It’s a long thread, and I’m late on the ball, so excuse me if I repeat anything.
First of all, welcome fellow swede! I’m also from the ttrpg background so I see where you’re coming from, I had many of these thoughts at the start as well!
So here’s my take, very much abbreviated:
You are NOT overthinking it. I know people probably say that you are, but getting to know the water before you jump in head first is a smart choice, I did the same.
That being said, I think you are focusing too much on the things that feel awkward to you, and that’s a bad way to start writing. There’s no single answer here, there are very varying stories with very varying takes. Some sell well. Some don’t. A lot deserve to sell more, but are overlooked.
What you need to focus on are what you feel your strengths are. To borrow some language here, you’re the GM, you pick the system and the campaign. That being said, you might want to think about your players too. I was very cynical in my choices when I started writing Fallen Hero: Rebirth, and I’m actually going to walk through them because I feel like that explains my thoughts on what you brought up the best.
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I had many ideas, I picked a superhero story because it was popular at the time.
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I had originally planned to write it in first person, but read the CoG guidelines and decided to try second person, and grew to love it. It becomes a different story, and I am using it to drag the reader into the mc’s mindset which has led to a lot of fun things. Third person could work as well, what you pick depends on your story and style.
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I don’t care about looks or race or things like that, but decided to include it because it was very little coding but had great payoff for people that do care what their character looks like. It’s mostly only referenced on the character sheet. I avoided religion because I am a swede and don’t understand it.
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Gender grew to be a LOT more important than I had planned, but the story is all the better for it. Had I written a different story, it might have been a non-issue like looks or race above.
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I have two gender flippable npc’s, and especially in once case there’s only like three or four sentences where it makes a difference, and yet my readers decided the male and female version had entirely different personalities. It’s really illuminating how the same traits and dialog can be read as very different depending on the speaker.
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I have locked a LOT of things about the mc since that is the core of the story. The background, motivations, personality, style of speaking, age, previous relationship and much more. I allow people to modify details of it (are you past friends or did you flirt?) but just like @MultipleChoice I have a story to tell, and that needs a single main character.
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To my surprise, people have made very different mc’s within these constraints anyway. Good for them!
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I had a lot of things I thought I should have in the game when I started writing, but I cut them out because I didn’t need them. (like an inventory system)
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There are writing choices I have made that I have got a lot of flack over, for example the fact that I don’t tell the reader everything, it’s a four book mystery, live with it. Or the fact that the main character is a villain and does a lot of morally skeevy things (funny how it’s never murder that gets to people).
Oh boy, I lied about abbreviated, didn’t I?
My advice to you would be to focus on the story you want to tell. That’s the most important thing, if it’s good it will survive even a gender lock (read “A Study in Steampunk” for a good fixed gender story). Be aware it will turn some players off though.
When it comes to other inclusive things that makes you hesitate, take a moment to think about why. For example, is your issue with race that you don’t know how to deal with it well? (I don’t, I’m a pasty ass swede). Then maybe just a nod and a line on the character sheet is enough that at least the reader will get the satisfaction of knowing that their character is not another white brown-haired dude with stubble. If the issue is a setting where it would be weird, think about that would be? Bones might be white, but history wasn’t, not even medieval europe or vikings. If the issue is a fantasy setting, well, then you are in charge so you are making that issue, aren’t you? I’m not saying that you have to, some of my fave stories don’t include race at all (Samurai of Hyuga is fantasy Japan for example), I’m just using it an example that knowing why you include/exclude stuff is important.
You don’t need to change the game just because the character changes race or gender, you don’t even have to change any dialog unless you’re feeling ambitious. Even a half-assed inclusion is a lot different than locking people out. I think that’s where a lot of writers start having problems, because we start thinking about Chekov’s gun, that if we mention gender or race we have to use it in a big part of the story.
We don’t. It’s like that section of the character sheet where you can draw a picture of your character, you don’t have to do it. It won’t affect the game. It’s just a fun detail that matters a lot to some people, while others just draw a stick figure or paste in a beer commercial ad.
This is getting long, as usual, so I’ll just wrap it up with this:
You don’t have to write anything you don’t want. You don’t need to understand US sensibilities (I sure don’t). Just keep an open mind and remember to have fun, and no matter what you do, someone’s gonna hate it.
The trick is getting enough people to love it that you stop caring.
(now if you want to maximize sales, that’s another story)
EDIT: I almost forgot. Romance isn’t necessary, but character interaction certainly is, and what is a good romance other than friendship with kisses?