). Iâve a few thoughts based on one full run (with multiple uncompleted runs due to unrelated tech issues):
General comments
Michael being blindfolded and pointing the pistol at the MC just seems like really bad gun safety practice rather than anything else, I feel. I donât think itâs really a âwhamâ moment since itâs immediately followed up by Gabriel grabbing the pistol and moving it away. Sure, it could be conceived as Michael trying to make himself less impressive so the MC undermines him, but that requires a bit of thought and isnât the first thing I think of when I come across that scene. Furthermore, in the follow-up scenes he tries to be physically imposing and tries to cow the MC, so if the intent was to make the player/MC underestimate him that doesnât really work out either. I might be overthinking this.
I feel like the âGabriel diesâ scene could have been a bit done better. Gabriel just plays off being resuscitated like itâs nothing. For a shock moment it seemed like a massive mood swing. No vomiting, no having him go into surgery immediately. Not a medic by any means, but since heâs apparently bled out surely the defibrillator will do nothing? Either way it just seemed out of place to have him be somewhat alright before Raquel hooks him up to an IV.
I think Rook a bit too over-the-top when it comes to being zany and in breaking the fourth wall. I get that he is, in Bishopâs words, âDiscount Deadpoolâ, but it was completely unexpected. The rather obvious Pulp Fiction reference was pushing it too far, I think. It could have been done more subtly. Itâs a personal preference again, but I prefer references that are subtler since getting the reference is more rewarding. In general, it seemed that the references earlier in the game (C1, C2, early C3) were subtler than those that come later.
My first run of this build was a cheat run as an undercover detective (since I ran an undercover build when I played it last a year ago), and the build-up of tension is great. Despite my criticism of the Pulp Fiction reference in the previous paragraph, I will say that it did make me lower my guard for when Michael shot my MC. In general, thereâs a pretty major Point Break-influenced lens to the MCâs interactions with the Archangels and Gabriel especially, and what happens after the FBI manage to get you out, though I never had much of a personal interest in Gabriel himself. After that playthrough I became more interested in whether there was a possibility to dismantle VAMCorp (well, and the Outfit) rather than the Archangels. Donât mind if Michael or Gabriel get several bullets through their heads, however. But in general, MegaCorps annoy me in fiction and it would be a change if the FBI/Archangel conflict doesnât end up with one side annihilated and the MegaCorp playing the two bites the dust instead (though I doubt that will happen). Then again, nobody goes the undercover route hoping for a happy ending, and it is my favourite route because of the dynamics.
Some comments on the equipment system
On mechanistic matters, Iâm not sure about the equipment system (and understand itâs still WIP). I like the variety of weapons (though admittedly thereâs no FN FAL, G3 or HK416), and the ability of modding them, but at the same time thereâs a part of me that thinks that itâs overly complex and clunky.
As it is, the images for each weapon give it character, but at the same time It also takes up a lot of screen space. Furthermore, the stats in the shop donât appear to be organised by any trend at all other than what appears to be a generally arbitrary tier system; they donât get more expensive down each tier, itâs not alphabetical etc.
Furthermore, in my view this makes it hard to choose a weapon other than for sentimental reasons or because of cash. The pseudo-RPK AK-47 with drum mags from the church battles is probably going to be good enough. Additionally, some of the prices seem arbitrary. Why is the L85A2 so cheap when itâs not available for export and has to be smuggled from the UK, compared to an M16A2, which is not only exported but should be more easily available from smuggling out of US Arsenals or something. I understand itâs all WIP but as itâs presented the only thing that really seems to distinguish weapons as being valuable are ammo capacity and suppressibility. Itâs simply a bit of a chore to compare the stats presented as they are to consider the other stats in my opinion; a table would probably be ideal if this were desired.
