So i very much injoyed this.
Only thing is if you could expand a bit more on the start it feels alittle rushed to me
So i very much injoyed this.
Again, I’d like to thank folks for all the nice words, feedback, and bug reports.
It’s unfortunate that “trans-human” or “transhuman”, meaning a sort of super-being
also happens to refer to various gender related things,
and especially for a character who happens to be “non-binary”,
i can see how this would lead to misunderstandings,
especially for people who haven’t been immersed in science fiction all their lives.
I added one line to Lonan’s introduction, hoping to point in this direction:
The trans-humans consider themselves quite beyond mere ‘humanity’.
I also added the option to flesh out the non-binary descriptors/pronouns of the MC.
In this story, we are far enough in the future that just about anything is possible,
and just about anything is widely acceptable. I don’t intend to limit the MC’s actions
based on gender, except in the cases where gender and/or romance/sexuality is the focus.
wow, ten times You’ll notice things others won’t pick up on.
it’s true. we’re just in the set-up phase of the story, determining how you want to play.
many choices in the currently-available text don’t have immediate differentiation,
but real choices are coming. And i’ll put in some failures too.
- but there are story reasons for certain inconsistencies
As for areas where there is only one choice, I will fix that.
It is literally impossible to have only one choice.
About “nb no first name”, wow, thank you. bad on me. I was checking the wrong variable there. fixed.
genuine thanks for nitpicking
Thanks, the tone you describe is exactly what I’m going for, yay!
thanks for the &*set , quicktest didn’t catch that, but you did, and now it’s fixed.
about the “piloting vs. social”, well, the gist of that scene is MC
hoping their second-in-command can handle the company rep,
all the other character’s choices are in some way related to “persuasiveness”.
I’ll admit, Blar’s piloting metaphor is stretching it
Having the beginning feel “rushed”…
Depends on what you mean.
I definitely want a strong sense of urgency there,
The MC is excited and powering through everything.
- but if you feel like it’s rushed as in sloppy, or intentionally vague, or something else just bad, I can revisit it.
I’m also thinking about adding an option to flesh out the MCs physical description,
for anyone who wants to get into that.
(not sure yet where to put that, without breaking the pacing of the story.)
If i may provide something useful for once you could add it in right after you meet the crew but before you meet the “Pirates” you can see your reflection or check out your room and look into a mirror.
I think the scene in which we’re waiting in line with other traders could be a good place for that? Since MC’s obviously bored out of their mind, they could, for example, look around a bit, maybe check themselves out in a reflective surface of some kind or use whatever portable device they may possess to, I dunno, check their messages? browse the web? which would involve logging into a profile that has a picture of them. Something like that.
It would also have an added benefit of making us feel like we’re actually waiting for our turn to speak.
Btw, caught one more thing. It’s ‘your’.
“Easy there, killer,” she says wryly. “I just want to make you an offer.”
“Now what’s you’re name?” She asks.
Interesting one, I’ll keep an eye on this. Love sci-fi! Most of it.
Not for me. It is one of those things that can lose me as a player. I feel… not there, if that make sense?
Just a sugestion but when the woman offers you 20k for the meds and you have the option to ask for the full 30k it’d be cool if you could ask your charismatic crew member to do the talking
OK, progress! New files have been uploaded for the weekend. There are some changes to chapter 1, so it might be worth checking out.
Chapter 2 might be done, as in all goals accomplished: you make your first trade!
(But you still can’t take off from the second planet yet…)
thank you specifically to the forum members for these things:
- “you’re” fixed
- character description indeed as part of the “waiting” scene.
- persuasive people able to get you a better deal in 20k/30k situation
I originally posted here because I thought it was good, but I was afraid it was bad.
I’m so encouraged by the response. Thanks!
Just wondering if it would be possible to have the date of the last update in the title, so people know when the games been updated?
We are a generally nice community. We don’t bite… hard… often… shifty eyes
Hey, thanks! Yes I will put the date in various places in future.
Just dropping in to say that work continues, but nothing new has been uploaded for about a week.
Just write to get notified when there are new Infos on this nice game
Just write to get notified when there are new Infos on this nice game (2)
I am too have a interest in the concept. I think I never saw a trade oriented CYOA game before. And the idea that it is possible to be made simply blow my mind with possibilities.
Yoko Kanno starts to play in the background
A big update will happen, the story is over 20k words now, but nothing new has been uploaded yet…
Take your time buddy. It’s your story after all.
What is the point of a 20k update if a minor unoticed buggy prevent us to see 20…
All right, SPACE!
The story is at 25k words now with lots of new content, and some things removed or changed.
Please note that when you have a choice between 3 planets to go to, only Hemadeet has been written so far, so you should “choose” that one
I really appreciate the update.
Their discovery caused a big stir. Are they still human? Should they be rescued? Should their unique culture be isolated and studied? A compromise was reached, and with permission from the Yaurrie Freehold, the colony on Lorga was established. You were raised on an interstellar rescue-mission.”
Still confuses me. What do you meant by raised? Our parents were rescuers?
And I really like the way you are developing the story.
I just wish you could post a little character sheet about our possible crew members.
For example, I can see the little Android girl as a little lady in her early twenties with black hair and great expressive eyes. But have no Idea about how my boi D.A.M.O.N. looks like.
Also I would be glad if you post a table with the most common commodities and prices selling in the story. How the planetary economies work? There are agricultural world’s? Industrial moons? Mining planetoids? Giant gaseous orbital refineries? Blocades? Planets declaring independency and suffering blocades??
I don’t know exactly but i thought of it like a drone with helicopter rotor
ok, more details, I can absolutely do that