Please do.
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It sounds like an alien or someone from other universe suddenly tried to describe a human exemplar to a scientist.
It is too wordy for me
He looked like a 45-year old human man
You use pronoun he so man is not needed except is a no binary but then you shouldn’t use man normally either.
, skin tanned and leathery from spending too much time in the sun and carrying a collection of scars a Northern warlord could be proud .
Too many ands and too many ing verbs sew together like melted bubble gum in a Texan summer road.
Personally I would do something like this.
He looks like a 45 something human. If you could seen him. Tanned sun kissed skin with more skars Than a drunken warlord in a knife contest.
You can do far better than me. But basically shorter and with less and or ings.
Edit: I hope I wasn’t too rude. I am not good in the polite department reason why I don’t give feedback on public anymore
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You weren’t.
Wordiness is certainly something I can tinker, I was more worried about there being something bad with the visual I was trying to invoke. 
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Good visuals. But my advice is add an additional adjective that show that the wardlord was clumsy it gives a nice comedy tone and helps player to make a better idea of the number of scars and overall tone.
I used drunken because I love how the word sounds
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The passage sounds like you are describing a weathered old (Finnish) viking standing on a dock staring at you defiantly.
I figure you are looking for feedback on what visual you evoke in my mind’s eye.
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He’s not a warlord, he’s a knight errant. The MC is just supposed to make note he has unusually many scars (and make a stealth worldbuilding reference for Northern warlords seeing scars as signs of honor).
He’s also not actually 40-something human, he’s a few hundred years old magical creature who looks like 40-something human.
(As to how 45 exactly, probably my mind playing tricks with counting at units of 5 again. He looks older than 40 and younger than 50.)
Score! 
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My goals are the same as last month. Its all about consistency. So long as I make progress. I am happy. Although I am a little overburdened with the ideas I have and am having this fear that I wont get to actually implement all of them. How do you all deal with that and by proxy scope creep.
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This clarification might not be necessary, but: if “it” is written using Choicescript and you haven’t been offered a CoG contract, you have only three options:
- sign a contract with HG (they keep 75% of net revenue)
- publish your game for free (i.e. no sales/donations/ads/making money off it in any way)
- sign a contract with CoG to use Choicescript commercially outside of HG (and give them 25% of net revenue)
If you want to publish your game in a competing format without accepting one of the above limitations, you’ll need to (re)write your game a language other than Choicescript…at which point there’s obviously no reason CoG/HG would get any share of it.
Harris in their answer already mentioned “deciding to publish the game using different IF tools” – I just thought it would be worth clarifying that that means changing the coding language from Choicescript to a totally different one like Twine or Inklewriter.
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Hmm, I wonder if that rules itch.io as a platform out… I’m not sure if you can not have the option of accepting tips on specific projects if you have other projects that do (or are sold).
Then again, I don’t have my account set up properly for accepting payments yet.
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Does anyone know if CoG treats itch.io as inherently requiring a 25% revenue sharing contract because of the tips option?
If that’s not known, and anyone asks them, that would probably be good info to have more widely known. Like the rules for WIP Patreons – are those actually written anywhere that could be linked to the forums? Again, that seems to me like it would be helpful.
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Afternoon coffee time;
Monthly goals - progress on WIP and present another update is my wish for this month.
-
Reaching 50K with the completion of Chapter IV. I’ll be updating it since it will have 33% content increase ^^ (Currently standing around 40K , looks promising)
-
Continue daily doodling/draft drawing. (I already had 2 for Luuckey United FC)
( Drawing every day challenge ^^ ) -
Keeping scope contained, I already have a theme arch in mind, which will let an expansion of the story like a module.
-
Training myself in a language I’m still in beginner - intermediate (well patience needed / personal goal going slowly
)
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You can put ChoiceScript games up on itchio without any concerns if you disable payments on them - I’ve done it at various points.
The Patreon/subscription quote that Eiwynm posted is from the “make a Hosted Game” page - worth having a look for anyone considering publishing 
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Does that disable the tipping then? I guess I got it confused with wanting to take payments but disallow tipping…
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Yes, on itchio you can disable all payments including pay-what-you-want. I’d assume that regardless of the terminology, if someone is making money from ChoiceScript, it needs to be done through a contract or doing the month-early-access-then-free-to-public that Eiwynn quoted from in her post.
As far as I’m aware, you can publish on itchio or web with donations/payments if you sign a contract with HG, but you can’t publish through Steam or a mobile store if you do that.
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Okay, that clears that up. I got the concepts mixed up. (I was, a while ago, trying to find a way to sell a game without the pay-what-you-want and just use a fixed price, since I can’t legally take donations, and I got that confused.)
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My goals for this month will be different than the previous. First im going to scrap the other WIPs i have to focus on my original WIP, Era of A.
They were just lore dumps anyway. Second, im going to create a new WIP thats more fun and lighthearted, slice of life.
That way, i have a more serious and epic WIP and a fun, light hearted one to bounce off to.
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Sadly, I did not meet my goal last month, but I did get much more writing done last month than any other month this year, so I’m going to consider it a success anyway. I also noticed that I’ve enjoyed working on my WIP last month for the first time in a while, so I’m sure that’s part of why I was able to write more.
My goals for this month are:
- Finish the draft of chapter 2 of my WIP which was my goal for last month, but I think should be doable this time.
- Start editing this chapter.
I’m actually really motivated going into this month, so I hope I can carry the momentum. Congratulations to everyone who completed their goals last month and good luck to everyone with achieving August goals.
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I remembered what it was!
You know how, when reading what you’ve written, it feels like crap? Well, on a strange turn of events… it’s now happening to me with every single book I read. With every author who’s written those books. Whose books I actually like.
On the one hand, makes me feel better about my own writing. On the other… makes reading very hard.
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Thank you as always for the thread & articles Eiwynn 
My goal this month is to launch my game’s beta. Anything else is gravy. And I’m so happy to have started writing for the Halloween jam, it’s so much fun to sink my teeth into spooky writing. Wishing you a good recovery @Nocturnal_Stillness and happy birthday month @Jaybirdy!
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Thank you. I’m now week 13 post-op and recovery is going as well as possible.
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