@ChasmCritter Thank you very much. And welcome to the forum
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I had a lot of fun with it. Felt very fast but thatās not a negative, felt thematic honestly. Iām very glad the band stuck by the PC after everything, I was mostly expecting it to go very negatively.
Kanibor 
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Iām glad. I structured this similar to an hour and a half horror movie. I wanted it to be fast but still harmonious and satisfying
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I think that structure comes across very well, makes a lot of sense with it in mind
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Great chapter! I liked the back and forth between the MC and Larry, as it revealed Larryās motivations and added to the tension of guessing when Larry might attack. I really liked the options as MC thinks over everything, since it shows how the storyās events have shaped the MC and allows the reader to consider the choices they made as well. I also liked how the other band member in the graveyard is shaped by the experience, as it makes the MCās growth thanks to the bandās compassion less one-sided.
Summary
āI was compassionate with you at every opportunity,ā you continue delicately. "Avoiding conflict and trying to be civil no matter what you did.
Perhaps this can change depending on the readerās choices ā during the party, for example, the MC can start the fight with Larry to get the microphone back.
Yet he only flinches from the flash of sparks and the dampened bang.
After throwing the motor oil at him, itās a good thing those sparks didnāt make the oil combust!
Looking forward to the epilogue! 
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Thatās hilarious. I gotta add a line or two in about that
I think I had assumed it would be this way if you had a high enough relationship with Larry but youāre right. I can tweak that bit
Glad you enjoyed it
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Hello! Iāve heard your name around a couple of times, but Iāve never read anything and Meteoric made me regret that so much it almost hurts. I find myself struggling to relate to characters in shorts IFs, but you do this so incredibly well, that I donāt think Iāll be able to forget this one so soon. I love the horror concept and how this turned out to be so sweet and comforting that just makes me wanna hug you to death. I fell in love with how Baxter can be this big scary adorable dork! I also could feel my insides melt with every Tariano; every time he talked about space or deep sea, I just wanted to make him real so we could gush together. Thank you so much for writing him just like that, I didnāt feel lonely! I confess I was waiting for so much drama and heartbreak from telling the band about our secret and when Kanibor got free, but I loved that the band just accepted us and that our little demonic alien cat could find a friend in us. Iāll miss you, buddy. I think the only bug Iāve noticed is that I couldnāt access the romance scenes in the balcony despite having 61 points with two ROs by then (I did read it through the code, every single one was great). I want to say more about other things, but my English is limited, but believe me when I say that would kiss your weird brain if possible. Iām grateful for you sharing this with us.
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Thanks so much for your wonderful comment. Iām happy you appreciated the characters. I had a lot of fun writing them and put a lot of heart into them.
Iāll investigate the bugs where you canāt access the RO scenes on the balcony
Also, welcome to the forum!
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Update:
- fixed bugs where you may not be able to access RO scenes on the balcony
- fixed a few typos
- added the epilogue, which was 2k words, bringing the total word count to 125k
I hope Meteoric was scary, heartwarming, and thought provoking for you at the same time, or at the very least, entertaining. The story is now more or less complete and Iām very happy with it. Aside from addressing any new feedback and proofreading, the writing itself is complete. My plan is to submit Meteoric to Hosted Games in June.
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I had a lot of fun playing the update! I went through a few different times to test things out.
Tariano is still my favorite, but it was pretty easy to feel comfortable with the entire band. (And an alien. And maybe the creep antagonist, but maybe thatās just me.)
I was a little surprised Kanibor didnāt help against Larry (I thought we were friends!) but on second thought, it does feel like understandable behavior for a cat an alien ghost.
A few typos:
- āIsnāt it obvious? I may hate you, but I still love my dumbass.ā (This one felt particularly amusing because Aurora was with me and I had kissed Larry previously, so there was a moment where I could imagine both my MC and Aurora pointing at each other like, āāHis dumbass?ā ā¦You? ā¦Me? OH! āhis dumb ass!ā Oh thank God, he just said it weird.ā)
- āYou think about how Larry may never have been able to steel the Necrophone from you if Kanibor hadnāt overfed on you in the bar bathroom.ā
More detailed feedback about the 50-threshold checks:
Summary
The only real criticism/critique I have is that the 50 Personality checks feel very high, considering that Larry is already set on following through with his plans, and that it doesnāt change much of the flow of the action or conversation.
I had pretty consistently gotten points for both Charisma and Intelligence, with Int. being my highest at 43, but to be able to see the scenes using the āsameā character, I wound up having to change otherwise small-scale decisions like how to dress and who to hang out with to be able to add up to the 50 for either. While the game is in demo stage and uses a save plugin, thatās not a huge ordeal because I can ācheatā my way into hints about which aesthetic choice ups which stat, but once published I could see it being very frustrating for readers to start from scratch and make arbitrary point-chasing decisions to be able to hit that thresholdā¦ only to find that it doesnāt drastically change the course of the fight or the discussion.
To combat that the easiest suggestion would probably be to lower the threshold to 35-40? The last checks I remember before that were Reputation based instead of Personality, and therefore significantly lower, so it was a shock to see 50.
