Am I an AroAce or just awkward?

General
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When I was in high school, I didn’t date. At the time, I concluded that I was ugly or inadequate in some way, or maybe just weird. Why didn’t anyone want to date me??? College too, it seemed like I was always… separate. Eventually I threw myself into finding a relationship. I lost my virginity and fell in love. I even enjoyed the sex. Then I saw the term demi-sexual somewhere, and so many things started making sense to me, or at least more sense.

Today if I choose a label, it’s usually ace, or sometimes just queer. Honestly, “not straight” describes how I feel better than anything else. It’s easier to figure out what I’m not than what I am. Because even though I relate to some of the things under the ace umbrella, I still don’t really feel like I belong. Maybe that’s just residual otherness?

I also enjoy romance in fiction… sometimes at least. Other times, it hurts my soul to read/watch. I find mushiness and sentimentality distasteful–is that the ace in me or just personal preference? It makes me feel like a kid worried about cooties. Can’t read romance novels because the characters always seem like paper dolls. They lack depth, and there’s never a compelling conflict outside of the “will they?” Especially since you know they will, just not when or precisely how. I think what I’m looking for when I consume romance is intimacy and tenderness, not the romance itself (necessarily) but the big feelings and high stakes that platonic relationships, as portrayed by the media, typically lack.

I agree that the label doesn’t really matter. Except as a means to understand yourself better and to connect with others, which you and I (and a bunch of other strangers on the internet) are doing right now! So welcome to the club? Kind of?

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Yep, I definitely felt the same way for a bit. I am very much not a woman (which also has a label, antigirl). But that still didn’t feel right, since I’m definitely a man, just… also not.

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If I had to label it, obviously without knowing exactly how you feel, I would say you are heterosexual heteroromantic. TBH I think the reason you don’t feel the need to label it is that society doesn’t feel the need to label it, because, for lack of a better word, society considers your sexuality to be completely “normal”. Even if society doesn’t think your personality is normal. Personality isn’t a sexuality.

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(post deleted by author)

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No. Just… no.

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Please focus on the thread, not on the other posters.

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Sorry, I deleted both posts. I thought I could help with a share, but was apparently incorrect.

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Again, I want to thank everyone who took the time to read and share information and/or their own personal experience in the matter. Life is a complicated journey and sometimes it’s nice to know where you stand at the moment. Having a concept attached to these feelings can help ground you and make you feel less alienated and for that matter, so does talking people in similar situations.

Although I would love to read more people’s stories, I do not wish to be the cause of needless distress. I know from past experience that these topics can be quite intimate and disagreements can sometimes turn nasty. Since this thread was created with a personal intent in mind, and I’ve got the answer I was looking for, would a mod be so kind as to close the thread? Thank you. @Eiwynn

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Closed at author’s request.