@FairyGodfeather Another option could be sob uncontrollably. after all that happened, uncle lou, killing a little girl,nearly dying, watching a guy you see as a father’s lifeless eyes and then be eaten by zombies underwater, hunger, dehydration and well everything piled up until here.
@Kaosorer_6 It could be. Still I’m dehydrated and I’m starving, I’m not wasting any excess fluid on tears, or… well. I think breaking down to that extent seems out of character. But then, push on, push on, get to the cathedral huge epic breakdown there would suit me. But maybe there should be an option for breaking down there. It just seems it would make you vulnerable and after everything, I would have thought the main character would push through it until they hit the Cathedral and then provide the option to throw themselves into their love interest, or sister’s arms and break down completely.
Hey JimD this is probably majorly late but congrats on the wedding!
Still looking forward to part 5 too haha~
some of part 5 is out riiiiiight?
I’d a bad feeling I’d typed a reply to this while I was out of it and somewhat incoherent. I’ve no idea if the idea I wrote about when to place the reactions even made sense.
Looking at the code I’d suggest moving the text you have in the AfterHadley section to a choice in the BPChoice.
And instead rework the reactions. Describe her body if you want to, lying there, pooled in blood, young, vulnerable. Play the emotional manipulation game that way. Don’t describe the reactions though but give the chance to react.
Glancing down at Hadley's lifeless body, you notice she stills wear the backpack.
#I take the backpack. It may have useful items.
#I bury her in the woods.
#I leave her there and get back on track to the Cathedral.
Incidentally, of those three choices. I have nothing to use to bury her but my hands. Now it might be catharatic to dig a hole with my bare hands while sobbing into the soil but it’s time-consuming, I’ll get filthy and worst of all it’s noisy. It’ll leave me vulnerable to any zombies stalking the woods.
I’ve seen in some books the suggestion of piling stones on the body instead, I’ve no idea if that would work. Of course we could also try making a makeshift funeral pyre but I think that would be a disaster.
Walking away is practical. Walking away means we’ve less chance of getting infected by her body. I’d like the option to cover her at least. If I were being practical I’d find a hollow, a hole in the roots of some trees, an area with an overhang, something like that where I don’t need to dig but can still cover her. Of course that’s wasting time as I search for something like that.
I’m not saying that there shouldn’t be the grave option, I think it’s a touching idea.
Also, I’d take that backpack. The first thing I’d do in fact is remove the backpack and see what she has in it. Does she have any source of fire? Does she have anything I can use to help bury her? I don’t think it’s inhumane to first search the backpack and then think of burying her.
I assumed from the way the choice was phrased if I buried her I’d be burying the backpack with her and that seemed stupid. She doesn’t need those things anymore, but maybe there’s an item in there, such as the photo, I can bury with her. And how frustrated would I be if I buried her and then checked her back to find she’d a small foldable trowel in there or even something else I could use to dig. I can also pile my own stuff into the backpack which will make it far easier to carry.
Did you forget we’d injured our leg previously? There doesn’t seem much mention of it later on in the scene. I’d be looking for a branch to use as a walking stick. I’ll admit I hate trekking in wet clothes, especially with wet feet. I once did a hill-walk barefooted rather than walk with soaking, squidgy feet. I definitely wouldn’t suggest that. But I would be pulling off my boots, wringing out my socks and then putting them back on, possibly giving my socks a chance to dry.
Since we had walking pneomonia previously I’d be worried about getting ill again. I’d be looking for a safe place to get dry, even if all I can do is wring out the worst of the wet of our clothes. I’d be looking to get dry clothes somewhere, be it trying to set a fire or stealing them from the cabin/camp. Okay so it’s a low priority for most people what with the whole hungry/thirsty deal but a 12 hour trek isn’t long enough for me to worry about starvation, just about being hungry. So my own first priority would be to try and light a fire, get dry, and then start walking. Although admittedly I don’t care about dried clothes enough that I’d be looting zombie corpses for them.
It’s a good thing I’m not around during the zombie apocalypse.
I was making suggestions about how to provide the choice of how you feel about things and then I got distracted.
I think we need one reaction which is we don’t touch the body at all because we’re afraid of getting infected.
We need one that acknowledges doing anything for her would be both noisy and time-consuming. But we can still feel bad we can’t take the time.
What time of day is it? Because any time we spend burying Hadley is time we may end up trekking in pitch dark, or having to find somewhere to spend the night in an indefensible, zombie infested wood.
It’s also energy you’re spending that you don’t have, driving you nearer to exhaustion. I think burying Hadley should have some sort of penalty to it. Digging a grave with no tools is tough. It should be a choice of survival or humanity. We should hear noises or something or it should make us more vulnerable. It should make us more tired but I note you’re not tracking exhaustion.
