Aw man, I really wanted Alex to be a RO. Guess I’ll go with the chef. Pretty good slice of life content though. Will have to keep an eye on this one.
10 Likes
Simply perfect in its own little slice of world. Many stories boast of many aspects but the thing about slice of life stories is that they capture the simple things in life and protray the everyday instances to us which makes me, personally feel good and warm and this story infact is a perfect example. I love the flow state of the story, the light humour mixed with the everyday life instances. There’s nothing much I found wrong or difficult with the story. It was really really …satisfying. one of the main reason why I like this story is that it isn’t what I would describe as grand or epic, it’s just simply satisfying.
However, as for typos, I had selected female Alex and a few pages in the story, the gender sometimes flipped from “she” to “he”. Other than that I don’t have much to complain about really!
Really wish Charlie was a RO. 
Also, Gus is my boy, my baby brother. Hell stay with me now 
Can’t wait for more and awesome job uptil now! Cheers 
3 Likes
Just finished my first playthrough, and I really like the Story. It is lighthearted, warm and nice. The pacing is ideal for me, not to fast and not getting boring. The italics to indicate flirting Options are great, it makes choosing answers a lot easier.
The Cast is cool, you get the feeling of knowing them, quite fast. The interactions are varied, fun and Solid, each scene helps getting to know the town or the people better. The descriptions are vivid, without being so detailed that I would get bored.
The only thing that caught me unguarded, was Dome answers being more sarcastic than I thought they we’re. Once with Sebastian and with Gabriel I took an answer that sounded like a normal Joke, but afterwards seemed a lot harsher than I thought. But that might be caused by me assuming wrong, since I am not a native speaker.
1 Like
how am i supposed to choose between tony and bertie
this is so mean
i was dead set on bertie and then you could slow dance with tony like what the fuck
edit: i am very easily influenced
6 Likes
Easy fix for the airport clerk:
Clerk: “Sir/Madam/actually, neither” then the player can pick whichever form they prefer.
As for the “editor” bits, they mostly have to do with whitespace.
Compare this:
“Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit,” I said. Pellentesque lacus felis, consequat a augue quis, molestie vehicula ante. Pellentesque semper metus nec luctus pulvinar.
To this:
“Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit,” I said.
Pellentesque lacus felis, consequat a augue quis, molestie vehicula ante. Pellentesque semper metus nec luctus pulvinar.
Stand back from your screen a few paces and look at the next as an image, not reading the words. If it looks too crowded/dense, then it needs a bit more whitespace.
Even shorter: Separate talking sentences from action sentences with two carriage returns (press “enter” twice).
And just let me repeat, this is AWESOME STORY GAME AS IT IS RIGHT THIS SECOND! 
5 Likes
Seems like an awesome WIP. I’m gonna give it a try 
1 Like
Thank you!
Probably for the best 
Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you for taking the time to give me feedback! I’d welcome a bigger discussion about this–I’m happy to revisit those sections and tweak the wording to make the tone clearer if you can give me specific examples/screen shots, and I’ll try to keep this in mind going forward. I’ve tried to make good use of verbs like joke/jest/quip/etc to denote a light tone, but I don’t doubt that some slipped through the cracks!
Multiple playthroughs! I know what you mean though 
every time I finish writing a scene with an RO I’m like how could I possibly love the others as much as I love this one?? And then I start writing a different RO, and the cycle begins anew! I’m glad you enjoyed the 
I’ll try to keep these in mind going forward! It’ll probably be a while before I go back and reread all 98,000 words though haha. It can also be difficult to anticipate what things are going to look like when they come together since there are so many moving parts, so please continue to point things out.
Thank you!
3 Likes
alright- someone help me (i’ve been thinking about this ALL night lol)
Sooo in the game, there is an option (w/ Alex) that says- “we’re just friends, but I want something more” or something, but Alex is, apparently, not an RO. Did the author mess smth up, or are they hiding smth?
4 Likes
@Mistyleaf123 I mean, there’s no accounting for the machinations of Choice of Games authors, but this far the author has indicated that Alex will not be an RO.
