Sure. I’d be happy to answer whatever questions, bearing in mind, of course, that it’s still just one person’s opinions 
Well, let’s see if I can elaborate a little more on the stereotype ideas, still focusing on gay men here…
So one other thing is that there are so many stereotypes of gay men that I’d expect that anyone, of any gender or orientation, is going to fit at least one of them.
My own experience was that, as a child, I tended to share more interests in common with girls, tended to prefer “girl toys” (like that’s a real category 
), and have always had more girly mannerisms. And so I ended up deliberately rejecting anything I considered macho. Getting to be a teenager, I felt really proud of the fact that I was defying stereotypes of what boys would be like. Like a big part of who I was was the fact that I was showing that boys don’t need to be like that. But then, as I was gradually coming to realize I was gay (which had a rather involved transitional process itself), this suddenly called all that into question. Gay guys being girlier was a stereotype, and suddenly I was no longer setting myself out in defiance to these expectations of society. But eventually I came to the grips with the idea that, hey, maybe I should just naturally try to, you know, be myself or something ridiculous like that 
So there’s definitely a lot to think about in terms of how people relate to the stereotypes around them. Someone might deliberately reject them: closeted gay men, in particular, often act more masculine in an attempt to allay suspicion. Even openly gay men may try harder to act “masculine” in order to seem less “different.” On the other hand, some gay men may embrace the stereotypes, perhaps to fit in with a different group, or expectations around… or may just feel like, having already gone as far as being open about their orientation, they may as well be freer about other non-conforming parts of their personalities. Some also will want to affirm their identity in such ways as style, haircut, piercings, etc., not necessarily to fulfill a stereotype, but as a way of embracing a symbol of who they are. (Or even just as a “hey, gay guys, notice me!” signal.)
There can be a lot of pressure in either direction, whether to conform with society at large, or to reject social norms, both of which can be stressful. There can also be a lot of pressure as an individual to represent that group as a whole… sometimes I end up feeling like people are judging gay men as a whole based on their acquaintanceship with me.
Moving away from my own experiences, but still talking about issues of gender conformity for LGBT people, I’ve heard that this can also lead to a lot of problems with gatekeeping for binary trans people. (Note that I’m talking about things I’ve heard, so if anyone with more direct experience would like to interject, I would be happy to listen and learn from them.) Society often holds trans people to a different standard of femininity or masculinity than cis people. For example, consider a trans woman who doesn’t like dresses, enjoys roughhousing, athletics, working with her hands, and doesn’t like makeup. She’s just as much a woman as a trans woman with more traditionally feminine tastes, and she’s just as much a woman as a cis woman who similarly dislikes dress and enjoys athletics (etc.). But in such cases, some people will question if she’s really trans, and why she’d bother to be be a woman. Well, because she is one, and no one but her gets to say whether she is.
All these sorts of issues are going to end up highly different depending on whatever setting someone’s writing in, anyway. If it’s a created culture, this background may not apply. Even in our culture, some people will care about it more than others, or have been affected by it more than others. I don’t want anyone to think, for example, that gay men are essentially one way… it’s still possible to write these characters much as one would write any others, but if you want to write something that goes into the experience more, these are some things to consider.
Nothing makes me happier than such enthusiasm!
)), so I’m not quiet sure about a lot myself, but I’m willing to figure it out. Ask me what you will and I will do my best to answer.
