Yeoman. Set in medieval England you must make a life for yourself

Well I really do enjoy your story that you have started and I can’t wait to read it. Good luck. Im looking forward to it…

My archery is at 49% and when I kill the bandit leader on the road, I get a paragraph saying I was successful, and then another one at the bottom saying I failed, which stops me from being able to play any further.

hmm okay I’ll take a look at the code thanks for tip.

Here is a screenshot of the text.

Other than this I’m liking the book/game :slightly_smiling:

I fixed the error thanks for helping me find it. I honestly don’t know why it hasn’t shown up before now.

This scene works now however afterwards I get this…


When I click ok the next button is gone from the page.

I look forward to the fix so I can continue playing :slightly_smiling:

Once your father is sure the scots were gone he waves you over to him. Finn, you made me proud today and proved yourself a man. Now as a man I will expect you to join me on patrols and if the Earl of Northumbria calls me you will join me. {Also (without out) your skill with your bow we would have lost and so I will buy you a stout longbow.} It won’t be a (yew) warbow but it should serve to deter many enemies which you will undoubtedly face. Now let us go to your mother and sister so they will not worry." With that the two of you trudge up the path leading to where the women and children fled.

After defeating the Scotts this passage came up the word"out" is repeated twice where I believe that was not the intention. Look for the parenthesis also is “yew” correct it sound weird but maybe that is historical. Also I know you said no grammar but it is bugging me that you seem to be using sentences that are just a tad too long. Almost every other paragraph there is a sentence that seems like it should be made two for example look at the { }. I don’t want to write your story for you but consider using “Without your skill today we would have lost. You have made me proud and as reward for your bravery I shall buy/purchase you a stout bow.”

In the section directly after:
Over the next four years you join your father and the (fyrd) as they patrol the land around Riverton. During this time you grow and are soon as large as your father and can hold your own against him in mock sword (bouts). Your archery skills also grow and you can now draw a full strength longbow and shoot with a high level of skill.
Is “fyrd” Another historical reference or misspelling? “Bouts” sounds a little more historical but I thought I’d bring it up also.

After telling my father that I have dreamed of the day I could prove our name:

“I knew you would be ready to prove yourself and our name my son and will await your return eagerly” says your (father",Now) let us tell your mother and sister the good news."

Just a simple mistake.

After leaving ford alone after the insult the duke releases me:
You leave the angry young man and ask a servant where you will be staying in the castle. But before the servant can lead you to your new quarters another comes running summoning you back to the Baron. Knocking upon the door you enter and face the man. “Well lad I had hoped you would prove a brave squire but your actions with my squire Ford has shown me that you are to meek to prove a knight. A knight must never refuse a fight if offered one and never walk away from insults. You will now return home for I will not have a squire who lacks fire and dignity. Good day.” So saying he leaves you dumbfounded and sorry. You return home until you can find another knight who would take you as squire. That is if you hadn’t been killed in the largest Scottish raid (every) a mere two months later.

This is incorrect I believe you mean “ever”?

After asking ford if he has a problem with me:
“Yes I do. You come (hear) with naught to prove yourself and you are to be squire to the lord I had to prove myself to before he would accept me! No if you cannot best me in a duel then you are not fit for anything.” Saying this he plucks off one of his leather gloves and lightly slaps you in the face with it. You are startled by the sudden action yet lose no time in reaction.
Do you mean “here”?

I only received this after killing the bandit in cold blood after defeating him with my sword or bow.

Yeah that’s when I got it too but I wouldn’t have the choice any other way

What do you mean “the choice”?

I prefer the killing him in cold blood over the two other choices.

But I settled for taking him as a prisoner for 50 extra coins

It ends no matter what after ford challenges you to a duel right? Or am I just being dumb?

I was talking about the bandit on the road.

i like what i seen so far, only thing i am not a fan of is the abrupt scene changes.

there is not a lot of world building outside of what you are doing at key points i would like a bit more scenery?
also if you could maybe a bit more spaced out text before it start too become a wall?

apart from that the idea is fun and what i seen so far is very good?
oh before i forget might there be a way too have a fail state that is not - you fail, now you die in some manner-

fail against the bandit = lose money / some health maybe
fail against the first attack no better sword / bow have too do something else too prove yourself somehow?

Sorry I was gone for so long. If you guys are still looking into this WIP I linked a new thread since I can no longer edit this one. I appreciate all the feedback and I will be implementing many of the suggestions from this thread. Thanks for the grammar help and other suggestions Kelvin they do help and I will be focusing on fixing those problems. BTW Kelvin “Yew” is a historical term the famous english/welsh warbows were made of the wood. There was even several laws protecting the Yew so that they would not all be cut down to make bows since the wood was so widely used for bows!

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Hi and Welcome back :smiley: