Bootlegger (W.I.P.)

#1

Hello!

I’ve been working on my game Bootlegger. You play as a Prohibition era whiskey runner, making a name for yourself as you alternate between New York City and Heathsaw, PA. Players will have the opportunity to build a criminal empire, get into politics, find a producing career on Broadway, get in with the mob, find romance, snitch for the Treasury Department, and more!

Currently it’s about 5 chapters in, and I’m working on the next few chapters in the coming weeks. This is my first game, and I’d appreciate any and all feedback on how it’s going! I’m about 40,000 words in, and I think I’m about 25% into the game. This is a new medium for me as a writer, and I’m open and excited to all thoughts on pacing, plot, world building, and anything that sticks out to you.

There are scenes of violence and bloodshed, just fyi.

Thank you in advance for your help!!

Here’s the demo: https://dashingdon.com/go/3824

63 Likes
#2

I suggest cleaning up the stats page by doing things like
Buisness stats
Stat
Stat
Stat
Personal stats
Stat
Stat

4 Likes
#3

Pretty good, I really like the idea and it’s well written.

1 Like
#4

This story is so damn good. Prohibition years, organized crime, bootlegging… Definitely I’ll be waiting for more :star_struck:

1 Like
#5

Love the concept, but the plot feels very railroaded. Shit goes wrong every time with no option to do anything to prevent it.

5 Likes
#6

can I be Jay Gatsby? because I’d like to be Jay Gatsby. (not literally of course, but you get the idea)

2 Likes
#7

I enjoyed the story and the writing a lot. Excellent story with gritty writing. But seems like most of the situations are thrown into our face and out of our hand without relevant choices to make most out of it. Not much ways to improve our stats too. This COG has great potential and will be better with refined stats and gameplay. Looking forward for more.

4 Likes
#8

Nice game! It reminds me of The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald, and I always seem to think the MC is Jay Gatsby and so roleplay like him. :stuck_out_tongue:

A kindred spirit! :yum:

1 Like
#9

Prohibition alcohol manufacturing?
Please be dark and moody please be dark and moody this sounds like it could be so cool

2 Likes
#10

I genuinely love the way you write, and I think the story’s pretty decent. There aren’t many choices that actually impact the story itself, though, and that’s a shame. Every job gets botched, which is realistic sure, but still. Love it though

1 Like
#11

Great - thank you!

#12

aw hell yeah. can’t wait to play it but I have barely read the summary and I’m interested

1 Like
#13

Sam- “No guns!”
Of course Sam… no… guns…
Knife knife knife knife knife

3 Likes
#14

This is one of the things that bothered me. I really wish there’d been a slower escalation to the guns, as it would have fit her warning better as well as been less telegraphed.

@Drewber

1 Like
#15

Yes her inclination for not wanting to use any guns at all is extremely naive of her.
Bootlegging during this time period was not for people to fuck around with. Organisations that did it did not particularly appreciate healthy competition.
So she just comes off as naive and a bit self righteous at the moment. To be fair though my knowledge on small scale bootlegging is quite limited so maybe she is right and they won’t need to resort to violence… but I have an ecseptionally hard time believeing that.

For the most part I’m going to be pretending I didn’t hear any comments from her about guns as I blast myself a bloody trail of profit.

1 Like
#16

For me it isn’t the naivety of it so much as how blatant the choice is.

“Hey, don’t use guns.”
NEXT SCENE
"Hey, you’re being fucked over with no warning or way to prevent it. Will you…
a) let yourself get fucked
b) have a gun magically fix it?

I mean, there’s more options, but all of them but the gun leave you fucked, and the gun fixes it, and this is true regardless of skills. In general, by the way, I really feel the skill checks have been meaningless.

3 Likes
#17

I am really enjoying the game! Your writing is strong and this feels like a unique story. I do have a few qualms though:

I feel that getting stuck in Tripp’s trap is a bit forced. I know you’re trying to foreshadow by having him casually mention McMahon, but instead it makes the protagonist seem sort of stupid not to question or doubt him by the time the protagonist is stuck waiting for him to show up. I would suggest having Tripp show up late and have it revealed that he’s working with the officer when McMahon confronts you, or not having Tripp slip up and mention McMahon at all earlier.

I’m not sure if I missed something, but I was confused when I told Bartlett I’d think about his offer to drop out of the campaign and then we cut to campaigning. I would have liked to see some sort of followup to that.

Continuity error, but when meeting Barry and Lance, the third option mentions who Lance is before the protagonist has actually figured out who he is.

Like @kckolbe mentioned, I also feel like the illusion of choice is stretched thin at points. I don’t feel very much in control, and I feel like the high rate of failure this early in the game is very frustrating without feeling like I earned any success to balance it.

It was also mentioned that the stats page needs cleaning. I agree with it, and I think @Blank has a good suggestion for it.

I loved the line about Lance being pretentious. It’s funny as hell, even if I didn’t choose it. Can I ask about what you’re planning with the love interests? How many are there, or are Sam and Lance the two options?

I liked the reveal with Tripp, Ben, and Capaldi. I wish I could have asked Ben about Tripp, or asked Tripp about what happened, since it felt weird to not mention it at all. Either to have Tripp thank us for saving Ben, or being able to ask if Ben was okay would be nice.

Finally, since there are so many stats, I would like to see more chances to build those stats.

All in all, I really love this concept and I love your skill with writing. It’s fun to follow and I’m sure some more revisions will perfect it.

4 Likes
#18

I think the options that raise certain stats like Speech could be clarified a little more. Also maybe raise the amount a little because I can’t seem to be successful in any of the Speech choices even after choosing all of them.

3 Likes
#19

Just want to add that even though there is a lot of very valid criticism, I think the excitement for this is very real. Everything that has been complained about can be fixed with (I feel) fairly minor tweaking.

This is an ambitious project with a very interesting premise, a LOT of stats, and solid narrative style. Don’t be discouraged by the comments, because they are coming from a lot of people who want to love this.

7 Likes
#20

I was wondering would there be any chance for a romance in this?