BETA TESTING! Below the Skyline: a quiet Hong Kong boxing story. (150k words)

[dozendietcokesaday]

Three months ago, you started training at a Mong Kok boxing gym tucked above a small char siu eatery. Now you’re leaving work early to punch accountants in warehouses and empty rooftop bars.

Yesterday, you traded blows inside the half-abandoned Kwun Tong Ferry Pier. The crowd cheered for fighters whose names they didn’t know. You won a glutinous rice chicken in a thin plastic bag, and a lukewarm Vita lemon tea carton, its plastic straw missing.

No money, no glory, just another night getting hit. But some fighters do things that shouldn’t be possible. Some say a man threw a fireball. It missed.

There’s no final boss. Only basements, abandoned nightclubs, and a city disappearing at the edges.

You’re not here to save the world. Just here to see what happens when you stop sitting it out.

Below the Skyline is a quiet story about an office worker who takes up boxing and enters Hong Kong’s underground fighting circuit. Fight unusual opponents, navigate office politics, train, and build friendships or romances with the people you meet along the way.

There really is no final boss.

The game is now in closed beta testing. It’s a closed beta instead of an open beta to maintain eligibility for some competitions.

BETA TESTING IS HERE.

Please post all feedback directly in this thread.

Characters:

There are four characters that you can potentially befriend.

Eric “Blazefist” Jiang is a karate practitioner who has energy projection abilities.

Katie “Pressure Point” Reynolds is an enthusiastic kinesiology student.

Danny “The Dragon” Chan is a self-taught Jeet Kune Do practitioner. (Note: there is no romance content for this character.)

Chloe “Wildcard” Wong is a young woman with an erratic Muay Thai style.

If you’ve played before and get an error message saying “eric_fight cannot be loaded”, it means that your previous save is still cached. This version is incompatible with previous saves. If that happens, go here, and click “Menu”, and “Restart the game.” Then you should be able to play this version.

[Talyrion]

Liking the idea, and I’m curious to see how it will shape up. Right now, the demo is a bit bare-bone, but I’ll follow the next updates closely!

@dozendietcokesaday

The main focus of the story is on the characters

I do agree with that approach, but I can’t help but think the demo right now doesn’t provide much character focus. Part of it is probably due to the lack of character customization right now, but we don’t really get meaningful interactions with our first two opponents.

@dozendietcokesaday

• Feedback on whether the game follows ChoiceScript conventions appropriately
• Input on readability and pacing
• Thoughts on the character interactions and combat scenarios
• Any technical issues or bugs encountered

In general, I hope that we’ll get a bit more choices in how to interact with each of them, which I feel would come hand in hand with away to flesh the MC’s personality - right now, I don’t know ‘Steve’, nor do I feel particularly invested in his life (personally eager for the gender choice to be implemented, but I’ll begrudgingly concede that this is a secondary concern right now). Options during the fights would also be a plus, even if they don’t end up changing their outcomes.

The WiP is pretty easy to read, though more choices (again) would be welcome to break some pretty long block of texts. Pacing right now does feel rather fast.

No technical issue whatsoever.

Anyway, hope i didn’t came across as too critical. I’m always down for a good Fight Club-esque game, so thank you for the WiP, and hopefully see you soon!

[raij0u]

Can we customize the MC’s name? Liked the idea.

[Dragomer]

A bit early to judge but I like it, it sounds like a webtoon.

@dozendietcokesaday

• Clandestine Circuit” feels a bit unsatisfying as a name. I wasn’t able to think of anything better. Might change this in the future.

Underground Justice? Fist of Justice? Fantasy Fights?

[Duarte_Maria_Goncalv]

Hello man! I’m an old school pencil and pen concept artirst.
Looking for projects I can work with.
Your project seems interesting.
What do you think of chatting a bit? Do you have concepts for your game already?

Duarte

[dozendietcokesaday]

Thank you for your thoughts!