Make it a hard decision.
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Hey Jim. Haven’t been around in awhile, but I wanted to try out the latest beta build. I was so anticipating the return and marching into the church and executing Tom on the spot, but you ended it! Damn!
Okay, so anyways. I say don’t listen to the Pollyannas who are complaining about Hadley’s death. I read the posts before I played the beta, and from what people were saying, I was fully expecting Hadley’s infection/death to be a cheap storyline. But not at all.
There are people who get infected; that’s why it’s a zombie apocalypse. This notion that you can save everyone all the time… blah. You want to talk about detracting from the story? Let’s talk about a storyline where nothing bad ever happens. I felt it was a very emotional scene, meeting Hadley and then the ensuing results. I don’t think she should be able to be magically cured, and I say that as someone who plays a scientist character. I don’t think it was a meaningless death, pointless scene, blah, blah, blah. The scene was very poignant, and had undertones of The Road. Hadley’s death set the tone you were trying to convey, so nicely done.
The one thing I will agree with is staying with Hadley to the end, not because you think she can be cured at the church, but just to give her as much time as possible. That did irk me, that my option to stay with her was “maybe we can help her,” and then I end up dying, when my intention was to give her as much time as possible, watch her carefully, and execute her immediately upon undeath/change. I didn’t think the group would be able to help her.
Also, the vomiting thing: I thought it was perfect. Has the whole “vomiting reaction” thing been done a lot before? Sure. The novel “Apocalypse Z: The Beginning of the End” went absolutely crazy with vomiting, with the main character blowing chunks at every possible moment. But in the case of Hadley, with this scene, I could easily see my character vomiting in reaction. My character does have a high Humanity, and executing the girl would be a traumatizing experience. I kind of envision my character killing her and then vomiting, giving in to the vulnerability of the moment, before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, taking a second to breathe, and then slowly limping on.
There were a few parts that confused me. For instance, I had never met Catherine, because I had never spent time with Heather. So when I stumbled upon that shack, Catherine removed my multi-tool, flashlight, and knife. “Okay,” I thought. “I lost my AK-47 in the crash, but I kept the small stuff on me. Makes sense.”
I ended up replaying without stopping at the shack. Then, later on when I meet Hadley, the option to kill the zombies using a knife was greyed out. Eh? I thought I had a knife. The one that Catherine would have taken. I also didn’t know why I didn’t stab Douglas to death, since I thought I had a knife.
Either way, great work as always, Jim. Master of your craft. I love-love-love interactive stories, but I do wonder if you should try writing a novel sometime as well.
Oh, and I’m now very much looking forward to reaching the church, walking in, finding Tom (whether he be asleep or awake and eating), and beating him to death. Okay, maybe not beating, since I wouldn’t have the energy for that. So stabbing and/or shooting, multiple times. He is a dead man.
Excuse me, just wondering…
Maybe the breakdown could wait after you’ve reached the cathedral? I agree with the person who said that the MC should be in a sort of fugue having to kill someone you’ve interacted with and especially due to her young age. Hadley could have been synbolic for hope or good in this world.
There would be a sense of hopelessness and self doubt…
Then you can go mad where you’re relatively safe and there are people there who can actually take care of you… It would provide a poignant moment if your sister or LI takes care of you upon your return
The horrible experience could actually strengthen a person’s resolve for something or other… Like in the Hunger Games maybe?
The game creator truly does pull a George R. Martin rather well.
Personally, I really loved this last section. Everything was just so hopeless and futile, and that’s not really an emotion you get a lot in games, so it was pretty fun. I really liked how Hadley’s death gave you this hope spot, this way of rationalizing how it was still worth it, and then snatched it away. It reminded me of a line from one of my favorite Star Trek episodes. “Sorry, kid. Life doesn’t work like that…”
@FairyGodfeather thanks for all of the feedback re: dealing with Hadley’s death. I am going to rework it, though I plan to finished chapter 3 first to keep my writing flow, then revise all of chapter 3.
Keeping track of the injuries, hunger, thirst, time, and metal status is difficult, so I do lose some of those effects. A revision of the chapter will need to include a review of each.
@Larseille I like the idea of waiting to get back to the Cathedral. Seeing your love interest or Emma may provide the opportunity to break down.
It was a pure coincidence that the Red Wedding showed on Game of Thrones and I released this chapter. I almost hated the timing because of the parallels people may draw. Of course, mine is an amateur piece of CYOA while Game of Thrones is a literary mountain.
@Scelous you will have your chance to confront Tom soon!