I actually like the flirt options for Alex because it introduces the possibility of the MC not having everything go their way romantically (as things tend to go in CoG games). Choosing the flirt option for Alex could trigger wistful internal colortext for the MC which would add a new layer to an already fantastic game. I mean, kinda sucks for the MC, but life is like that sometimes.
@sviyagin Thanks for the visual inspiration! I went into it picturing Jane Austen manors and got a little taken aback when I read about arrow towers and such. Augill Castle is beautiful, glad the MC now owns it (kinda)! This is a awesome WIP so far.
5 Likes
First of all, I just read through this and I really enjoyed it! Sorry if you’ve answered this before, but is the title based on the Shakespeare play? If so, I love the reverence.
Small Errors
Hey! I found a couple of errors while playing through your game that I’m not sure if you’re aware of. They’re in chronological order, if that helps?
- Charlie’s face lights up. “Well I know he’s my brother and everything, but he really is amazing!”
My older brother, Albert, is a contractor. He’d love to get his hands on this place.
→ I already learned he’s a contractor earlier. - I’m a code diver (on my second playthrough) and I love that we can either get lost or not, it’s such a cool mechanic.
- He waves her hand at you dismissively. → while on the tree; alex’s pronouns
- Although a gazebo won’t be of much use in the winter, it’ll create a great space in the garden for events in the spring, summer, and autumn. It will be great location for photo shoots and outdoor events. → bit repetitive
- “These passages lead all over the manor. I used to come here when I was a kid and play around.” Charlie had said that Bertie’d love to get his hands on it this place.
- “We haven’t gotten rid of it,” you explain, glancing at Bertie, whose face has turned a deep shade of red. “We’ve taken it down—temporarily,” you add quickly when you see Mrs. Duchamp’s scowl. “We’re making repairs to the walls and cleaning and and restoring the paneling before we replace it.” → double and idk if its intentional
- Judy smiles. "Let me wipe down the counter, and I’ll come sit with you guys for a bit. → end quote
- “No quite,” you agree, “and I hope that this winter will be the first and last I have to go without such marvels.” → “not” quite
- “I will return with the tea,” she informs you, and you almost expect her to curtsy. “Please, make comfortable.” → make yourself???
- You think back to the day that Ines stormed your castle to interrogate you a suppress the smile that threatens to form on your lips. “How long have you lived here?” you ask, unsure if her French accent originates here in Eprea or from mainland France. → and suppress
- “That anxious to get rid of so quickly?” you ask → rid of me
- "I can miss you without being annoyed with your brother, young lady → missing punctuation and end quote
- He rolls His eyes at you. “Just get the strawberries there.” → capital his
- The other chefs return their attention to you, and you feel their eyes follow your toward the exit. → you
- Is this some kind of strategy? you wonder to yourself. Do bars and restaurants do this on purpose? → space
- sometimes there are certain chunks of text with a lot of page_breaks that could have a choice in between, but that’s really not a big deal
- when bertie asks you out or something (i forgot the exact wording) did we go on the date? or am i forgetting and he didn’t actually ask you out.
- absolutely adore gabriel, thank you for making him.
Secondly, I actually really enjoyed the games and the character relationships and am really excited to see what happens with Alex.
6 Likes
!
Not exactly! It’s more a pun on the literary genre “comedy of manners.” I’ve honestly not read “The Comedy of Errors” and am not really a fan of Shakespeare (
)! I find his tragedies hilarious (Dost thou squinny at me, Gloucester? How could anyone read this and not double over in laughter???) and his comedies boring. I am a heathen
Thank you so much! This is extremely helpful!
Please do feel free to point specific instances of this out! I am happy to add some *choices to help break things up, and I’m also open to suggestion about what those choices should be
Bertie does ask the MC out, rather casually, if the MC meets the necessary conditions, so you are not misremembering! But the date hasn’t happened yet. It’s on my story calendar for July 30th, so there are two more events between the end of the demo and going on a date with B where there will likely be some convo about why it took so long to get together (hint: a huge renovation is taking up most of MC’s time and energy)
Thank you again to everyone who has taken the time to read my work! I especially appreciate all your feedback and look forward to hearing more of it 
7 Likes
So far among the ROs I like gabrielle the most and this was a nice and funny game I hope to see more and toast to the author with butter and jam 
3 Likes
Oh! I did choose one of the romantic options right before this (it was before I realised that italics = flirt), so your code’s working as intended!
