The Bar on the Abyss - WIP [240k words] [Updated November 9th]

Thank YOU for your quality work.

ohshit, ferreal ferreal?

Warning: Contains Stoffs, and also Thangs

“more”

Could use a linebreak here.

uncapitalised

wrong pronoun

I note that sometimes you capitalise Abyss, and others you do not. You should keep it consistent when referring to the place.

uncapitalised

“their”

uncapitalised

You COULD have just written “I can fix them” :stuck_out_tongue:

Or very clearly it does not, because if it actually DID this letter wouldn’t be coming from the FOREIGN AFFAIRS ministry. I’m on to you. You can’t scam me, I’m better at ruleslawyering than you are. By the way, here you write “flame” uncapitalised, but when Raven mentions it later it’s “Flame”.

Op, flame is uncapitalised here again. You should decide on one and stick to it.

Another capitalisation clash, with how it is written in the choices:

BIG continuity hiccup. You can visit the companions in any order, meaning you can visit the Witch before Hastur. The problem is that if you do that, you can tell her that he does not remember the night’s events anyway, even though you only find that out when you visit him. I suggest moving that revelation to the mandatory morning gathering during breakfast, to keep the continuity.

“making”

Suggestion for an extra option at this part (or maybe right after): if you tell Death they should remember, being able to tell them that if their experiences start to weigh too heavily you’re there to help them shoulder them.

Probably there to hand a dangerous quest and an old map to a group of adventurers.

Missing opening quotation marks.

“its”

uncapitalised

uncapitalised

This happens a lot (like, a LOT), a blank space after “Peisinoe” that shouldn’t be there when the name is followed by punctuation. Are you perchance copy-pasting their name (if you are, you should make sure what you’re Ctrl+V’ing does NOT have a blank space)? You should Ctrl+F throughout the text to find all the instances where this happens.

“know”

“what we can do”?

“buzzing”? “bustling”?

Either “he abandon” or “he have abandoned”.

“exactly”

uncapitalised

In this set of options, if you pick the second option before the first, the text doesn’t quiiiiite line up correctly, as the text of the screen you get from option one sort of follows from the text that precedes this choice first appearing.

uncapitalised. Same two and five paragraphs down.

Memorium? Actually, you need to Ctrl+F throughout the game, because sometimes you call it “Memorium”, other times “Memoriam”.

“the life of”

Is this working as intended?

uncapitalised

Similar thing here. Are these a stat check thing? :thinking:

Not italicised

“sparing”

one or the other

not italicised

“decor”

typo

“descend”

Sleep time!

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Omg Lilith works hard but you work HARDER

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Lolll which stage would you say you’re at right now? :pleading_face:

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Stage six!

ゴゴゴゴゴゴゴゴ

Sad Jester! Contemplation of futility!

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I don’t know why but it’s giving Elden Ring message before a boss.

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I have never been so insulted! I challenge you to a duel, limericks at dawn!

Time to go to hell, like all those people told me to

“neutral”

wrong pronoun

“I had never seen”

AND it has an HOA.

“More horrible”

When this was mentioned earlier, it was 400 coins.

Something missing after “carries her”

I think my money pouch is borked. It started with 400 coins when I picked it up, was at 500 when I got to the market, and after I bought a gift for everyone for 9x30=270 coins total and it should be at 230 (or 130, I don’t even know anymore), it’s at 275.

:rofl:

At this point I checked the stats screen and it says I have 240 coins (a value that matches NONE of the possible actual values considering the math so far), even though to my knowledge I spent or received no money.

The game does not prevent or make note of me spending money I don’t have.


Stats screen makes no notice of it.

“property”, I think

wrong pronoun

“here”


300-action

“is”?

“Dessert”

wrong pronoun

I presume you intend to have all the gift-giving opportunities close together, but it feels IMMENSELY off to not be able to give Lilith her gift here for a wide variety of reasons, not the least of it being that it’s also a flower and it would make for quite the symmetry, an exchange of flowers.

Aaaaand that’s the end so far, in a not-ominous-at-all note, nosirree. >_> I’m sure everything’s fine, might fine, yessirree. cough

I have a technical suggestion, which is to make your chapters more numerous and shorter. This will help whenever you have to update the game (whether the WIP or when you need to push a patch for the final version), because in the actual game there’ll be no manual save points but there WILL be autosaves at the start of new chapters*. Smaller, more numerous chapters will reduce people’s loss of progress in those occasions.