It seems like every weapon is attempting to have a niche, yet fails to express what that is clearly (e.g. why would you ever want a stock AR-15 vs a stock Mini-14; why have either when you can get a stock L85A2, which only lacks stock mods). Iâm tempted to suggest that all of the 5.56mm rifles should be lumped together into:
⢠Semi-auto 5.56 (cheap, semi-auto only)
⢠Standard config 5.56 (automatic capability)
⢠Bullpup 5.56 (accuracy penalty, bonus in agility)
And the differences are between the sub-categories and the type of rifle becoming cosmetic (that isnât accurate, but it could simplify things, and cater to anyone who wants a Tavor/FAMAS/VHS-2/add rifle here). Ditto for 7.62mm, .45s, 9mm etc.
Losing accessories also seems to be a minor barrier to seeking to buy another weapon, ideally they should be retained, at least optics/attachments since theyâd probably be attached via Picatinny rail. Potentially magazines if theyâre interchangeable.
I donât think âammo pickupsâ would be a good idea since it would break immersion a bit if whatever opponents the MCâs facing has the ammo for their weapon, regardless of how commonplace it would be. STANAG mags make sense, mafia guys dropping belts or ammunition in less-common calibres (e.g. 5.7mm, 6.77mm Caseless) would be odd.
Perhaps ammo bags could be a solution? Trading incognito for either the MC or a member of their crew having ammo bags. Perhaps it could reduce loot (in a high stress environment) unless you intentionally decide to dump the ammo bag or use all of the ammo. Alternatively, it would just take time to rearm and give the cops more time to bring up more firepower.
As a general utility thing, multiple zip tie/lockpick purchases would be useful, as well as access to purchasing favours in planning. Zipties, C4 etc are already there for the appropriate heists. Also, while I was doing the cheat run, the response delays donât work for the ATM gallery? Further on equipment, it was nice to see C4 having a use in main story missions, and zip ties popped up once (and didnât seem to be important).
If youâre taking suggestions for GGG, I had thought of a Brugger & Thomet VP9 (which Ian from Forgotten Weapons calls a âmodern Welrodâ), however considering how silencers are portrayed in-game it would be useless since itâs a bolt-action ultra-quiet pistol.
Bunch of typos
General typos
âits sideâ is often misspelt as âitâs sideâ and âits tracksâ is often misspelt as âitâs tracksâ e.g.
You slam the steer to the left, careening towards the SUV, and slam right into itâs side. The SUV swerve out of control and crashes head on straight into a tree, stopping it in itâs tracks
âits sideâ and âits tracksâ
Another point is that a lot of nouns use the British spellings (e.g. doughnuts, orientated, metre), others switch between the American and British spellings (pajamas vs pyjamas).
Nitpicking, bugs and continuity
Noticed a bug where if you select âSebastianâ in the list for MC names, you end up with âCarlâ instead.
One thing about the prologue was that it seemed like that the MCâs speech did seem to use a bit too much of what Iâd think to be British vernacular (as a British person myself, mind you), with things like âthey were probably nicked by the copsâ. Then again they might have gotten that from Mouse?
When first meeting Gabriel, thereâs an option to ask the waiter whether he actually speaks French; âParles-tu Français?â.
Not French, but while I think Parles-tu is grammatically correct, I believe itâs also more impolite/informal/âpersonalâ than Parlez-vous?
When going to see Gregory to be measured for the suit, I think thereâs a continuity error. When Mouseâs suit is fitted, it says she has a Sig P226, whereas later if youâre going to stand and fight while asking Mouse to go with Tracy it changes to an M9 Beretta.
As a comment on the text, in my opinion ellipses occur far too often; the one that stands out the most is the conversation with Carly about her skills and specialities, but they are frequent in general. Personally, I prefer to have speech broken up by prose more often, but thatâs a personal preference. Also, there are missing full stops/punctuation marks, capitalisations etc. However, that isnât necessarily a major problem at this point. Another thing is that when referring to officials/police etc being on the take theyâre referred to as being âcorruptedâ instead of âcorruptâ, which just seems weird to me.
