Arleine (WIP) Prologue out, 2K words (08.04.24)

You are a Meridian. A human made machine. A construct, a marvel of engineering.
But even under Meridians you are special. You are one of the first, one of the prototypes the Atervin Company made. And you are a defect.
You shouldn’t be able to feel anything, be anything. But you are.
And now you long for freedom and they want to take that from. They did already once… you won’t let them do it again.
You are way more powerfull then they ever thought you to be.

You aren’t just 006, you aren’t just a monster.

And you will show them that.

Arleine is a sci-fi and action book and follows the story of 006, a defective military fighting unit, who is NOT a good person!
It takes place in a distant future, in the city of Veiran, famous for its crime and harsh regulations.
Arleine is a story about pain, freedom and what it takes to be your own person. In a world were everyone just considers you an object or a iredeemable Monster.

You can try and make 006 a better person… or you can embrace everything they say about them. The choice is yours.

You will also meet a cast of characters with whom you can entangle yourself platonically or romantically… or not at all if that is your jam!

Be ready to fight for your freedom and stop at nothing to keep it.

TW:

Excessive violence
Objectification of the main character
Blood and gore depictions
Self-destructive behaviours
Substance abuse (Not yet in the story)
Abuse of the main character (Not yet in the story)
Objectification of supporting characters (Not yet in the story)
Disturbing imagery (Not yet in the story)

Right now the only thing available is the prologue, which sits at 2K words not counting code. Since this story is more of a side project and I have ADHD, updates will be sporadic and inconsistent. My main project, which will be posted at a later date, has more of my focus. I will still try to give this semi-regular updates!
English is not my first language, so please point out odd grammar and sentence structure.
I hope you guys will enjoy what is there for now, even if it is a little short.

Demo link: https://dashingdon.com/play/kawsonist/arleine/mygame/

Cast
006

You. The defect. Monster. Abomination.

Vion

Enhanced human
Age: 26
Gender: Man
Occupation: Assassin
Appearance: sickly pale skin, short straight white hair, unnatural orange eyes, is around 6’4ft
Power: [REDACTED]
Not much is known about the famous assassin Vion, other then his appearance and name. The ones who have managed to survive a meeting with him, have described him having a jovial carefree personality, someone who would more likely play harmless jokes on you then try and murder you. He is also said to be quite petty, and one shouldn’t cross him. For their own safety.

Hazard

Real Name:[REDACTED]
Petra Unit, Artificial human
Age: unknown, looks like early 20’s
Gender: Woman
Occupation: Agent in the Governmental Infiltration and Information Gathering Division (G.I.I.G.D)
Appearance: brown skin, long wavy black hair, caramel coloured eyes, is around 5’1ft
Power: Illusionary capabillities, enhanced eyesight and hearing
Hazard presents herself as a friendly and kind woman. Not much can be said to dissapprove that claim. It has been deduced that she can’t stand anarchistic tendencies or disorganisation. She likes to approach problems in an optimistic manner, though she isn’t blind to how the world around her works. She is extremely loyal to her government.

003

Name:[REDACTED]
Meridian, a fellow defect and prototype
Age: around 14 years since manufacture
Gender: identifies himself as a Man instead of being just an object
Occupation: Retrieval and Containment Unit (R.C.U)
Appearance: metallic-silver skin, ear lenght brown hair, silver-gold eyes, is around 5’7ft
Power: Heat generation, flame generation, High speed and strength, Meridian Battle Mode
To the public nothing is known about 003, as it should be. Unlike 006 and 008, 003 never tried to escape from the Atervin Company, since in his pragmatically inclined mindd he would be in a better position with them instead of against them. Was said to be close to 006 before their first escape with 008 and seems to hold a grudge against 008.

008

Name: Topaz
Meridian, a fellow defect and prototype
Age: around 12 years since manufacture
Gender: identifies herself as a Woman instead of being just an object
Occupation: Mercenary
Appearance: sand coloured skin with a slight gold-metallic tinge, short blond hair with one long strand being made into a braid, green-bronze eyes, is around 6’9ft
Power: Near invulnerbility, plasma arm-blades, high speed and strength, Meridian Battle Mode
008, or Topaz, was able to escape from the Atervin Company 6 years ago together with 006. It seems that 2 years later both of them split up and she managed to found her own underground mercenary company and gained success through it. She is described as a rude and blunt person, speaking her mind and not pulling her punches. She dislikes authority and people who try to treat her as a mere weapon. 008 and 003 seem to have a strong dislike for each other.

121 Likes

You’ll need to put out a bit more content to get any useful feedback, but what you have done so far looks competent and interesting.

7 Likes

I do want to! But I wanted to at first post the prologue and get a bit of feedback for that! I will try and get the first chapter out relatively soon-ish so there will be more content!

3 Likes

You need to have at least a few chapters to get any constructive feedback but the prologue looks promising

1 Like

Not exactly related to the game but can you use,

Example Cast Name

Example Cast Description

To separate the different cast members because right now I’m being bombarded by a wall of a text

Sure! Sorry about that. I kind of was just happy to post it and will try and sepparate it for comfort now

1 Like

Im glad you think its promising! Ill try and get more together soon and am sorry if it was too short

I edited the top post now! Hope this will work better now.

1 Like
Feedback


I feel you you missed the opportunity to add like a short text of how you do it, you know? Like to add more flavor than just

After dealing with that problem, you continue on towards your goal. Towards freedom. Your freedom.

Not wanting to waste anymore of your time here in this dreadful facility, you take one leg back and

Overall though, enjoyed what was available

3 Likes

Thanks for the feedback and yeah you are right. I will add flavour text for it would def fit better!
Other then that thanks so much for the kind words :grin:

Could we start a robot rebellion?

Maybe…But that would be telling no? :face_with_hand_over_mouth: But you just have to wait and see!

This looks really good! I love the fresh take on CoG games in general - not forcing you to play the ‘good guy’ in the story. Though I’d love to see more chapters as well!

4 Likes

Initial response is good, but I need to read more of this to be sure so far it’s too short…

I’m sorry you’re getting so many comments about it not being long enough. I think the premise seems interesting, and it’s not a bad idea to get feedback through the entire process.

To avoid getting negative comments like the ones above, it might be good to start with a private beta, though. Maybe have 1-2 friends read through it and let you know what they think. To avoid the “too short” comments, a good starting amount of words to post publicly would probably be a minimum of 15k excluding code.

I wish you luck! We always need more projects that don’t force you to be the good guy.

5 Likes

Thank you so much for these words, they encourage me to do my best and push out chapter 1! And i hope that i can soon remedy the too short comments but until then ill just have to bear with it😊
Im happy you like the premise tos and i hope i can deliver on the expectations

2 Likes

I like what’s there, very much, but feel that there should be maybe another distance option when deciding what kind of ability you have to escape with. You have three close combat types, where you are or you are attatched to the weapon and only one that can be used at or with distance (the improvised railgun was really cool, btw.) I think a second ranged option would be welcomed by many potential players. Given that the fourth option “roars” at the machine that’s there to stop it, maybe a sonic weapon?

2 Likes

Oh yeah thats a good idea! I didnt rly saw it as distant and close but yeah i will think abt another option to add! Thanks for the suggestion and im happy you liked the railgun bit! Was a blast to write too :grin:

2 Likes

Sounds like Detroit become human in a way

1 Like

Well there is def a similar angle but the story and elements are not rly similar! I hope that that wont make the story less appealing for you :sweat_smile: :slightly_smiling_face:

2 Likes