*in the WIP, the game will just kick you to the start of your current chapter, regardless of what point in the chapter you did the save on

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This is a VERY good suggestion :eyes: Dashingdon is a bit weird with its text files (like, had to upload each scene separately with this update) but i’ll see what can be done in the future.

I can’t thank you enough for the actual beta testing you did here lol. Although, I’d also love to hear your general thoughts on the update and its new systems :slight_smile:

Again… your are THE best :heart:

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I like the customised options that come from the Grief (even if I didn’t take all of them) and the Career. More character definition is always good, imo.

I haven’t played TBotA in AGES, though, so you’ll have to remind me about the differences between the previous skill system and the new one.

I’m not sure about the Spirit Gift, though. It already attaches to your best stat, so it doesn’t FEEL like it adds anything beyond just having the points where you can use it be stat checks instead? It might even detract, because instead of MC solving a problem because they’re very good at [thing], now they do it because they have Magic Bauble :tm:, and it’s a Magic Bauble they didn’t even have to work for, so, for me, it makes the MC less badass.*

PERSONALLY, the Spirit Gift would be more satisfying to me if the MC had had to work to acquire it, if using it had a cost, and/or if it attached to a stat other than their best one

*note that I’ve already been told multiple times that I’m extremely peculiar regarding what makes me feel MC is a badass, so consider adding varying amounts of salt to my Spirit Gift considerations

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This sounds like an amazing way to show the reality is… off.

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It is, if it’s intended, but I heavily suspect it’s not.

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Did you have any favorites from the one you did?

Honestly, the old one was quite weire lol, and was based on the skills of the crew. Some skills were useful while others were not, for example, having a skill for cleaning doesn’t have many applications in a game, lol.

That’s a good feedback, this feature was created after a lot of request to lean more into power fantasy elements. The game obviously will never feature this fully because it’s not the vibe, but I did wanna make the player feel more powerful, surrounded by these mighty entities.

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Yes, this was intentional! :smiley::smiley::smiley: Not at all a weird bug that I don’t have a clue how it even came to be… Well, if you all can excuse me for a moment… (disappearing into smoke)

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Damn they’re on to me (disappearing faster)

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Question, I’m at the start and accidentally triggered romance points with Death and the Devil by not really understanding that “I’m uncertain” meant of romance rather than potential friendship until it was too late lol. Will this affect the choice of romancing Hastur? Nothing popped up for him so far in chapter three’s opening. Or do his flirt options appear later in the story, regardless of your points with the others?

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NEW UPDATE!! :heart: A huge thank you to the creator or creators of this amazing game. In this new update.

I loved that my character could express themselves more and that the context is a bit longer, though it still leaves me with questions about “Why?” even though it’s clear that nothing will really change (I refer to the origin or reason for their death, behind all of that, given that I chose the path myself.)

As with every update, I find it hard to stay completely loyal to my Janitor when there are several people behind my character vying for his attention. Although I try to say, “NAH, I’m a married person, they just doesn’t know it,” I always have space for they. I just want to explore the other possibilities and paths, but guilt is always breathing down my neck, haha :sob:

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Ah, the Bioware experience ™️

That’s a very good feedback. I’ll adjust the options to make it clear what leads to friendship. Thank you!

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  • [Nice] We’ll bang, okay?
  • [Sarcastic] We’ll bang, okay?
  • [Mean] We’ll bang, okay?

We, former Bioware fans are not okay.

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Thank you for reading! Happy you enjoyed it :heart:

This is definitely the intention. I want the reader to experience to have the echos of “why” in their head, with all its different meanings.

Lol as of now there are no consequences of romancing everyone at the same time—so your budding romance with Mr. Shady is safe and sound! And believe me, it’s worth it :eyes:

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Still remember trying to explain to Morrigan I want to be BESTIES gurl stop undressing me :sob:

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My MC(s) when there is no consequence for being a hoe:

“I can fix them all.” Famous last words.

Clueless me being nice to a companion ONCE, not realizing this was going to start a whole thing. Other companion I actually want to romance: “Ah, alas, you are already spoken for!”

“Who the hell?!”

“How dare you lead me on MC, am so disappointed…”

“WHOOOOOOOO?!”

You wouldn’t believe how much irrational fear those BG3 scenes inspired in me. “Uh this is still friendly right? Just homies dancing. You’re not inviting me to your rizz dimension so we can fuck right?”

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