I stand educated.
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I asked an English lit friend about the AI-writing feel, and she said it’s likely due to the “hardboiled” prose style in the game. Hardboiled meaning noir or cyberpunk adjacent styles like Chandler or Gibson. I will not be changing the prose style.
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I will be moving this to open beta on October 1st, after I clean up some issues from some playtesters.
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Open beta is here!
Please play the game and leave your valuable feedback directly in the thread.
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Reminder that there are 19 more days of beta testing left! If you post feedback here, you will receive “likes” which will increase your forum karma. It will also help to improve the game.
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Just a reminder to keep the feedback rolling in! I can barely keep up with the deluge but I will read every feedback.
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Just wanted to say that I have really enjoyed it so far, and that this has been a wonderful read! I’ll give my thoughts in way more detail once I’m fully finished (have to stop for today but I just finished the fight in chapter 8 so I assume I’m close-ish to the end), but a few quick notes:
- I picked mineral water
- The mime fight was my favorite
- You do a wonderful job of giving setting descriptions and I enjoy the prose
- I like Katie, she’s very cute
Again I’ll share more of my thoughts and give some more feedback once I’m fully done, but one piece of actionable feedback I could give right now would be to maybe make the code viewable on CoGdemos. It would make catching bugs/giving feedback on stat progression and stuff a bit easier.
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Thank you! The game is self-hosted, but I’ve uploaded the code here.
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Okay, so to start off, here were my final stats:
Stats
Power 37
Technique 46
Toughness 27
Mental 38
Energy 100
Boxing insights unspent 0
Boxing insights spent 5
Analysis 27
Composure 10
Empathy 12
Jab level 2
Flurry level 0
Combo level 0
Block level 0
Dodge level 1
Counter level 2
Eric friendship 6
Eric romance 0
Eric harmony 50
Eric partner false
Eric subplot scene 4
Katie friendship 27
Katie romance 7
Katie masking 53
Katie partner true
Katie subplot scene 7
Danny friendship 3
Danny investigation success false
Danny subplot scene 1
Chloe friendship 16
Chloe romance 3
Chloe trauma 0
Chloe acceptance 53
Chloe partner true
Chloe subplot scene 7
First match result: win
Second match result: win
Third match result: win
Fourth match result: win
Fifth match result: win
Sixth match result: win
Seventh match result: win
Eighth match result: win
I focused on mental and technique to start with, since I wanted to roleplay a more outboxer-ish style. Once I got those up to exceptional, I started training power and toughness to get them up to the same level. I used the special training method from Katie once just to test it out, but I never really did any of the special training again since it seemed better to just focus on one thing at a time.
I started by training twice, then alternated between training and resting until the very end, where I just rested up to full. That means that, aside from my final fight, I fought everyone at 80-ish energy. (There was a period where I got to 75% energy, not sure how)
Anyways, yeah, I really liked it and I have a lot to say! I’ll break this down into three parts so it’s hopefully not so overwhelming:
Things I liked
The fights:
They felt super dynamic! I didn’t always have the tools required to deal with everything (until the end, anyways) so I had to occasionally roll with the punches. I got hit, I hit people, and eventually I landed a good counter or enough jabs that I came out on top.
I won all my fights. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing, but I will say that I didn’t feel like it mattered… and that’s perfectly fine. It’s clear that winning was never the point, and my ego wouldn’t have been bruised had things gone another way.
Of all the fights, the Katie fight felt the most challenging to me. I really did not know how to approach it at all, and I felt lucky when I managed to win. I didn’t have the option to counter yet, so I relied on my jab and that seemed to work.
I found the Bob Chow fight to be the easiest, but that makes sense since by the end MC is a decently seasoned fighter and Bob is a beginner. I think it was fitting for a last fight in a game where there is no final boss.
The setting descriptions:
I do think some people may actually take issue with this, because the descriptions are very vivid and numerous, and some may feel it’s too much. I personally really enjoyed the way the city is described, though, and I could tell there was a lot of thought and care poured into it.
I do not know much about Hong Kong, admittedly, but I got the impression that this was written by someone who loves the city dearly.