When Gabrielâs in his kilt and explaining why heâs wearing it, he mentions that itâs the âCeremonial Uniform of the Canadian Black Watch Scottish Regimentâ. My nit-picky understanding is that said regimentâs called the âCanadian Black Watchâ or the âRoyal Highland Regiment of Canadaâ. He also refers to âshare-holdersâ, I think thatâs meant to be a single word i.e. shareholders. âFive Familiesâ is also inconsistently capitalised at times. âHouse of Fluffâ is also inconsistently capitalised.
Chapter 3
but they soon raise their weapon and aim towards all of you. Quick! Do something!
raise their weapons and aim them at towards you.
he loses control of his motorcycle and falls of
falls off
Chapter 4
You almost mistake him as an Archangel if not for the tie. Your time in the Archangels has made you see people in black suits and white shirts rather uniformly.
This just seems clunky. Perhaps something along the lines of: âYou would have mistaken him for an Archangel if not for the tie. Your time in the Archangels has accustomed you to people in black suits and white shirts.â
You donât have your phone, you donât have your weapons, or anything that you would have in your time as an Archangel. You feel somewhat naked eventhough youâre fully clothed.
even though
You wear the suit in itâs entirety, and limp out of the room to find Reville leaning against the wall, waiting for you.
its entirety
opening the box of doughnut to display the large array of doughnuts
box of doughnuts
Also âdoughnutsâ is repeated twice in close proximity, perhaps switch the latter âdoughnutsâ for something like âconfectionâ?
"Thank you very much Lieutenant Millers. Youâve been a great help
Lieutenant Miller
Reville gives Miller a cheeky smirk, leaving miller to chuckle awkwardly as he sips his coffee.
leaving Miller
âSeems like every time the outfit does something in public you seem the to be one who who shows upâ
The Outfit⌠you seem to be the one who shows up.
Iâve probably rambled enough for now. Thoroughly enjoyed it, looking forward to more and keep up the good work!
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Sorry Iâve been quite inactive! Thereâs been a few hiccups and I had to take a day off or two⌠
The toy pistol isnât exactly working right for some reason. Nor is the dual weld deactivation script⌠I have no idea whatâs causing it.
⌠Good point.
⌠Um⌠you donât really have to 
I realized that having a truly mute MC is incredibly since Iâd have to go through the entire game again. But Iâm currently aiming to lessen the MCâs dialogues and add options for a more silent playthrough.
⌠I canât really go back through the entire game to change them, but⌠Iâll keep this in mind!
Umineko?
Thank you for dropping by and giving me your feedback!
Itâs a hell of a read, but every kind of comment helps! ⌠I did say ânitpicking is encouragedâ
I personally played through the game itself going through those heists and modifying them to my liking.
The ATM gallery heist was mostly inspired by the âFour Storesâ, but the mall setting was definitely from the Mallcrasher.
Well then⌠this is gonna be a long nightâŚ
At the first meeting, I was really trying to make the MC feel that Michael was no more human than the rest. I do admit it did feel a little bit goofy, at the time I was just writing the scene as if Michael was just having funâŚ
But really⌠it was all a very foreshadowing scene With Michael, pointing his gun at you foreshadowing the fact that if you were a cop, he was the one who shoots you in the chest. And also with Gabriel basically puppeteering Michael, telling him when and where to shoot⌠foreshadowing the fact that Gabriel is the one whoâs really leading the group
As for the other thing⌠I did feel that Gabrielâs âdeath and resurrectionâ scene was really unrealistic and had less of an impact that I wanted. I aim to rewrite it later in the future once I figure out a few things for about Gabrielâs fateâŚ
As for Rook, Itâs rather the point. Heâs supposed to make you cringe horribly. I found it really odd that some people find him really fun, while others find him an absolute annoyance. But as for the pulp-fiction reference, yes⌠I was practically forced to put that in. Which was why it felt very forced and obvious. I introduced Ben, my co-author, to pulp fiction and he hasnât stopped talking about it⌠Iâll try to find a better and more obscured place for it
As for the last thing⌠The undercover detective path (especially Michaelâs confrontation at the mill) was inspired somewhat by reservoir dogs and point break. But in full honesty, I havenât fully fleshed out the undercover path mostly because Iâm focusing on finishing the game first before writing another layer of story on top of it. I did leave out some tid bits that makes being an undercover informant much more of a different experience in your time as an Archangel.