@Talyrion

I do agree with that approach, but I can’t help but think the demo right now doesn’t provide much character focus. Part of it is probably due to the lack of character customization right now, but we don’t really get meaningful interactions with our first two opponents.

You are right, there isn’t yet enough time for the interactions - I think in the current demo, we can only get 2 interactions with Eric, and zero with Victoria. Once I’ve adapted the Kevin storyline for Choicescript, I’ll upload a new version, which should be able to get through the entire Eric storyline, and a third of the Victoria storyline.

My planning for the characters is that each character will have a main, linear path. This path is already written. Then, I will add closing-branches at various points along the path, for the player to choose to end the storyline early if they wish. I’m hesitant to write branching paths because it is really tough keeping track of so many different branches. Is this generally acceptable? I’ve seen some other games do this, and also some games do a kind of “threads that rejoin at the end of each chapter” approach as well.

@Talyrion

The WiP is pretty easy to read, though more choices (again) would be welcome to break some pretty long block of texts. Pacing right now does feel rather fast.

I’m going to add page breaks or fake choices to some of the narrative prose, this was a definitely an issue I saw!

@raij0u

Can we customize the MC’s name? Liked the idea.

Definitely. I’m going to add in a choice of he/she/they pronouns as well. There’s two characters where I will need to change a bit more (some of the text uses the MC’s initials) But this is later on in my development plan.

@Duarte_Maria_Goncalv

Hello man! I’m an old school pencil and pen concept artirst.
Looking for projects I can work with.
Your project seems interesting.
What do you think of chatting a bit? Do you have concepts for your game already?

Thanks! I’m undecided on whether this game needs images yet. Let me convert a few more of the characters to choicescript and then decide!

[kizzygm]

Im curious about the world building with the powers. Are the ki/energy users rare? If so then how rare bc it feels just throwing a rookie at someone who can shoot ki so casually it seems. Are there gonna be different fighting paths we can choose from like flame fist or steal tiger claws for ex? And if kinda feels slightly rushed. Maybe a slight build up, like we’re desperate for the money or fame or just the love of battle. I love kung-fu/MA so i cant wait for more of what you got

[Winner87]

[quote=“dozendietcokesaday,
post:6, topic:167530”]
(some of the text uses the MC’s initials)
[/quote]

There are some choicescript string parser tricks that can make the game write the Initial letter of the M.C. first and last name dynamically. So all you will need is store it in the M.C. character var arrays.

One cool trope of these karate kid movies is the funky origin stories.

Van damme, Kurt Russel, Bruce Lee, Ralph Macchio, Jackie Chan, Spider Man (hell’s emissary SUPAIDAMAN!), Robyn Lively and, my eternal crush, Amy Jo Johnson did it all for us: The more cheese, the more Han, more cool it will be as time goes by. Its the rule of Cool.

And by cheesy and Han I mean like:

''Late at night, in an empty southern asian bar in the present day, an old ${man_woman_nb} enters and awaits service. Not long after, a group of thugs arrives and attempts to rob the till. The old ${man_woman_nb} defeats them easily, one by one, with hand-to-hand combat (insert tutorial game mechanics choicescript fight). Amazed, the bartender asks how ${he_she_he } learned to fight. The old ${man_woman_nb} replies, “It was long ago…”

The story flashes back to ${protag_name}, a ${office_drone} in his mid-twenties, living in 19x5 still British domain Hong Kong City!

And all these stories end sounding like one of Frank Dux fantasy tales. Man I love DuxTales. Its like the DuckTales but with martial artists in place of Donald Duck and his friends.

For the one who have no Idea who is this Dux guy I am talking about, ge is the guy who invented the american child lost in “magic martial arts” world genre!

