I quite enjoyed reading this and can’t wait for more to come.
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This is the first time AWolfsDen1329 has posted — let’s welcome them to our community!
First of all, welcome to the forums! (:
Thank you! You won’t have to wait too long for the next update – it will be made public at the end of this week!
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I feel that the beginning is a bit heavy with world building, too many pages with too much world’s lore and fairly few choices. Maybe toning it down and spreading the infos in later pages would help readability. Maybe even shortening pages length.
I’m also unsure about the Abner Jr. Vs Abner Sr. stat, the necessity to antagonize one to raise the other somehow irked me.
Finally I didn’t really understand the logic about the university admission. In the posh class is the prestige and wealth of a family that decide your chance to attend a school. I’ve never heard of someone from the right family to be turned down from a school like Eton because they were a bit against tradition. Not in a Victorian-like era.
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Well, reputation seems to be a BIG thing in that universe, as well as the impact of rumors. A very “respectable” school wouldn’t admit someone who has even a little bit of a “dissident” reputation? At least that’s my take. Nothing bothered me when playing… 
Hmm I don’t need you have to see it as antagonizing one or the other. My character was always polite towards both, but his ideas were more in line with grandfather’s, and so the bar leaned heavily that way. But at no point my MC was disrespectful towards his father.
In the end, even without being antagonizing, either the father or the grandfather will be at least somewhat disappointed in the MC for not following in their respective footsteps, so to say? Again, just a player’s take on it 
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About the rumors, didn’t it feel like whatever you said, anywhere you said it, just everyone knew about it? It felt weird that something I said to a dude in an alley immediately went viral for everybody to know like he tweeted it and the university board read it.
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This is not based on Victorian-era Britain. Even if it were, Victorians were not explicitly (that’s a key word) fascistic like the Sovereignty in my game. There are a lot of parallels, true (colonialism, righteousness of your rule, racism, genocide), but I want to be clear that there is no one-to-one analogue, so tertiary education is not the same as it is (or was) in the real world. It is stated outright in the narration that anyone who has even the potential to be a radical sympathizer is monitored by the secret police.
This is true. It is also important to note who is doing the rumor-spreading. It doesn’t matter if something is actually true so long as enough people believe it is true. The Sovereignty propagandize every potential threat all the time – they are hyper-focused on maintaining the exclusivity of the upper class and are not above making things up just to punch down.
To paraphrase Prudence: “There’s no hiding with a name like yours”. MC1 is a bastard and potentially a pariah, yes, but they are still a member of the nobility, which makes them notable in Society. They are also uniquely positioned such that people would take an interest in auditing them for, say, college admissions. No matter where their personal politics lie, MC1 is still the grandchild of an influential man who (regardless of whether he actually is) has the reputation of being a radical-adjacent reformer. And, intentionally or otherwise, they do run into noteworthy radicals a lot.
Lol!
Basically. When your whole society and/or religion are geared entirely around identifying and eliminating people different from the status quo, it tends to breed a culture of secrecy, nasty rumors, and gossip.
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It’s a thin line to walk on without making readers lose their suspension of disbelief, but if you can manage for it to work then it’s all for the best.
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I’ll try! (;
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Are there descriptions for the RO’s? I can’t really seem to imagine them In my head
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I’ll repeat them here for you.
Lázaro
This describes both Goldendoor twins, though only Laz is a romance option:
They are obviously twins, and both are somewhat short and compact, with olive-tan complexions. They have rectangular heads with slightly protruding underbites and brows. Each twin has a tall, aquiline nose, high cheekbones with somewhat gaunt cheeks, and large, green eyes. The inner corners of their eyes are upturned somewhat, giving them a naturally sleepy expression.
The speaker, who introduces himself as Lázaro, has eyelids that are almost always half-closed and his lips are usually drawn, causing some people to mistake him for being overly-scrutinous and intimidating. When he speaks about things he is passionate about, though, his eyes fully open and he looks much more approachable. He has brown hair with a slight undercut, well-groomed sideburns, and a permanent five o’clock shadow. Though currently dressed respectably in a pressed shirt, waistcoat, straight-legged trousers, and leather dress shoes, he occasionally fidgets with his cuffs and readjusts his stance, signifying that he is not entirely comfortable in “respectable” clothes.
He periodically addresses his twin, Freeman, who does not share his brother’s heavy eyelids, and is usually smiling pleasantly. He has a thin beard and appears more at ease than his brother.
Belvidere
Belvidere could easily pass as the model for one of any number of marble statues that are so fashionable to keep in one’s garden. With their full face, large brown eyes, tall nose with thin nostrils, small mouth, and brown-gold curls, they are an exemplar of classical beauty. Still, there is something generic about their appearance – it is beautiful, but a beauty you have seen in every museum and that every artist copies.
Prudence
She looks exactly as if every tapestry, painting, and sculpture of Whitaker you’ve ever seen had suddenly come to life and amalgamated into a perfect likeness of the First Sovereign. She has Whitaker’s tall, athletic figure (indeed, even seated she is several heads taller than anyone else in the cellar) and his dark complexion.