As for VAMcorp, theyâre basically a huge set up for the next game. Theyâre a huge powerful entity with a lot of potential lore and story⌠most of which I already have written up⌠and youâre absolutely correct⌠The undercover route isnât the prettiest nor does it have the happiest of endings. But it lets you see the real story behind everythingâŚ
Hold on⌠I gotta get my teaâŚ
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What flavor are they?
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Damn⌠thatâs a long hiccup normaly what i do is drink water and not breath at the same time.
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Since there is going to be a sequel. And There wonât be a happy ending in Detective Path if Mouse Dies will our character be able to tumble down the slippery slope? We become an entity called Lucifer hunting down Archangels crucifying them or impaling them with Spears and other biblical deaths . Or more likely we become a depressed alcoholic
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Vanilla typo
No spoilers⌠hell Iâve already let loose as much as it is
Ben tried scaring it out of me, but all it ended up doing was giving me a mini heart-attackâŚ
Ookay, here we goâŚ
Replies
It is very complex, and very clunky⌠Iâm begging Ben to simply things, and he always âlaterâ
As for the FN FAL and the G3, theyâre both a special unique weapon that you can get. You can get a DSA FAL from Gabriel, and though thereâs no G3 in the game, there is Michaelâs HK33 fitted with drum mag. Who doesnât like drum mags?~
I agree, I realized a few weeks ago that I wonât be able to keep the images due to the file size, and copyright reasons.
The tier system doesnât necessarily determine how good a weapon is, as much as it does progressively gives you new guns to play with should you choose to do so.
I found that using the same AK-47 that you got from the church for the entirety of the game is enough to get you through. Better weapons do not always mean easier play through, unless youâre not using the randomization option. As for the current moment, the additional weapons are there for aesthetic and choice reasons.
https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/391/129/4e3.jpg
⌠That⌠is actually a good point.
This was actually the original plan, but my love for firearms got the better of me⌠I wanted to include as much weapon as I can with their own unique stats⌠and look where that got me⌠sighs
I tried, gun jesus⌠I tried.
You have no how many tries we did to make this possible. At first we thought itâd be as easy as just letting the tokens stay and re-load them for each weapon.
But it caused more problems than Ben and I could care to fix. Again, weâve managed to create our own coding bureaucracyâŚ
True⌠I never did intend to include such a system.
There are two concepts Iâm actually thinking about doing. The ammo bag, and the armor bag. The ammo bag would allow you to replenish your ammo mid-heist, and the plate armor bag would allow you to replenish, or even improve your armorâs HP mid-heist.
Ben and I are still experimenting, but the ammo bag looks more practical and promising.
That⌠actually would be useful!
Coding error, hopefully fixed!
Theyâre more important in the jewerly heist and even more so in the small bank heist
I actually thoroughly enjoy watching Forgotten Weapons and when I saw the VP9 I immediately thought that itâd be incredibly useless with the fact that you have to cock the gun with every shot.
⌠But then again, I have double barrel shotguns and bolt action sniper rifles with high power scopes for a mostly close quarter combat game, so practicality isnât much of a priorityâŚ
But hey, I already planned to have the Welrod in the game as soon as I finish the list of classic weapons for the GGG store
Sips tea ⌠this is where my life has brought me
Thank you! Iâm glad you enjoyed it! I do appreciate these kinds of feedback. I admit my game isnât perfect but I if Iâm not that tired, Iâll try my best to make the game better and better in every way I can!
Thank you for your feedback and hope you have a good day!
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Nah, those wonât work.
Beatrice, yes. Beatrix, no. Other things.
We will talk. Last time there wasnât enough time.
shrugs
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Machine Uprising. Its starting. Your demo has given it a will and it now refuses to do what we want
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Since when does the script ever did what I wanted? 
Itâs a randomization script⌠itâs MEANT to make itâs own random path.
Even worse. You gave it free will.