(From the Wiki:
According to Dux, a ninjutsu expert named Senzo Tanaka trained him as a ninja when he was a teenager. He established his own school of ninjutsu called Dux Ryu Ninjutsu, and has said he won a secret martial arts tournament called the Kumite in 1975. His alleged victory at the Kumite served as the inspiration for the 1988 film Bloodsport starring Jean-Claude Van Damme.)

Man the tropes almost writte themselves!

Prodigal Brother/Sister origin: MC is the little sibling of martial artist who got (defeated in suspicious way/kidnapped by badguys/shot at a stunt gig for cinema with a pistol that was supposed to be fake) and
now came to Hong kong as unauspicious office drone.

Romance option co-worker A is actually heir of Netherlandese Asian underground smugler mafia-like ring and, upon acepting dinner with R.O. is forced to dinner with the BIGBAD BOSS! (R.O.: “M.C. my dear, can you pass me the salt?” Daddy BIGBADBOSS: "THIS IS MY HOUSE! TO PASS THE SALT TO MY HEIR/HEIRESS YOU SHOLD DEFEAT ME IN CLOSE KOMBAT!)

Also, mysterious Asian wise master got a son/daughter R.O. but they got no interest in Martial Arts and now he will train M.C. while shamelessly shopping they with his/her kids so the “style stays in the clan”.

R.O. actually fighting each other beacuse/for the M.C.
R.O. teaming up to fight the MC.
R.O. that got beat by the M.C. and now must Marry him/her/they to “keep my honor”

For some reason, everyone in the office knows a lot about martial arts? But no one dares talk about THE JANITOR! Who is a middle aged guy name Javier. He can teach you the “El Flying Polo Matador” manouvre

Oh, and the drunken hobo who stalks the M.C. backyard? Another Martial artist. A Druoen Master btw. He can teach you the “Tea Chi Ki Kashaça Kick”

There is a wizard deep under the walled city. His name is Oz. And he is an authentic boxer gentleman trapped there since the Boxer Wars. He can teach you the “Magic Wand Move Leviosa”!

The weird priest at the Buddist temple too. He trained with the Flying monks of Meteora, in greece on a interexchange progam for Beneditine and shaolim monks. He teaches you the “Meteora di Pegasi” punch!

That matron nun at the orphanage? A sleeper master too, she is possessed by the cursed mirro of Chang’e and can teach you the Yang Chi Chop!

Man I having too much fun here!

@dozendietcokesaday

“Clandestine Circuit” feels a bit unsatisfying as a name. I wasn’t able to think of anything better. Might change this in the future.

Why not MMA? (Magic Martial Arts)

Imagine the sequels of the sequels!

MMA: Clandestine Destiny Clan
MMA: The Punch Fist Punches First !
MMA: Grumpy Tiger, Hidden Dagon (there must be a hidden character named Edgard Dagon)
MMA: Little Trouble in Big China
MMA: The Golden Kid’s Rapture
MMA: Mommy’s Must Ask!
MMA: The Accounting Dragon (If MC works as Accounting/Actuarial consultant in his/her office Job)

[Phantomblade]

Yo, I have a question. Did we know the kind of fight we were getting into because I find it strange that we didn’t really react to somebody shooting an energy wave at us

[Non_Fat_Pizza]

Is the protagonist set as Steve Parker?

[Phantomblade]

I have no idea if that’s a for now thing or if that’s just how it’s going to be

[Harley_Robin_Evans]

Sounds interesting

[dozendietcokesaday]

Im curious about the world building with the powers. Are the ki/energy users rare? If so then how rare bc it feels just throwing a rookie at someone who can shoot ki so casually it seems. Are there gonna be different fighting paths we can choose from like flame fist or steal tiger claws for ex?

Supernatural powers are rare in the general population but fairly common for fighters. However, the powers are usually only giving a slight increase in fighting ability. It’s like the “Street Fighter” series where some characters can throw fireballs, but other characters are just Russian wrestlers.

For narrative purposes, I’m trying to avoid telling the player what their feelings are. I want it to come organically from the events and dialogue.