The other suggestion I would have, if you wanted to keep the 50 threshold, would be to change the conversation slightly based on Charisma/Intelligence success, so that Larry doesnāt involve the bandmate in the fight. Maybe combine the personality check with the āLarry approvalā check and skip ahead to the they-were-blanks reveal?
Larry is pretty dead-set on his plan, but especially for the Intelligence success it just feels odd that heās still comitted to the bit, even when his plan is pretty much exactly what Intelligence-MC has just suggested. I know he hates me, but does he that me that much that, even when he sees my point of view, and even when he hates me less than he wants to, he still wants to follow through with posturing against his ex/ ex-friend, too? And then potentially fake us both out pointing the gun at himself?
I feel like if it streamlined to āHm. Good point. And maybe I donāt hate you as much as I could, butā¦ I still hate you, so- [pretends to shoot MC]ā occuring just as MCās graveyard helper arrived, giving everyone a āWTF?!ā moment, it would still feel like a significant enough change, even though at the end of the day, Larryās still gonna be Larry.
For the combat options, especially for Tough-but-not-quite-tough-enough MCs, Iām not sure what to recommend other than lowering the threshold. Even if MC is the badass-est badass, that doesnāt change the fact that they were in the trunk, or that they are in the middle of nowhere, or the fact that Larry has a gun and they donātā¦ but I would really sympathize for anyone that kept replaying to try to get a different scene, because the existence of a threshold made them think there could be one.
And about the epilogue (Much less critique, I promise!) :
Summary
I really enjoyed the chill vibes of the ending, after everything thatās happened, but for the opening of the epilogue, Iād suggest reordering the paragraphs slightly.
As it is currently, I find it hard to reconcile āThe mood at your picnic is not a somber or reserved oneā with my own emotions lingering after āTo send a message, Larry left a package for each of you.ā MC might have had time to come to terms with everything, but I had just heard about it in the last paragraph, so the anger was still fresh.
To aid that emotional transition, the reordering Iām suggesting would look like this, (using the flavor text from my playthrough) :
[A time reference could also be good here, either in relation to present-epilogue-time or time-since-the-cemetary, like ālast weekā or ātwo weeks after the confrontation.ā] To send a message, Larry left a package each for you, Baxter, Azure, Tariano, and Aurora at your homes. Each package contained a single bone from a small creature. It was decided that it was too risky to call the police on Larry, despite everything he had done. You buried the bone in a field where it would be safe. Your anger seemed to drain and seep into the soil as you deposited the last fragment of Kanibor into its resting place.
Atomic Decay decided unanimously to cancel your supporting role on the Brain Rot tour to take care of personal emergencies. Barty and the fans were immensely disappointed, but taking the necessary time to recover in body, mind, and spirit from everything that happened seemed more important than all other obligations.
To your mild embarrassment, youāre now something of a saint among your band members. Aurora told everyone all about how you volunteered to be shot to save her. As if any one of them would have done differently.
[Today, y]ou, Baxter, Azure, Tariano, and Aurora are having picnic in a park. The sky is baby blue, dotted with puffy white cumulus clouds. A large group of friends is playing volleyball in the sand with an imaginary net. A family is having a potluck at the gazebo, laughing and playing upbeat, traditional music with banjos and horns. The children chase one another around the park benches, sword fighting with sticks.
The mood at your picnic is not a somber or reserved one."
Lastly, Iām not sure if itās a silly suggestion or something you might already have planned, but Iād also enjoy a little more expansion on the date suggestions. Since my partner is laying out options, I feel thereās an expectation that I would get to choose. Even a one-or-two sentence "yes, and-"ing would be very satisfying, and shouldnāt up the wordcount overmuch.
(For example, since Tariano asks, āWhat shall we do: go to an electronica concert; make pizza at home and drink wine; smoke and watch deep sea documentaries; or get drunk and laugh at bad action movies?ā, being able to answer and pick, ādeep sea documentariesā and get a line or two of planning/enthusiasm like āGreat! I found one on giant squids that looks really wild, and-ā gives the impression of opening up future opportunities and inviting headcanon, rather than simply closing out the current story.
All in all Iāve really enjoyed reading and look forward to seeing it published!
3 Likes
@R1220 Great feedback and suggestions. Iāll see about implementing them soon. I havenāt tested stats thoroughly yet so Iām definitely open to tweaking them. 40 sounds reasonable and an easy fix
Great epilogue! I liked the callback to our choice of what we grab in the first chapter, and I really liked how all the relationships weāve gained and personality options we chose determine the narrative. Iām seconding the reorder and adding a choice at the date question. I do wonder if there shouldnāt be a reference to the MCās reputation stats somehow, as well as a open-ended choice if the MC doesnāt have a partner.
Also, I thought the last pageās pacing/ending seemed quick and didnāt give the Marcus Aurelius quote enough buildup ā how would it look if you used the eclipse picture again on the next page with the quote? It could reinforce the quote since at the start the player might see the eclipse and think it looks ominous ā but now, like how the MC thinks positively on the shooting star, the player might view it differently.
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@expectedoperator
Good suggestions. Just those little changes will make things a lot smoother