The food:
The way the food was described made me very, very hungry. How dare you.
The ending:
It was satisfying, and also bittersweet.
There was no big boss, no final challenge, no great big wall to struggle and claw and fight to get over. It was just another fight, and then it was done.
We sit and look out at the skyline, and life moves on. The city keeps moving. Maybe we’ll get another fight, or maybe not. It doesn’t matter either way, and I think there’s something beautiful in that.
I appreciated the epilogue as well. It was nice to see how everyone was doing, how the relationships continued, and the ways things both changed and stayed the same.
The little things:
I like that we can choose our reason for fighting. I like that none of the reasons are especially important. I’m not fighting for the sake of the world, I’m fighting because it’s something to do, or because I want to push myself, or maybe I don’t really know? Maybe there’s no reason? It’s uncomplicated, and I think that’s nice.
I appreciate that the system you set up actually takes resting into account. It’s a huge part of any kind of physical training, and a lot of times it gets kind of glossed over. This game made it very clear that resting at the right time is one of the most important aspects of training. Pretty cool!
I like that the “gluttonous rice chicken” that we win from the first fight disappears from the trophy list at some point; presumably because we ate it.
I like that we can make little choices that don’t matter. Mineral water? Banquet dinner? Our opinions don’t really change anything, but it made me smile, and that’s what’s important.
I like that the best tool we have in a fight is very often the jab, even against someone who can shoot fireballs. Nothing beats a good jab
Things I didn't like
The sex scenes:
They aren’t sex scenes so much as they are the lead up to them, followed by a cut to the next day. Which is absolutely fine. This game doesn’t need graphic sex at all.
But what is there is… rather stiff. I kind of got the impression that writing them was maybe a bit uncomfortable, or that maybe they were something added out of a sense of obligation because that feels like the most natural conclusion to the character’s romance. And that’s fine if that’s the case! But I would maybe look into giving the scenes some touch-ups.
I read both Katie and Chloe’s stories to completion, and romanced them both. Between the two of them, Katie’s sex scene felt the most stiff–maybe because there wasn’t really anything to do? We just go back to her room and “the clothes come off” and then that’s it. At least with Chloe I could choose if I wanted to get stepped on before the fade to black.
The way poly relationships are handled:
Or, rather, the way they aren’t.
Again, I did both Katie and Chloe’s romances. There’s a brief mention during the epilogue that suggests Chloe and Katie are aware of each other, and that’s great, but… well, it would have been nice to be able to bring it up at some point during the game.
For example, in my playthrough I was dating Katie first. When Chloe asks me out as well, it would have been nice to be able to say something along the lines of: “Yes, but I’m already dating someone, would that bother you?” or if I wasn’t dating Katie yet “Yes, but I’m not a one person kind of girl. Is that alright?”
There are probably better ways of wording it, but I’m sure you get the idea. Just something quick when a relationship starts that makes it clear that MC is non-monogamous, so that way it doesn’t feel like cheating.
General thoughts and feelings
The pacing:
We go for walks, we train, we work, we fight, maybe we hang out with someone, and then we do it all again. Time passes both slowly and quickly, and I personally don’t mind that.
One thing I will say is that I wish I had more time to spend with the characters. I understand why it is the way that it is, but it would have been nice to be able to take that walk during the Hungry Ghost Festival with more than just one person.
The romance:
It’s not the main focus of the game, but it is there, and I think it’s done alright.
In my opinion Katie’s romance felt more natural than Chloe’s (aside from the sex scenes) and I think there are a couple reasons for that.
There was the inherent intimacy of helping her with her thesis, for one, but also she was the one I invited on the walk during the Ghost Festival, and I met her pretty early into the story. Basically, I just had more time with her, and by the time the Hungry Ghost festival happened, I had only just met Chloe. It didn’t feel like inviting Chloe over Katie would make much sense; we weren’t especially close, and there was no way for us to be at that point.
Also, with Chloe… the only romantic thing I can recall doing before the confession was offering to hold her hand when she walked me back to the MTR. Add in the fact that she was the last romanceable character to be introduced, it makes sense that things maybe felt a bit rushed with her.
