“A seventeenth iteration? You actually convinced her to try this again?”
I tried a couple different ways to begin, and am fairly satisfied with this conversation. Doesn’t really reveal much, but hopefully creates a bunch of questions (plus the line above’s alone on the first page – you immediately have to click next to read more). From my omniscient author’s perspective, the three characters implied (the speaker, the listener, and ‘her’) are sort of hinges to the plot, and it makes a lot of sense to start with them. But it’s hard to say how well it works for someone reading it for the first time. Ideally it’d be a line to show someone who’s finished the story it’s worth replaying. Now you know who those characters are, the circumstances of the conversation. What else did you miss the first time?
But I also wrote it after my announcement post here, and I’ve realized it works a lot better flowing from that than standing by itself. Maybe I’ve got the first draft of my game’s official description…
“A seventeenth iteration? You actually convinced her to try this again?”
You immediately know the characters are talking about you, and someone already doesn’t want you around. But the beginning of the whole thing isn’t as interesting to me, just a wordy acronym.
Can’t think of examples off the top of my head, maybe I’ll come back and edit…