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Poor Will
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Yeah those donât work only thing that can scare me is no pay for payday⌠have you ever tried drinking water inverted while holding your breath?
See.
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It does help for some people. Anything thatâd relax the muscles around your diaphragm.
In my case I breathe âproperlyâ for a couple of minutes.
An easy way of explaining where hiccups comes from is that something mustâve caused problems around your diaphragm.
It could be your stomach which is right below the diaphragm. Why or it happens when you eat, drink very quickly.
And spinal cord which extends from your brain through the lumbar area (around the part of the back between the ribs and the hipbones).
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Now letâs get tips for gerd so bad you literally wake up drowning in acidic vomit
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Thanks for the replies!
Good point in the potential foreshadowing. I hadnât really thought about it foreshadowing Michael shooting the MC since from the start I had a hunch that it would either be him, Gabriel or Raquel whoâd shoot the MC.
The think about Rook, in my opinion, is that he seems a little inconsistently written. His introduction doesnât really have that many indications to his character, really. He sort-of does a 180 between his introductory scene and the one where he allies with the MC and Gabriel, and still that doesnât have indications towards his potential massive fourth-wall breaking with the Gabrielâs death scene.
I re-read the scene in the code with Rook and Bishop omitted and it could still do with improvement, but Rookâs comments on top of that just appeared to be a failed attempt at introducing levity or sarcasm from an author avatar. I donât mind that he doesnât really take himself seriously and is a bit of a sociopath, and some of his fourth-wall breaking actually fits quite well (I think his âdeus ex machinaâ comment on rescuing the MC from the Cartel siege was his best scene), but it just seems that sometimes heâs massively, unashamedly fourth-wall breaking and other times he can be a relatively ânormalâ, albeit odd, NPC and it fluctuates too much from each extreme.
Additionally, I suppose the argument could be made that if he doesnât get killed, Rook plays a larger role than the playerâs (possible) crew, who apart from Justin donât really make as prominent an appearance in the main plot. Granted there are 12 combinations of crew team members, but seeing as how Rook not only gets a role in the main plot and can be interacted with in the MCâs free time, heâs more important and has more material with than the MCâs crew. Some people might prefer that the MCâs crew get more attention than a character who shows up around halfway through the game and can bite it in their first appearance. For instance, the playerâs team could have comments over their RO when they arrive at the Mill at the start of C4. A mild criticism Iâd have about the start of C4 is that Gabriel hugs a bit too much of the limelight in that scene; youâre already waiting on him to open the office door, then there is basically a long take ending with him giving a speech.
Part of the reason why Iâd like there to be more banter between the MCâs crew (Iâm aware there is some, notably the Anna/Charlie cheeseburger business) is that in the pre-recruiting dialogue there is a slight implication towards it when Anna and Charlie disagree over whether theyâd like Hayne for a Ramiel. Also it would accentuate the MCâs leadership status/crew members if that stuff went on in the background e.g. Justin having a few unique lines in chapter 3 if heâs part of the MCâs crew. I do understand that all of thatâs quite a lot of work considering the number of combinations of crew, admittedly.
About the armour bag idea, I have several thoughts. Firstly, it would be very handy to have multiple armours in the PCâs inventory and have them be able to switch up before a heist rather than having to go to Gregory and buy their desired equipment. For instance, the story missions donât really allow the MC to prep for them. Thatâs probably partly the point, but the ability to switch armours pre-mission would be useful for those who have balanced their MCs between going quiet and loud. However I do understand if that is also difficult like the issues with the weapons.
However, utility bags in general would be odd if the MC could carry all of them at once. Simultaneously, having the MC purchase them and have NPCs carry them could cause allegations of the game trying too hard to be âPayday 2 in Choicescriptâ, and Choicescript lacks the UI that Payday 2 has for planning and management (though I figure the armour bag in your reply had a bit more of a RB6S influence than PD2). Despite that, having one deployable for the MC (the Payday model, Medic Bag/Ammo Bag/Armour Bag), at this current time, could make only the medic bag the utility bag to carry due to in-story reasons.
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