I understand why only one person could be invited on a walk during the Hungry Ghost Festival, but maybe an extra event of some kind at a later date would help? I remember there was a fortnight where everyone was busy, so I had no choice but to skip the interactions. Maybe there’s room there for something extra?
The characters:
I enjoyed the varied cast! Except Janice. We earned that promotion damn it!
I wish I could have taken Camile up on their offer of dinner. At least, that’s what I think they were offering? They’re a mime, it’s hard to tell. Either way, they were my favourite fight and I wish I could have gotten to know them more.
The prose:
I enjoyed it! For the most part. I think where it shines the most is during the fights; I had no issues clearly visualizing what was supposed to be happening.
It does get stiff at some points, especially when in relation to the aforementioned sex scenes, but otherwise it’s consistent and efficient. It gets the job done.
I saw an earlier comment mention that it reads like AI, and to be clear, I do not feel that’s the case. There are choppy, quick sentences, and you occasionally use emdashes and semicolons. Sure. Same with every other writer ever. But AI can’t write a coherent, consistent story on this scale, let alone one that contains a fight with a mime that puppeteers a giant (magic?) chicken.
Final thoughts; this is a really good game. I strongly feel that the point of fiction is to make people feel something. For me, at least, strong emotions are the point.
This made me feel. I felt excited when I was lined up for another fight, I felt happy when Katie was able to successfully argue her thesis, and I felt melancholy when I had to break the news to Bob that his first fight might have been his last.
I think you’ve written something really special. Thanks for sharing it!
Also, a couple small extra things that I almost forgot about but probably should mention:
Small extra things
Sometimes when a character’s dialogue is broken up by narration, you’ll start the continuation of that dialogue on a new line. Like this:
In this screenshot, all of the dialogue is from MC. They’re asking Eric if Master Cheng is his Sifu. But the way it reads, it makes me think that MC is finished speaking after just saying “Yeah”, and then Eric replies by asking MC if Master Cheng is MC’s Sifu–which upon reading the next line becomes clear wasn’t the intention.
Basically, there shouldn’t be a line break unless the character is done all of their dialogue. So it should be all on one line, like this:
“Yeah,” you say. At the far end of the room, a timer beeps. “Is Master Cheng your sifu?”
You probably know this already, since there are plenty of examples of you getting it right, but it does happen a number of times throughout the story. It will probably be brought up during the editing phase on HG’s part but I figured I’d mention it anyway.
Also:
I wanted to highlight this choice specifically because it was the one I felt best illustrated a small problem I have, which is that I’d really like to know what my thoughts on turtle jelly are before I choose this option, you know? For all I know the next line could be “I hate turtle jelly and you suck for liking it!”
Of course that’s not what actually happens, but there’s a bit of stress when picking the option because I feel like I don’t know what to expect. There are a few times where this happens; where I’m not exactly sure what my character’s response will be when I pick an option. That might just be me, though.
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Amazing, thank you! I’ve received several requests for the multiple-partner to be clear, and I think I’ll make the request different if you already have a partner.
Also, you got me, I’ve never written sex scenes before! Katie’s scene is supposed to show that she is awkward and stiff, but the writing isn’t supposed to be awkward and stiff, lol. Hmm. Wonder if I can do anything about this.
One question: was the bonus content notification clear enough? There’s a notification after the epilogue, but some people are saying they don’t see it. Did you try any of the bonus content?
The other suggestions are well taken and relatively easy to fix. I’ll fix them soon!
1 Like
It was pretty clear to me, but I’m sure making it even more so wouldn’t hurt.
I did play through the bonus content! The “final boss” fight was pretty fun and I thought it was funny that even in that scenario we’re still working with Janet. It also was fun to see a bit more how our journey started! Humble beginnings, humble endings.
That does remind me of another thing I thought of while playing, though, which is that it might have been nice to have a glossary of terms to refer to during the game, rather than just as bonus content. Like, from the stats menu or something. Just something quick to call on when I’m not quite familiar with a term.
That said, I was able to figure most things out through context just fine anyways, so it wasn’t a big deal either way.
Again, thanks for the story! I really enjoyed it.
1 Like