The woman also bears many of Whitaker’s other features, considered among the aristocracy to be marks of strength, intelligence, nobility, and good breeding: A round head with a strong jaw, full cheeks, small brown eyes, a slightly down-turned, broad nose, thick brows, and kinky hair.
Blythe
Though his pedigree is obvious to your eyes, anyone that didn’t know what to look for would have a difficult time finding anything remarkable about him. Picture the most generic person in the world – that’s what he looks like. Only his skin is perhaps three shades too pale to look healthy, and his eyes are a little small for his face.
The descriptions of either MC are up to the player.
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I’m so bookmarking this, because for some reason I’m unable to remember their descriptions.
Also, you just reminded me of something I was wondering about. Why is Freeman non-romanceable? I don’t really care one way or another considering that even if he was, I’d go for his brother anyway, but I’m genuinely curious? Is it just because you didn’t consider him interesting enough to be a RO, or do you have more concrete reasons, story or otherwise?
Of course, I don’t need to know the specifics if it’s spoilery!
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I understand completely, lol. When I’m writing, I have a separate text document open at all times to take notes so I don’t forget anything.
EDIT: I am also planning on commissioning portrait art for them (they’ll probably be on the cover as well, but I’ve never done, like, individual portraits for characters in my games, before).
This is going to sound like kind of a cop-out explanation, but Freeman just doesn’t strike me as the type of guy to involve romance and his/his brother’s cause. Those two things would inevitably get tangled if I made him a romance option, and I think he would deliberately make a decision not to “get involved” as it were. That’s not to say that this is a good idea for him, it’s just what I think he would do.
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Oh, that’s interesting actually!
It’s a bit sad if he’s not averse to romance, but a perspective that can be respected. Honestly, I think it adds a lot to the character?
Thanks for explaining!
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You’re welcome!
I am pretty big on characters that probably act counter to their best interests or have traits and/or make decisions that aren’t very good for them or anyone else lol. It’s gotten me bad reviews, before, but I kind of enjoy seeing people in media that are not perfect and make rational choices and nothing but rational choices. People do silly, potentially self-destructive things that make no sense to outside observers all the time in real life, so why shouldn’t it be the same in fiction?
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I’m very interested in seeing how the story will go when the two MCs interact with each other, which it looks like we’ll be seeing in the next update!
Also, am I the only one that thinks the boys that came to the house during winter were Lazarus and Freeman? The “hmm, hmm, hmmm” made me suspicious.
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Yes, I am planning on releasing updates chapter-by-chapter up until the ending(s), which will be for beta testing.
(;
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The new update is public, today! It includes:
- All introductions for MC2 are completed.
- Various grammar, spelling, and continuity errors corrected.
- Character customization.
Let me know what you think and/or if you find any spelling/grammar/continuity/coding errors, please! I also just began another supplementary lore series on my Patreon page about a missionary who learns more than she expected beyond the Frontier. If that sounds like something that might interest you, consider becoming a patron! You will get access to more lore stories, early access to game updates, alpha access to the completed game, and developer insights.
As always, a big thank you to everyone for all your wonderful words and support! (:
EDIT: I caught a bug just now while play-testing, and you should now be able to select white fur when playing “These Reluctant Depths”.
EDIT 2, THE REVENGE: You should also be able to properly view MC2’s stat screen.
EDIT 3, THE RETURN OF EDIT: Fixed a typo where MC2’s gender would not appear correctly in their description.
EDIT 4, MECHA-EDIT: I also forgot to mention that I started a new supplementary lore series over on my Patreon page. It’s a travelogue, written from the perspective of a missionary as she travels into the Unknown Territories during the early days of colonization. If that sounds like something you’d be interested in reading, please consider becoming a patron! The series will update every other day (excluding weekends) until the end of the month, as well, if you want to become a patron at the very end and not have to wait for the story to conclude.
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I love this game, but could you add more save slots? It’s getting out of hand now that I have six mcs.
Also, I don’t understand what the seal-people and deer-people look like. Boaz isn’t a deer-folk, right? He seemed to be described as a cow? But deer-folk, like Boaz and the seal lady have animal faces? But they also have hair?? Since MC2 all have customisable hair and eye color. I don’t understand how you can customise eye color if you have a deer or seal face. Also what does the lower half of a seal-folk look like?
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I’m so glad!
I’ll see about implementing that in the next update.
Keep in mind I’ve taken about one art class in my adult life ever, and that was years and years and years ago. I am very much not “hip with the art”, as the kids might say, lol. I regret not learning the computers in school, and also a little that I never learned how to draw. That said, I tried my best…
I hope my terrible art helps you visualize the characters!
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I was not the one asking for refs, but thank you for them!
I was about to finally start with the second MC tonight, and was still unsure which kind I’ll choose.
It’ll be seal then, as I was leaning toward from the start!
And don’t worry about your art! Sure, you’re no professional artist, but the art is clear and very readable, so it makes for perfect species refs anyway! 
Also, may I ask if there were changes to the first MC’s part? I’ve seen in the update post that you’ve included a character editor, but was it added to the first MC’s part, or does it come after selecting the second MC’s species?
Basically, I wish to know if I can load my save at the species selection, or if I have to replay from scratch! 
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