Here’s my latest fighting scene from my WIP, The Magician’s Task. It has detailed narrative and long sentences, but I think it suits the battle well. Any opinions on this, since most readers seem to prefer shorter, choppy sentences in battles?
“Finally, you shall taste true power!” the demon shrieks, his cruel voice high in excitement.
For a moment, the world seems to fall away. You feel like your body is made of lead, falling down an endless abyss as your vision narrows and a blood red creeps around your peripherals. Then, with a sudden jolt, you are back, an incredible power pulsing through your fingertips. You feel so positively full of energy that you’re afraid you’re going to explode, and as you clench your fist in anger, you feel as though you could crush Killian’s bones beneath your grip.
“What the hell?” he shouts in confusion, laughing nervously as he looks down at you. “Are you having a seizure on me, freak?”
He doesn’t wait for a response, and instead, cocks his fist back and sends it flying through the air towards your face. “Kill him, kill him!” Zaleth roars.
*page_break
With a smirk, you catch Killian’s fist in your hand, gripping it so hard that your fingernails make him bleed. He yelps in surprise but before he can react, you yank him towards you with impossible speed, slamming your fist into his jaw. He grunts and jerks backward, spit and blood flying from his mouth, and you grab his wrist with both of your arms, pulling it with all your might. His shoulder dislocates from his socket with a tremendous pop, and he howls in pain as he staggers back, clutching at his shoulder in horror.
You laugh with glee and lunge towards him, slamming your boot into his stomach. He bends over with a grunt, almost looking like he’s going to vomit, and you slam your elbow into his throat, knocking him to the dirt. He gives a strangled, high pitched shriek and writhes on the ground, clutching at his shoulder and throat as he splutters for air, his eyes bulging from their sockets and veins appearing all across his forehead.
Before he can even attempt to get up, you leap onto his chest, latching onto his throat with lightning speed. You squeeze as hard as you can, and Killian’s face starts to turn a violent shade of blue as he grunts and shrieks unnatural noises. You raise your other fist and bring it down repeatedly onto his face, first splitting his lip, then breaking his nose, and finally blackening his eye, until he is just a quivering mess of blood beneath you.