Rather interestingly, I’ve been quite productive (don’t ask me how) over the last few weeks. I’m about 90k words into Dragon of Steelthorne 2, and still have plenty of momentum. At this rate, about 90% of the main story will be done, along with the two romance-focused chapters I’m planning (Spring Ball, Eternal Festival, might add one more), when the WIP thread is ready.
…but I still need to wait for the release of the first game. Gotta put my helmet on when the first reviews start coming in.
I might enter Dragon of Steelthorne 2 in IF comp (just the first few chapters). On the other hand, I’m probably taking Scarlet Sorceress out. The latter seems to have substantial interest here even with the gender lock so I probably won’t have to dump it in some comp. Plus, trashy anime romance probably has a bigger audience here than in intfiction.
So, I’ve been going by Harris in my offline life for some time, and finally decided to take the plunge to do that online as well! My pronouns are still they/them as usual. My games are in the process of getting updated but it’ll likely be a week or two before all the storefronts etc get populated - but it was exciting to see it on the Android omnibus app.
Congratulations! Names are always a big step, thank you for everything you’ve given to the community. Here’s to many more Harris Powell-Smith projects.
Unrelatedly the last couple of weeks have been a bit challenging, writing-wise, because of back pain but I’m recovering and getting back into it. Even small inroads are still good to make!
Don’t do that Mara. Just keep plugging away. You can always edit what you’ve written but once its gone, it’s gone. What makes you think there is no improvement? It can be hard to see when you’re that close to what you’re doing. Even if it’s just bit by bit, you can get there.
Mara, I’m going to give some hard but important advice. DON’T reread what you write until you’re ready to edit. The time and distance will allow you to look at it objectively and edit it without getting emotional and deleting it. I know it’s hard to do, I do it to, but I think it’ll really help you. I think if you make the concrete decision to not read it for 1 month, after you finish the next chapter, or even when you finish the first draft, you’ll be able to make some good progress on your WIPs
I second this. If I’m unhappy with something and can’t work out why/how to fix it, often the best thing I can do is let it sit and come back to it with fresh eyes even when the temptation is strong to chuck the file in the recycling bin. Even chapters I have finished, I give them another complete read when I’m ready and often find a whole lot of things I hadn’t noticed earlier that need edits or additions, especially if it’s been a few weeks or more since I wrote it. A bit of time and distance can sometimes really help. Very easy to get too close to what you’re writing at the time you’re writing it.
Something else to consider is to maybe make some “speed” games for want of a better term. I absolutely love the petit morte category of ectocomp as it gives me only 4 hours total to write a game. (Planning time extra, but don’t go overboard, just get a plan of what you want to achieve in the game and how.) I find it great for me because it makes me get a plan and stick to it. Put stuff down on paper without dithering too much about whether I like it or not, and then have a very tight amount of time in which to do a basic edit. The game will only be a few thousand words at absolute most true, but you can make a working game in that time and it can get me out of that rut of procrastinating or rewriting things to death until I think I’m happy with them.
You can make the time frame longer, but don’t go overboard, the goal is to have something you can make in time you can set aside over a couple of weeks at most. And if you don’t like it? Who cares? Treat it as a writing exercise and it’s only a few hours so not like you’re binning a game you’ve spent months on. If you think it’s even passable, chuck it up on itch. You won’t get much if any feedback on it there unless it’s done as part of a jam (which is also something to consider) but it’s still there and you can feel that sense of accomplishment of getting something finished. One of the downsides to having word counts spiral out of control on HG games is I think sometimes the bar just gets too high for many to finish. A year or more on a 300k+ game is a big investment and a big disappointment if it either isn’t finished or doesn’t do well. A 2k game that took a few hours, not so much. (And although short games are considered inferior on COG forums, that is in the eye of the beholder. I think one of the games I’m happiest with is also one of my shortest.)
I have to re read mostly in this as I am writing for the jam in two languages. But for the not looking is currently an advice my therapist gave me. And it helped me. But Yeah having to write something similar in two languages to present game to both it make all really difficult for me.
Moreover my game is not popular themed and not popular in design.
But I didn’t erase it so I am proud of my skills to keep my anxiety checked.
I am not so good on the thinking positive. The thing is I am as honest with me as I am with others.
If I honestly believe something No positive thinking will move that from my mind as it is a hypocrisy.
I think you’re actually kinder with others than you are with yourself, Mara.
My own anxiety and workaholism stemmed significantly from the reflex of being “honest” with myself through merciless self-talk. Over time my own therapist helped me see that honesty and mercilessness weren’t the same thing – that mercy was part of reality too, not a hypocrisy.
I’ve written elsewhere on the site about some of the tragedies that hit me in Afghanistan, and when my work-related anxiety was at its worst, I assumed it was linked to those traumas. My therapist helped me realize that it wasn’t anything that dramatic; he listened to my capsule life story, and then said, “You mentioned that you were bullied as a kid. Talk some more about that.”
Some very teary hours later, I’d started to see how my defense mechanism against bullying was to internalize the bully-voice – to say to myself all the worst things I thought a bully could say to me, so it would hurt less when they said them. And I was still doing that a good two decades after the bullying had stopped.
I don’t know if that rings any bells with you, but realizing I could be honest with myself without bullying myself was a helpful turning point for my own health.
Well done not erasing your work. Hang in there. Give yourself grace.