Ah, now I see. I interpreted MC’s dialogue as them noticing Rash’s attempt but choosing to stay friendly instead. I can see Rash thinking that MC’s just dense, though.
Unfortunately, yes. I feel that the outhouse scene could be cut as it is right now.
A suggestion, if you will: Keep the shorter days still as chapters, but have, for a lack of a better phrase, a choice before a trio/quartet of them that’s pretty much a ‘scene select’ hub. Us players can then pick an option, go through the selected day, and then it moves back to the hub with the option greyed out. This continues until we are able to proceed to the next chapter where the more interesting stuff happens, like meeting meeting Rash or celebrating Alex’s birthday. Does that make sense?
3 Likes
Thank you!
That is completely reasonable! I will be going back to play with the wording on this so that the intent is clear.
I have come up with a way to elongate the breakfast scene with Judy, so hopefully that will be making it into the next update. I think it will still be a rather short scene, but there will be an opportunity to advance some story lines which I think is what these shorter scenes are ultimately missing and why they aren’t as satisfactory as I would like.
I will keep your suggestion in mind as I mull over the the other two scenes and where they belong in the grand scheme of things. I may repackage them for use later in the game. Until I make a decision, I’ll leave them where they are.
I also think I’ve come up with a way to implement these without breaking immersion. It’s hard to know how things will turn out until someone else reads it though, so I’ll keep 
for now.
Thanks again for your feedback! It’s been very helpful, and I hope to continue to hear it 
2 Likes
stopping by to say I love all the scenes you’ve written for Gabby — they’re all so adorable, esp. the ones with Ines! those two are firecrackers but gosh, I love them.
As far as ROs go, Gabriel isn’t my usual vibe but I’m drawn to him regardless (like I’m pretty anti-smoking + anti-meanie lol). Yeah, it might be a by-product of my latent Ratatouille fantasy, but otherwise! Big testament to your writing!
Bertie and Rash are real cute too, ngl! Somewhere deep down I still kinda hope my girl has a shot with bestie Alex (unless Alex and Frankie are endgame now 
, but that’s ok too ig ).
Eager to read what you have in store! Thank you so much for this lil Darbury universe, Anna 
3 Likes
Hello hi! First of all, I LOVE THIS SO MUCH but, I do find some bug in the earlier playthrough.
My bestie Alex is a male but sometimes the game keep referring him as she/her. Same with the ROs. In my gameplay, all of my ROs is male but they also just like Alex became she/her.
I tried play again with all the female ROs but it look like it only happen to the male ROs only huhu.
But anyway, this is really a good game! I can’t wait to see more in the future. I didn’t know I will fall in love with a contractor uwu 
Keep up the good work and always be safe!
4 Likes
I’m sorry, I have a question °∆°
Alex is not one of the RO, but we can flirting with him. Is it kind of best friend with bit romance? Or will he sometimes be one of RO? If that so, I can relate uwu
Sorry for my bad English T∆T
9 Likes
Thank you! I’m glad G appeals lol 
I’m gonna have to work in a reference to Ratatouille now
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my work and leave a comment! Pronouns are unfortunately an ongoing struggle, and I will continue to fix the errors as I find them
Here’s what I am able and willing to confirm about Alex at this time: they will not have a full or traditional romance path 
10 Likes
And the same goes for Charlie?
2 Likes
Pronouns are unfortunately an ongoing struggle, and I will continue to fix the errors as I find them
Nah, it’s a text file innit? Just search all instances of “he_” (he with a space as opposed to “he” which would pick up words like “hedonist”) and replace them with either $player_he or $npc1_he.
Same for “she” “his” et al. There’s only a half dozen pronouns in English.
Don’t worry if there’s a scene where you forgot to set the variable because CS will throw an error when you do the simple test and tell you where the problem is.
PS - If you’ve got an issue with verbs because of $pronouns like “they” in one instance and “she” in another, use the *multireplace function
3 Likes