So far so good! I love the descriptions and interactions of characters. There a few bugs but barely noticeable.
Just fixed up 
Great start! Congratulations. The vibe is very reminiscent of GoT, both in depth and lore. If you need any sponsorship, you can ask me in private. I’m betting on this work! The writing captivated me, interesting characters, I just wish the personality stood out more, but I know it’s in the beginning. It very much deserves to succeed and is easily in my community top 3 right now.
Inkarnate map style >>>>>>>>> all
Hmm… Things seem pretty nice and calm right now… I can’t wait for the blood shed.
No complains when you finally get it *inserts evil laugh
It seems like a really ambitious project writer, just by all the content the maps alone promise makes future updates quite exciting.
I liked the introduction of the cast with the little option of being little girls or boys, being the royals’ thirdborn is a fascinating take one cannot help but wonder what options we’ll have to shape our future, stats like Powerlust and Ambitionless will influence heavily our character’s goals I bet.
Clinging to the most power possible is just one of those traits that always accompany my MCS, so will see where that experience takes me hopefully going through some intrigue and court shenanigans(factions, ambitious petty nobles etc).
Cannot wait to learn more about the lore and this continent history!
Hello! I think your demo is great so far, or at least I enjoyed it. I have questions and feedback. I am actively trying to get better with feedback as a choicescript enjoyer - so I hope some of this is encouraging and helpful!
There are some spots that threw me off personally.
For example:
Like when the MC’s mother asks a question but
She pauses, seeing the confusion on your face. “Ah, I may have gotten carried away,” she chuckles. “But I’m curious, how are your lessons progressing?”
“My dear, you must understand that this is necessary,”
For me personally as a reader the break in-between these two chunks was a little confusing. Not that big of a deal, but I expected additional details about the reaction of the MC to be included. I was thrown off by the question not being addressed at all, but the new paragraph making it a new thought. I don’t think this is a big deal. Just sharing!
Other than things like that example I was sucked into the story very quickly. I enjoyed the choices and character interactions. Some of the characters feel like a bit of a mystery, but it is hard to read people as a 6 year old. I think everything works well together so far. Also I enjoyed that it didn’t seem to be too description heavy. I am quick to turn off my brain when things are too wordy for their own good. I felt like I understood what was going on and how characters felt well without reading unnecessary fluff.
All in all, great start!!
How significant is Arlen our twin sibling? I can’t tell quite yet.
How soon (or not soon) will dragons actively play a part in the story?
I already picked a favorite sibling (it’s not Arlen oops) how will our relationships with our siblings play a role as the story progresses?
okaayyy so i can see how this is gonna be so good. as of now its short but dragons? 9 ROs? also taking the throne for yourself? basically its got everything and i just cannot wait for more!
First of all thank u so much for the feedback I appreciate it enormously, and promise to work on it as soon as possible.
I know, it’s hard to write children, even for me, being a second grade teacher, so I tried my best and channelled my inner kid as well as u know being on the shoes of my students and that kinda came out.
Thank u I was worried about that actually, thinking I had too much of this or not much of that, so yay I’m not doing it too bad after all.
They are very important, after all they are like a part of you
It could take a while, but for now MC will have to learn everything they can and uncover the secret to make the eggs hatch.
Poor Arlen, let me guess it’s Drystan right?- Our relationships with our siblings will be somewhat determinant for some routes that could impact some of the three endings of the first book.
how many books will be there ?
I have five as in a regular format, but with CYOA I think that could go further and become easily six books.
When you say they are like a part of us i don’t know why i remembered a movie (don’t remember the name) of two twins bound to a dragon but one was able to feel the pain of the dragon and have fire powers and the other shared the mental bound and the super strength. Will it be something like that or am i overthinking 
I think youu are talking about Dragonheart: Battle for the Heartfire, although they are fraternal twins this dynamic is kinda similar to what I’ve planned but not to that extent. It’s more like they have been together since birth and never been apart, they’re each others “safe place or person” because in a way they are “the same”, and the main idea is to explore that bond, but don’t worry it won’t be something like the fraternal Lannister twins.
In the description says that mc is the youngest child.
Btw. Are mc and twin so similar that it’s hard to tell them apart? : D
They are, but speaking as to which twin is older, MC is.
Yep they are identical, I had thought of making them mirror image twins, which is a rare occurrence among identical (monozygotic) twins, but at the end I decided against it.
Their external appearances are so similar that it is virtually impossible to differentiate between them based on visual cues alone. They are “identical in every way”.
I like where this is going so far. The prologue and the first chapter feel like a good introduction to the dynamic of the family. I do have some feedback, though:
I noticed several times throughout the demo that the conversations aren’t broken up properly, like having characters (e.g. the brothers when the twins are born) speak in the same paragraph. It makes it hard to understand who is speaking at one time.
I also noticed errors in addressing the twins. I’ve only played through it as a girl, but I noticed Arlen being described as the brother at one point in chapter 1.
As a start, I really like this. Fixing up the grammar issues and spacing out conversation properly, I feel like this work could have some very interesting potential.
Then how does anyone tell them apart?
I was curious about that too like what’s the difference between an identical twin and a mirror twin.
Physically would be by the Royal birthmark that every Dracarion of the royal line has, Arlan has it on the opposing side where MC has it. (I’m working on the choices so you guys choose the place of the birthmark) so only people close to them could tell them apart, besides of the bracelets the queen had ordered for them.
Other than that as they get older their personalities, mannerisms and preferences help a lot to know which twin is which.
Identical twins are just that identical physically in every way, with certain variations, while mirror twins can have features that appear as if they are mirror images of each other. For example, if one twin has a birthmark on the right side of their face, the other twin would have a birthmark in a corresponding location on the left side. This mirroring effect can extend to other physical traits, such as hair whorls, fingerprints, and even internal organ placement.