I definitely will add an option to stay with Hadley to the end, though I want the MC to suffer more because of it. I don’t want any action to go without a reaction.
I’ll check on the weapons being grayed out. I had to do a lot of weird coding to make people lose larger items, then find some along the way too. I’ll have to rework that code. Thanks for letting me know it’s not working.
@Dolphinzgirl thanks. I was going for hopeless and futile. I think ZE has been a little too easy until now, and the readers needs to feel those emotions before the end.
I’d suggest dropping the wounded leg. Or just making it a minor injury. It’s bad enough being soaking wet, with little gear and supplies, just having seen Uncle Lou die. Adding on an unavoidable injury on top of that does make us far more vulnerable, however it’s clearly not that important a part if it’s forgotten later. It would make things like avoiding Catherine’s traps and sneaking around, and fighting far more difficult. Not just the trek. Keep the 12 hours to get to the Cathedral but there’s no need for the leg injury. Life’s difficult enough as it is.
I think that it’s clearly visible how much of a better writer you’re becoming. How you wrote the deaths in this part and how they’re dealt with previously is a world of difference. It is a tough chapter with hard-hitting decisions.
I think if there’s any point we should be vomitting after encountering corpses it’s right at the start. When we see the person who’s committed suicide, when we kill our first zombie and the adrenaline’s worn off. Those are the points. By the time we reach Hadley we’ve killed so many zombies. We’ve probably killed plenty of people too, from bandits to just putting people out of their misery before they turn.
Yeah finish chapter 3 first. I really, really want to play it. Is chapter 3 the last chapter or are there more?
@JimD confront tom? finally, i’ll be cracking my knuckles till then, Im not negotiating s*** with him anymore
Of course it really depends on the MC how they would react to death.
Sure for most of them they’d have a fairly normal reaction. But the scientist is a cancer researcher, they could be involved with clinical trials, or autopsies to check out the tumors after the people died. So the scientist MC might be used to people dying, or interacting with corpses.
And the mercenary? The mercenary might have gone to places so depressingly bad that a zombie apocalypse might seem like a lateral move. Hadley might not be the first kid the MC had to shoot in self defense for example.
For that matter, I could easily picture some missionary work in the preacher’s backstory, the zombie apocalypse might not be the first disaster he’s encountered.
Now I’m kind of wishing there were opportunities to flesh out the MC’s background more.
Like maybe the preacher helped build homes for Habitats for humanity, or ran a soup kitchen so they know how to make a simple but tasty meal, things like that.
I’d like to be able to do the confrontation with Tom sneakily. I’d like to pretend that I don’t suspect Tom at all and then, when he least expects it, when he’s certain that he’s got away with his nefarious plans to plunge the metaphorical knife in and twist it and watch as he squirms, or doesn’t. So I’d like the option in there to not confront him, or to just delay the confrontation until I’m certain that I have the other people on my side. Or arrange for Tom to have an unfortunate accident.
Or, since I’m leader now, why don’t I send Tom out on a death mission? I suggest we send him to a brewery, claiming that he’s drunk all the alcohol so we need him to restock our supplies, and then arrange for it to explode, with zombies. And if he refuses to go on the mission, on his own, we can tut a lot about how he sent us off to do things all the time and why won’t he just do this one thing for us. Or we could always just ask Tom to meet us up on the rooftop and push him over the edge, tell everyone he slipped. Or that he was so distressed over Uncle Lou’s death he jumped, and we tried to talk him out of it only he wouldn’t listen.
@FairyGodfeather chapter 3 is the last true chapter. Chapter 4 will mostly be a major choice of staying at the Cathedral or leaving, then the subsequent choices that build the endings.
@Kaosorer_6 if you beat or kill Tom, you will still have to explain your actions to the rest of the survivors.
@stsword I do like the idea of basing your reactions on profession – it’s something I completely ignored. Also the building of MC background is something I hope to do in ZE2, if there is one.
I laughed so hard at what @FairyGodfeather said about Tom fallin from the Roof. LoL :-)) Whatever the case returning to the Cathedral is going to be an epic and great scene. So many possibilities. I’ll take him to the woods with me and tie him with a tree. Zombies will have eaten him while I would have returned to the Cathedral. I’ll tell the group that he couldn’t make it and he gave up his life for my safety. LoL
@FairyGodfeather are you somehow reading local files on my PC? 
You actually described two scenarios I am already coding. Great minds think alike?
****MAJOR SPOILER****
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One nefarious vignette I am also adding (if you are not in a relationship with Heather) is to tell Tom you are suspicious of him, then announce to the group you are taking Heather and Emma on a trip to Temperance. This is going to be a way to force him to tell “the truth” by implying his sister may not return from the trip.