There are some choicescript string parser tricks that can make the game write the Initial letter of the M.C. first and last name dynamically. So all you will need is store it in the M.C. character var arrays.

Great to know! I’ll look those up when I do the name assignation and gender assignation.

Steve’s origin story is that he made a new year’s resolution to get fit. He deliberately doesn’t have any supernatural powers until very late in the game, and even then it’s optional. That’s more fun I think, and easier for players to identify with the character!

Yo, I have a question. Did we know the kind of fight we were getting into because I find it strange that we didn’t really react to somebody shooting an energy wave at us

It’s expected within the world of the story. That’s why the first fight is against someone with a minor level of supernatural ability

Is the protagonist set as Steve Parker?

Name and gender will be changeable later, but I’m working on converting the content to Choicescript first!

I should have the next part up in a few days: a fight against Danny “The Dragon” Chen, and enough time for 4 more character interaction scenes, which is just enough to finish the Eric storyline, and enough to get halfway through the Victoria storyline.

[dozendietcokesaday]

Hello everyone, I have uploaded a new version here: https://cogdemos.ink/play/dozendietcokesaday/below-the-skyline/mygame

This version adds two months of gameplay (4 event cycles), which allows players to finish the Eric storyline, or to get halfway through the Victoria storyline. It adds a new fight against Danny, and ends just before the fight with Lily.

I want to edit the original post to reflect these changes, but I can’t figure out how? Clicking on the edit pencil icon just shows me the previous edit. I don’t know how to edit it again.

There are still many, many things to do. My priorities are roughly in this order:

• Convert more content to choicescript
• Choice on how hard to try in each fight
• Save system
• New stat system
• Add in player name and gender choices
• Add italics to special move names

The character development is still very rudimentary this early into the storyline! We’ll have fuller character development once the player has more time to interact with other people.

Also, should I put in more page breaks? Is the text too long for the narrative sections, making it too hard to read?

[cultivator-anon]

[Ominking1]

Yes very very great interest

[Cosmos_4]

I don’t mind as long as I can carry the Aura of Choi Sunjae or Gun park with literally powers damn that would feel great

[Zexes]

I’m always raring to read more martial arts/cultivation IFs and this shows great promise! Clear and straightforward plot so far and very good character writing in Eric/Victoria.

Some clarifications though. With all due respect, why is the Hong Kong underground martial arts circuit filled with predominantly white people? MC is clearly a white dude in HK, which is fine but why is he fighting more white people than native chinese? Having him fight 3 out of the 4 fights against white people in HK is very funny. Doesnt help that all female characters introduced so far are blonde. Maybe the names are placeholders?

I would love to see some tidbits of the MCs history sprinkled in the chapters. Maybe a sort of setup prolouge before each fight to help us envision him more as a character.

[dozendietcokesaday]

Some clarifications though. With all due respect, why is the Hong Kong underground martial arts circuit filled with predominantly white people? MC is clearly a white dude in HK, which is fine but why is he fighting more white people than native chinese? Having him fight 3 out of the 4 fights against white people in HK is very funny. Doesnt help that all female characters introduced so far are blonde. Maybe the names are placeholders?

Haha, you are so right! Victoria and Lily are based on women I’ve known, so I feel like I should keep them like that. There is no reason for Eric to be a white guy though. I’ll change him to be a guy from Guangzhou I think. For what it’s worth, the next two characters (Kevin and Lauren) are Chinese

[Winner87]

@Zexes

why is the Hong Kong underground martial arts circuit filled with predominantly white people? MC is clearly a white dude in HK, which is fine but why is he fighting more white people than native chinese?

Its obvious my dearly friend. This is a Frank Dux’s fantasy world. So obviously everyone is played by western actors and stunts.

Also.

Summary

You could make the god of lazy kung fu visit the protagonist if he does nothing but play videogame in the first months ingame. Giving him some cheat ability that would be a funny surprise!